


In Another Life

by AWideEyedPhoenix84



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Assault, Awkward Conversations, Dark Past, Domestic Violence, Drunken Kissing, F/M, Falling In Love, Fantasizing, Friends to Lovers, Hope, Hot Sex, Jealousy, Light Bondage, Loss, Love, Love Confessions, Marriage, Masturbation, Metamorphmagus, Minor Original Character(s), Multiple Orgasms, Near Death Experiences, Oral Sex, Pregnancy, Protective Remus Lupin, Reconciliation, Recreational Drug Use, Romantic Gestures, Sex, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Slow Dancing, Sneaking Around, Strong Female Characters, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence, Weddings, Werewolf Culture, Werewolf Mates, Werewolves, Women's Rights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:54:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 50
Words: 96,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWideEyedPhoenix84/pseuds/AWideEyedPhoenix84
Summary: An alternate universe reimagining of Lupin + Tonks, in which they could maybe —just maybe— have a chance at a life together.This idea came from a canon compliant fic I wrote about our favorite werewolf and his doomed love. Since their fate in the books is pretty devastating, I got a few requests for a happier remix. Some scenes have parallels to the other story, but everything happens slightly differently this time around, and these small differences change everything that comes next.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 230
Kudos: 221





	1. Do I Make You Nervous?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DancingAndTheDreaming](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingAndTheDreaming/gifts), [xXQueenofDragonsXx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXQueenofDragonsXx/gifts), [ReyloLoveForeverXO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloLoveForeverXO/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Finding Her Patronus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22267771) by [AWideEyedPhoenix84](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWideEyedPhoenix84/pseuds/AWideEyedPhoenix84). 



It happened so gradually that Remus couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with her, but it slowly consumed him until there was no going back.

It felt too cliché to say it was the instant when he first saw her almost a year ago… but he’d never forget that day when he walked down the stairs into the front hall at Grimmauld Place. She was standing there next to Sirius, twirling a strand of bright pink hair around her finger and chomping loudly on a substantial wad of equally pink bubble gum. Lupin felt a strange lurch in his stomach under the scrutiny of her dark eyes as she tilted her head, studying him curiously.

“Hey Moony, meet my baby cousin, Nymphadora Tonks!” Sirius boomed with a grin, and Remus couldn’t help but chuckle at the way her nose wrinkled with distaste when she was introduced by her full name. “She’s joining the Order.”

“It's just Tonks,” she blurted quickly, elbowing Sirius in the ribs and sticking her tongue out at him. “Nice to meet you… _Moony_ , was it?” she asked, looking amused as she turned her attention back to Lupin.

“Remus,” he replied, his voice catching slightly in his throat as he held out his hand to her.

Tonks shook it with a grin, and he had a sudden, overwhelming feeling that his life would never be the same.

***

The following week, Lupin and Tonks found themselves assigned to work on a job together. She was chattering away as they walked down the sidewalk when the toe of her boot hit an uneven crack in the pavement. She grabbed for his arm with wide eyes, and he caught her around the waist just before she tripped and fell to the ground.

“Thanks,” she beamed up at him sheepishly, and Remus felt his heart stop as he realized with a start how perfectly she fit in his arms.

***

Back at Grimmauld Place a couple of hours later, Lupin made them hot cocoa down in the basement kitchen after a close call with dementors. As he handed her the steaming mug, their fingers brushed, and Tonks bit her lip, cheeks coloring slightly.

“You were great out there,” Remus told her with a smile, taking a sip from his drink.

She grinned at him. “Yeah?”

“Definitely. You’re a natural, Tonks.”

“Thanks,” she replied, sounding proud, as she hopped up onto the counter. “That means a lot… especially coming from you.”

“From me?”

Tonks shrugged shyly. “Sure. I mean, I was only a kid when You-Know-Who was defeated. But I grew up hearing stories about all of you from the original Order. It’s still kind of surreal for me to be here. Working with you.”

Lupin held her gaze for a long moment, feeling his face flush. _God, she's pretty._ But as soon as the thought entered his mind, he immediately got a bad taste in his mouth and tried to banish it. _Knock it off, Remus. She’s what — twenty? Twenty-two? Jesus Christ._

He cleared his throat and looked down at his feet, noticing another scuff on the worn leather of his shoe. “Well, it’s late. I should probably be getting to bed. You’re welcome to crash in the spare room on the third floor. If you don’t want to go all the way home.”

“Oh, thanks. Goodnight, Remus.” She took another drink from the mug.

“Goodnight, Tonks.”

He set his mug down on the counter and started walking toward the stairs, but then paused and looked back at her, trying not to stare at the way her legs were crossed, sitting on the counter in that short skirt. “I’ll, uh — I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow night, yeah?”

She nodded and bit her lip, her eyes twinkling. “Yeah. I’ll see you then.”

***

A week after that, they were paired together for a mission again outside Goyle’s home, where a late night meeting was rumored to be taking place. But for the moment, all was quiet, and they sat side-by-side on the bench halfway down the block.

Tonks pulled a joint out of her jacket pocket and elbowed Remus. “Want some of this?” she asked mischievously.

He laughed. “Are you serious?”

“Uh huh.” She lit the end with her wand and took a few short puffs to get it started, then handed it to him. He looked at it for a moment before shaking his head and accepting it, taking a long drag and handing it back to her, their fingers brushing.

“So, Remus. Tell me something about yourself.” Tonks grinned at him as she tucked a strand of her hair — blonde tonight — behind her ear.

“Uhh… like what?” he asked warily, turning his head to look at her.

“Anything. What you like to do, or something about your family… I don’t know, literally anything!”

Lupin looked slightly uncomfortable from the attention. “Umm… well, I like reading.”

“Yeah? What do you like to read?” she prodded, passing the joint back to him.

“Oh, I don’t know. Lots of things. Mostly history. Nonfiction.”

Tonks smiled at him. “That makes sense.”

He raised an eyebrow, looking amused. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

She laughed. “You’re very... _professorial_. I can see you being perfectly happy locked in a room full of books.”

Lupin shrugged good-naturedly. He had endured years of teasing from James and Sirius about always being so serious when they were back in school, and it always bothered him then. But he realized that he didn’t really mind when she poked fun at him. He’d give anything just to keep making her laugh.

“Okay, tell me something about you,” Remus said, nudging her on the shoulder before he’d even realized he’d done it. 

She bit her lip and looked up at him. “What do you want to know?”

Lupin smirked. “How about ‘literally anything’? That’s all the help I got.”

Tonks laughed. “Fair enough. Well, I like to read too, but I prefer fiction. I love music… I spend most of my money going to concerts with my friends, which drives my dad insane. I’m terribly clumsy, but you already knew that. Let’s see… oh, I’m a horrible cook. And I’m an only child.”

Remus fixed her with a long, amused look as he took it all in. “I’m an only child too,” he said at last, the corners of his mouth turning up.

“Yeah?” she asked with a grin.

“Uh huh.”

They were both quiet for a long moment, and then Tonks burst out laughing suddenly.

Lupin looked at her with curious eyes. “What’s so funny?”

“I don’t know,” she giggled, shaking her head. “Nothing. I laugh when I’m nervous.”

He chuckled along with her. “Do I make you nervous?”

“What? _No_. I don’t know. Shut up.” She looked over at him, lips pressed together, her cheeks flashing pink. “Your turn.”

“For what?”

Tonks bumped her knee against his, and Lupin tried not to think about the small rip in her black stockings he could see halfway up her inner thigh. “To tell me something else about you. I took, like, four turns all at once.”

“You kind of did, didn’t you?” He smiled at her and cleared his throat. “Okay. You said you’re a horrible cook… well, that’s something I’m actually pretty good at.”

She looked impressed. “Really?”

“Yeah. I love cooking. It relaxes me.”

“Will you cook for me sometime?” Tonks asked him, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

“Sure,” Lupin shrugged. “What do you like?”

“I like everything,” she said with a grin.

“You know what, Tonks, that doesn’t surprise me at all,” he laughed.

Remus had always kept to himself, first out of necessity, and then out of habit. There were very few people who he’d ever really let get close, and at this point in his life, half of them were dead.

He tried not to read too much into it... but somehow this girl was already getting under his skin.


	2. Are We Still Just Pretending For Our Cover?

Almost two months later, after a dozen nights spent working together and talking and laughing and gradually getting more comfortable, he rescued Tonks from a date gone horribly wrong. She looked up at him with tear-streaked cheeks, black makeup smudged around her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Remus... I didn’t know who else to call,” she choked out, her voice sounding small and fragile, not at all like her usual confident self. He felt his temperature rise as he ran his thumb over the swollen bruise on her jaw. 

Lupin’s face got tight. “What’s his name?”

Tonks just shook her head, blinking hard as more tears spilled down her face. “Don’t. Please. He’s not worth it.”

He exhaled forcefully and handed her his handkerchief, kissing her forehead and muttering that she deserved so much better.

And when he brought her home and walked her up to the front door of her apartment and she invited him inside, it took every ounce of his resolve to politely decline.

“I can’t — I have to get up early tomorrow,” he lied.

She nodded, and then hugged him around the waist, burying her face in his sweater. “Thank you. For everything.”

Remus awkwardly wrapped his arms around her, his chest tight as she clung to him. His fingers brushed over soft, bare skin under the strap of her dress, and he found himself wishing he could hold her like this all night. “Goodnight, Tonks.”

***

There were several major obstacles that factored into his hesitation. For one, they worked together, and a relationship might be frowned upon by their colleagues. She was also fourteen years younger than him, which felt… _substantial_. Not to mention that he was flat ass broke and didn’t have much to offer anyone as far as security.

Oh, yeah. And he was a werewolf.

Tonks was fully aware of his lycanthropy from the start and had never treated him differently because of it, but Remus had resigned himself to a life of solitude long before he’d met her. Anyone close to him was bound to get hurt. So he swallowed the feelings down and tried to keep their relationship professional. But it wasn’t always easy… 

***

One time over the summer, they’d been sent to the Green Dragon, a bar in London, to keep tabs on Avery and watch for him to make contact with another Death Eater.

Lupin found himself sitting across from her at a high top table, and every time he glanced her way, he got a tight feeling in his chest. Tonks was wearing a turquoise tank top with thin lacy straps and a black choker around her neck. Her hair was brown tonight and pinned up, stray curls falling down around her face.

She caught him looking at her, and she raised an eyebrow quizzically. “What?”

He shook his head, embarrassed. “Nothing. You see him?”

Tonks scanned the room again. “Not yet. Want a drink while we wait?”

Lupin shrugged. “Yeah. Okay.”

Grinning, she slid off the stool. “Be right back.”

His eyes followed her the whole way to the bar. _How the fuck did she walk in those shoes?_

Remus shook his head and took a deep breath, his eyes searching the room. He always felt a little out of place in a crowd. Avery better show up soon.

Then Tonks was making her way back to their table, and he felt suddenly protective as he noticed other men in the bar checking her out as she walked past. Fuck off, assholes.

She handed Lupin a drink, clinking her glass against his. “Cheers.”

He took a sip and grimaced. “Christ, this is strong. What is this?”

She shrugged. “Vodka soda.”

“Takes more like straight vodka.”

She drank some of hers and made a face. “Yeah, that's mostly vodka.” She laughed and sat back down across from him, quickly surveying the room. “Where’s our guy?”

“I dunno,” Lupin replied.

“Hmm, well shit,” Tonks sighed. “At least it’s nice to be out somewhere for a change, huh? Not just sitting around, hiding in the shadows. And this band’s actually pretty good. I think I’ve heard them before.”

He chuckled. “I can’t remember the last time I went to a bar.”

“Really?”

He shrugged.

She smirked at him. “You should get out more, Remus.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he conceded with a smile.

She studied the room again, her eyes landing on a couple sitting nearby. “So, what’s their story, you think?” she asked, nodding her head in that direction.

Lupin glanced over. “What do you mean?”

Shrugging, Tonks tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “I don’t know, it’s fun to people watch. Especially when there’s time to kill. Let’s see… I think those two were best friends when they were kids. He was in love with her but was too shy to say anything, and she married a different guy. But then her husband dropped dead last year, and now these two conveniently reconnected at a recent school reunion.”

An amused smile spread across on his face. “Did you just make all that up? Just off the top of your head?”

She laughed. “It’s fun. You try. Hmm… how about those two?”

Remus followed her eyes to the pair of unsuspecting bar patrons. “Umm, I don’t know. Maybe they’re… um… celebrating a birthday.”

Tonks pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “Wow. Wild story.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not good at this, Tonks.”

She smiled as she looked back at him, her eyes bright. “No, you’re fine. And I think you’re right. It’s definitely his birthday. But that woman is actually his brother’s wife, and they’ve been having an affair for years. The whole family went out to dinner to celebrate earlier, and now the two of them are having a secret rendezvous before they go home to their unhappy marriages.”

Remus shook his head and laughed.

“What do you think people would say about us?” she asked mischievously.

His face flushed pink. “Oh, I don’t know.”

Tonks grinned. “Hmmm. Maybe they’d think I’m one of your students. And I’m sleeping with the professor to get an A.”

He stared at her for a minute, his mouth hanging open slightly, and she just laughed. 

She tilted her head. “We should come up with a cover story though. What do you think… first date? Boring married couple? Torrid affair?”

Lupin looked at her incredulously. “First _date_? No one would look at us and think that.”

She shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“I don’t know.” He looked around uncomfortably. “I’m too old for you.”

“Says who?” Tonks laughed. She glanced around the room again, then fixed her attention back on Lupin. “Besides, pretending to be a couple is a great cover. Spies use it all the time, you know. Lots of excuses to sneak off alone and be where you aren’t supposed to be.”

“I suppose,” Remus stammered.

He saw her eyes widen slightly as she fixed her gaze past him. “Avery, two o’clock,” she muttered.

Remus glanced over his shoulder and gave her a tight nod. "Got him.”

Avery walked past them up to stand at the bar, waiting to order a drink. Tonks drained her glass, her eyes on their target. “I’m gonna go see if I can find out anything. I’m ready for another. You want one?”

“Uhhh…”

Tonks didn’t wait for his answer before she was walking back up to the bar, weaving her way through the crowd, and slid in the spot right next to Avery.

Lupin felt his heart stop. _What the hell was she doing?_

He watched the bartender come by and talk to Tonks and Avery each in turn, and then he walked away. Avery turned to Tonks, and Remus felt his blood turn cold. This wasn’t good. She was supposed to blend in, not strike up a conversation with their target.

Avery said something to her and Tonks laughed along with him. The bartender came back with drinks, and then set something down on the bar and slid it to Avery, who pocketed the item. Tonks produced a bill and handed it to the bartender.

Someone walked across Lupin’s line of sight and he lost track of her for a second. When he had a clear view of her again, he saw Avery lean forward to whisper something in Tonks’ ear. Remus watched her whole body tense up from halfway across the room, and then Avery’s hand slid down around the curve of her ass, pulling her flush up against him.

Without even realizing it, Remus was on his feet, his hands clenched into fists. Tonks seemed to sense Lupin’s reaction, locking eyes with him across the bar over Avery’s shoulder. She shook her head ever so slightly, and he sat back down, his jaw tight.

He watched her say something to Avery before using both hands to push him away. He sneered and turned back to his drink, and Tonks spun on her heel, a hard look on her face as she made her way back to their table.

She set down Lupin’s drink and took a long gulp from hers, not meeting his eyes. “Can we get out of here?” she choked out. “Like, now?”

“What the fuck did he say to you?” he fumed. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t start something. Let’s just go. Please?”

He left his drink untouched and followed her out of the bar.

She pushed open the door, and started down the sidewalk, and then seemed to suddenly change her mind and crossed the street, barely missed by a cab that went zooming by, their horn blaring at her.

Remus ran to catch up, waving to thank another driver that had stopped to let him go. He was at her side, reaching out to take her hand. “Hey, Tonks. _Stop_.”

She halted in her tracks and looked up at him, her eyes about to spill over with tears. “What?” she choked out.

“Are you okay? He shouldn’t have touched you like that.”

Tonks laughed humorlessly, pulling her hand back from him. “Welcome to life as a woman.”

Lupin’s eyes narrowed. “Has shit like that happened before?”

She looked at him with something that almost looked like pity in her eyes. “Jesus Christ, you’re joking, right? A lot of guys don’t think twice about grabbing a girl, especially when you throw booze into the mix.”

He shook his head. “ _Fuck_. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for other assholes, Remus. It’s not your fault that they’re assholes.”

“I just meant —”

“I know what you meant. Thanks.”

He scowled. “I — I don’t like thinking of you being in these situations. You shouldn’t let guys treat you like that.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I shouldn’t _let_ guys treat me like that? What exactly should I have done differently, Remus? Enlighten me.”

Lupin shook his head in frustration. “No, no, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. Not at all. That came out all wrong. I meant, guys shouldn’t treat you like that. People shouldn’t treat each other like that. That’s what I should have said.”

Tonks pressed her lips together tightly, swallowing hard and nodding.

“You’re special, Tonks.” He cringed as the words left his mouth. _Special? Ugh. Why was he always so awkward around her?_

He looked down to find her staring at him with huge eyes and flushed cheeks, her mouth hanging slightly open.

“Why did you even go up next to him to the bar? You should have told me you were doing that, Tonks.” Remus sighed heavily. “We could have come up with a better plan. You gotta talk to me.”

She sighed. “I know. You’re right. But guess what… the bartender was his contact. And if I wasn’t standing right there, we probably would have missed it. I mean, then I wouldn’t have gotten groped by that creep, but what are you gonna do? Occupational hazard, I guess.”

Lupin winced. “What did he say to you?” he asked again, gently.

“You don’t want to know,” she snorted. “But I’m sorry. I should have told you before I just went up there next to him. I followed my gut though, and it was right. Usually is.”

Remus smiled. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.” He scanned the area around them. They were half a block down from the bar on the other side of the street, and he was still trying to keep an eye out for Avery.

“We’ll need to get an ID on the bartender. And I wish I knew what was in that envelope,” she mumbled, almost to herself.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Tonks, look at me. You sure you’re okay?”

She looked at him quizzically, her train of thought interrupted. “What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

He wanted nothing more than to just pull her into a hug, to hold her and just forget about all this shit. What if it was just them… no Death Eaters, no mission, no danger? No asshole targets grabbing her.

The bar door opened and Avery stepped outside. Lupin took Tonks’ hand and pulled her into the alley around the corner with him, pressing her back up against the brick wall, his hand gripping her waist tightly.

Tonks gasped, her eyes huge. “What are you doing?”

“Avery just walked out… and you said something about being on a date as cover? Fuck. My mind’s all twisted up tonight. I’m sorry.” Lupin squeezed his eyes shut tightly. _What the fuck was he thinking?_

“Oh, right,” she said, nodding, with a little smile. “It’s fine. You just — you surprised me. That’s all.”

Lupin’s voice sounded genuinely remorseful, leaning his head against the wall above her. “No, I’m sorry, Tonks. Now I’m no better than that asshole, putting his hands all over you.”

She took a deep breath and looked up at him. “Well, it turns out I don’t mind so much when it’s you,” she said with a smile.

He swallowed hard, his heart pounding.

Tonks tilted her head toward the street. “Do we follow him? I could change my appearance so he doesn’t recognize me.”

“Huh?” Remus struggled to focus. “Oh, uh… no. We’ll get someone else to take over with Avery. I don’t want you to have to be near him again.”

Her face softened. “Thanks.”

“We’ll bring back the info about the bartender though. That was good work.” He took a deep breath, his fingers nervously brushing against the bare skin on the small of her back. “We should stay put for a few minutes though. Before we leave. In case he’s right out there.”

Tonks leaned back against the bricks, smirking slightly. “So, are we just pretending for our cover or…?”

He stared down at her, not knowing what to say. He wanted to kiss her. She kind of seemed like she wanted him to kiss her. But he froze.

For a moment, neither of them moved or said a word. Then Tonks cleared her throat, gazing up at him with wide eyes. “Hey, Remus?” she whispered.

“Yeah?” His voice came out huskier than he intended. He couldn’t breathe.

She chewed on her lip nervously. “So, I know this sounds crazy, but —”

Lupin felt a sharp stabbing in his chest as he cut her off. “Tonks,” he said, awkwardly dropping his hands from her waist and shoving them in his pockets. “It’s getting late. We should head back.”

She looked crestfallen for a moment, but then quickly recovered and nodded. “Oh. Okay. Right.”


	3. You Want Some Coffee?

Remus was careful to keep all interactions with Tonks professional after that night outside the bar, even though he couldn’t get her out of his head. But he couldn’t be with her. Things like this never went well for him.

He’d had a girlfriend his sixth year at Hogwarts, and she actually didn’t run when she first found out he was a werewolf. She had a wild streak and seemed to thrive on the thrill of it all, finding his darkness intriguing. But there was an… _incident_ , and he lost control and scared her. He’d never felt more like a monster before in his life. She never talked to him again after that — not that he blamed her — and he swore off women for a long time.

Lupin had gotten involved with someone again about seven years ago, when he was in his late twenties. She was a waitress at the local pub, and they had made small talk for a year before she finally kissed him outside the bar one night, catching Remus completely off guard. She was soft-spoken and sweet, and while he wasn’t sure if he ever was truly _in love_ with her, having any sort of companion was more than he had ever thought he could have. But things got complicated, as they always did, and then it just ended one day, as quietly as it had begun.

Remus had been alone ever since. It was just easier that way.

But it felt like fate was tempting him when he and Tonks were assigned to work together yet again just a few weeks later — this time, camping out in a safe house together all night.

Tonks was slumped against the windowsill, looking out at their target’s home, yawning loudly. “Fuuuuck,” she muttered.

“You okay?” Lupin asked, amused.

“Ugh. Not really. I’m _dying_. I’ve been up for, like, thirty-five hours straight. I had to work a double shift at the Ministry, and now this.”

He shook his head. “Shit, Tonks. Why didn’t you say something? Someone else could have come with me tonight.”

“I dunno. I thought I could hang,” she mumbled sleepily.

Lupin smiled. “Go get some rest. There’s a bed in the other room. I got this.”

Her eyes flew open. “Yeah? You sure?”

“Uh huh.”

“Wow, okay. Wake me up in a little bit though, yeah?”

“Sure. Go ahead, Tonks. It’s fine.”

She patted his cheek affectionately as she walked past him. “Thanks, Remus. I owe you one.”

He closed his eyes, feeling his skin tingle where she’d touched him. _Fuck._

***

Two hours later, Remus got a message from Moody. Their target was delayed. Now instead of two o’clock in the morning, he wasn’t expected until more like seven or eight.

He checked the time. One-thirty. _Goddamnit._

Lupin went into the room where Tonks was sleeping. He shook her shoulder gently. “Hey, Tonks?”

She didn’t move.

“Tonks. Hey. Wake up.”

She grumbled. sleepily. “Huh?”

“Moody sent us a message. Yaxley won’t be here for six more hours. Want to head home and come back? Or stay put?”

She groaned. “Don’t wanna move.”

He laughed. “Okay. So we’ll just stay then?”

“Uh huh.”

Lupin chuckled.

“Mmm. What are you gonna do?”

He just shrugged.

She yawned and stretched her arms above her head, rolling over slightly. “Grab some sleep. Is there another bed?”

Lupin shook his head.

Tonks scooted over. “Well there’s room here. I don’t mind.”

He paused hesitantly.

“Up to you,” she murmured, closing her eyes again.

Remus looked at her, curled up on the mattress. She was still wearing her boots.

He swallowed hard and lay down next to her on the bed, struggling to quiet his breathing. The voice in the back of his mind was screaming that this was a terrible idea. But he tried to reason that it wasn’t that big a deal. It’s just something you do on the job — grab some sleep when and where you can. Even if it means sharing a bed with your gorgeous co-worker. Who you definitely can’t have.

Sure, this was fine… 

***

Somehow he must have drifted off to sleep, because Lupin woke a few hours later to find Tonks curled up against him, his hand resting on her hip.

 _Wait, why the fuck was his hand on her hip?_ It must have happened in his sleep. But now that he was awake, should he leave it there? He probably shouldn’t… well, maybe just for another minute. He didn’t want any sudden movements to wake her.

Remus watched her sleeping, feeling her warm and steady breath on his neck, and for just a moment, he closed his eyes and pictured that this was his life. That she was his life. That he could actually live in a universe where he got to wake up next to her every day.

She sighed and stirred, and Lupin quickly let his hand drop to his side.

Tonks blinked open her eyes, taking a moment to focus. “Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey.”

“What time is it?”

He glanced over his shoulder at the clock. “A little after five.”

She groaned. “We’ve still got some time to kill, huh?”

Lupin swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

“I don’t think I can sleep any more,” she said.

“Okay,” he replied lamely.

Tonks stretched sleepily. “Have you been to this place before?”

Remus shook his head.

“Where do they find these houses anyway?”

He paused. “I guess I’m not entirely sure. Dumbledore always just gives us the locations. He knows a lot of people.”

She smiled. “Yeah, I imagine he does. I wonder if people ever really lived here? Or if it’s just been used sporadically by people like us, you know? Kind of a sad existence for a little house.”

“Huh. Never really thought of it that way.”

“Mmm. Do you like living with Sirius?” she asked. “Or do you wish you had your own place?”

Remus considered the question. “No. It’s good. We both spent a lot of time alone. So it’s — I don’t know — normalizing? To see another person on a regular basis. But it’s also a big enough place that we don’t have to see each other for the whole day if we don’t want to.”

Tonks snickered. “Yeah, whatever. You two are always drinking whiskey together in the drawing room. And you never invite me.”

“What? We aren’t _always_ drinking whiskey,” he chuckled.

Rolling her eyes, she bit her lip. “Well, you should invite me sometime. That’s all I’m saying.”

“You’re always invited, Tonks.”

“How am I supposed to know that if you never ask?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not good at that stuff.”

“What… talking to people?” she grinned. “Yeah, I've kinda noticed.”

Lupin laughed, shaking his head. “Why are you always so mean to me? Huh?”

She smirked. “I’m not mean. I’m just… honest.”

“Well, I might not be great at talking to people. But you really are welcome anytime. I’d… like that.”

Her face was inches away from his. “Thanks, Remus.”

He was certain she could hear his heart pounding in the dark, silent room. His stomach gave a lurch. What were they supposed to do for the next hour? And why did he keep staring at her lips?

Tonks sighed and stretched, her hip bumping into his. Fuck. He wanted to touch her. He _really_ wanted to touch her.

“What do you want to do?” she asked, as if reading his mind, her eyes huge as she looked at him in the dark.

He swallowed hard and just shrugged. Why couldn't he stop staring at her lips? _Fuck._

“Should we get up?” he said.

“Just one more minute, please?” she murmured. “This bed’s comfortable. And you’re warm.”

Remus swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Fuck, she smelled good.

“Hey, I’m gonna see if there’s any coffee. You want some coffee?” he said suddenly, scrambling to his feet.

“What?” she said, startled, sitting up. “Oh… um, yeah sure?”

“Great,” he smiled nervously, and hurried out of the room.

***

For the next few days, Lupin found himself replaying these moments with her over and over in his head, wishing he’d have done something differently. Really wished he’d kissed her. He knew it was impossible, but he couldn’t help it. He pictured her that night in the alley outside the bar, his hand on her waist. Tonks curled up against him on that bed in the dark room of the safe house, his hand also on her waist… hmmm, he was noticing a pattern. 

He just really liked touching her.

_Fuck._

Remus avoided her for the next week until it was time to leave for the full moon. A little time apart would be good to get her out of his system. That’s all it was. She was always around, always talking… always making him laugh. A little time away from her was just what he needed.

***

Lupin returned a few days later after a particularly rough transformation. He dragged himself up the stairs at Grimmauld Place and crumpled in a heap on the landing with a loud thud. Tonks’ head popped out of the drawing room and her eyes widened with horror when she saw him. She was kneeling at his side in an instant.

“Oh my god,” she breathed, brushing the hair out of his face with her hands. He was burning up.

“Where’s Sirius?” Lupin muttered.

“He’s out,” she offered helplessly, shrugging.

He groaned.

“Hey, I’m here. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

With her help, he staggered to his feet and up the stairs, leaning his weight against her and finally collapsing in his bed. Tonks untied his shoes and removed them, then helped him out of his jacket.

She gasped when she saw the blood on his clothes, pulling back the fabric to reveal the gaping wounds beneath. “Oh, Remus.”

That’s when he lost consciousness.

***

He woke a few hours later. His cuts had been cleaned and bandaged, and a glass of water sat on his nightstand. Tonks was sleeping, awkwardly slumped in the chair next to his bed.

Lupin groaned when he saw her, and she bolted awake from the sound, rubbing her eyes. “Hey,” she said with a smile, standing up and stretching. “You’re alive.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You didn’t need to do that.”

“Uh, yeah, I kind of did,” she said, looking at him funny. “You were in pretty awful shape.”

He covered his face with his hands. “I’m so fucking embarrassed that you had to see me like that,” he muttered.

“Stop. You’ve taken care of me plenty of times. Now we’re even.” She grinned at him, but then glanced at her watch and sighed. “Shit, I have to leave for work soon. Need anything before I go?”

He wanted more than anything to reach out for her hand and pull her into bed with him. He was certain she could think of a few ways to make him feel better.

But instead he just shook his head. “I’m good. Thanks for everything.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, and Lupin felt his cock harden just from the contact. Fuck.

“Okay, well, rest up. I’ll stop by after my shift at the Ministry and see how you’re feeling.”

“No, you don’t have to do that, Tonks.”

She smiled. “I know. But I’m coming back no matter what you say, so just humor me, yeah? And let me know if you need anything.”

Remus felt actual, _physical_ pain as she walked out of the room with one last glance over her shoulder, and then she was gone. Did she know what she still did to him? He’d tried to keep the feelings buried down deep, but sometimes he was certain her dark eyes could see right through him.

They could never be together; they could never have a life. It was impossible. Things were less complicated when he shut off his feelings. This was just a passing phase. He’d get over it eventually… right?


	4. Are You Actually Gonna Kiss Me, Or What?

It was Christmas Eve, and Molly Weasley had spent the whole day transforming gloomy Grimmauld Place for the party she had planned for the Order. The kids were back from Hogwarts too: Harry and Hermione and the Weasley children, who Remus still had a hard time keeping straight.

There was a lot to celebrate, as her husband Arthur had just been released from the hospital after a close call. Less than two weeks earlier, he was attacked by Voldemort’s snake Nagini while guarding the Hall of Prophecy. So Molly was putting all her energy into making this gathering a way to lift everyone’s spirits.

Remus hated parties, but since he lived right upstairs, he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Why do you look so miserable?” Sirius laughed, asking him earlier in the evening in the second floor drawing room. “Tonight’s going to be fun!”

Lupin shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never been much for crowds.”

Shaking his head, Sirius clapped him on the back. “Sometimes I wonder how we’ve stayed friends all these years. Try to relax and enjoy yourself, yeah? You’re too uptight, Moony. Live a little.” Sirius winked and poured him another whiskey.

***

They came downstairs a little while later — after several more drinks — to find the party in full swing. 

Molly had magicked two trees with lights to decorate the otherwise gloomy and dark front hallway. Dumbledore and Hagrid were speaking to each other by the fireplace; McGonagall and Emmeline Vance were chatting with Dedalus Diggle. Harry and Ron were stuffing their mouths with meatballs, and Hermione and Ginny were talking with Hestia Jones. Then Lupin saw her walk in.

Tonks had chin-length bright white hair for the occasion, and she was wearing a short red party dress with a matching red headband. Fred and George Weasley both seemed to be following her around with looks of utter infatuation on their faces.

Her eyes met his across the room and she broke into a grin. Remus hesitantly raised his hand to wave at her.

Just then, Arthur came back in with a tall, red-haired young man. “Look who’s here!” he announced to everyone, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice.

“Charlie!” Molly shrieked, hugging her second eldest son.

All the Weasley gathered round, talking excitedly. He’d apparently just gotten home, and the family couldn’t have looked happier to be together.

“Charlie?” Tonks squealed, running and jumping into his arms. He lifted her up and spun her around in a circle.

“Tonks! It’s been ages! How are you?” he smiled broadly at her.

“Wait, how do you know Tonks?” asked Ginny.

“We were at Hogwarts together,” Tonks said to Ginny. “Same year but different houses. I was a Hufflepuff, and of course your whole family’s in Gryffindor.”

“Tonks and I were good pals. She’s a brilliant witch. I’d never have passed Herbology without her. Oh my god, remember when you impersonated Professor Flitwick for the first few minutes of class before he actually showed up? I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life!”  
Tonks grinned up at him.

“What?” asked Fred, leaning in and raising his eyebrows at the mention of mischief.

“Um, we really need to hear more about this,” said George.

“Please,” Ginny agreed eagerly, looking at her older brother.

“Oh my god, Tonks was an absolute riot. Always playing pranks with her disguises, her hair a different color almost every day. You look amazing, by the way,” Charlie said, reaching out to touch the ends of her hair with a level of such familiarity that it made Lupin’s mouth go dry.

“Aww, thanks. Your mom said you’re living in Romania now?”

“Yeah, been there for a couple years. So what’s new with you? My parents told me you’ve been doing a lot for the Order. I have to admit, that doesn’t surprise me at all.”

Lupin walked away so he wouldn’t have to listen to them anymore. Why couldn’t he talk to her like that? Every time he tried, he felt like he stumbled awkwardly over his words. Charlie said something that made Tonks burst out laughing, and she clutched at his arm. Lupin swallowed down the lump in his throat, and went to pour himself another drink.

He tried not to stare at the two of them from across the room, but he couldn’t help it. He always figured that she’d meet someone, and he’d probably have to watch it happen. He thought he’d be able to handle it, but just watching her _talk_ to him was torture.

Just then Molly went over and grabbed Charlie’s arm, gesturing to the empty platter on the table. He nodded and left the room, and Tonks wandered back over to the bar. Lupin thought about going over to her, wracking his brain for something clever to say.

“You okay?” Sirius’ voice came from behind, making him jump.

“Huh? Yeah,” Lupin muttered.

“Come on, I’m forcing you to socialize,” he laughed, grabbing Remus by the elbow and pulling him over by the fireplace where Arthur and Hagrid were standing. “Merry Christmas, gents,” Sirius said with a grin, clinking his glass against each of theirs in turn. “Molly puts on a heck of a party Arthur.”

Arthur smiled, looking at his wife across the room. “She does, doesn’t she?”

“How are you feeling?” Lupin asked him.

“I’m okay, Remus. Feeling very lucky to be alive. Physically still very tired, and in some pain. But better every day.”

“You really gave us a scare,” Hagrid chimed in, shaking his head.

Lupin found Tonks across the room and watched her talking with Emmeline, not paying attention to Arthur’s reply. He didn’t want to stare, but couldn’t tear his eyes away from her… especially in that dress. Fuck.

Charlie came back with a full platter of food and set it on the table, then walked over to the fireplace, putting his arm around his dad’s shoulders. “How’s it going?”

“Good, good!” Arthur replied brightly. “Have you all met my son Charlie? He’s visiting for a week all the way from Romania. Charlie, this is Hagrid, Sirius, and Remus.”

The young man gave each of them a broad smile as he shook their hands. “Great party, Dad,” he said.

Arthur laughed. “You know that’s all your mother. I had nothing to do with this. She loves being in charge.”

In fact, at that moment, the hostess Molly Weasley was trying to get the room’s attention.

“Everyone! I just wanted to say, we are just so, so blessed to have all of you in our lives, and celebrating with us here tonight. Thank you for being here. The past two weeks have been hard.” Her voice caught in her throat and she paused, composing herself. “But we’re all here, and we’re all healthy, and thank goodness for that.”

“Hear hear!” Sirius boomed from across the room, and others chimed in with cheers and good wishes.

“We’re going to keep bringing out food all night, but first I was hoping we could have a little dance. This is a party after all. So, grab a partner, and we’ll get some music going!”

“Hmm, dancing partner?” grinned Sirius, looking around the room. “Where’d Hestia go?” he asked. “She was looking good tonight,” he said in a low voice to Lupin.

Shaking his head, Remus glanced at Tonks, then over to Charlie, watching to see if either of them made a move.

“Come on, Remus, go find someone. You actually know how to dance!” Sirius said. “I remember James and I always gave you a hard time when we were in school, but I bet the ladies appreciate that, huh?”

Remus shrugged. “My mom taught me.”

“Don’t waste your chance, my friend. It’s Christmas, go have some fun.” And then Sirius was gone, sidling up next to Hestia and whispering something in her ear. She looked up at him and grinned, nodding, and the two of them headed for the dance floor. Lupin shook his head. He made it look so easy.

Everyone else started pairing up. Of course Arthur and Molly were together, and Hagrid was spinning Emmaline around, while also trying to not rip her arm out of the socket.

Remus saw Charlie set his glass down and look at Tonks across the room. And then before he really knew what he was doing, the whiskey giving him courage he’d never mustered before, Lupin was standing in front of her.

“Hi,” he said lamely.

“Hey,” she smiled up at him. “I haven’t talked to you all night.”

“Do you want to dance with me?” he blurted, swaying slightly on his feet.

“Me?” Tonks laughed. “No way. I’ll trip over my feet, Remus.”

His heart was pounding. “Come on. One dance.”

He’d never seen her look so shy, and he also was certain she’d never been more adorable. 

“Um… okay,” she whispered.

He held out his hand and she took it, and then stepped into his arms, her cheeks flushing pink. Lupin’s hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her toward him. Surely this wasn’t real life. What was he doing? He felt like he was in a trance.

He took two steps back, drawing her with him, his hand pressed into her lower back, and they started moving around the room. Tonks’ eyes were glued to their feet, terrified of falling and making a fool out of herself in front of everyone in her party dress.

“Tonks, look at me,” he whispered.

Her eyes flew to his. “What?”

“You don’t need to look at your feet. I won't let you fall.”

“I don’t know how to dance,” Tonks breathed, panicked.

He chuckled. “It’s okay. Just follow my lead. I got you, yeah?”

She nodded, taking a deep breath and leaning into him a little more.

It had been years since he’d danced with a woman, but it came back to him all the same. And while Tonks was not the most graceful dance partner he’d ever had, he was sure no one had ever fit so perfectly in his arms before.

Her eyes kept glancing back down to her feet, biting her lip as she concentrated hard, and Remus couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he watched her.

The song ended far more quickly that he would have liked, and everyone clapped. Tonks dropped her hands to her sides and stood in front of Lupin with pink cheeks. “How’d I do?” she asked nervously.

He broke into a broad grin. “You were great, Tonks.”

Just then Molly grabbed Lupin’s arm. “Remus, do you mind bringing up a couple more bottles of wine from the kitchen? We’re out up here.”

“Uh, sure,” he shrugged as Molly patted his elbow and walked away.

“I’ll help,” Tonks blurted out.

Remus looked at her, feeling his stomach give a lurch. “Okay.”

She followed him out of the kitchen and down the dark, narrow stone staircase to the kitchen. The room was cavernous and empty at the moment. Lupin walked over to the wine rack and started reading labels.

She grabbed a bottle from the bottom shelf, studying it. “This one looks… um… oh shit, I don’t know anything about wine,” she whispered.

Lupin looked at her and burst out laughing.

“Do you?” she asked.

He shrugged, taking the bottle from her and setting it on the counter. And then he looked back to her with a sudden intensity.

Tonks bit her lip, leaning back against the counter. “Hi.”

He chuckled. “Hi.”

“Merry Christmas, Remus.”

Lupin looked almost sad for a moment, then took a deep breath and reached out to put one of his hands on her waist, drawing her closer to him, his other hand brushing the hair off her face.

She grinned and beamed up at him.

Remus ran his fingers along her jaw, and then he tilted her face up. “Wow.”

Tonks felt her heart pounding in her chest. “What?”

“You’re gorgeous.”

Her cheeks flushed. “Shut up, Remus.”

“Why are you always so mean to me, Tonks?” he said, laughing.

She giggled. “Are you actually gonna kiss me, or what?”

Lupin closed his eyes for a second, then he opened them and smiled. “Fuck. You know what? I think I am.”

He bent down and his lips crashed into hers, pulling her flush against his body.

She gasped and wrapped her arms around his neck, desperate to get closer. More of him. All of him. _Finally._

Remus moved his lips down her jaw, pressing kisses along her throat, and Tonks let out a sigh, her body sagging against his. He felt his cock harden, having her so close after all this time.

He pulled back to look at her, and Tonks let out a shaky breath. Her headband was crooked in her hair, her lips swollen from his kisses. He was certain he’d never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life, but he was terrified. _What was he doing? _It wasn’t like him to lose control so fully.__

__“Is this okay?” he asked, his voice husky. He ran his calloused thumb over her cheekbone. God, he wanted her. But part of him was hoping she’d stop him before things went too far and he fucked it all up._ _

__“Yes,” she breathed. “I’ve been wishing you would. For kind of a while.”_ _

__He swallowed hard. “Really?”_ _

__Tonks nodded. “Really.”_ _

__“Holy shit,” Remus muttered._ _

__She laughed, gently pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth. “But I guess we probably should get back to the party, huh? Before they notice we’re missing.”_ _

__“Hmm, yeah.”_ _

__Tonks bit her lip. “I don’t really want to go back.”_ _

__“Neither do I,” he admitted, his heart pounding._ _

__“Mmm. Do we have to?”_ _

__Lupin pulled her back into a deep kiss, his arms holding her tightly against him. His fingers brushed against the silky material of her dress and found the zipper, and he imagined himself dragging it slowly down her back, unwrapping her like a Christmas gift. He wanted to fucking devour this girl. And then he felt that familiar, low growl start to build deep within him._ _

__He broke off the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers, struggling to steady his breath._ _

__“So,” Tonks murmured, grinning up at him. “You wanna ditch the rest of this party and show me your bedroom?”_ _

__Remus dropped his hands to his side and took a step back from her._ _

__Her face changed to concern when she saw his expression. “What? Are you okay?”_ _

__He shook his head. “No. Sorry, I… I don’t feel so well, Tonks.”_ _

__She looked bewildered as Lupin turned and fled up the stairs to his room, leaving her standing alone in the Grimmauld Place kitchen in her red party dress on Christmas Eve._ _


	5. We Need to Talk About Christmas Eve

Remus acted awkwardly around Tonks for the next week after their drunken kiss. He sat by Sirius at the next meeting and avoided her eye contact. Then Dumbledore assigned them to work together again, and his heart sank.

They were sitting together in uncomfortable silence on a bench that night when she finally cleared her throat.

“Hey, Remus?” she started softly.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice cracking, bracing himself for what he knew was coming.

“We need to talk about Christmas Eve.”

He nodded. “I know.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “What happened?”

“I’m sorry. I had too much to drink… and _that dress_.” He shook his head. “But I shouldn’t have done that. I’m no good for you.”

She shrugged. “I really like you, Remus.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. Come on, I’m a disaster.”

She swallowed hard and looked at him as if trying to decide whether to speak or not. “Why don’t you even want to give this a chance?” she whispered finally.

Lupin sighed, his face pained. “ _Tonks_. You deserve so much better.”

Her face was difficult to read as she studied him, taking a deep breath and collecting her thoughts. “Shouldn't that be up to me?”

Lupin stared at her for a long moment with sorrowful eyes. “I’m _dangerous_ , Tonks. I can’t always control myself, especially when things get physical. It would only be a matter of time before I hurt you. Like, _really_ hurt you.”

She looked down at her feet. 

“It’s not you, Tonks. I can’t be with anyone. I’m sorry.” 

“Okay,” she nodded, forcing a smile. “It’s okay, Remus. I understand.” 

*** 

Remus lay down in bed that night and couldn't sleep. It would be easier if she wanted nothing to do with him. Rejection was something he could get over. But now knowing how she felt about him too, remembering the taste of her lips… it was torture. 

He pictured her in that dress from Christmas Eve. She’d wanted him to take her upstairs. She’d wanted him to touch her. _Goddamn it._

Hating himself, he wrapped his hand around his cock and groaned as he moved up and down the shaft, imagining himself slowly undressing her, kissing every inch of her pale skin. Imagining what would have happened if he took her up to his room, locking the door behind them, pulling her back with him onto this very bed. He picked up the pace, holding his breath and screwing his eyes shut tight, and it wasn’t long before he climaxed with Tonks on his mind. 

As much as he felt like a dirty old man, he couldn’t help himself. He kept telling himself that it was just a crush, and he’d get over it. But each day they spent together, he found himself thinking about her more and more. 

For the first time in years, Remus cried — sobs that wracked his whole body. _He loved her._ He hadn’t admitted it to himself until now, but of course he knew it was true. 

But it could never be. Not if he really cared about her. He was cursed, and if he truly loved her, this deep and all-consuming love that overwhelmed his entire being, he needed to stay far away. She’d be better off without him. 

*** 

Over the next several months, Lupin and Tonks continued working together, but something had changed between them. Tonks wasn’t her normal talkative, bubbly self. She focused on their work or had her nose in a book instead of making conversation or joking around. 

Remus had always closed himself off from others, so it wasn’t so different for him. But that meant he felt the loss that much deeper. A connection like the one he’d had with her was so rare for him. 

One night at the Order meeting, Molly announced that the Weasleys would be hosting a party to celebrate Ron and Hermoine, who’d just been named as new Hogwarts prefects. 

“Just a casual dinner, nothing fancy. But we’d love you all to join us. You can bring your new boyfriend if you want, Tonks,” she said with a wink. 

“Boyfriend?” Remus blurted without thinking, a concrete pit suddenly forming in his stomach. 

Tonks’ face turned red. “He’s not my _boyfriend_. I mean, we’ve only been on a few dates.” 

“But you said you really like this one,” Molly said with an encouraging smile. “We'd love to meet him." 

Lupin felt something like a stabbing sensation in his chest. 

She shrugged and bit her lip. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll ask him.” 

*** 

A few nights later, Lupin cautiously walked into the Burrow, dreading this. Why had he even come? Apparently, he was a masochist. 

But when he arrived, Tonks wasn’t there. He was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Maybe she wasn’t coming after all. Maybe she’d had a fight with her boyfriend, he thought hopefully, and then rolled his eyes at himself. Wishful thinking. 

No matter the circumstances, he found himself wanting her to walk through that door. Just being in the same room as her physically warmed his body, fed his soul in a way that was completely unfamiliar to him. 

Just as he was about to give up on her showing up, he heard her voice from across the room. “Sorry we’re late! It’s… kind of a long story,” she said, giggling and looking up at the man whose hand she was holding. 

For a moment, Remus was afraid he may actually throw up. Right there in front of everyone. Her eyes flickered across the room and briefly landed on him, and he was sure his expression betrayed his inner torment. 

“Umm, everyone, this is Scott,” she said, glancing nervously around the room. “Scott, this is… everyone.” 

“Welcome to our home,” Molly said warmly, and others chimed in, but then everything seemed to go back to normal, their friends carrying on as if the world hadn't just tilted on its side. 

“Alright, alright,” Sirius said loudly, elbowing his way to get to Tonks and her new guy. He stood in front of them, crossing his arms. “So you’re dating my little cousin, huh?” 

Scott laughed, holding his hand out. “You must be Sirius.” 

Sirius looked at his hand but didn’t shake it. “What do you do, Scott?” 

“I tend bar down at the Moth Club. And I play drums in a band.” 

Narrowing his eyes, Sirius leaned in a little closer. “And how old are you, Scott?” 

“Twenty-nine.” 

He turned to his little cousin. “How old are you again, Tonks?” 

She rolled her eyes. “You don’t even know?” 

“I can’t keep track of these things. What are you now, nineteen? Twenty?” 

“I’m twenty-three, Sirius,” she said with her hands on her hips. 

“How’d you two meet?” 

“At the bar,” Tonks said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Scott smiled. “She was at one of my shows with some friends and I just couldn’t stop staring at her. I had to go introduce myself after the set.” 

Lupin turned away from them, walking to the other side of the room and dropping into a chair at the table. He’d rather be anywhere else in the world than here right now. 

“How you doin’ Remus?” asked Hagrid. 

Forcing a smile at the man, Lupin tried to keep his voice steady. “I’m okay, Hagrid. And yourself?” 

He stayed on the other side of the room, his back to everyone else, but every now and then, he’d hear Tonks’ laughter split through the barrier he was trying to put up between them. 

After dinner, everyone settled in for one more drink. Tonks sat on the couch next to Scott, who by now was getting along famously with Sirius. 

Scott’s hand rested above her knee, and Remus couldn't tear his eyes away. If he was this comfortable putting his hand on her leg in polite company, his fingertips brushing against the bare skin of her inner thigh in front of everyone, where else had she let him touch her when they were alone? 

He felt bile rising in the back of his throat as he tried to banish the thoughts from his mind. _Knock it off, Remus. You’re the idiot who turned her down._

He knew he had no right to be jealous when she brought someone else around. _Of course_ she was going to move on. And he seemed like a good enough guy, Remus admitted begrudgingly to himself. 

Scott whispered in a low voice and Tonks burst out laughing, another knife in Lupin’s gut. 

Arthur came by to fill Lupin’s whiskey glass, which he happily accepted, taking a large gulp and grimacing as it burned down his throat. 

Then Scott said something else to Tonks and she nodded. He stood, addressing Molly. “I have to leave for work, I’m afraid. But thank you so much for having me. It was nice to meet everyone. You have a lovely home.” 

Molly jumped to her feet, her cheeks flushed from the compliment. “Oh, you are most welcome. It was wonderful to meet you too. Come by anytime.” 

He shook hands with everyone in the room, including Remus. “Nice to meet you,” Scott said with a smile, even though they hadn’t ever been properly introduced. 

Lupin just gave him a tight nod, and then Scott went back over to Tonks, who walked him to the door. 

“I could come over after my shift and spend the night?” Lupin heard him say, his hand trailing down Tonks’ ribs and stopping to rest on the curve of her hip. “It’ll be pretty late though. Or you could always come by the bar and wait for me to get off.” 

Her eyes darted to Remus, who quickly glanced down at his feet, and then she looked back at Scott. “Oh, I don’t know, babe. I’m pretty tired.” 

“Okay. Tomorrow night?” he asked hopefully. 

She shook her head. “I’m working. But I’ll call you, yeah?” 

He grinned at her. “Sounds good.” And then he leaned down and kissed her on the mouth, and Lupin wanted to die. 

Scott said one last goodbye to the room, and then was gone. 

“He’s cute,” Molly winked at Tonks. “Are you two getting serious?” 

She just shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know.” 

Remus felt his heart leap when he heard the hesitation in her voice, but then he forced the feeling back down. He couldn’t offer her anything. Why shouldn’t she be happy? If it wasn’t with Scott, someone else would come along. But if it hurt _this_ much to watch her with a guy who she clearly wasn’t even that into, how would he feel when it was real? 

He swallowed the painful lump in his throat. Maybe Dumbledore could send him away. Maybe he could help the cause somewhere else. He needed to get out of here. That was for damn sure. 

Lupin stood abruptly. “I should go too.” 

“Everything okay?” Molly asked, sounding concerned. 

He couldn’t look at Tonks. “Yeah. I just have a headache. Thanks for a great evening, as always, Molly, Arthur.” 

“See you back at home,” said Sirius. 

“Uh huh,” Remus replied distractedly. 

“We still on for tomorrow?” came Tonks’ voice from across the room. 

Pausing, Lupin looked back at her. That’s right. They were working together tomorrow. Of course they were. 

“Uh huh. See you then, Tonks.” 


	6. Wanna Go Back to My Place?

So, even as he thought of a plan that would get him as far away from her as possible, they found themselves parked on a bench together in Hogsmeade.

Lupin was trying his hardest not to even look at Tonks. She was wearing a black miniskirt with stockings and tall boots, a tight black corset under her denim jacket, her hair dark tonight. How the fuck was he supposed to concentrate on the mission with her looking like _that_?

As if she could read his mind, Tonks nudged him with her elbow. “You alright?”

Lupin glanced at her and immediately regretted it, her eyes bright. His cheeks flushed as he cast his gaze back down. “Yeah.”

They sat there in silence for several more minutes until Karkaroff finally walked out of the building. Lupin slid his arm around her waist, pulling her toward him, as they’d gotten in the habit of doing for their cover when out in public. Tonks jumped at the sudden movement, but recovered quickly.

Remus willed himself not to breathe her in too deeply. But damn, she smelled good. This was fucking torture. He was going to walk straight into Dumbledore’s office after tonight and talk to him about getting reassigned.

He put his lips right next to her ear. “You got him?”

She inhaled sharply and glanced over Lupin’s shoulder. “Uh huh. He’s coming our way.”

“Good girl,” he murmured.

 _Shit._ He shouldn’t have said that to her. Not when his hands were already on her like this. Not when she looked so good. Not when it was this close to the full moon. Yeah, he needed to get far away from her. There was no way this story had a happy ending. 

Tonks felt her stomach flip, his breath warm on her cheek. She had to keep reminding herself that they were _pretending_. This was just for their cover… but part of her wanted to close her eyes and forget all of it and melt into him. Every inch of her skin tingled, and she was strangely turned on by the way his hand was pressing into her lower back, holding her in place.

Her breath caught in her throat as Karkaroff walked past them, her senses almost painfully sharp, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. Then he continued on down the path, and she let out the breath she’d been holding.

“We need to follow him,” Lupin muttered in her ear.

“Uh huh,” she replied.

The two quietly stood from the bench and began down the path, a safe distance back from Karkaroff. Remus reached down and took Tonks’ hand in his, and she felt her cheeks color.

Karkaroff stopped up ahead and glanced around furtively, and she instinctively gave Lupin’s hand a squeeze. As Karkaroff turned his head toward them, Remus pulled her off the path and behind a tree, out of sight for the moment. They locked eyes and Tonks let out a shaky breath.

After a few short moments that seemed to stretch on forever, Lupin peered around the tree at their target. Karkaroff had also left the well-lit path and was making his way through the woods. Remus gave her hand a tug and they continued to pursue him.

They watched as Karkaroff approached a dark, stone building, and someone stepped out of the shadows to greet him.

“Can you see who it is?” Tonks hissed.

Lupin shrugged helplessly.

She started moving closer, but Remus grabbed her arm to pull her back, shaking his head. “I can do this,” she insisted. “I’ll be right back.”

She kept to the shadows and crept closer while Lupin scanned the area, his heart pounding as he watched out for her, praying the two men wouldn’t notice her presence.

After a bit more frantic whispering, the men left together, heading back the way they had all come. With no sign of Tonks, Lupin continued following them, keeping behind trees to shield himself from view.

Karkaroff and his associate stopped and spoke to each other again in low voices. Lupin strained his ears to hear what they were saying. He needed to hear what they were saying.

Staying low to the ground, Remus snuck closer.

“... I have to get _out_ of here,” Karkaroff hissed.

“And I keep telling you, they’ll find you and kill you,” his friend replied, shaking his head. “But it’s your neck, Igor.”

Lupin adjusted his footing and his jacket caught on the tree bark, tearing the fabric audibly in the still night. He froze. _Fuck._

“Did you hear that?” Karkaroff muttered, wand out, eyes darting.

“Uh huh. Behind that tree,” the other man nodded.

Remus gripped his wand as they turned their attention to his hiding spot. Taking a deep breath, he burst out from behind the tree, choosing to go on the offensive.

“ _Stupefy_!” he bellowed, sending Karkaroff flying backward.

Karkaroff’s companion quickly shot a nonverbal spell at Remus, knocking him to the ground.

“ _Protego_!” screamed Tonks, suddenly appearing, just as the man raised his wand to stun again. She grabbed Lupin’s wrist and Apparated them both to a park down the block from Grimmauld Place. The wide open space was deserted at this hour, and while it was very late in the evening, the nearly full moon provided ample light.

The instant they landed, Tonks tripped and fell to the ground in an awkward heap. “Ouch,” she grumbled, bracing her lower back as Remus held out his hand, helping her to her feet. “Thanks,” she grinned at him. “I’m such a fucking klutz.”

“You saved me,” he whispered, his eyes wild as he looked down at her, still holding onto her hand.

She just shrugged. “You’d have done the same.”

Lupin’s breathing was ragged, and she felt herself start to melt under his intense gaze. Then without really thinking about it, his arms reached out and snaked around her waist, pulling her flush against him.

She gasped and looked up at him with wide eyes, her mouth dropping open slightly, her knees feeling like they might give out beneath her.

“Is this okay?” he murmured, his fingers tracing the soft skin on the small of her back, his lips right next to her ear.

Tonks nodded, feeling lightheaded. “Uh huh.”

He tilted her chin up with his hand and ran his thumb over her lips. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure,” she choked out.

And then he kissed her again.

Fire coursed through his veins, and Remus realized he’d never wanted something quite so badly in his entire life. The full moon was close, which always riled him up a little more. But there was also something he found utterly irresistible about _her_. This girl who had barreled into his life with her unshakable spirit and infectious grin.

She wound her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, her lips parting, her tongue gently teasing his mouth open. He walked them backward until she was pushed up against a tree, the bark scraping roughly against her skin, and she let out a desperate whimper as he pressed up against her.

Lupin suddenly pulled away, as if he’d snapped out of a trance, and took a step back. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Tonks. I can’t do this.”

She swallowed hard, folding her arms across her chest. “Make up your goddamn mind, Remus. What is this? Christmas Eve all over again? You can’t keep doing this to me.”

He shook his head. “You’re right. But I’m all wrong for you. For anyone, really.”

Tonks exhaled forcefully. “So… what? You’re just going to be alone forever? When I’m standing here telling you that I want you?”

Lupin couldn’t stop staring at the black choker around her neck, her pale skin almost glowing in the moonlight. “What about your boyfriend?” he asked hesitantly.

She shrugged. “Come on, Remus. It’s always been you.”

He looked at her in disbelief.

“I know I’m not being fair to him,” Tonks said, her voice small. “I tried to forget about you and move on. He’s a nice guy and all. He’s just not… you.”

Lupin swallowed hard, his heart pounding.

“Say something,” she begged.

His eyes were wild. “I don’t know what to say, Tonks. You’re incredible. But you’re so young. And you’re… beautiful. What could you want with someone like me? I don’t think you understand how complicated I am.”

“Oh, Remus.” She slipped her hand inside his. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

Lupin looked at her with a furrowed brow. “What does that even mean?”

She didn’t answer him, but traced her fingertips gently over a scar on his eyebrow. “Do you… uh… wanna go back to my place?” Tonks asked hopefully.

His eyes widened further. “Really?”

She nodded. “Really.”

“Holy shit,” Lupin breathed, scratching his head.

“Is that a yes?” she asked, grinning.

He swallowed hard. “Yeah, okay.”

And she grabbed his wrist again, Apparating them to her flat in London. She flung open the front door and yanked him inside, slamming it shut behind them, before he could change his mind.

Tonks unzipped and kicked off her boots, seeming so much smaller next to him without her clunky footwear, her hair pink again once she was safely in her own home. She ran her hands up his chest and slid the jacket off his shoulders, tossing it onto a chair. Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth.

In the privacy of her empty apartment, Lupin felt suddenly nervous. He looked around them. “Where’s your roommate?”

“At her boyfriend’s for the night.” She pulled him into the living room, then shoved him with both hands and he fell back onto the couch.

“Fuck, girl,” he winced. “Go easy on me. I’m old, remember?”

Tonks grinned down at him. “Shut up, Remus.” She shrugged off her denim jacket, giving him a better view of the black corset laced tightly up her torso, accentuating her waist. Then she shimmied out of her skirt and started to unclip her stockings when his hand covered hers. She looked up at him questioningly.

“Leave those on, yeah?” Lupin murmured in a gravelly voice, raising his eyebrows.

Tonks bit her lip, straightening back up. “Mmm… yes, _professor_.” The corners of his mouth curled as she straddled his lap. “Whatever you say.” She unbuttoned his shirt slowly, pulling it off and dropping it to the floor behind her. Gently running her fingers over the scars on his chest, she leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

Lupin’s stomach lurched at the feeling of her pressed against him, running his hands up along her spine, feeling like she was sucking the very air out of his lungs. She circled her hips, grinding down against the bulge in his pants, and he groaned.

Tonks smirked as she slid down to her knees on the floor in front of him, unbuckling his belt and helping him pull his pants down, his erection springing free.

Her eyes went wide. “Holy shit, Remus.”

He shrugged, his cheeks turning pink.

She bent over and wrapped her lips around his length, swallowing down as much of him as she could.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered. She bobbed up and down a few times, and then released his cock from her mouth with a loud pop, standing up and sliding her panties down her legs.

Lupin looked up at her, his heart pounding. “Are you sure about this?”

Tonks nodded, running her fingers through his hair. “Yes. You?”

Taking a deep breath, he looked up at her. “Yeah.”

He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down onto the couch, making her squeal. He ran a hand up the inside of her thigh and could feel the heat coming off of her.

Lupin pressed his forehead against hers. “You know, it drove me crazy, seeing you with someone else. Having to sit there last night and watch him touch you.”

Tonks bit her lip and looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“Uh huh. I didn’t like it.” His hand was between her legs, his finger teasing against her entrance. “But I think you knew you were making me jealous.”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Break up with him,” Remus demanded, shocking even himself with his sudden boldness, an unfamiliar edge to his voice.

“What?” she whispered.

“You heard me. Do you want to be with him?”

She shook her head. “No. I just want you.”

He slowly pushed his finger all the way inside and her mouth dropped open. 

“Good. End things with him tomorrow,” he said, his voice gravelly.

Tonks nodded, her eyes wide. “Okay.”

Lupin began to pump his finger in and out of her and she gripped his arm tightly, moaning as he added a second finger.

“You like that?” he asked, a little smile on his lips.

“Yeah,” she breathed.

“You’re so wet,” he groaned.

She grinned up at him. “I _know_. I’m ready for you.”

He removed his hand from between her legs, and she whimpered from the loss of contact. But then he dragged the head of his cock up and down along her slit before pushing all the way inside her with one hard thrust. They both gasped loudly, and Remus felt her whole body tense.

“You good?” he murmured, brushing the hair off her face so he could look at her.

“Uh huh,” Tonks breathed, her mouth hanging open slightly. “I’m good. Keep going.”

He pulled all the way out and drove back inside, hitting her deep, and she was certain she’d never been filled so completely.

“Oh my god,” she muttered, her eyes rolling back, digging her nails painfully into his bicep.

Lupin bent down to kiss her neck as he fucked her into the couch, her moans turning into strangled sobs. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Don’t stop,” she choked out.

“I’m not going to last long,” he warned as he paused, letting out a shaky breath.

“I don't care. Holy fuck, Remus.”

He screwed up his face and practically growled as he rocked into her three more times, then stars exploded behind his eyes, and he collapsed on top of her.

When his head stopped spinning, he pulled out and sat up to find her looking rather dazed beneath him. He kissed the corner of her mouth. “I’m sorry it was so short. It’s been kind of a long time.”

Tonks sighed. “It’s okay.”

“Yeah? Did you come?”

She shook her head. “No. But it’s fine. I don't always.”

“Nope, that’s unacceptable,” Lupin announced, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth, scooping her up in his arms. “Which one’s your bedroom?”

Tonks bit her lip and pointed down the hall. He carried her into the dark room, kicking off the pants that were still around his ankles, and tossed her onto the bed, where she landed in another fit of laughter.

Remus fumbled with the binding on her corset for a few moments before sighing loudly. “How the fuck does this thing work, Tonks?”

She giggled and untied the lacing, tugging at it until the whole garment opened up, her breasts spilling out.

He groaned, gently squeezing one of them with his hand and rubbing his thumb over her nipple, watching it harden under his touch. “Damn. You look even better than I imagined.”

Tonks bit her lip, moaning as he moved over to the other nipple. “You imagined what I looked like?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

Lupin’s face flushed. “Maybe.”

She grinned as he kissed down her stomach, pressing his lips to the lacy tops of her stockings and running his fingers over the garter clasps. 

“Are you always wearing these under your skirts? Jesus fucking _Christ_ , Tonks.”

“Mmm, I’m glad you like — oh.” Her head dropped back on the pillow and she gasped loudly as he slowly dragged his tongue up along her entrance before sucking her clit into his mouth. “Oh, fuck.”

Remus pulled more moans and cries from her, and it wasn’t long at all before she felt the orgasm build and then wash over her entire body, her legs trembling and her ears ringing as she screamed out his name.

Tonks closed her eyes, struggling to steady her breathing, and then rolled over to look at him, her cheeks flushed, pupils blown wide. She grinned at him. “Holy shit.”

“Did I get you there?” he asked.

She climbed on top of him, kissing his neck. “Mmm. What do you think?”

Then Tonks grabbed his hand and forced it above his head. She reached for something behind the headboard, and Remus heard a sudden click as he felt something tighten around his wrists. He couldn’t figure out what was happening before she handcuffed his other hand to the bed.

“Whoa, Tonks, what the hell?” he asked, looking nervous.

She kissed down his neck, reaching for his erection and wrapping her small fist around it. “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,” she said with a wink. She slid down his body and swirled her tongue around the swollen head of his cock, then licked up and down the shaft before taking him down her throat again.

“Oh fuck,” he groaned. “God, you’re so good at that.”

Tonks sat up, grinning, then moved back up his body, planting her knees on either side of him, hovering just above him. His wrists strained against the cuffs that bound him to the bed, wanting nothing more than to pull her down and thrust up into her.

She circled her hips, rubbing up against him, and he whined as she teased him. “You know,” she murmured in his ear. “Once I’ve already had an orgasm, it’s really easy for me to have another one.”

He groaned.

She bent down and sucked on his earlobe, biting down on it gently. “You made me come with your mouth,” she whispered. “Can you imagine how good I’m going to feel now?”

“Come on,” he begged.

Her eyes went wide, biting her lip. “Come on what?” she coaxed, reaching down and wrapping her hand around his cock.

“I want to be inside you,” he panted desperately.

“You want to be _inside_ me, Remus?” she repeated, smirking at him. “Mmm. I like the sound of that.”

“Tonks. Please.”

“You really want to fuck me, huh, professor?”

He nodded at her with wide eyes. “Uh huh.”

“Okay,” she relented, sinking down just enough to push the tip of his cock just inside her entrance.

Lupin bucked his hips, desperate to bury himself deep inside of her, but she shifted her hips to deny him access.

“What the fuck, Tonks?” he muttered in frustration. “You’re _killing_ me.”

She grinned, pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth. “I promise I'll make it worth the wait.” She sank down on him, torturously slow, dropping her head back, her mouth hanging open.

“Oh my god,” he moaned.

“You feel so good,” she gasped as she rocked her hips back and forth. “Your cock, oh my god.” She set an intense pace, feeling him hit her deep inside, and got just the right amount of friction to intensify her pleasure.

“Jesus Christ,” he choked out. He was desperate to touch her, to kiss her, and he was so uncomfortable having his hands restrained. “Hey, can you loosen these?”

“I’m gonna come again,” she said, panting desperately. She gripped the headboard for balance, and then her gasps reached a crescendo and she shrieked, her whole body trembling. Remus felt her walls pulse, milking another orgasm from him as he grunted and exploded inside her.

When she finally stilled and opened her eyes, Lupin was lying beneath her with a look of utter astonishment on his face.

“You good?” she asked, panting for breath as she rolled off him.

“Uhh… ”

“Goddamn,” she sighed and dropped her head back on the pillow. “That was fucking amazing.”

“Um, Tonks. My hands?”

“Shit! Sorry. Let me get the key.” She opened up the drawer in her nightstand and rummaged around for what felt like an eternity. “Ah! Found it.”

After she unlocked the cuffs, Lupin rubbed his wrists and looked over at her with wide eyes.

Tonks burrowed under the sheets until only her head and shoulders were visible. “Oh my god. I can’t believe that just happened,” she laughed.

“Yeah,” he said slowly.

“What took you so long?”

Remus stared at her. “What?”

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I’m talking about.”

He swallowed hard. “I can’t do this, Tonks. I can’t be with you.”

“Well, you’re with me right now.”

“Yeah, and I really shouldn’t be.”

“I sure didn’t mind,” she smirked.

“Stop.”

Tonks bit her lip. “You sure didn’t seem like you minded too much either.”

He looked at her with pained eyes, but then couldn’t help but relent under her gaze.

“Look, Remus, I've wanted you for awhile. I know you have your hang ups, but I think you’ve wanted me for a while too. We finally fucked, and it was incredible. Let’s just enjoy that for a minute.” She kissed his neck. “Then tomorrow we’ll deal with this mess we’ve made for ourselves, okay?”

He laughed and nodded, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Okay.”

“Are you gonna stay over?”

He looked surprised. “Do you want me to?”

Biting his earlobe, Tonks giggled, making his cock twitch yet again. “Uh huh.”

“Really?”

“Stop saying ‘really’ about everything, Remus. Stay over.”

He nodded, his hand gripping her hip, pulling her closer. “Okay.”

And she grinned and curled up naked against him, kissing his cheek. “Night.”

“Goodnight, Tonks,” he whispered, still with a tone of disbelief.


	7. Try Not to Get Yourself Killed, Yeah?

Lupin woke up in an unfamiliar room, his eyes blinking everything into focus. He rolled over and saw he wasn’t alone. A tousled head of bright pink hair rested on the pillow next to him, and everything rushed back to him in a flash.

He glanced over at the clock on Tonks’ nightstand. It wasn’t quite yet five o’clock in the morning, and he realized neither of them were wearing any clothes. He quietly slid out of bed and retrieved his pants from the floor, feeling his chest tighten when he saw her corset top and lace stockings in a heap.

His wildest fantasy had come true last night. And he felt sick to his stomach about it.

He was supposed to keep those feelings buried down deep. She was never supposed to know how he thought about her. And he certainly wasn’t supposed to sleep with her. But here they were. Fuck.

Feeling panicked, he was desperate to get out of there. He picked up his watch from her nightstand and put it back on, noticing the sharp curve of her bare shoulder peeking out from under the covers. There was a sudden stabbing sensation in his chest. What was he thinking, torturing himself like this? He’d never be able to forget the way she had breathlessly moaned his name. He’d forever be haunted by the memory. This was impossible; he needed to get out of there, now.

He turned to go and stumbled over something he couldn’t see in the dark room, bumping into her nightstand and sending a book tumbling loudly to the floor. Shit.

“Remus?” She sat up sleepily, turning on the lamp, her eyes squinting as they adjusted to the light.

Lupin looked at her guiltily. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

Her expression was hard to read as she pulled the sheets up to cover herself. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah. I gotta go.”

“So early?”

“I’m sorry, Tonks. Last night was — it was a mistake.”

“Oh.” The color drained from her face.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” he continued, shaking his head. “I’m not good for you.”

Tonks swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked hard.

“I’m really sorry,” Remus choked out, his voice breaking. “I gotta go.”

And then he was gone.

***

Two days later, Lupin knocked on Dumbledore’s office door at Hogwarts.

“Come in, Remus,” came the voice from inside.

He opened the door. “Hi Albus.”

“Good morning. Take a seat.”

Lupin sat down in the chair facing the desk and took a deep breath. “I was hoping I could talk to you about being reassigned.”

The older man’s face didn’t change. “Reassigned?”

“Yes. Is there something where I could… travel? For a while?”

“Hmmm,” Dumbledore considered it. “Is everything alright?”

“Sure, of course. I could just use a change of scenery.”

Albus studied him closely, and Remus fidgeted slightly under the intense scrutiny.

“Well,” the headmaster began slowly, “we could use a spy among the werewolves. It will be dangerous, but —”

Lupin swallowed hard. “I’ll go.”

***

Later that night, Lupin and Tonks were sitting on another park bench. Dumbledore and Remus had come up with a plan for his spying mission, but he wouldn’t leave for another two weeks, when it was time for the next full moon. He still had some work to wrap up here anyway.

The tension in the air was palpable, Tonks’ jaw set tightly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lupin started cautiously.

She laughed without humor. “Not really.”

“I’m sorry,” he offered lamely.

“You’ve already said that.”

“I wish things weren’t strange between us now,” he said, his voice breaking.

Tonks cast her eyes down, her voice small. “What do you want me to say, Remus? We fucked each other senseless, and then you tried to sneak out in the morning while I was still asleep. And now I still have to see you every day. How am I supposed to feel about that?”

Lupin closed his eyes. “I’m really sorry, Tonks. I’m not trying to make excuses, but it was only two days until the full moon. My self control isn’t what it usually is when it’s close. We shouldn’t have done that. I could have hurt you.” He remembered what happened with his first girlfriend all those years ago and shuddered. There was a reason why he couldn’t be with anyone. 

Tonks took a deep, shaky breath, her eyes still on her hands in her lap.

“No one would ever choose this life. Trust me, it’s for the best.”

She didn’t reply, and they sat in awkward silence for the rest of the night.

***

At the Order dinner in the Grimmauld Place kitchen a few nights later, Tonks slid into the farthest seat from Remus and Sirius that she could when she arrived a few minutes late.

She kept her eyes down, and Lupin felt relief that he would be leaving soon. Being in the same room as her was beyond painful.

He was lost in his own thoughts when he heard Molly address Tonks directly. “So, how are things with Scott? Are we going to see him again?” the older woman asked with a wink.

“We broke up,” Tonks blurted out.

Lupin forced his face to remain steady and not react.

“What? What happened?” asked Molly, concerned.

Tonks shrugged. “I don’t really want to talk about it okay?”

Molly looked taken aback, but blinked and nodded. “Sorry, of course.”

Tonks didn’t say much for the rest of the meal, and quietly excused herself at the end of the meeting, rushing out of the room.

“What’s her problem? Must be her time of the month,” Sirius muttered.

Lupin looked at him incredulously. “Why would you say that?”

“It’s a joke, Moony.”

“It’s disrespectful. You don’t know what she’s going through,” Remus snapped.

“Jesus,” Sirius muttered. “Guess it’s your time of the month too.”

***

Then it was time, one last mission for them together before Remus left indefinitely.

Things were still unbearably tense, the two of them not speaking to each other any more than absolutely necessary. They were walking through a London park when she tripped over the tree root and almost went flying, but Lupin’s hand reached out to steady her at the last moment.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“What do you care?” she muttered.

He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. “Tonks, talk to me, _please_ ,” he begged.

Her breath caught in her throat as he looked down at her with such regret in his eyes, his face mere inches from hers.

“What do you want from me?” she choked out, glaring at him.

“We used to be friends. But now you just act like you hate me.”

She closed her eyes, and when she spoke, her voice was shaking. “Well, I sure hate the way you left after you got what you wanted from me. That was just so, so shitty of you, Remus. I didn’t think you were like that.”

“It was never like that,” he whispered, looking horrified.

She didn’t reply.

“That night... it meant a lot to me. But it can’t happen again.”

She looked up at him with full eyes, her voice shaking. “It meant so much to you that you tried to sneak out the next morning? So you didn’t even have to see me?”

“I — I freaked out. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

Tonks was quiet.

“Look. We’d been spending a lot of time together. I guess, yeah… you had been on my mind a lot. And you’d just saved my life. And you’re — I mean, look at you, Tonks. You’re fucking gorgeous. Of course I’ve noticed that. But I — it was a moment of weakness. It’s not you. I can’t be with anyone. I’d hurt you. I can’t.”

Lupin once again felt a physical stabbing pain in his chest. It would break him to lose her in his life, but it was for the best. How could he get over her when they had to see each other every day?

He took a deep breath. “I’m going away for a little while.”

Her eyes flew to his. “What? Where?”

“I’m going to live with the other werewolves. Spy for the Order.”

Tonks’ hand clapped over her mouth. “No. Remus. You can’t.”

He looked uncomfortable as he shrugged his shoulders.

She let out a shuddering gasp and buried her face in her hands, exhaling forcefully. “ _Fuck_!”

“Talk to me. Come on. Tell me what you’re thinking,” he urged softly, his heart pounding.

“I’m thinking about how I’m in love with you, you fucking asshole,” she blurted out, blinking back tears.

The color seemed to drain from Lupin’s face and his hands dropped to his sides. “Please don’t say that,” he whispered, looking like he was going to be ill.

Tonks swallowed the lump in her throat and held her head high as she kept her eyes locked on his. “Well it’s true.”

“Tonks…” He closed his eyes tightly.

She exhaled loudly and forced a smile, quickly brushing away a tear from her cheek as she got to her feet. “I need to go home. I don’t feel so well. Good luck with everything, Remus. Try not to get yourself killed, yeah?”

***

And so Lupin left to live with the werewolves.

It was worse than he could have imagined. The camp was a constant scene of blood and violence, and even when alliances were formed, treachery was a common occurrence. It was every man — every wolf — for himself, and Remus found himself sleeping with one eye open.

But whenever he did sleep, he dreamed of her. And every time he woke alone to find that she wasn’t real, he screwed his eyes shut tight and wanted to die. Because surely even dying would hurt less than continuing to deny himself the only thing he’d ever wanted this badly.


	8. Holy Shit.

Remus had been meeting with Dumbledore each month to report on what he’d learned and the little progress he’d been able to make. But after his third month of living with the werewolves, Albus asked him to come back home.

“It’s too dangerous out there, Remus.”

“No, please… just give me a little more time. I could still change some minds,” Lupin insisted.

Dumbledore fixed him with a long, even look. “Is there another reason you don’t want to come back?”

Remus froze. “No,” he lied. “Of course not.”

Nodding, Dumbledore smiled at him. “Well that’s good to hear. Life is meant to be lived, Remus. And sometimes things happen that we didn’t expect. And sometimes that’s hard and confusing. But nothing is guaranteed in this life. So if we have the chance to be happy… maybe we should try. Don’t you agree?”

Lupin closed his eyes, a lump forming in his throat.

“It’s scary,” Dumbledore said quietly. “Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. And I imagine your fears are quite complicated.”

He met the old man’s gaze, knowing that his thoughts were not private at this moment, but for some reason, that didn’t bother him. He was desperate for someone to understand, and Dumbledore had always looked out for him.

“I’m afraid I’ll hurt her,” Remus whispered, barely audible. “When the full moon is close, I… I lose control. It’s happened before.”

Dumbledore nodded. “I understand. That’s a valid fear. Definitely an important conversation to have.”

Lupin didn’t say anything for a long moment.

“Remus,” Dumbledore began gently. “Please pardon me if I’m overstepping. But how much do you know about werewolf mating?”

His face turned red. “Ummm…”

Albus laughed. “Forgive me. I could have been clearer. I’m only talking about the process of choosing a mate.”

Lupin shrugged. “Not much. I never considered taking one. It’s less… _complicated_ that way.”

Dumbledore gave him a sad smile. “I understand that. I truly do. But you should read more about the theory.”

He turned and selected a volume from his shelf, pushing it across the table to Remus, who turned the book over in his hands, reading the title — _The ‘Beast’ Within: Exploring the Human Side of Werewolves_.

“If you’re feeling a pull, it may be more powerful than you realize, and ignoring it could destroy you,” Dumbledore continued gently. “The magic provides protection for your mate, if that’s what you both choose. The decision needs to be mutual.” His smile grew warmer and he winked. “But from what I’ve noticed, that isn’t the issue.”

Remus shook his head. “I’m not good at these things, Albus.”

“Others have found a way. But of course, it’s up to you.” He stood, patting Lupin on the shoulder. “I’m afraid I need to get going. Welcome back, Remus.”

***

Lupin was back at Grimmauld Place, pouring over the book Dumbledore had given him. With each page he turned, pieces of the puzzle clicked into place.

_“A werewolf becomes extremely protective over his/her mate, and can often sense when he/she is in danger…”_

_“If a werewolf is separated from his mate, he/she may often experience physical pain…”_

_“When faced with a competitor for the affections of his/her mate, a werewolf will respond with aggression and sometimes will resort to violence…”_

_“A werewolf and his/her mate are often able to communicate without words…”_

Hmm. All of this was beginning to sound very familiar.

_“Once a mate is chosen, if the intentions are reciprocated, a powerful protection exists to protect the werewolf from harming his/her mate. Anecdotal evidence even indicates that some human mates have remained in the presence of the werewolf during their monthly transformation, and were unharmed by their partner.”_

Lupin reread that last part several times, his hands shaking. He turned the page, and he swallowed hard when he saw the first line on the next page.

_“When a werewolf claims a mate, it is for life.”_

Lupin closed his eyes, Dumbledore’s words echoing in his head. Life was meant to be _lived_. He had spent so many years alone, never opening himself up to the possibility of having someone to share his days with.

Who knows how much time any of them had left in this crazy world. And it’s not every day that the person you love wants you back too. What kind of an idiot runs away from that?

If he was being honest, Remus knew exactly where he wanted to be.

***

Later that night, Remus found himself standing on Tonks’ front step, hesitantly knocking on the front door.

A blonde answered and looked at him curiously. “Can I help you?”

Remus hoped his voice wasn’t shaking as much as his hands were. “Is Tonks home?”

“Uh, yeah… just a minute.” She closed the door in his face, and Lupin could hear muffled voices on the other side.

Then Tonks appeared in a tank top and shorts, pulling a sweatshirt around her shoulders, clearly surprised to see him standing on her doorstep. “What are you doing here, Remus?” she asked, her voice sounding tired.

He cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”

She sighed loudly, stepping aside. “I suppose.”

He walked into her apartment and she shut the door, then leaned back against it to look at him. Lupin saw her roommate eyeing him with her arms folded across her chest. He looked back and forth between the two women, his eyes finally landing on Tonks.

“Can I, uh, talk to you… alone?”

She fixed him with a level gaze and shrugged. “Fine. Come on.”

He followed her into her bedroom and she closed the door behind them. “What are you doing here?” she asked again. “What happened with the werewolves?”

“I was there for awhile. Now I’m back.”

“Mmm. Well welcome back,” she said, her tone icy.

“I was hoping we could talk.”

She shrugged. “So, talk.”

Lupin looked pained. “I’m really bad at this stuff, Tonks.”

She laughed humorlessly, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“I acted like an asshole before I left.”

Tonks’ hands went to her hips. “Uh huh. A total asshole.”

He hung his head. “I know. I freaked out.”

“About what?”

“I’ve never had a relationship that worked out. I just — you understand how complicated I am, right? How dangerous I can be?”

She swallowed hard and nodded.

“I’m worried you’d regret getting involved with me. I don’t really have anything to offer you, Tonks. And I could hurt you. Especially during certain times of the month, when it’s close to the full moon.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “What the fuck, Remus? You came all the way over here just to repeat yourself and reject me all over again?”

He took a step closer to her. “No. I’m trying to explain myself, if you think you could forgive me. And I want to be sure you know what you’re getting into. I still think you deserve more. There’s a lot of prejudice out there against werewolves, and that will extend to you too, just for being with me. And we’ll have to figure out how to handle things with the full moon. Our life won’t be easy, you know. Are you sure you won’t get sick of me?”

Her eyes widened, the corners of her mouth turning up as the meaning of his words sunk in. “Wait… what are you saying?”

Lupin reached out and gently cupped her face with his hand, running this thumb over her cheekbone, and Tonks felt her breath catch in her chest, her knees suddenly wobbly.

“I love you too. But I’m an idiot and I’m gonna fuck up sometimes, so be patient with me, yeah?” he murmured, his other hand wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer as his lips crashed into hers.

She gasped, shocked for a moment, then quickly recovered and kissed him back. Her trembling hands clutched the front of his sweater, clinging onto him, desperately willing him to not run away from her this time. After months of heartache, there is no way this was _actually_ happening, right?

She pulled back, looking at him incredulously. “I’m sorry. Did you just say that you love me?”

He nodded, leaning in to kiss her neck. “Uh huh.”

“Holy shit,” Tonks whispered.

Lupin laughed and scooped her up in his arms, tossing her on the bed and climbing on top of her as she squealed, wrapping her legs around him.

It wasn’t long before their clothes were discarded all over the floor and he used his tongue and lips to worship every inch of her body, loosening her up and making her mutter his name over and over again, her fists clutching at the sheets as he brought her over the edge.

Tonks lay there gasping on the bed, her ears ringing, her whole body buzzing, and rolled over to see him watching her with a very satisfied smirk on his face. She laughed. “Wow, you look proud of yourself.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. You seemed to like it.”

“Mmm, I did. Thank you.” She climbed on top of him, one knee on either side, and his eyes widened as she reached back for his erection, dropping her head back and moaning as she sunk all the way down on him. 

“Oh, fuck,” he choked out, his hands gripping her hips so tightly she was sure he was leaving bruises.

Tonks leaned forward and held onto the headboard, using it as leverage as she rocked back and forth, her cries getting louder as she developed a rhythm. “You feel so good,” she panted, grinning down at him.

“Damn, girl,” he groaned. Fearing he was getting close to losing it already, he sat up suddenly and grabbed her around the waist, flipping them over in one fluid motion so she was underneath him.

Tonks grunted as she landed on the mattress, her eyes rolling back as he thrust back inside her. He grabbed her ankle and brought it to rest on his shoulder, opening her up even deeper, and she whimpered desperately. “Oh my _god_. Don’t stop, don’t ever stop.”

Before long, they both lay on their backs, gasping under the sheets, their hearts pounding, and Lupin reached out for her hand. Tonks grinned as he laced their fingers together, and then she curled up against him.

She rested her head on his shoulder, her leg draped over his. “Are you staying over?”

He nodded. “Is that okay?”

“Uh huh,” she grinned, but then narrowed her eyes at him. “As long as you don’t try to sneak out again in the morning, or I’ll kick you in the fucking balls.”

Remus laughed, nodding. “Fair enough. I won’t. I promise.”

Tonks shrugged. “Guess we’ll see.”

He kissed her forehead, and she tenderly traced over the scars on his chest with her fingers.

“I love you, Remus,” she whispered.

“I love you too.”

“Holy shit,” she breathed, and he just laughed.


	9. You Still Naked Under There?

The next morning, Tonks blinked her eyes open just after dawn to find Remus sleeping on the pillow next to her. She grinned, burrowing back under the covers and curling up next to him. He stirred slightly as she bumped into him, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, burying his face in her neck.

***

They finally woke for the day a little before eight o’clock, Tonks stretching against Lupin, who groaned and opened his eyes groggily.

She pressed her lips along his jaw. “Wow, look at that. You actually stayed.”

“Mmm,” he mumbled sleepily, running his hand up and down her spine. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why not?” she whispered quietly.

Remus’ eyes flew open. “What do you mean?”

Tonks shrugged. “You were so adamant that we couldn’t happen for so long. But now you’re here. What’s changed?”

He paused, collecting his thoughts. “Well, I asked Dumbledore to send me away. I was afraid to be around you, Tonks. But it was really rough out there. In the werewolf camp. The way they live… the way they treat each other. It started to break me. I was doing some good for the Order, but really I was just trying to distract myself. But it didn’t work. I could never get you out of my head. And then I went to give my monthly report to Dumbledore, just yesterday. He told me to come back. And he knows… about us.”

Her eyes widened and she sat up. “He _what_? How?”

“It’s Dumbledore. He just knows.” Remus paused, embarrassed to continue, but felt like he owed her an explanation. “He said it may be beyond my control. What I feel for you.”

She looked confused. “What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “He said that werewolves are drawn to their mates. It just… happens. It’s not a conscious choice. He told me it’s pointless to resist.”

Tonks bit her lip and grinned. “Mmm. So you’re saying you couldn’t resist me any longer?”

He smiled back at her. “Well, I guess when it came down to it, I didn’t need a whole lot of convincing. I just need to know that you’ll be safe. There's a theory about protections. Dumbledore gave me this book… I need to read a lot more, and we need to be smart about this. There’s still a lot to figure out, and it won’t be easy. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m willing to give it a shot. If you’re sure.”

She pressed her lips to his, and then reached down between them, wrapping her hand around his erection, and Remus groaned in response.

Tonks nodded. “I’m _very_ sure. And see, good things happen when you don’t sneak out in the morning,” she teased, giggling and kissing his neck as he grinned and dragged her back on top of him.

***

A half hour later, Tonks was rushing to get dressed and out the door for work.

“I’ll see you at the meeting tonight, yeah?” she said, standing on her toes to kiss his lips.

He nodded, running his thumb along her cheekbone. “Uh huh. But, hey… are you okay if we keep things quiet for now around the rest of the Order?”

“Why?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“No, no, it’s not like that. I’d just prefer to keep things quiet for now — I don’t like being in the spotlight, and I want us to have the space to figure out what this is before everyone else starts sticking their noses in our business.”

Tonks smirked. “You sure it’s not because you’re embarrassed of me?”

Lupin laughed and kissed her forehead. “Definitely not. Couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just need a little time to get used to this on my own before I have to worry about the rest of the world too. I can already hear Sirius’ relentless jokes and Molly starting to plan our wedding. And I don’t know — don't you think some of them will have a _problem_ with us being together?”

She looked confused. “A problem?”

He looked uncomfortable and shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m a lot older than you are. And we work together. And… you know.”

“The whole werewolf thing?”

He rolled his eyes, laughing without a lot of humor in his voice. “Yeah… the _whole werewolf thing_. I don’t know… it’s one thing for them to sit at the same table as me at meetings. It’s probably a very different thing for a lot of them to think about us being together. Like that.”

“Are you really worried?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Yeah, I guess I am a little. Do you think Sirius will be angry about it?”

“Why?”

“You’re his cousin.”

Tonks laughed. “So what if he is? It’s not his business. I guess I’m not too worried about it,” she admitted. “I don’t really care what other people think.”

“Come on, please?” he whispered. “We deserve some time to ourselves before we add everyone else to the mix.”

“Okay,” she agreed with a smile. “But I’m not going to be able to keep a straight face. I’m going to totally give us away if I even look at you in front of anybody, Remus.”

He shrugged. “Then I guess just don’t look at me.”

She smacked him on the arm and he just laughed and kissed her forehead.

“We’ll tell them all soon. Just a little time. Please? For me?”

She nodded. “Okay. I’ll try.”

Remus smiled, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. “Thank you. I love you.”

“Yeah,” she beamed up at him. “I love you too.”

***

“Alright, alright, sit down and shut it, I’m getting started,” Mad-Eye began the meeting at Grimmauld later that evening.

Tonks rushed into the room at the last minute and slid into an open seat next to Emmaline Vance. She kept her eyes fixed up front even as she could feel Lupin looking at her from across the table. 

“Dumbledore’s away, so he asked me to give out assignments. Hestia and Diggle, I want you both at the Department of Mysteries tonight and tomorrow. And then, Tonks, you and Remus will be on Malfoy on Tuesday night. We’ve picked up intel about a meeting. We’ll get you two set up at a safe house nearby.”

She tried not to react and nodded tightly, feeling her cheeks flush just at the mention of their names together in the same sentence.

“Any questions?” he asked gruffly. When no one raised any, he shuffled the papers back into a messy pile and shut them inside the folder.

“Great. I gotta get back. Coulda just sent an owl,” he grumbled. Shaking his head, Moody rushed out of the room.

Molly sighed in exasperation. “Honestly, _that man_. Why Dumbledore thought _he’d_ be the best choice to lead the meetings, I’ll never understand.”

Sirius snickered.

McGonagall quickly left to get back to Hogwarts, and Arthur poured a round of drinks for the remaining members, but then they slowly trickled out one by one until Tonks, Lupin, and Sirius were the only ones left.

Sirius caught her around the neck in a headlock. “Tonks, stay and have a drink with me and Remus?”

She hesitated, meeting Lupin’s eyes briefly, sure her cheeks were turning bright red and giving her away. “Yeah, sure, okay.”

Tonks trailed behind them up the stairs, her heart pounding as she tried to compose herself. Once they were upstairs in the drawing room, Sirius headed straight for the bar in the corner. Remus settled into a chair, and Tonks met his gaze with panicked eyes. He chuckled and gestured toward an open seat across from him. 

She nodded, sitting down and tapping her toe.

Sirius handed her a glass of firewhisky. “Oh, um, thanks,” she said, accepting it and taking a small sip.

Giving a drink to Lupin, Sirius took his own glass and settled into a chair. “It’s about time you joined us, Tonks.”

“Yeah,” she said as she looked down at her lap.

“You okay?”

“Uh huh.”

“How are your folks? Is my favorite cousin Andromeda doing well?”

“Uh huh, they’re good.”

“Yeah? And how’s work at the Ministry?”

“Okay. Busy.”

Sirius tilted his head, looking at her closely. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“So you broke up with that boyfriend, huh?” Sirius asked.

Tonks swallowed hard, nodding. “Yeah.”

“Sorry about that. He seemed nice enough.”

She shrugged.

“He was kind of old for you though, huh?” Sirius said.

Tonks choked on her drink, and Remus bit back a laugh before changing the subject. “Hey, Sirius, did Tonks tell you about that idiot she arrested yesterday?”

“What? No?”

Both of them were looking at her expectantly, so she cleared her throat. “Oh, right. Well, I was assigned to trail this guy named Selwyn. I was there for all of five minutes before I overheard him literally asking someone if they ‘knew where he could go to talk to other Death Eaters and find out what the Dark Lord was up to.’ In those exact words, in a loud voice. Like, the guy was just begging to be arrested. So I did.”

Sirius burst out laughing. “Jesus. That sure gives our side some hope about what we’re up against, huh?”

Tonks grinned at him, relaxing slightly. “Right? Bunch of idiots.”

He turned to Remus. “Oh man, that reminds me of what’s-his-name from our year at school. Um, that idiot who was up to no good but was always giving himself away.”

Lupin chuckled. “You’ll have to be more specific. There were kind of a lot of idiots in our year.”

“Aww, the name will come to me later. You like working there, Tonks?”

She shrugged. “Yeah. It’s different every day. I’d be terrible stuck behind a desk, ya know?”

Sirius grimaced, and Tonks immediately shut her eyes tight. “Shit. Sirius, I wasn't thinking —”

He smiled. “Nah, you’re fine, Tonks. I know what you mean. I hate being stuck up here in this old house, but hey, at least it’s not Azkaban, am I right?”

“ _Fuck_. I always say the wrong things.”

Sirius laughed. “It’s okay. Promise. Remus, am I easily offended?”

Lupin shook his head. “Nah.”

Tonks finished her drink and stood. “Well, I should head home, guys.”

“Aww, come on… stay for one more,” Sirius insisted.

She smiled. “No, I have to work early. Rain check?”

“Sure thing. You’re welcome anytime, cuz.” Sirius stood and hugged Tonks, kissing the top of her head.

“Thanks, Sirius. Goodnight, Remus.”

Lupin turned to her, and she quickly cast her eyes down to the floor to avoid his gaze, which just made the corners of his lips twitch in a smile. “Goodnight, Tonks. See you later.”

***

An hour later, Remus stood. “Shit. You know, I told Arthur I would bring over some photos that Tonks and I took the other night when we were following Dolohov. I should probably do that now before I forget.”

Sirius looked confused. “He needs them _now_?”

Lupin nodded. “Uh huh. I should have brought them earlier actually. It’s important.”

“Damn. Okay. Then yeah, go take care of that,” Sirius shrugged. “I’m going to head to bed anyway.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Remus took his jacket from the front hall closet and quietly slipped out the front door. It was raining steadily, and he pulled the collar up around his neck. He walked down to the end of the block before Apparating to another street in a different neighborhood of London.

He walked up the steps to the apartment building and knocked softly on the front door. When there was no reply, he waited several moments and then knocked again, a little more loudly this time.

Tonks swung the door open, her face lighting up when she saw him. “Hey.”

He smiled back at her. “Hi.”

“You’re here,” she beamed. “When you said you’d see me later, I wasn’t sure if you meant tonight, or just later in general, or —”

“Can I come in?” he asked, the rain coming down harder.

“Shit, yes, sorry!” Tonks opened the door wider and he stepped inside, a puddle quickly forming on the floor beneath him. She locked the door behind him, biting her lip. “I just ordered a pizza, if you're hungry? But it’s not going to be here for a while, so first I think we need to get you out of these wet clothes, professor.”

Remus laughed and let her slip the soaked jacket off his shoulders. Then she grinned and grabbed for his belt buckle, pulling him backward down the hallway with her to the bedroom.

***

Almost an hour later they were lying in her bed, naked underneath the sheets. Tonks draped her leg over him, her head resting on his shoulder.

“All those little gasps and sighs and moans you make — I’ve never heard anything sexier in my life,” Lupin murmured, his hands cupping the curve of her ass.

“You’re awfully handsy, you know,” Tonks teased. “I would never have guessed when I first met you. You seemed so quiet and reserved.”

“Well, it turns out that when there’s a beautiful young naked witch in bed with me, I have a hard time behaving myself.”

“Hmmm, I see. Would this apply to any beautiful young naked witch in bed with you?” she asked, pretending to pout.

Lupin laughed. “If it ever happens again, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

She grinned and kissed him on the mouth, and then they both heard a knock on the front door and froze.

“Are you expecting someone?” he asked.

Tonks’ eyes went huge and she sat up suddenly. “Oh my god, the pizza! I forgot!”

Both of them burst out laughing as Lupin jumped out of bed, yanking his pants back on.

“Thank you!” she said. “There’s money on the table right inside the front door.”

Remus winked at her and quickly pulled his shirt on over his head, opening the bedroom door and heading down the hall.

He reappeared a few minutes later in the doorway holding a cardboard box, looking amused. “Where do you want this?”

Her eyes lit up. “Mmm bring it here, I’m starving.”

Lupin wrinkled his nose. “In your bed?”

Tonks laughed, gathering the sheets up around herself and sliding off the bed to sit on the floor. “Is this better?” she asked.

“I… guess? You don’t want to get out plates and sit at a table?”

“Just get over here already with that already, Remus. It smells amazing and I’m starting to drool.”

He just shook his head and sat down on the floor next to her, watching as she tore open the box and grabbed a slide, taking a huge bite.

She looked at him quizzically, her mouth full. “What?”

Lupin grinned at her. “Nothing. You make me laugh.”

Tonks rolled her eyes, and then gestured to the box. “Aren’t you hungry?” 

“Uh huh,” he smiled, helping himself to a slice. Then with his free hand, he tugged gently at the sheets she had wrapped around her, trying to peek down the front. “You still naked under there?”

She bit her lip and nodded. “Yep.”

Remus smiled. “I can definitely say that I’ve never eaten pizza sitting on the floor with a naked woman before.”

Tonks burst out laughing. “Mmm. Well I guess there’s a first time for everything, right?”


	10. We Definitely Can't...

A few days later, Lupin and Tonks found themselves together at a safehouse watching for Lucius Malfoy and the meeting he was rumored to be having.

Remus was standing by the window peering out, and Tonks sat perched on the counter, picking at a hole in her stockings. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath, smoothing down the pleats of her skirt. “See anything?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. They usually meet at that bench right there, but only one person’s even walked by in the past hour. It’s quiet.”

She nodded, chewing on her bottom lip as she looked at him across the room.

“What?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Nothing,” she insisted, her cheeks flushing pink as she looked down at her hands.

Lupin smiled, walking over to her, and placed his hands lightly on her knees. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just… kind of weird to be out on a job with you now. We’ve worked together so many times. But not since…”

He swallowed hard. “Yeah. I guess I know what you mean.”

Tonks smirked at him. “They probably wouldn’t let us work together if they knew.”

Remus laughed and shrugged. “Well, Dumbledore knows.”

“Hmm, yeah. I guess.”

His hands began slowly sliding up her skirt, and her breath hitched in her throat as he leaned in to kiss her on the mouth.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, but then broke it off. “We can’t,” she whispered. “We need to be watching for Malfoy.”

Lupin glanced over his shoulder out the window, then looked back at her, his hands dropping to his sides. “I know. We shouldn't.”

Tonks bit her lip. “Definitely not.”

He nodded. “Right.” Remus stepped back from her and closed his eyes, forcing his breathing to steady, willing the massive erection straining against his zipper to settle down. 

“Hey,” she said softly, hopping down from the counter and taking his hand. “We just need to wait until later. When we’re off the job.”

“Right… we can wait,” he said, not quite believing himself. The skin on the back of his neck prickled, his blood pressure rising. 

She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, then walked over the window.

“I’m gonna step outside for some fresh air,” Lupin said, looking uncomfortable.

Tonks eyebrows furrowed. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just be back in a minute.”

He snuck out the back door and kept to the shadows, taking a deep breath, the frigid night air quickly tightening his chest. _Pull yourself together, Remus. You’re acting like a teenager who can’t keep his hands off his girlfriend._

Girlfriend? It wasn’t the right word to describe her. She was so much more. Once again, it was only days until the full moon, and he was having a hard time not just pinning her to the floor and fucking her right there. Sending them to work together was a terrible idea.

But he needed to be able to control himself. They were professionals. They were adults. They could do this. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, relax his body. Instead he felt the hairs standing up on the back of his neck, bathed in moonlight.

It was going to be a long night.

Lupin gripped the railing of the back porch and inhaled sharply one more time. Then he shoved his hands inside his pockets and headed back inside.

Tonks was leaning against the window frame, just out of sight from anyone who might be glancing up, and she turned to look at him with wide eyes. “Hey. Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, walking over to her and kissing her forehead. _Fuck, she smelled good._ “I just needed a minute.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him. “Is it quiet outside?”

“Uh huh,” he nodded, feeling his skin buzz from the contact, his blood pressure starting to rise again. “Quiet here?”

“Yeah, still nothing.”

“Okay,” he replied, glancing out the window, and then looking back at her, running his thumb along her cheekbone.

She grinned up at him. 

“Why are you so fucking beautiful?” he murmured. “Huh? It’s very distracting.”

Laughing, Tonks stood on her toes and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Don’t do that,” he groaned. “I’m not kidding. I’m having a really hard time here.”

Her hand trailed down to find the bulge in his pants. “Mmm. I’ll say.”

“Stop,” he hissed, grabbing her wrist tightly.

“Hey. You’re hurting me,” she whispered, her eyes suddenly huge.

Lupin let go immediately, a look of devastation taking over his face. “ _Shit._ I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said, rubbing her wrist and looking down.

“No. It’s not.” He walked over to the window, seeing a couple on the path below them, strolling past the bench in question. They were holding hands, and while he couldn’t see their faces and didn’t know a damn thing about them, Remus imagined their lives had to be simpler than this, and he envied the crap out of them.

“What’s going on, Remus?” she asked softly.

He swallowed hard. “It’s almost the full moon. I’m having a difficult time controlling my urges around you.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. Like… you’re talking about sex, right?”

He snorted. “Yeah. I’m talking about sex.”

Tonks bit her lip. “Good. I thought so. I just… you know. A werewolf talking about full moons and urges. I just… good.”

Remus walked over to her, cradling her face in his hands. “Hey, I won’t hurt you. I’m sorry I grabbed you like that. But it’s not a joke. Okay? You can’t do that, or I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

She felt her heart pounding as she looked up at his darkened eyes. Even as she felt the flood of wetness between her legs, she choked out, “Right. And we can’t.”

He pressed his forehead against hers, his breathing shaky. “We definitely can’t.”

“We could miss something important.”

“Right. We shouldn’t.”

Tonks glanced out the window. Still nothing. She gulped. “Or…”

“Or what?” he asked, his voice husky.

“I don’t know. Maybe we should just do it real quick and get it over with so we can actually focus on the job?”

They looked at each other for what felt like an eternity, both of their hearts pounding. Then she kissed him hard, pulling him down toward her, and it suddenly felt like electric currents were pulsing in the air all around them.

He slid up her skirt and yanked off her panties as she fumbled with his belt buckle, laughing and pulling his pants down. He grabbed two fistfuls of her ass and lifted her up to sit on the desk next to the window.

His hand was between her legs, teasing one finger at her entrance, finding her already wet for him. “Fuck, Tonks,” he groaned.

“I _know_ ,” she laughed, reaching for his cock. “Get over here already, this needs to be quick.”

He pulled her closer and kissed her neck, and then thrust inside her with one, swift movement. They both sighed, her eyes rolling back.

“Fuck, Remus,” she panted, gripping the edge of the furniture with both hands and leaning back as he slid back inside, hitting her deep.

He ran his fingers up her boots, then hooked his arm under one of her knees to change the angle.

“Oh my god!” she screamed.

He clamped his hand tightly over her mouth and stilled inside her. “Hey, I charmed the house. But _Jesus Christ_ , Tonks. Keep it down, yeah? We can’t be found out.”

She nodded her head earnestly, and he pulled out before pushing back inside, her moans muffled by his hand.

It wasn’t long before she was digging her nails into his back and he could feel her walls pulse and her legs start to tremble. She muttered unintelligibly as he fucked her through her orgasm, and then he followed her over the edge.

They stayed still like that for a moment, steadying their breathing, and then he pressed his lips tenderly against her forehead before checking the window again. Still nothing.

She slid off the desk and retrieved her panties from the floor, pulling them back up her legs, and adjusted the rest of her clothes. “We’re really good at that,” she grinned. 

“Yeah,” he replied, a bit dazed as he zipped up his pants.

Tonks kissed him on the lips, but then her expression got serious as she pulled back. “I don’t want to stop working with you. But I don’t know. I’m definitely not as… _focused_ on the job.”

“I know,” he admitted. He could still see the street below from where he was standing. Remus looked back at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Can I call you Nymphadora?” he murmured.

“No, never,” she cringed.

He laughed. “Well, I have to admit, it feels a little strange calling you by your last name.”

She shook her head. “Too bad. I hate my name.”

“I love you. How many times have I been inside you by now? Come on. What if I only call you that when no one else is around?”

“No way.”

Lupin paused for a long moment. “Can I call you Dora?”

Tonks narrowed her eyes. “My dad calls me that,” she said, wrinkling her nose. 

“Ha. So, no then?”

Biting her lip, she shrugged and smiled at him shyly. “I don’t know. I guess you can call me that.”

Remus grinned, and then bent down to kiss her. “Okay. I love you, Dora.”

Her cheeks flushed bright pink. “I love you too.”

“We can’t work together anymore.”

Tonks shook her head emphatically. “Definitely not.”


	11. Why Do You Hide Your Freckles?

This time when Remus asked Dumbledore to be reassigned a new partner, the old man wore a knowing smirk and agreed without argument.

They fell into a rhythm, Lupin sneaking over to Tonks’ flat after Order meetings and spending the night. Sometimes he’d cook them dinner, or they’d order food; other times they barely made it down the hallway to her bedroom before their clothes were flying off.

Neither of them had ever felt this way. Lupin was shy and had never given himself over to someone so completely. He’d spent his whole life building up a wall that Tonks was slowly dismantling. But rather than the panic he’d initially felt, he had finally allowed himself to relax, trying to trust that his heart was safe with her.

Tonks hadn’t really ever been in a serious relationship before. She’d put up a “tough girl” facade since she was a teenager, convincing herself and the rest of the world that nothing could touch her. So she always kept dating casual, ending things before she could get hurt. But with Remus, she didn’t want it to end. She wanted all of him, forever, in a way that both terrified and thrilled her. 

And when they were together, both of them forgot what it was like to be alone.

***

When the Order meeting ended one night a few weeks later, Tonks and everyone else had finally gone. Lupin watched the clock to time his departure so it didn’t seem suspicious.

After having a drink with Sirius, Remus stretched as he stood and grabbed the coat from the back of his chair. “I need to go out for a bit. Don’t wait up for me.”

“Where do you keep sneaking off to?” Sirius asked, his eyes narrowed, looking amused. “Do you have some lady friend you’re not telling me about?”

Lupin prayed that his face didn’t betray him. “What? No. Of course not.”

“You know,” Sirius said with a grin, “Emmeline Vance thinks you’re cute.”

Remus turned to look at him incredulously. “What?”

“Uh huh. Hestia told me. We could go have a laugh with them sometime.”

“Ah. So you and Hestia are back together?”

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know. Kind of since Christmas Eve. I mean, I’ve been hooking up with her for years. You know that. She’s fun, and she knows better than to expect anything from me.”

Lupin swallowed hard. “Yeah. I don’t really work that way, Sirius.”

Sirius shook his head. “Yeah, I know. Well, suit yourself, Remus. Have fun with your errands.”

***

Remus knocked softly and waited on the front step of her apartment building. A few seconds later, Tonks flung the door open, grinning, and dragged him inside.

“Mmm, I missed you so much,” she murmured, snaking her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

He laughed against her lips. “You just saw me.”

“I know… but I couldn’t do _this_ the last time I saw you,” Tonks said with a grin, biting his lower lip gently.

“Well, that’s true,” he agreed, his hands circling her waist and drawing her closer.

She pulled back to look at him. “Did you eat yet?”

Lupin shook his head.

Her eyes lit up. “Good. I’m gonna cook _you_ dinner for once.”

He chuckled. “Oh yeah?”

Tonks’ hands flew to her hips. “What? You don’t think I can cook?”

Remus kissed her again. “No, I’m just surprised. It’ll be great. What are you making?”

“Chicken and rice. I figure I can’t fuck that up too badly,” she shrugged as she handed him a glass of wine and tied an apron on over her clothes.

Lupin watched with amusement as it became clear she had never done this before, squinting at the cookbook that lay open on the counter and fumbling to mince garlic.

“Can I help with anything?” he asked.

“Nope!” she replied quickly, flashing him a smile over her shoulder.

“You can use magic if you want, you know,” Remus told her, his lips twitching.

“You don’t when you’re cooking,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

He shrugged. “It relaxes me.”

Tonks bit her lip. “I can do this. I’m trying to impress you.”

Lupin laughed and kissed her forehead. “I’m very impressed.”

About twenty minutes later, Tonks was ready to put a casserole dish with chicken and minced garlic in the oven, and turned to look at him nervously. “I guess that wasn't so hard.”

He smiled at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “It gets easier the more you do it.”

She set the timer and then looked at him with a mischievous smirk, reaching for his belt buckle. “Well, looks like we’ve got twenty minutes…”

“Oh,” he murmured as she pulled him down for a kiss, her tongue sliding against his.

He backed her up until she hit the counter and then lifted her up to sit on it, his hands pushing up under her skirt as he moved his lips along her neck.

“Fuck, Remus,” she murmured into his ear as he rubbed his thumb over the crotch of her cotton panties.

Hooking his thumbs inside the elastic of her underwear, he slid them off her legs and dropped them to the floor and dropped to his knees, pressing kisses along her inner thighs.

A little bit later they were in the middle of it when the front door opened and her roommate Bethany walked inside the apartment. She saw them on the counter and covered her eyes, sighing exasperatedly. “Jesus _Christ_ , Tonks! You have a _bedroom_ , you know!”

“Fuck, I’m sorry!” Tonks yelled, pulling her skirt down and hopping off the counter as Remus quickly zipped his pants back up. She retrieved her panties from the floor. “I didn’t know when you’d be back.”

Bethany rolled her eyes and glared at them. “Well, I’m back now. I’ll be in my room — carry on. Just please don’t forget to silence your bedroom this time, Tonks. Please? You’re so fucking loud.”

Her cheeks and hair both flashing red with embarrassment, Tonks nodded.

“Sorry again,” Remus muttered.

But Bethany just looked past him, pointing. “The oven’s on fire.”

Tonks turned to see black smoke pouring out of the stove. “Oh shit!”

***

A while later, after the Chinese carryout arrived and they finished eating, they were settling into bed for the night. Remus spooned her, wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face in her soft skin. He had already started to drift off when Tonks spoke and startled him awake.

“You’ve never asked me to change what I look like,” she said quietly.

“What?” He blinked his eyes open. Her voice sounded vulnerable and almost hollow, a tone he’d only heard from her a few times before. A tone that always put his teeth on edge and made him want to fuck up anyone who’d hurt his girl before.

She turned to look at him over her shoulder. “Guys usually ask me to change how I look after a while, once they find out I’m a Metamorphagus. Once they get bored with me, I guess. You know, they tell me that they prefer blondes, or they want my boobs to be bigger, or…” She trailed off and looked at him uncertainly. “Is there anything you want to be different?”

“Different about _you_?” he asked, his heart breaking.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “No. I like you exactly the way you are.”

“You do know my hair isn’t naturally pink, right?” she leveled, raising her eyebrows.

He smiled. “Okay, I guess I knew that. So what do you really look like?”

Tonks shrugged. “Mostly like this. But with boring brown hair.”

“I promise, nothing about you could ever be boring, love,” Remus assured her with a laugh, kissing her neck.

She squeezed her eyes shut and her hair faded to a light brown. Lupin noticed other small imperfections appear on her skin: a scar on her chin, a patch of discolored skin up near her eyebrow. A handful of freckles were suddenly sprinkled across her face. But otherwise, she looked the same. Those dark, thoughtful eyes that felt like home. Her pale, heart-shaped face, and a smile that made his stomach flip.

Tonks swallowed hard, looking at him. 

He kissed her forehead tenderly. “Why do you hide your freckles? They’re cute.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Really?”

Lupin gently traced over them with his finger. “Definitely.”

“Huh… okay. But I hate my hair.”

He laughed. “If you hate your hair, change it. But don’t do anything for me.”

“Really?” she asked again, still sounded uncertain.

“You’re so beautiful.” He kissed the spot right behind her ear, and her cheeks flushed. “Just the way you are. And I love you. Just the way you are.”

She giggled as he pressed his lips along the pale column of her neck, and then she rolled them over so she was on top of him. “ _Damn_ , professor. You’re definitely getting laid after all that.”


	12. So You’ve Been Whistling?

Tonks was upstairs having a drink with Remus and Sirius in the drawing room after the Order meeting one night. She had started to relax a bit since that first time she’d stayed, her cheeks flashing bright red whenever she even glanced Lupin’s way. But every time she felt like she could finally relax around the two of them, Sirius did always seem to find a way to put her on edge.

“So, you seeing anyone these days, Tonks?” he asked.

She took a sip from her firewhisky, not daring to look at Lupin before responding. “No, not really.”

“Eh, well, that’s good, you’re young. Keep your options open. So, hey, tell me… what do you think about Emmeline Vance?” Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows at Remus.

“Stop,” Lupin warned.

Tonks looked back and forth between the two of them. “Huh? What about Emmeline?”

“Her and Remus,” Sirius said. “Don’t they make a cute couple?”

Lupin met Tonks’ eyes and saw the confusion on her face, trying to communicate with her wordlessly across the room.

“Uh… ” Tonks stammered, feeling a lump forming in her throat. _Wait, what?_

“I’m trying to convince him to go on a double date with me and Hestia. But he keeps turning me down. Emmeline said she’s interested… I mean, he should give her a chance, right? She’s good looking. She’s smart, and they’re both quiet. I don’t know, I feel like they would get along.”

“Sirius,” Lupin interjected, shaking his head. “Knock it off.”

“You need to live a little, Remus. Get out there and have some fun for a change.”

“Well, thanks, as always, for the unsolicited advice, Padfoot.”

“What do you think, Tonks?” Sirius asked, turning to her for support. “Ol’ Moony deserves to find love like the rest of us. He should get himself out there, right?”

Tonks bit her lip. “Yeah, definitely. Remus should get himself out there.”

Lupin glared at her across the room as she snickered and took a sip from her drink.

“See?” Sirius said, looking at his friend pointedly. “But you know, I’m actually starting to suspect that he has a mystery woman he's not telling us about.”

Tonks fixed her gaze on Remus and raised her eyebrows, her cheeks flushing slightly. “Oh really?”

“Well, I don’t have any proof, per se. But he keeps sneaking off late at night. And he seems — I don’t know — I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy before. I even caught him _whistling_ the other day. I mean, he’s definitely getting laid if he’s whistling, right?”

Tonks burst out laughing. “Umm, I guess?”

“Has he told you anything about this secret lady, Tonks? You two have been working together a lot.” Sirius winked at her conspiratorially. “And I bet you give good advice. You know. A female perspective.”

“Sirius, come on, knock it off,” Lupin muttered.

“Oooh, so Tonks _does_ know something.”

She looked at Sirius earnestly and shook her head. “No, I don’t know anything. But I mean, Remus doesn’t really seem like the type to kiss and tell.”

Sirius chuckled, clapping Lupin on the back as he stood up to get another drink. “Yeah, you’re right about that. Always a gentleman. Well, I’ll find out who she is eventually, Moony.”

Lupin rolled his eyes and Tonks giggled, getting to her feet and grabbing her jacket from the chair. “Hey, I should head home.”

“Aww, no, stay!” Sirius said. “Come on, I’ll pour you another.”

She shook her head. “No, I can’t. I have to work in the morning, and it’s really getting late.”

“You know, you can always crash here, Tonks. There’s tons of extra rooms. We don’t mind, right, Remus?”

Lupin locked eyes with her, the corners of his mouth twitching. “No, of course I don’t mind if Tonks wants to stay over.”

She felt her cheeks burning again. “Thanks, guys, I’ll keep that in mind for next time and pack a bag or something. But I really should get home tonight.”

“Alright, suit yourself. Night, Tonks!” Sirius said with a wave.

“Goodnight, Tonks,” Remus chimed in.

“See ya,” she said, smiling shyly at him, and then she looked at her feet and hurried out of the room.

***

When Remus arrived at her apartment an hour later, she answered the door, narrowing her eyes at him and folding her arms across her chest. “Emmeline Vance, huh?”

“Shut up,” Lupin rolled his eyes. “You know that’s just Sirius talking, right?”

She grabbed his hand and yanked him inside, and then wrapped her arms around his neck. “Mmm. Well, I have to say, it did make me a little jealous.”

“Oh yeah?” he laughed, leaning down and kissing her on the mouth.

Tonks shrugged sheepishly and looked up at him with big eyes. “Honestly? Yeah, for a minute. At first I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, like maybe I was missing something. _Am_ I missing something? Nothing ever… happened between the two of you, right? I mean, you did work together before, back when the Order first started, and…”

Remus shook his head emphatically. “No, never. There were a lot of us in the Order back then, and I wasn't ever paired up with her for any jobs. God, I don’t think I’ve even been in a room alone with her. Sirius just got an idea in his head, that’s all. He’s bored.”

She bit her lip. “Do you really think she’s interested in you? Or was Sirius just saying that?”

Lupin sighed. “Does it matter? Can we please let this go? I came here to see you.”

Tonks cast her eyes down and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”

His face softened, and he cupped her face with his hand, pressing his lips to her forehead. “Hey, love. Why is this bothering you so much? It’s just Sirius running his mouth. He does that. Kind of a lot.”

She took a deep breath and flashed him a smile. “I know. I just… it made me feel weird.”

“I’m sorry it made you feel weird,” Remus said, kissing her on the forehead. “But that’s Sirius.”

Tonks leaned into him. “I know. I’m sorry.”

His arms snaked tightly around her waist. “I fucking love you. You know that, right?”

She giggled. “So you’ve been whistling?”

Lupin burst out laughing. “I guess so. I didn’t even realize I was.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “Sirius said you’re happier than he’s ever seen you before.”

He looked directly into her eyes with a sudden intensity, and she felt her knees start to wobble as he nodded solemnly.

“Really?” she whispered.

“Definitely. I still have to pinch myself sometimes.” He bent down to kiss her again. “To be sure you’re real.”

Grinning against his lips, Tonks murmured, “Yeah, me too.”


	13. You Don’t Think We Belong Together

The next week, Tonks found herself up in the drawing room with Remus and Sirius yet again after the meeting had ended.

“Why doesn’t Hestia ever stick around?” asked Tonks, raising her eyebrows at her cousin teasingly as he handed her a bottle of beer.

Sirius shrugged. “She does sometimes. I don’t know. She’s a busy lady. I guess I also don’t really want her to start staying over and hanging around all the time.”

“Wow, that’s so romantic,” she leveled, rolling her eyes.

His laughter boomed. “Yeah, well, Hestia and I have known each other a long time. We have an understanding.”

Tonks shrugged. “Guess that’s up to you guys.”

“You two aren’t really working together anymore,” Sirius observed, taking a swig from his beer and gesturing to Lupin and Tonks. “What’s with that?”

Remus swallowed hard and glanced over at Tonks before responding. “Yeah, well, Dumbledore and I talked about switching things up. You know, it keeps everyone on their toes. Tonks is great, and I know Arthur said it’s been a good change of pace to be with her.”

Sirius nodded. “That makes sense I guess. So what are you working on these days, Tonks?”

“We’re mostly keeping an eye on things at the Ministry. Arthur and I can get away with it since we both work there.”

“Dumbledore is still obsessed with something in the Department of Mysteries, huh?”

“Yeah,” Tonks said. “There’s a prophecy we’re guarding. You-Know-Who wants it.”

“What’s the prophecy about?” Sirius asked, finishing off his beer and standing to get another.

Tonks paused, taking a deep breath, knowing the reaction Sirius was going to have. “Well… it's about Harry.”

“What?” He spun around to look at her incredulously.

She sighed, knowing he was going to get worked up over this. “It’s something about why he targeted the Potters in the first place. That’s all I know, Sirius.”

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Did you know about this too?” he asked Lupin.

Remus shrugged. “I mean, I heard things.”

“I don’t like this at all. Why is that fucker so goddamn obsessed with Harry?” Sirius said, shaking his head. “And I’m always the last to know everything. I feel like Dumbledore is keeping things from me intentionally. First chance I get, I’m bolting. I need to see Harry. Make sure he’s okay.”

“Don’t be reckless,” Lupin warned.

“I won’t, but a person can only stay cooped up inside for so long before they start to go crazy. And I’m not gonna let Harry think he needs to face all this alone.” Sirius shook his head and took a big swig from the bottle. “What are you and Kingsley up to, Moony?”

“Mostly watching Malfoy. Something’s up for sure. He’s acting weirder than usual.”

“Hmm,” Sirius muttered, his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s Lucius planning?”

“Wish we knew. We’re always half a step behind with Fudge blocking us at every turn,” Tonks interjected helplessly.

“Well, keep me posted, will you?” Sirius pleaded. “Especially about Harry.”

Remus nodded. “We will.”

“Hey, if the offer is still open to crash here, I think I’m gonna head upstairs? I brought a bag this time,” Tonks said, getting to her feet and very briefly meeting Lupin’s gaze.

“Sure thing, Tonks. That bedroom at the top of the stairs on the third floor is ready. There are sheets and towels and everything. They’re even clean,” Sirius said with a wink.

She grinned. “Perfect, thanks a million. Night, guys.”

“Night, Tonks.”

***

After another glass of firewhisky, Lupin stood. “Well, I’m off to bed too.”

“Seriously? Come on. One more,” Sirius wheedled.

“Naw, I’m wiped out.”

Sirius shook his head. “Fuck, now I have to drink alone.”

Remus laughed. “You don’t _have_ to do anything. Go to bed. It’s one in the morning.”

“You mean it’s _only_ one in the morning. I wonder what Hestia’s up to…”

Shaking his head, he patted his friend on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Sirius.”

Lupin went upstairs, glancing toward the third floor where Tonks was spending the night. The bedroom door was closed. He’d sneak up there after Sirius finally went to bed. The floorboards were too noisy for him to make it up there undetected right now.

He walked into his room on the second floor and closed the door behind him, turning on the light as he did so. Tonks was sitting on his bed wearing a light blue terry cloth robe and matching slippers with her legs crossed.

“You sure took your sweet time getting up here,” she leveled with a smirk.

“What are you doing?” he asked, a goofy grin spreading across his face.

She stood up and walked over to him, locking the door and silencing the room with a quick charm. “Did you really think I was gonna sleep upstairs?” Tonks dropped to her knees in front of him, unbuckling his belt.

“Oh, fuck,” he muttered, feeling the whiskey coursing through his veins.

She kept her eyes locked on his as she unzipped his pants and yanked them down, and then wrapped her lips around his cock.

“Jesus Christ,” Lupin groaned, closing his eyes, his head dropping back. “God _damn_ , baby. You’re so good at that.”

She hummed in response, swirling her tongue around the head of his erection before taking him all the way in her mouth again.

He tangled his hand in her hair, thrusting his hips until he hit the back of her throat and she gagged slightly. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry.”

Tonks sat back on her heels, looking up at him with flushed cheeks and swollen lips.

“I’m sorry, love. I got carried away. Come here.” Remus took her hand and pulled her to her feet. “You okay?”

“Uh huh,” she whispered, standing on her toes and kissing him. She bit her lip and took a step back, untying her robe and revealing a gray lacy bra and matching panties underneath.

Lupin’s eyes went wide. “Holy shit.”

Tonks stepped toward him, placing her hands gently on his shoulders. “I’ve never slept over here before, you know.”

“Hmm, yeah. I guess not.”

“But I’m here now,” she murmured, stepping up on her toes and kissing him. His hands slipped inside her robe, slipping it off her shoulders, his fingers running over her soft skin.

He pulled her back with him onto the narrow bed, and she pressed her lips along his jawline. His fingers were working to undo the clasp of her bra when there was a knock on Lupin’s door.

“Hey, Moony, you still up?”

Both of them froze. “Um, yeah,” Remus called out.

She slapped his arm and shook her head in frustration.

“What?” he mouthed to her, unsure what he was supposed to do.

“Can I come in?” Sirius asked from the other side of the door.

Her eyes went wide and she shook her head violently. But Lupin just put his finger to his lips, yanking his pants back up. “Uh, be right there.”

“Remus, what the actual _fuck_?” Tonks hissed.

“I’ll get rid of him, he’s drunk,” he assured her, but she just pulled the blankets up over her head.

Lupin opened the door a crack. “What is it?”

Sirius leaned against the door frame, his eyes unfocused. “Can I come in?”

“No, I’m going to bed,” Remus insisted. “What do you want?”

He sighed heavily. “Tonks’ question is messing with my head. You think Hestia wishes I invited her to stay more?”

Remus shook his head. “How the hell should I know? Ask Hestia.”

“What if she says yes?”

“Do _you_ want her to stay over?”

“Sometimes, yes, obviously. Can I just come in?” he asked again. “I need to sit down.”

“Sirius, I’m tired. Let’s talk about this tomorrow.”

“You’re acting strange,” Sirius accused, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m not acting strange. You’re picking a strange time to talk about these things. Goodnight, Sirius.”

“Ugh, fine, whatever, leave me hanging. Goodnight, asshole.”

Remus shut the door behind his drunk friend and locked it, letting out a shaky breath, and walked back over to the bed, pulling the sheets back. Tonks was glaring at him, her jaw set tightly.

He bent down to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned away. “I can’t believe you answered the door when I was naked.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, and she sighed, relenting as he pressed his lips to her neck and nipped at her earlobe.

“Hey,” she whispered, her hand on his cheek as he pulled back to look at her. “Do you really think he’d be mad?”

“Sirius?”

“Yeah.”

Lupin swallowed hard. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Why? You’re his best friend.”

“And you’re his little cousin. He’s protective over you.”

“Yeah, but I feel like if you’re open about it and actually talk to him, he’ll take the news better than if he finds out we’ve been lying to him.”

Remus shrugged. “Maybe.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “People will need to find out eventually, Remus. Unless you don’t think this is going to last. Is that what’s going on?”

He shook his head. “What? No, _of course_ not.”

“Then when will things finally be okay to tell people?”

Remus closed his eyes. “I don’t know. I’m just not ready.”

She scoffed. “So I’m your secret girlfriend until you feel ready to tell the world, whenever that may or may not be?”

“Dora…”

“How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“It’s not you. But this is complicated and —”

“Do you love me?” she cut him off, her voice shaking.

Lupin looked pained. “What? You know I do.”

“Then let’s tell people. Remus, please. I’m terrible at this lying and hiding. I just want to be able to sit next to you at a meeting like Molly and Arthur —”

“We’re not exactly Molly and Arthur,” he interjected.

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“They’re married. They have seven kids. Or is it eight? Fuck. I can’t even keep track.”

“Okay. And what does that matter? We can’t sit next to each other at a meeting until I pop out a bunch of babies?”

“No one’s going to look at them twice, Dora. They belong together. But you and me…”

Tonks looked like he’d slapped her across the face. “Ah. There it is. You don’t think we belong together.”

Remus shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. That came out wrong.”

“I sure fucking hope so,” she spat out, crossing her arms across her chest as she sat up in bed.

He sighed heavily. “I can already hear the whispers, the questions. The Order’s an open-minded bunch, but it’s one thing to accept that I’m a werewolf, and it’s another thing for them to be comfortable with the idea of us… together. Like this. You in my bed.”

Tonks got to her feet and grabbed her robe from the floor, covering herself up. “Why are you convinced that the whole world is against you, Remus? Huh?”

“You’re twenty-three. I’ll be thirty-eight next month. People will talk.”

“So? Do you really care about that? Because I sure I don’t.”

“No, but other people might think —”

“Who gives a _fuck_ , Remus?” Tonks yelled, exasperated. “You’re willing to throw all this away because you’re worried about what people think?”

He quickly stood and grabbed her arm tightly. “What do you mean, throw all this away? I’m just asking for a little more time, Dora.”

She glared up at him, trying to pull away from his grip. “You’re _hurting_ me,” she hissed, punching him in the shoulder with her free hand.

Lupin seized her other wrist, twisting it behind her back, and her eyes went wide. “You don’t want to start that,” he warned in a low tone.

Tonks jutted her chin out defiantly. “Let go of me. _Now_.”

Something flashed behind his eyes for a split second, but then he stepped back from her, taking in a deep, shaky breath. “Shit.”

She swallowed hard and tied the belt of her robe around herself. “Goodnight, Remus.”

“Dora, wait,” he pleaded, reaching for her hand.

Shaking him off, Tonks fixed him with a hard look. “Don’t ever fucking touch me again, okay?”


	14. I Could Fix That For You

The next day was the full moon, and Remus left town with a heavy heart, the last words Tonks spoke to him echoing in his head. This transformation was particularly difficult, his spirits diminished after their fight. He prayed when he came back they could figure everything out. He couldn't lose her. He’d sooner die.

***

Three nights later, Lupin was back, and it was time for the weekly Order meeting at Grimmauld Place. His heart was pounding, desperate to see her. They’d talk after the meeting. He could fix this. He had to.

The meeting was only a minute away from starting and Tonks still wasn’t there. Remus wiped his clammy palms on his pants under the table.

Emmeline Vance sat down in the empty seat next to him. “Hi,” she said shyly.

He forced a tight smile at her. “Hello.”

Tonks walked into the room just then and slid into the open seat next to McGonagall across the table from him. Lupin tried to search her face, but she just pulled out her notebook and started doodling in the margins, keeping her eyes fixed on the paper.

Emmeline touched Lupin’s arm gently. “Oh, Remus. There’s a hole in your sleeve, right here. I could fix that for you.”

Tonks chewed on her bottom lip, but didn’t look up.

“Oh, um, thanks,” Lupin stammered, just as Dumbledore started the meeting.

Neither of them could concentrate on what was being said, the tension so thick that Remus was sure other people would notice. But somehow everyone else seemed oblivious to their inner torment, and the meeting went on around them.

“Arthur, Tonks, you think you can handle that?” Dumbledore asked, breaking through the fog.

“What? Oh, of course,” she responded without knowing what she was agreeing to, her cheeks flushing pink. Arthur would fill her in.

“Wonderful. Well, I think that’s all for now. Thank you for your diligence, everyone,” Albus said, his eyes lingering on Lupin and his obvious lack of diligence at the moment. But Remus didn’t even notice that.

Tonks pushed back her chair from the table and walked over to talk to Arthur. Lupin stayed in his chair, planning to stop her before she could leave the room.

“How are you, Remus?” Emmeline asked, still at his side.

He turned to look at her. “I’m good,” he answered kindly. “You?”

“I’m good. Thanks for asking. I really could help fix that sweater if you’d like. It’s no problem at all.”

“Oh, that’s really okay, Emmeline. It’s an old sweater. Holes happen.”

She smiled at him. “But it’s such a nice color on you.”

“Ummm… thanks?” Just then he saw Tonks walking away from Arthur and rushing toward the door in an obvious hurry to leave. Remus stood and reached out, lightly touching her elbow. “Hey, can I talk to you?”

Tonks glanced around the room and her mouth opened to reply just as Sirius caught her in a headlock. “Where are you running off to, cuz? Stick around and have a drink.”

“Oh, I don’t think so, Sirius. It’s been a real shitty week and —”

“All the more reason for a drink!” he laughed, handing her a glass and steering her back toward a chair. Bill Weasley and Hestia and Emmeline were also still sitting around the table, and the bottle got passed around. Sirius took the chair next to Tonks, and Remus reluctantly sat back down beside Emmeline, who looked overjoyed by his proximity.

“Well this is fun,” Hestia said, clinking her glass with Sirius. “Cheers, everyone!”

“How’s Gringotts, Bill?” Sirius asked.

“It’s good,” Bill replied, his tone upbeat. “I like the work a lot. The goblins are a challenge at times, but it’s going well.”

“You glad to be back home?”

“Definitely,” Bill nodded. “I loved being in Egypt, and I could see moving back there someday. But with all the uncertainty, it’s good to be near family.”

“I can imagine.”

Bill finished his drink and checked his watch. “I’m afraid I can’t stay. I have a date.”

“Oooh a date?” Sirius asked, a teasing tone in his voice. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Fleur Delacour,” Bill said with a grin.

“No shit?” said Sirius, raising his eyebrows, obviously impressed.

“No shit.”

“Damn. Lucky _you_ then, I guess, Bill. Be well.”

“Ha, thanks, Sirius. Goodnight, everyone.” Bill waved to the room and left.

“And then there were five!” Sirius boomed dramatically, passing the bottle around the table again.

“Tonks, I can’t believe you want to hang out with us old folks,” Hestia winked at her. “When I was your age, my friends and I were always out chasing boys!”

“Yeah, what happened to that rock and roll boyfriend of yours?” Emmeline asked with a smile.

“Oh, we broke up,” Tonks replied simply.

“Too bad, he was cute. Ahh, to be young again,” Hesita groaned. “Don’t settle down too soon, Tonks. Keep your options open, and have some fun for the rest of us.”

“Yeah, I guess I should,” she said, draining the rest of her drink and looking pointedly at Remus.

Lupin felt his chest tighten.

“So, Remus,” Hestia began with a glance toward Emmeline. “Sirius was going to come over to my place for some dinner. Do you want to join us?”

Raising his eyebrow at his friend, Remus tried to keep his voice steady. “I thought you weren’t supposed to leave the house.”

“Come on, Moony. It’s just Hestia’s apartment. What’s the big deal?”

“Emmeline, you in?” Hestia asked.

“Oh, yes, sure,” she replied, her cheeks flushing with a glance toward Lupin beside her.

“You’re welcome to come too, Tonks,” Hestia said off-handedly. “But I just assumed you had exciting plans or something.”

Forcing a smile, Tonks got to her feet. “As a matter of fact, I do have plans. But have a great time, everyone. Thanks for the drink.” She hurried out of the room without so much as a backwards glance, and Lupin feeling a stabbing in his chest.

“Alright,” Sirius said with a grin. “Shall we?”

***

Twenty minutes later, Remus was knocking on her apartment door.

Her roommate Bethany answered. “Hey,” she said. “Umm, Tonks isn’t here.”

“Oh,” Remus replied, scratching his head. _Where could she be?_

“I think she said she was heading out with Deepa?” Bethany provided with a shrug. “I don’t know, she seemed kind of upset.”

Lupin nodded. “Do you know where they were going?”

***

It was one in the morning when Lupin walked into the dark, loud bar, packed with people, music blaring, and he immediately regretted his decision. But then he saw her.

Tonks wearing a tight red tank top and miniskirt, sitting at a table with a very pretty Indian girl and three young men.

Remus walked up to the table, and when she noticed him, her eyes went wide. “Hey,” she breathed, sitting up a little taller.

“Can I talk to you?” he asked, his heart pounding.

“Who’s this? Your dad?” asked the guy sitting closest to Tonks, laughing as he slung his arm around her shoulder.

Remus pressed his lips together tightly and saw something twitch in Tonks’ jaw.

“Please?” Lupin implored. “Five minutes.”

Tonks exchanged a look with her friend Deepa and then turned back to him. “Okay. Five minutes.”

***

She followed him out of the bar and into the alley behind the building. They could still hear the music blaring from inside.

“What do you want, Remus?” she sighed, her hands on her hips, clearly a few drinks in.

“What the hell is going on, Dora? Are we done?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“You broke my heart, you miserable fuck,” Tonks spat back at him.

Lupin looked panicked. “What? How did I break your heart? I _love_ you. I don’t even know what I did.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “You don’t want people to know about us. Like you’re embarrassed of me.”

He shook his head. “I’m not ready for people to know about us yet. That’s very different from being embarrassed of you.”

“It doesn’t _feel_ different.”

He sighed heavily. “I’m complicated, Dora.”

“Yeah, no shit,” she muttered.

“What was that earlier tonight? When you just stormed out like that?” Remus implored, resisting the urge to grab her arm like before. “You left me there with Sirius and the rest of them like an idiot. I had to fumble some excuse to get myself out of there.”

Tonks blinked, tears spilling down her face. “You didn’t want anyone to know about me. And then Hestia was talking all that shit about me being so young. Sirius thinks you and Emmeline would be good together. And you know what? Maybe you would be. She’s quiet, like you. She doesn’t trip over her feet or talk too loud or say the wrong thing. She’s the exact opposite of me! I don’t know… you probably always thought you’d end up with someone your own age like that, right?”

Remus brushed a tear off her cheek gently with his thumb. “I never thought I’d end up with anyone. Not until you came along.”

She let out a shaky breath, looking down at her hands.

“Who was that guy in there?” he asked quietly.

Tonks looked up at him. “I don’t even know. Just some guy. I’m sorry. Nothing happened. They just bought us a round of drinks and sat down at the table a few minutes before you came in.”

He swept the hair off her forehead with his hand. “You do know there’s absolutely nothing going on between me and Emmeline Vance, right? And I have no interest in her whatsoever?”

She shrugged. “Yeah.”

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and then looked down at her tenderly, taking her hand in his. “Look. I’m not good enough for you. I’ve always known that, but I can’t stand everyone knowing it, thinking it. And as soon as they find out about us, that’ll be the reaction. Wondering what business someone like me has being with you.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tonks swallowed hard. “I was in love from the very start. I had such a crush on you. I felt like a silly little girl and never believed you could have wanted me back.”

Lupin reached out and cupped her face with his hand. “Which is absolutely insane, for the record. But what if people think that I _shouldn’t_ have wanted you back? A crush is one thing. But the penniless, middle-aged werewolf taking an impressionable young witch into his bed is quite another.”

She bit her lip. “Mmm, you know, it sounds pretty hot when you put it that way.”

He couldn’t hold back his smile. “God, you make me laugh. You know that?”

Tonks grinned at him.

“And I think it’s adorable when you talk too loudly and trip over your feet.”

She rolled her eyes, but her cheeks flushed pink as she stood up on her toes to kiss him.

Remus took another deep breath. “Let’s tell people.”

She beamed at him. “Really? Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I’m terrified. But I don’t want to fuck this up. And if keeping things quiet means I might lose you, well, that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”

She bit her lip. “We need to start with Sirius.”

Lupin swallowed hard and nodded, his heart pounding. “Yeah. I know.”


	15. Did You Tell Him?

The next day, Remus found his best friend sitting in the drawing room. “Hey,” he said, walking into the room and plopping down in a chair.

“Hey spoilsport,” Sirius replied with a grin. “What’s your problem? Last night was fun.”

“At Hestia’s place? You sure it’s safe for you to go out?”

“We’re not _out_. We’re just at her apartment. Of course it’s safe.”

“Not as safe as it is here.”

“Eh, live a little,” Sirius supplied with a casual shrug. “Emmeline was miserable that you stood her up, you jerk.”

“Well, you can’t exactly stand someone up if you never agreed to plans in the first place.”

“I suppose. So where did you disappear to? Out with your mystery lady?” he asked, mischievously raising his eyebrows.

Lupin swallowed hard. “Yeah, you know, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Oooh, are you finally coming clean?”

Closing his eyes, Remus composed himself and mustered up some courage. “It’s Tonks.”

Sirius just looked confused. “Huh? What’s Tonks?”

“I’ve been seeing her.”

“Wait… what?” Remus watched as Sirius digested this news. “What do you mean, you’ve been _seeing_ her?”

“What do you think I mean, Sirius? Come on. We’re… together.”

Sirius leaned forward in his chair. “Hold on. You’re fucking my little cousin? Behind my goddamn back?” His eyes narrowed and Lupin could see his confusion slowly turn to something like anger.

“Sirius, hear me out —”

He got to his feet. “Wait, are you serious about this? She’s just a _kid_. What the actual fuck, Remus?”

“Whoa, hold on. She’s _not_ a kid, Sirius. That’s not fair at all. She’s twenty-three. Very much an adult. And she’s a goddamn Auror. She can hold her own.”

“I don’t give a shit. You’re way too old for her.”

Lupin shrugged. “She doesn’t think so.”

“How did this happen?”

“I don’t know, Sirius. We were assigned to work together, and we got to know each other, and she got under my skin. I really tried to stay away from her… going to live with the werewolves and all that. But I couldn’t get her out of my head. And when I came back…” He trailed off helplessly.

“I kind of feel like punching you in the face right now,” Sirius muttered.

“Okay,” Remus said nervously. “If that would make you feel better about it.”

“How long has this been going on?” Sirius asked incredulously.

“Uh… a few months,” Lupin replied, scratching his head. “Five months, I guess?”

“Jesus _Christ_ , Moony. Is that where you’ve been staying all those nights? _Tonks_?! Why didn’t you guys fucking tell me?”

“I mean, we didn’t tell anyone, Sirius. I wanted to keep it quiet for a while until I got comfortable. You know how terrible I am at these things. But we decided it was time.”

Sirius looked at his friend as though something had just occurred to him. “Are you two just hooking up? Or is it more than that?”

Remus was quiet for a moment. “I’m in love with her,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Holy _shit_.” Sirius’ eyes went wide.

“I know.”

“And she loves you too?”

Lupin nodded. “Yeah.”

“ _Damn_ , Moony.”

“You still going to punch me?”

“I don’t know,” Siriur replied honestly, shaking his head. “I just can’t believe you fucking lied to me like that. For half a year. Where’s Tonks right now?”

“At work. But she’s coming over later.”

“I want to talk to her too.”

“Padfoot…” Lupin pleaded.

“Give me some space, yeah?” Sirius snapped. “I’ll talk to you later.”

***

Tonks took a deep breath and pushed open the door to Grimmauld Place later that evening. Remus was waiting for her inside, and she bit her lip.

“Did you tell him?”

“Uh huh,” Lupin replied.

“And?” she asked frantically.

“Well, he didn't punch me in the face, so I guess that’s a start. He had some choice words, but I think he’s mostly pissed we kept it from him. He wants to talk to you.”

“Uh… okay.”

Tonks felt her stomach churn as Lupin took her hand, and they walked up the stairs together. Sirius looked up from his spot behind the bar as they entered the drawing room.

“Hey little cousin,” he said in a strange voice. “Great to see you. Have a seat.”

She gulped and sat down, Remus taking the chair next to her.

Sirius couldn’t tear his eyes away from their intertwined fingers for several moments. “So. You two, huh?”

She shrugged and nodded.

“I feel like a fucking idiot.”

“I’m sorry,” she said lamely.

“You should be.”

Tonks gulped.

“Are you guys happy?” Sirius asked directly.

Her face broke into a shy smile as she looked at Remus. “Yeah, we’re really happy.”

Sirius glanced at his friend, watching Lupin’s cheeks flush as he beamed back at Tonks.

“And you’re being safe?”

Both of their heads whipped around to look at him with huge eyes. “ _Sirius_ ,” Tonks hissed, mortified.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Oh, I just meant about the full moons and Remus. But, yeah, you know, that’s important too.”

“Of course we’re being safe about the full moon,” Tonks said, her cheeks and hair still bright red. “Keeping me safe was his biggest hangup from the start.”

“Tonks,” Sirius began cautiously, crouching down to look at her straight in the eyes. “Forget about Remus for a second. No offense, friend. But have you thought about what all this means? There’s a lot of prejudice against werewolves and anyone associated with them. It won’t be easy for you. You know everything your mom went through for marrying a Muggle… this will be ten times worse.”

She nodded solemnly. “I know.”

Taking a deep breath, Sirius continued. “And you know he could hurt you if you’re not careful. Like, _really_ hurt you, Tonks. You can’t fuck around with that.”

“Yeah. We know.”

Sirius paused. “Okay. Did you also know that Remus is the most loyal person you could ask for in this world? And you’re incredibly lucky to have him?”

Tonks grinned at her cousin. “Yeah. I knew that too.”

Sirius shook his head. “I feel pretty dumb for not noticing. All those nights you were here, having a drink. And then Remus had to run out for an ‘errand’ after you left. You could have just told me, you know.”

“That’s my fault,” Lupin chimed in. “I asked her to keep things quiet.”

“Fuck,” Sirius grimaced, looking back at Tonks. “I’m sorry about all of that with Emmeline.”

“It’s okay,” Tonks assured him with a shrug. “You didn’t know. She didn’t know.”

“Are you going to tell everyone else?” Sirius asked.

They looked at each other. “Well, you were first,” Remus supplied. “We hadn’t talked much beyond that. But yeah. We will.”

Sirius turned to his friend. “Look. Tonks is like my kid sister. She’s the absolute best. You’re a lucky man. And I’m not even going to threaten to kick your ass if you break her heart, because if you do, I have no doubts she can handle that part herself.”

Remus chuckled, nodding in agreement, and Tonks bit her lip to keep from laughing.

“Not everyone is going to like you two being together, but it seems like you’re prepared for that. Fuck ‘em, right? If you’re happy, and you both know what you’re doing, then go for it. I needed a minute to wrap my head around all of this, but I give you my blessing.”

Lupin smiled, looking back at Tonks who was beaming. “Thanks, Sirius.”

“But you know what, Moony? I can’t _wait_ to hear how it goes when you meet Ted Tonks for the first time. I’m not sure how kindly he’s going to take to the idea of you sticking it to his baby girl.”

“Sirius!” Tonks shrieked, punching her cousin on the shoulder, her hair flashing red again as he just laughed.


	16. Ugh, You Two Being All Cute

That night, Tonks slept over at Grimmauld Place for the first time.

They stayed for a nightcap in the drawing room with Sirius after their conversation, the tension from earlier having dissipated.

After Lupin drained his second glass, he bumped Tonks’ knee with his own and winked at her, and she beamed back at him with a grin.

“Ugh, you two being all cute,” Sirius grimaced, rolling his eyes and standing to refill his glass at the bar. “So I have to put up with this shit all the time now?”

“Sorry,” Tonks said, biting her lip as her cheeks flushed pink.

As if something had just occurred to him, Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “Hey, that night you stayed over a couple weeks ago, Tonks. And I knocked on your door, Moony, but you wouldn’t let me into the room…?”

The corners of Remus’ lips twitched and Tonks looked down at her hands.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Sirius muttered, shaking his head. “You lovebirds need another drink, or what?”

Lupin and Tonks looked at each other, seeming to communicate wordlessly. “I think we’re gonna call it a night,” Remus said, standing, and Tonks rose to her feet as well, leaning into him.

Sirius shrugged. “Suit yourselves.”

Remus swallowed hard, trying to find the words. “Thanks, Sirius.”

“For what?”

“For… everything. For being okay with all this.”

Sirius snickered. “Well, not sure if I’m exactly _okay_ with all this. I’m still kind of in shock. But whatever, you know… it’s fine. You guys are fine. I’ll get there.”

“Thanks, Sirius,” Tonks echoed. “Goodnight.”

“Night, cuz. And hey, uh, you two be sure to put a silencing charm on the room, yeah? Or I’m going to suddenly become very _not okay_ with this whole arrangement,” he called out to them.

***

Tonks and Lupin were planning to tell the rest of the Order about their relationship at the next meeting. They’d rehearsed exactly what they were going to say, Sirius laughing at them from across the room as they practiced. Remus thought it would be best to wait until the end of the meeting, as to not distract from the important matters being discussed… but it was also partly an excuse to put it off as long as possible.

Moody was leading things in Dumbledore’s absence and was already there when they walked in, choosing seats apart from each other. Arthur came in and sat next to Tonks, and Bill slid into the chair beside Remus. Hestia and Emmeline arrived next, followed by Dedalus Diggle. And then Sirius sauntered in last, claiming the spot at the head of the table, amused by his friend’s obvious discomfort as he ran through the words in his head.

They both struggled to pay attention to what Moody was saying, more ominous news regarding the prophecy. Remus caught Tonks’ eye across the table and could see the unease on her face. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, giving her a quick wink. For better or worse, it would be over soon, and then everyone would know. No more hiding. He was slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea.

Just as the meeting was wrapping up and Remus was clearing his throat to share their news, Mad-Eye had one more thing to say. “Kingsley and I will be out of the country for a bit on a mission. Not sure exactly how long we’ll be gone. Lupin, take Emmeline as your partner until Kingsley is back, okay?”

Remus and Tonks both froze, their eyes meeting across the table. She chewed on her lip as he scrambled for a reply. “Uh… sure.”

Emmeline looked positively delighted, and Sirius sighed and shook his head.

“Very well, meeting adjourned,” Moody mumbled.

Completely caught off guard, Lupin found himself tongue-tied and realized with a start that their perfectly orchestrated plan had gone out the window.

“Hi Remus,” Emmeline said shyly, appearing at his elbow.

“Hi,” he said, giving her a tired smile as Tonks just looked on, shaking her head, and finding herself feeling sorry for Emmeline, who had no idea.

“We’ve never worked together. Kind of funny, huh? All those years?”

“Yes, I guess that’s true.”

“Well, we should probably talk before our first job together. Maybe dinner or something,” she suggested hopefully.

“Emmeline, look, I —”

Hestia appeared at her side. “Hey, we gotta go remember?”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you soon, Remus.”

He looked downright defeated. “Alright, yeah.”

Arthur and Bill left next, and Sirius clapped Lupin on the back, laughing as he walked by.

Tonks walked over to stand next to him, speaking in a low voice so Kingsley and Mad-Eye couldn’t hear. “Sorry,” she murmured. “We’ll tell them next time.”

“Uh huh,” he muttered, nodding. “And now Emmeline thinks we’re having dinner?”

“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out,” she assured him.

Just then, Snape’s head appeared in the fire in the Grimmauld Place kitchen.

“Potter and a group of students are in danger at the Department of Mysteries. Death Eaters are going for the prophecy.”

Sirius spun around. “ _What_? Harry’s in trouble? We’re on the way.”

“No, Black,” Snape insisted sharply. “Send the others; you stay here. And you know we can’t risk you being seen.”

Sirius cut him off. “Fuck that. If Harry needs me, I’m going. Come on, everyone.”

Tonks, Lupin, Mad-Eye, and Kingsley all nodded, and then they grabbed Sirius’ wrist. Together, the five of them Apparated into the Department of Mysteries.


	17. The Department of Mysteries

***Sections of this chapter were taken directly from _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ by J.K. Rowling***

Harry did not have to think; there was no choice. The prophecy was hot with the heat from his clutching hand as he held it out. Malfoy jumped forward to take it. Then, high above them, two more doors burst open and five more people sprinted into the room: Sirius, Lupin, Moody, Tonks, and Kingsley.

Malfoy turned and raised his wand, but Tonks had already sent a Stunning Spell right at him. The Death Eaters were completely distracted by the appearance of the members of the Order, who were now raining spells down upon them as they jumped from step to step toward the sunken floor.

Remus took on Rodolphus Lestrange, while Mad-Eye and Kingsley surged forward together against three masked Death Eaters. Kingsley was almost immediately hit square in the chest by a stunning spell.

“Bombarda!” Tonks screamed, pointing her wand at Dolohov, who adeptly dodged the jet of light that shot past him, but still gave Kingsley enough space to get back to his feet, shaking his head and taking a deep breath.

A curse came back hurtling toward Tonks, but Kingsley blocked it with a protective spell and sent the masked attacker slamming into the wall.

“Thanks, King!” she shouted, flashing him a grin over her shoulder as she sprinted to help Luna, Ginny, and Ron, who were doing their best to fend off Macnair and Avery.

Now Sirius and Dolohov were dueling, their wands flashing like swords, sparks flying from their wand tips — Dolohov drew back his wand to make the same slashing movement he had used on Harry and Hermione.

Springing up, Harry yelled, “Petrificus Totalus!” Once again, Dolohov’s arms and legs snapped together and he keeled over backward, landing with a crash on his back.

“Nice one!” shouted Sirius, forcing Harry’s head down as a pair of Stunning Spells flew toward them. “Now I want you to get out of —”

They both ducked again. A jet of green light had narrowly missed Sirius.

“Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville, and run!” Sirius yelled, dashing to meet Bellatrix. 

Harry did not see what happened next: Kingsley swayed across his field of vision, battling with the pockmarked Rookwood, now mask-less. Harry flung the prophecy across the floor, Neville spun himself around on his back and scooped the ball to his chest.

Malfoy pointed the wand instead at Neville, but Harry jabbed his own wand back over his shoulder and yelled, “ _Impedimenta_!” Malfoy was blasted off his back.

As Harry scrambled up again he looked around and saw Malfoy smash into the dais on which Sirius and Tonks were now dueling with Bellatrix. Malfoy aimed his wand at Harry and Neville again, but before he could draw breath to strike, Lupin had jumped between them. “Harry, round up the others and GO!” 

Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix’s jet of red light: He was laughing at her. “Is that the best you can do?” he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.

Her next curse was aimed straight at Tonks, but she dodged it and sent one flying back at Bellatrix.

“This is fun!” Bellatrix snarled, her wand swiveling back and forth between Tonks and Sirius. “Almost like a family reunion.” They were both on their toes, each preparing to be her next target. Her dark eyes landed on Sirius, the corners of her lips curling up slightly.

But Tonks was a split second faster: “ _Protego_!” Her protective spell reached Sirius just as the second jet of light from Bellatrix’s wand hit him squarely in the chest. He flew back and slammed into the archway of the veil, hitting his head.

Bellatrix swung her head around and stunned Tonks, her dark eyes flashing as she advanced on her niece, who had tumbled backward down the stairs. She was scrambling to locate her dropped wand when Bellatrix stepped on Tonks’ fingers with the pointed black toe of her shoe, pressing down with all her weight.

Biting down on her lip, Tonks could hear her bones being crushed, pain shooting up her whole arm as nerve endings were severed. Bellatrix let out a cold, high-pitched laugh. “ _Crucio_ ,” she hissed.

Tonks felt like her skull was being split open, the pain white hot behind her eyes. Every inch of her skin felt like it was being flayed from her body, her fingernails peeling back. She screamed, a tormented cry of agony, and Remus spun around from the other side of the room, feeling his chest tighten at the sound of her pain. Jugson hit him on the shoulder with a spell while he was distracted, and Lupin fell back down the stairs before quickly rolling out of the way to dodge the next curse.

Sirius was staggering to his feet again and barreled toward Bellatrix, but then, directly above them, framed in the doorway stood Albus Dumbledore, his wand aloft, his face white and furious.

There were yells; one of the Death Eaters ran for it, scrabbling like a monkey up the stone steps opposite. Dumbledore’s spell pulled him back as easily and effortlessly as though he had hooked him with an invisible line.

Bellatrix glanced up, panicked. “Expulso!” she screamed, pointing her wand at the shelves above Tonks, sending them crashing down.

Tonks looked up, shielding herself with her arm, but it was too late. A falling beam caught her square across the back, and she collapsed in a heap, the contents of the shelf burying her small body beneath them on the stairs.

“ _Tonks_!” yelled Sirius as Bellatrix fled, the other Death Eaters following suit as Dumbledore chased them from the room.

Lupin sprinted across the room, joining Sirius as they tore through the rubble to get to her. They were quickly joined by Mad-Eye and Kingsley, and then Ron, Hermione, Luna, and Ginny, all frantically tossing books and the other contents from the shelves over their shoulders in an attempt to get her out.

“Tonks, can you hear us?” Sirius called, his voice panicked.

“I see her,” Ron whispered, pointing, his face looking grim.

Remus was at his side in an instant, gripping the end of the large metal support beam that she was still pinned beneath. “Help me,” he choked out.

Everyone grabbed hold of it. “On three,” said Kingsley, his deep voice soothing amidst the panic. “One, two, three.”

With quite a bit of effort, they were finally able to lift the beam off of her, but then one-by-one, everyone froze. Mad-Eye’s normally stern face went slack, his lower lip twitching, and Hermione clamped a hand over her mouth in horror.

Tonks’ body was twisted in a very unnatural way, and the only word to really describe the way she looked was _broken_. She was still breathing, but barely, wheezing weakly and sounding as though her lung had been punctured.

Remus knelt and gently scooped her up, cradling her limp body and checking for a faint pulse, the horror written all over his face. “No, no no no. Stay with me, Dora. Stay with me,” he choked out desperately, kissing her forehead.

Moody and Kingsley just stared with their mouths hanging open as their normally composed colleague melted down, comprehension dawning on their faces for the first time. Sirius was pacing back and forth, swearing loudly, his hands clenching two fistfuls of hair so tightly he looked as though he might pull it from his head. The kids all just looked on in horror, unsure of what to do, as Harry and Dumbledore came back into the room.

Dumbledore walked over to the group of people who had formed a circle around Tonks and saw the unconscious form in Lupin’s arms. “Oh my. We need to get her to St. Mungo’s. _Immediately_.”


	18. She's Asking For You

No one was allowed to see her for eleven hours, but members of the Order were always present outside her hospital room, coming and going, checking to see if there was any news on her condition. Remus barely noticed any of them, and didn’t budge from his spot on the hallway floor.

After much protesting, Sirius was finally checked over by the healers for his head injury, but as soon as he was cleared, he dropped down to sit on the floor next to his friend, wordlessly clapping Lupin on the knee in a show of support.

When the door to her room finally opened with an update, the four Order members who had accompanied Tonks to the Department of Mysteries still remained. All of them scrambled to their feet, their faces anxious for good news.

“How is she?” Moody demanded. 

The healer had a small, reassuring smile on her face. “Well, she’s fighting hard. But she came in with a lot of broken bones, not to mention some damage to her internal organs. We’ve been able to repair a lot already, but there’s still a long way to go.”

“Can we see her?” asked Sirius.

The healer looked at the group of them and nodded. “Okay, but only two at a time for now.”

Kingsley looked at Remus and Sirius. “You two should go ahead.”

Lupin couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Thanks,” Sirius said, nodding at Kingsley as he guided Remus into the cramped hospital room.

Tonks was still unconscious, and looked so tiny under the blankets, her normally fair skin somehow even paler. Her pink hair had faded away, her natural brown having returned as her body used every ounce of remaining energy fighting for life. Lupin sat in the chair next to her bed and took her uninjured hand in his, kissing the back of it.

“Fuck, Moony. I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Remus glanced over at his friend. “You okay? Is it your head?”

Sirius closed his eyes tightly, his face very pale. “No, my head’s fine. But this is all my fault. Tonks saved me, and then Bellatrix just went _after_ her. “If anything happens to her…” He trailed off, his voice breaking.

Lupin shook his head, looking down at the ground. “Stop it. Don’t do that.”

“It’s true.”

“No, come on. She wouldn't want you to do that.”

Sirius took a deep, shaky breath. “I haven’t even been able to get ahold of Andromeda yet. They’re still out of town.”

There was a long, painful silence.

“I can’t shake this feeling,” Sirius said at last, sounding strange. “It’s almost like I saw myself die back there, but then… I didn’t. I feel like Tonks wasn’t meant to be there, and I was supposed to die. But she _was_ there, and now… I don’t know.”

But Remus was too distracted to really engage with what his friend was feeling at this time. “She’ll be okay,” he whispered, more to himself than anything.

Sirius took a deep breath, looking over at Lupin. “Hey, why don’t you go get some air, huh, Moony? Grab a coffee at the shop downstairs. Go splash some water on your face or something. You look terrible,” he joked with a smile.

“I don’t want to leave her.”

“Ten minutes. Go take a breather. I’ll be here. She won’t be alone.”

Remus looked at her lying in the bed, feeling conflicted.

“You can’t do anything for her right now,” Sirius said gently.

Lupin locked eyes with him and nodded, quickly looking down at the floor as his eyes filled with tears.

He walked out the door to find Kingsley and Mad-Eye still outside her room.

“How is she?” Kingsley asked, on his feet in an instant.

Remus swallowed hard. “She still hasn’t woken up yet.”

“She’s tough as nails, our Tonks is. She’ll come out of this okay,” Moody said, his normally gruff voice a touch lighter than usual. He looked uncomfortable for a moment as he met Lupin’s eyes. “So, uh, you and her?”

Lupin took a deep breath and nodded slowly. 

“Holy shit,” Kingsley remarked, raising his eyebrows, his lips curling up slightly. “I didn’t know, Remus.”

“Yeah. Sorry. We were figuring out how to tell everyone.”

Mad-Eye narrowed his eyes slightly. “Well, with everything else going on, I imagine the last thing you need is a lecture right now, son. But as soon as she’s back on her feet, you and I are going to have a long conversation.”

Remus looked back at his colleague, feeling himself start to wither under the older man’s stare. “I understand. I was going to step outside and grab some air,” he provided lamely, stepping around them and walking down the stairs and out the back doors. The bright sunlight and singing birds mocked him as he wondered how his world could ever be the same if she didn’t wake up.

***

Lupin spent the night sleeping awkwardly in the chair beside her hospital bed. He was in bad need of a shower and a new shirt, but that was the least of his concerns at the moment. The healer had come in earlier and was discouraged by a setback in Tonks’ recovery.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked, an anxious edge to his voice.

She took a deep breath. “Her left lung doesn’t seem to have healed quite right. One of the broken ribs punctured it, and we keep trying to repair the damage, but it just won’t close up all the way.”

“What else can be done?”

“We’re keeping an eye on it,” the healer assured him, but he did not feel comforted, and he slept about as well as one could expect, full of worry and slouched over in an uncomfortable chair.

***

“Who are you?”

Lupin blinked his eyes open early the next morning to see a man and woman looking down at him. The man was short and round with a fair complexion, and the woman was slender with a pale face and a wild mane of curly brown and gray hair.

He stood abruptly, the blanket that had been covering him falling to the ground. “Sorry, I, uh…”

“Do you know our daughter?” the woman asked, looking at him with those same dark, curious eyes he knew so well.

Their _daughter_? Oh, shit.

Lupin felt his hands go clammy. This wasn’t quite how he pictured meeting her parents. “Yes, I work with Dora,” he answered quickly, his mouth dry.

Her father raised his eyebrows. “Dora?” he said, looking taken aback.

Remus froze, realizing that, _of course_ , everyone else called her Tonks. “I, uh, I just didn’t want her to be alone when she woke up. Sorry, I’ll give you a minute,” he stammered, and rushed out of the room.

***

Lupin panicked and considered going home, but the thought of being away if Tonks’ condition took a turn for the worse was unbearable. So he paced out front, choked down a cup of lukewarm cafeteria coffee, and splashed some water on his face. He studied his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. Sirius was right. He did look terrible.

Not knowing where to go, he found another uncomfortable chair in the lobby and settled in. But the sleep deprivation from the previous two nights at the hospital caught up with him, and he started dozing, his elbow propped against the arm of the chair to hold his head upright.

He had no concept of how long he had been asleep when Molly Weasley was gently shaking his shoulder.

“Remus,” she whispered. “Tonks is awake.”

He bolted up in his seat, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “What? She is? How is she?”

Molly nodded. “She’s in a lot of pain. But she’s going to be okay.”

Lupin closed his eyes, finally letting go of the breath he had been holding in for days now.

“She’s asking for you,” Molly continued.

His heart swelled. “Really?”

She looked at him with an amused smile. “Uh huh. Pretty insistently. You two certainly are good at keeping secrets.”

He gulped. “Are her parents still there?”

“They are,” Molly nodded. “But it’ll be fine, I promise. Come on.”

***

Lupin cautiously walked back into the small hospital room, relieved to see Tonks not only conscious, but sitting upright, propped up against the pillows. Her mom was perched on the edge of the bed, holding her hand, her dad sitting in the chair Remus had been sleeping in before they had arrived.

“She fucking saved my life, ‘Dromeda.” Sirius leaned against the wall, shaking his head.

“Yeah, you owe me one,” Tonks said with a tired smile, her voice strained.

Molly gave Lupin a gentle shove inside before following him into the room herself.

Though Tonks still looked weak, her eyes lit up when she saw him. “Hey,” she breathed, sitting up a little taller.

“Hey,” Remus said, still nervously loitering near the doorway, trying to ignore the fact that all eyes in the room were studying him intently at this moment.

“Come here,” she beckoned, reaching her hand out to him.

Her mother stood from her spot on the bed to give them space, clearly still confused as she looked back and forth between the two of them.

Lupin walked over to the bedside, his heart pounding. There was so much he wanted to say, but could feel her dad’s eyes boring into the back of his head.

“How are you?” he asked lamely.

“My head hurts, and my pride’s pretty bruised, but I’ll be alright,” Tonks said ruefully. “I’m glad you’re safe.”

He nodded, his face still very pale.

She smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay. I’m gonna be okay.” She reached out and took his hand in hers, giving it a squeeze.

He closed his eyes, overwhelmed with the enormity of his relief. “I really thought I’d lost you for a minute,” he breathed quietly, his voice breaking. “I didn’t know what I’d do.”

“Oh, Remus,” she murmured, her eyes shining.

“I love you, Dora,” Lupin choked out.

“I love you too,” she beamed up at him.

Andromeda gasped, Molly’s eyes filled with happy tears, and her dad just stood there with his mouth hanging open while Sirius wore a shit-eating grin.

Lupin kissed the back of her hand tenderly, ignoring the rest of them.

“Alright, will someone please tell me who the _fuck_ this guy is already?” Ted Tonks said, exasperated.


	19. Don't You Fucking Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought we could all use a little happiness in the world. So this chapter is mostly fluff. Enjoy!

After some not-so-subtle nudging from Molly, Lupin went home to shower and change his clothes. But he came back to the hospital with an overnight bag before Tonks fell asleep for the evening, and he settled into the chair next to her bed.

“Remus,” Tonks insisted, her voice scratchy and tired. “You don’t need to sleep here. Go home. I’m okay, really.”

He bent down to kiss her forehead. “Stop it. I’m not going anywhere.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled, letting her head fall back against the pillows.

“Get some rest. I’ll be right here if you need anything,” he assured her.

“Mmm. Love you,” she murmured, her eyes already closed.

Lupin let out a shaky breath and swallowed hard as he looked at her resting peacefully in the bed, the color slowly returning to her cheeks. She was going to be okay, and he’d never been so grateful for anything in his life.

***

Tonks slowly improved, getting stronger each day, and the healers said she was well enough to be released by the end of the week. Remus went home to clean up and get a change of clothes, and when he came back, he grinned to see her on her feet, looking out the window.

“Well hey,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “You’re standing up.”

“I know!” she said proudly, turning to face him. She winced as she put her foot on the ground and took a small step toward him, and he was automatically at her side, his hand on her elbow. “I got it,” she assured him with a smile. “Just moving slow.”

“It’s just good to see you moving at all,” he murmured, kissing her on the top of her head.

“My mom came by while you were gone,” she said slowly as she lowered herself back onto the bed.

“Oh yeah?”

She nodded. “Uh huh.”

“And? Did I fuck it all up with the most awkward ‘meet the parents’ ever?”

Tonks smiled. “No. You’re fine. I told her everything.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Uh… _everything_?”

She laughed. “Well, as much of everything as I’m comfortable sharing with my mother. But I told her that I had a crush on you from the start, when we first worked together. And you were a gentleman, and you protected me, always. And we spent time together, talking, for hours, for months. And you made me feel safe. And you were scared when we realized how we felt, but we loved each other, and we want to be together. Oh, and she knows you’re a werewolf.”

Lupin swallowed hard. “And?”

Tonks shrugged. “She had some logistical questions and concerns, of course. But my mom is the last person to be prejudiced. She grew up in a shitty family. They hate everyone who's not pureblood. That _isn’t_ my mom.”

He let out a shaky breath. “Okay. I really felt like an idiot meeting them like that, you know.”

She winced. “I know. I thought we’d have time to get there on our own… bring you over to the house for dinner, shake their hands and all that. But I also didn’t plan on almost dying.”

Remus laughed. “I know. I just hope they can forget that they first met me slumped over in a chair, wearing the same clothes I’d slept in for almost three days straight.”

Biting her lip, Tonks smiled. “My mom said it meant you must really love me.”

“Really? She said that?”

“Yeah. It may not have been how we planned for you to meet them, but I think you came out just fine.”

He regarded her with a sudden intensity, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “I was so fucking scared.”

She nodded solemnly. “I know.”

“When I heard you screaming, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” He closed his eyes, the memory turning his stomach. “And then when I saw you underneath all those shelves… holy fuck. I can’t believe you came back from that. For a second I was sure you were gone. That I’d just lost everything.”

Tonks’ eyes filled with tears and spilled over, and she gave his hand a squeeze.

“I’m sorry, Dora. I’m sorry I was so stupid, for so long. I should never have tried to run away from you. I should have never tried to keep us a secret. When I thought you were dead, I just hated myself for all that time we could have had together if I wasn’t such a fool.”

Her lips twitched. “Remus Lupin, listen to you. Guess I should almost die more often, huh?”

He shook his head ruefully and laughed, kissing the back of her hand. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

***

When Tonks was released from the hospital a week later, Remus took her home to her apartment, helping her up the stairs. Her hair was bright pink again, the light having returned to her eyes. 

She lay down, her head falling back on the pillow. “Oh my god. It feels so good to be in my own bed.”

He set her bag down on the floor and opened up the window to let in some fresh air. “I’ll bet.”

Tonks sat up, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “Hey. We should get a place together.”

Lupin swallowed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling. “Why not?”

He shrugged nervously. “I don’t know. I’ve never lived with anyone before.”

“Neither have I. We can wait until you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be right now. Just think about it, yeah?”

Remus gulped. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

***

Three weeks later, they were moving into a one bedroom flat Tonks had found for them in Brixton. Lupin carried the last box inside and set it down on the floor, wiping his brow.

Tonks flung her arms around him and kissed him on the mouth. “You sure you’re okay with all this?”

“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?” he asked, laughing.

“Hmmm. Yeah, I guess so. Well, welcome home,” she murmured against his lips.

He smiled and slid his hands around her waist, pulling her closer. “You know, I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah?” she grinned.

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“You wanna go break in our new room?” she asked mischievously.

The corners of his lips curled up as he looked at her. “The bed’s not even set up yet, Dora.”

“I don’t care. There’s a floor, right?”

He laughed, lifting her up and carrying her down the hallway, dodging the unpacked boxes as she wrapped her legs around him, pressing a trail of kisses down his neck.

***

A few weeks passed by, and the two of them fell into a routine together. Lupin was surprised by how easily he got used to sharing a space with Tonks, and how quickly he forgot what life was like before her.

He also quickly learned that Tonks was much _messier_ than he had ever realized. She would fling open the front door, carelessly kicking off her boots in foyer. She’d leave behind crusts of toast on a plate, half cups of coffee abandoned. Tonks also had a habit of reading more than one book at a time, leaving them overturned on any available surface to keep her place, or using whatever she could find as a makeshift bookmark.

Remus did all the cooking… _and_ most of the cleaning too. But he honestly didn’t mind. For the first time since childhood, Tonks had given him a home. When he came back after being out on Order business, she’d greet him at the door, flinging herself into his arms with a wide grin. He’d look at the newspaper while she read a book with her feet in his lap. 

And they fucked in every room of their small apartment too: in the shower, on the couch in the front room, up against the wall of the kitchen.

One night Tonks came home late after work to find Lupin cooking dinner. She wrapped her arms around his waist while he stood at the stove.

“Hey,” he chuckled, jumping slightly. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“It smells amazing in here,” she said, standing on her toes to kiss him.

“Mmm, glad you think so. We’ll be eating soon. How was work?”

“Eh. Fine.” She wrinkled her nose as she looked at him. “Are you wearing an apron?”

“Of course I’m wearing an apron. I only have three shirts. I can’t afford to ruin one of them.”

Tonks bit her lip. “You’re fucking adorable.”

The corners of his mouth twitched. “I love you.”

She nodded and grinned up at him. “I know.”


	20. To Not Dying and Domestic Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Sorry it's taken me so long to post another chapter. The world's got me down. Not sure if this is my best writing, but I do think it's some important character development. More hopefully coming soon. Love to you all, be well.

Sirius whistled loudly as he stepped into their new flat for the first time. “Well, look who’s moving up in the world,” he joked, elbowing Remus in the ribs.

Lupin rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“You know, I’m still a little mad at you, Moony. Leaving me all alone in that drafty old dump at Grimmauld Place. And all just because Tonks came along.”

“Aww, you lonely, Sirius?” Tonks teased as she hugged Remus around the waist.

He winked at her. “Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m happy for you guys. Really. The place looks nice.” He ran his fingers along the edge of the kitchen counter, looking at his feet before meeting her eyes again, his face suddenly somber. “How are you feeling these days?”

Remus beamed down at Tonks protectively as she shrugged. “I’m good. Maybe a little slower than I’d like. But I’m gonna be fine, Sirius.”

Sirius swallowed hard. “I still can’t get over it. You know you saved my fucking life. And then I thought you died, and it was all my fault…”

“Stop,” she insisted. “Come on. You would have done the same. For any of us.”

He nodded, swallowing hard and forcing a smile as he glanced back down.

“You okay?” Lupin asked, looking at his friend closely.

“What? Yeah, sure, of course,” Sirius sputtered. “I just…” He trailed off and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Tonks’ eyebrows furrowed with concern. “What is it?”

Sirius shook his head quickly. “Nah, nothing.”

She reached out and gently took his hand. “Sirius. What’s going on?”

He pulled away from her, and Tonks looked a little taken aback, but gave him space to collect himself. “Sorry. I’m fine. I’ve just been feeling weird lately.”

“Why don’t we go sit down and I’ll grab us some drinks?” Lupin suggested.

Sirius nodded, looking relieved. He followed Tonks into the small front room and he settled into an armchair across from her. Remus came in with a bottle of firewhisky and sat next to Tonks on the couch.

Much more composed than he was a moment earlier, Sirius raised his glass with a smile. “To not dying and domestic bliss and all that shit.”

Tonks grinned at him while Remus laughed, and they all raised their glasses. Then her eyes focused on Sirius again. “So what were you saying before? You okay?”

Sirius shrugged, looking embarrassed. “Yeah. I feel kind of dumb for even saying it out loud to be honest. I should just be grateful to be alive, right? But I also feel like I should be doing something… I don’t know, just something _more_ with my life. I almost died, but now it’s like I have another chance to do something besides hide in that shitty old house. My options are obviously a bit limited due to my situation. But I talked to Dumbledore about doing more for the Order. He thinks he can use me abroad, where I’m not as recognizable.”

“Abroad?” Tonks raised her eyebrows. “You’re going away?”

“Yeah, for a bit. I need to feel like I’m doing something productive. The rest of you are risking your lives on a daily basis and I’m tired of hiding.”

“Wow. Well, good for you, Padfoot. I think that’s great.”

“Yeah?” Sirius’ voice sounded uncertain.

Remus nodded. “Definitely. Do you know where you’re going? Or when?”

“No, nothing official yet. Supposed to meet with Dumbledore next week. I don’t even know what I’ll be doing, or if I even care. Anything’s better than being stuck at Grimmauld Place with Kreacher.”

Tonks snorted. “Well, holy shit. Another toast then? To new adventures.”

Sirius grinned at her, looking like his old self again as he lifted his glass. “I like that one. Thanks, Tonks. And what ‘new adventures’ await you two? Or, as I’ve always feared, is life pretty much over since you settled down?”

She stuck her tongue out at him while Lupin rolled his eyes, and Sirius just laughed.

“Well,” Tonks said, looking at Remus with a hopeful smile, “my parents are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. Sort of a redo on the introduction from the hospital.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Oh shit! Is this really their first time seeing the new place? You guys have been here over a month.”

She nodded, her nerves growing as she thought of it. “Yeah, well, you know, we wanted to get settled first. I’ve seen them in the past few weeks, but they haven’t been here yet.”

Grinning, Sirius fixed his friend with a look of gleeful pity. “Oh, Remus. I can’t wait to hear what Ted has to say about you living with his daughter.”

“Stop, it’s going to be fine,” Tonks insisted, sounding as though she was convincing herself as much as the two of them.

Sirius just laughed and clapped a visibly uneasy Lupin on the shoulder. “Good luck, old friend. I have a feeling you’re gonna need it.”

***

The next night, Remus was standing at the stove, trying his damndest to focus on the meal he was attempting to cook, but he was distracted by his own thoughts as they waited for her parents to arrive.

“Need anything?” Tonks asked, suddenly at his elbow.

Lupin jumped and jerked his arm back, oil splattering down the front of his apron. “Shit,” he muttered.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you… I thought you heard me coming in.” She slid her hand into his. “It’ll be okay,” she assured him. “They’re gonna love you.”

He forced a tight smile and grabbed the dish towel to begin cleaning up the spill when there was a knock on the front door.

Tonks swallowed hard, her eyes wide. “They’re here.”

Remus nodded, the tension in the air thick. He turned his attention back to the stove as she went to answer the door, and he heard her greeting her parents.

“Hey Mom. Hi Dad. Thanks for coming.”

“Honey, this place looks great! I love the neighborhood,” Andromeda’s clear voice carried throughout the small apartment.

“Something smells good,” Ted commented.

“Oh! Remus is making paella.”

Tonks led her mom into the small kitchen, and Remus set down the spoon on the stove as he turned to greet them with a small, nervous smile. “Hello.”

“Hi, Remus,” Andromeda said, her warm smile putting him slightly at ease. “It’s lovely to see you again, and under better circumstances this time.”

Ted lingered awkwardly in the doorway, nodding his head at Lupin, who returned the gesture.

“I’m almost done, and then this can simmer,” Lupin said to Tonks. “You could, uh, show them the rest of the place and then I’ll open some wine?”

She beamed at him and nodded, stepping up on her toes to kiss his cheek. Her dad looked down at his feet and sighed loudly, earning him a glare from Andromeda.

After Tonks had finished the tour, she and her parents settled into seats in the front room, and Remus brought out a bottle of wine and four glasses before sitting on the couch next to Tonks.

“Well, cheers!” she blurted out cheerfully, smiling hopefully at her parents as she leaned into Lupin’s shoulder. “We’re really glad you came. To see the place and… everything.”

“I really like it,” Andromeda said with a grin, her voice sincere. “So, Remus. Tell us a little bit about yourself. We didn’t have much time to get to know each other at the hospital.”

He cleared his throat nervously. “Well, I used to teach. Now, besides working with the Order, I’m in between jobs for the moment, I’m afraid.”

“But Remus is indispensable to the Order,” Tonks interjected quickly, pride in her voice as she spoke about him, and his cheeks flushed as he looked down at her with a smile.

Ted stood abruptly. “I forgot something in the car. Come help me, Remus?”

Andromeda and Tonks exchanged a tense look.

“ _Ted_ ,” his wife began, her voice pleading.

“What?” he said, turning to her with a shrug. “I just need a hand carrying something.”

“Uh, okay,” Remus said, getting to his feet uncertainly and following Tonks’ dad outside and down the steps to where his car was parked.

When they’d reached the sidewalk, Ted stopped and spun around. “You know, I wasn’t sure what to think of you at first,” he started, his voice a little shaky.

Lupin gulped.

“For starters, you’re closer to my age than my daughter’s. And I’ve spent plenty of time worrying about whether or not you can provide for her. Not to mention the danger and discrimination she’ll face.”

Hanging his head, Remus felt his heart sink. He was such a fool to think this could possibly go well.

Ted ran his hands through his hair and sighed heavily. “But then I realized that Andromeda went through the same thing to marry me. Maybe not the exact same thing, but damn close. She was cut off from the rest of her family, disinherited. It was awful. We’d never want that for Dora.”

Remus looked up at him, watching Ted’s face soften slightly.

“And then my next thought was that my daughter is about as tough as they come. And anyone who fucks with her — or someone she loves — will end up on their ass.”

Lupin bit his lip to keep from laughing in agreement.

Ted took a deep breath and continued. “Nymphadora has always been different. It’s been hard for her to make friends. And she didn’t exactly win any popularity contests training to become an Auror.” He paused to meet Lupin’s eyes. “You really do love my daughter, huh?”

“I do, sir,” Remus replied solemnly.

Ted closed his eyes and sighed. “Fuck.” He collected himself, then fixed Remus with pleading eyes. “Look out for her, yeah? She’s strong, but she still needs someone to remind her to take a deep breath and relax and take a minute for herself.”

Lupin nodded, swallowing hard.

“And let me know if you two ever need to borrow money or anything, Remus. Whatever you need. She’s my little girl. And whether I like it or not, she sure loves you.”

Embarrassed, he looked down at his feet. “Thanks, Ted.”

Ted shook his head. “Part of me still kind of hates you for taking her away from me. You know that?”

Lupin didn’t reply, his eyes still on the ground.

“ _Fuck_. Let’s go inside.” Ted sighed heavily and walked back up the stairs, never having actually gotten anything from his car.

Back in the apartment, Lupin ducked into the kitchen to check on dinner, and Tonks anxiously followed him, tugging on his elbow.

“What did he say?” Tonks hissed, looking up at him with wide eyes.

Lupin shrugged. “It was fine.”

“ _Remus_. Tell me.”

“It was fine. Honestly. We’ll talk later.” He kissed her on the lips, flashing her a quick wink.

“Was it bad? Or good?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“It was a little of both,” he said truthfully. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

Andromeda cautiously entered the kitchen. “Need a hand with anything?”

“Actually, we’re just about ready to eat,” Lupin said with a smile.

***

After they ate, Ted and Andromeda had another glass of wine, but as the hour got late, they stood to leave.

Andromeda hugged Remus and kissed him on the cheek. “Dinner was absolutely delicious. Nymphadora wasn’t kidding when she said you knew how to cook. Thank you so much for everything.”

Ted had been fairly quiet during the meal, but as his wife went over to say goodbye to their daughter, he held out his hand to shake Lupin’s. “Good to see you, Remus. Thank you for dinner.”

Tonks and Andromeda looked on, their mouths hanging open for a moment before looking at each other and grinning.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. I really like him,” Andromeda whispered with a wink as they left.

When the door closed behind her parents, Tonks squealed and threw herself into Lupin’s arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, and he laughed as she covered his face in kisses.


	21. Best Sex of Your Life, Huh?

Tonks stumbled in the front door of their apartment late one night, kicking off her heels and tiptoeing down the hallway to their bedroom to find Lupin already asleep. She climbed on the bed and pressed up against his back as she wrapped her arms around him, and he stirred.

“Hey,” she giggled, kissing his neck. 

“Whoa, hey,” he replied groggily, smiling. “What time is it?”

“Mmm. Late.”

“Yeah? Did you have fun with the girls?”

“Uh huh. They were all very curious about you.”

“About me?”

She bit his earlobe and Lupin groaned, rolling over and pulling her closer, which just made her giggle even louder.

“You’re drunk,” he said with a smile, wrinkling his nose.

“Maybe a little,” she admitted, kissing him square on the mouth.

“What were your friends curious about?” Remus asked, smirking as he brushed the hair out of her face.

“None of them have ever lived with a guy before. You’re a lot older. I don’t know.”

“Yeah? What did you tell them?”

“That you’re the best sex I’ve had in my life.”

Lupin raised his eyebrows, his cheeks flushing pink. “You told them that?”

“Uh, _yeah_. I mean, I didn’t go into too many details or anything, but I mean, we talk.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“It was all very complimentary, I assure you,” she teased, reaching down inside his pants and wrapping her fingers around his cock.

“Fuck, Dora,” he groaned, feeling himself harden. He slid his hands down over her hips, the denim of her skirt clinging tightly to her curves. “You went out wearing this? I bet every guy in the bar was checking you out.”

Tonks grinned, pulling him on top of her. “Hey, you were invited to come too. You turned me down.”

“Not really my scene, love,” he laughed. Remus kissed down the side of her face and jaw, sliding the thin straps of her tank top down off her shoulders. “How many guys tried to buy you a drink tonight?”

“Stop it,” she insisted with a giggle that turned into a moan as he traced a circle around her nipple with his tongue. “ _Oh_. Don’t stop that.”

“What? I’m jealous. You’re gorgeous,” he said, kissing down her stomach and sliding her panties off her legs and tossing them on the floor. “I bet every guy in that place wishes he was me right now.”

Remus pressed his lips to her clit and Tonks gasped, sighing loudly as he traced a slow line with his tongue up and down her slit.

“Oh my god. Fuck, you’re so _good_ at that.”

He smiled, slipping one finger inside of her. “Next time bring the girls over here. I’ll cook for you.”

“Ha, I see, you’re just — oh, _god_ — you’re just trying to get me to stop going out dancing with my friends.”

“Mmm. Maybe. Makes me jealous.”

“Yeah, well too bad. Jealousy doesn’t suit you. Come here,” she beckoned him with a smile, pulling him back up toward her.

“You didn’t come yet,” he said, tilting his head as he looked down at her.

“I can’t wait any longer, come on,” she whined, wrapping her legs around him. “Oh, _fuck_.” Her eyes rolled back as he thrust inside her.

“You good?” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her neck as he pulled out and slowly rocked back against her.

“ _Yes_ ,” she panted. “Yes, oh my god.”

“I’m kidding, you know,” he whispered into her ear. “You can do whatever you want. I trust you.”

Tonks grinned up at him. “I love you.”

Lupin hooked his arm under her knee and stilled inside her for a moment. “Best sex of your life, huh?”

She bit her lip and nodded. “Uh huh. Don’t stop now.”

***

Before long it was time for Remus to leave for the full moon again.

“I hate leaving you,” he muttered regretfully, looking down at her and kissing the top of her head.

“I know. Will it always be like this?” she asked, her voice quiet and her eyes wide as she looked up at him.

“I don’t think there’s any other way to keep you safe.”

Tonks shrugged and nodded. “I guess.”

“I love you, Dora,” he said tenderly, his hand under her chin, lifting her face up to look at him.

“I love you,” she said back with a smile, wrapping her arms around his neck and stepping up on her toes to kiss him. “Hurry back to me, yeah?”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he assured her, and she beamed up at him.

***

Tonks was asleep a few nights later when Remus stumbled back in, collapsing into their bed and startling her awake.

“Hey, you’re here,” she said groggily, sitting up and turning the light on. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just wiped out.”

“Poor love.” She reached out for him and he lay his head down in her lap, closing his eyes and groaning as she gently began to run her fingers through his hair.

“I missed you. So much,” he murmured into her stomach, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her tightly.

She smiled. “Yeah. I missed you too. Can I get you something to eat?”

Lupin shook his head. “No. I just need you. And sleep. Don’t go anywhere.”

Tonks giggled. “Fine by me.” She turned the light off as he started snoring the second his head hit the pillow.

***

Tonks got home late from work at the Ministry, kicking off her boots and collapsing on the bed next to a snoring Remus.

He stirred and blinked his eyes open. “Hey,” he muttered groggily, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

“Hey,” she whispered, curling up against him.

“What time is it?”

She glanced at their bedside clock. “One o’clock.”

He groaned, burying his face in her hair and pressing his lips to her forehead, his hand slipping between her legs.

“ _Stop_ ,” she insisted, her voice strained as she pushed him away, her tone causing the hair to stand up on the back of Lupin’s neck.

“You okay?” He sat up in bed, suddenly awake, sensing something was off with her.

“I don’t think I want to work for the Ministry anymore,” she said quietly.

“What? Did something happen?”

“No. Not really. I don’t know. I just don’t like the work they’re having me do anymore.”

“What do they have you doing?”

Tonks closed her eyes and didn’t say anything.

“What do they have you doing, Dora?” Remus repeated, an urgency to his voice.

She swallowed hard. “They want me to meet with people. And see if I can get them to talk.”

“What kind of people?”

Tonks didn’t respond.

Remus turned on the light so he could look at her. “What's going on? What aren’t you telling me?”

She looked down at her hands, picking at a loose thread on the blanket. “They sent me to meet a guy tonight. A Death Eater. I disguised myself. I was supposed to talk to him and flirt and slip him some veritaserum to see what he knew.”

Lupin pulled back, his eyes suddenly wild. “Wait. _What_??”

“I knew you’d be mad,” she said defensively, meeting his intense gaze. “That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

“What happened? Are you okay?” he choked out.

“Yeah,” she said. “But he grabbed me. Kind of hard. And I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“He _grabbed_ you?” Lupin could feel his temperature start to rise.

“Remus,” she said in a quiet voice. “This is why I didn’t tell you. I’m okay. Yeah, he grabbed my wrist kind of hard when I was trying to leave. But I’m okay.”

He shook his head. “Fuck. I don’t want you anywhere near this.”

“I don’t want to do this either. And now they want me to do a bigger job.”

“What is it?” he asked, terrified to hear the answer.

Tonks hesitated. “There’s this guy. His name’s Yaxley. They want me to go meet him, like I’ve done before. But he — he likes prostitutes.”

Lupin recoiled audibly as she continued.

“They do want me to leave the bar and go upstairs with him. Apparently they think he knows a lot, and they want me to get him alone so we can get more info. But I’ve never had to do that before, Remus. I’ve always been able to stay in the bar, with another Auror nearby for backup. You know I don’t scare easily, but I’m getting a bad vibe off of this one… I don’t want to do this.”

“You’re _not_ doing this,” he hissed angrily. “I can’t believe they’d even suggest it!”

“Settle down,” she said in a quiet voice, her eyes wide. “You’re scaring me.”

Remus took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. But this is too dangerous. They can’t make you do this.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “He has intel we need. What if my bosses say I have to?”

“Then quit. Fuck them,” Lupin spat out.

She scoffed and looked at him with red eyes. “Yeah? It’s that easy, huh? And how are we going to pay for _anything_ if I lose my job?”

His paused and his heart sank, realizing she had a point. She was supporting both of them with her paychecks from the Ministry. Remus hated it, but there wasn’t much of a choice; he didn’t have a job or a penny to his name.

But he shook his head emphatically. “I don’t care, we’ll figure it out. We’ll move back into Grimmauld Place if we can’t afford to stay here. Your safety is more important than anything.”

She blinked and the tears spilled down her cheeks, her voice breaking. “Why me, Remus? I know my ability is rare… but when are people going to see me for _me_? And not just what I can do? I’m so fucking good at my job. Why do they keep making me dress up like a call girl? I’m just so sick of this shit.”

Lupin felt his chest tighten. “You _are_ so fucking good at your job,” he agreed sincerely, lacing his fingers through hers and tenderly kissing the back of her hand. “So what do you want to do?”

Tonks took a deep, shaky breath. “I want to go in tomorrow and tell them I can’t do this anymore. That I can’t do this job with Yaxley. And… if they don’t understand, then I guess I want to quit. But that scares me.”

Remus nodded. “Whatever you decide, we’ll figure out what happens next together. If you need to quit, we’ll make it work. I don’t want you to stay in a job where they don’t respect you enough to listen.”

She closed her eyes and nodded. “Thank you.”

“Come here,” he urged, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her toward him. Tonks took a deep, shaky breath and tucked her head under his chin as he held her close.


	22. I'm Glad She Has You

Remus was in the kitchen the next evening when he heard the front door to their flat open. He rushed out to meet Tonks, but he didn’t have to ask a single question; it was written all over her face as she crumpled to the floor in a heap.

He knelt on the ground next to her and brushed the hair out of her face as the tears started to flow. “Oh, love. What happened?”

She shook her head helplessly. “The asshole wouldn’t even _listen_ to me. He said I had to do it. Because he thinks he could ‘reasonably’ ensure my safety. But he’s not the one who has to be alone with the creep. He’s not the one who has to whore himself out for information.”

Lupin felt his temperature start to rise. “Who is this that you talked to?”

“My boss. Robards.”

“So what’d you do?” Remus asked, willing his voice to stay steady.

Tonks sighed and shrugged helplessly, looking up at him, her eyes shining. “I quit. I _had_ to, Remus.”

His heart broke for her, and they were both quiet for a long moment.

She took a deep shuddering breath and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “But what are we going to do now?”

He shrugged. “We’ll figure it out. It’s gonna be okay.”

Tonks scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

Lupin’s face softened as he looked at her. “Hey. We’ll make it work.”

She swallowed hard. “I just don’t even know what to do.”

Remus brushed a tear off her cheek with his thumb. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Want a drink?”

She shook her head.

“Should I just take you to bed so you can sleep?”

She nodded wordlessly. Lupin pressed his lips against her forehead before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her down the hallway to their room.

***

The next morning Remus woke and stretched, the sunlight just starting to stream through the windows. His eyes landed on Tonks, facing away from him, her messy hair having turned back to her natural light brown color, a color she hated if she had the energy to change it. His heart sank.

“Hey,” he whispered, reaching out and brushed his fingertips lightly up and down her arm. “You awake?”

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“Not really.”

“Did you get any sleep?”

Tonks shrugged.

“Come here,” he murmured, trying to draw her back against him, but she pulled away and shook her head, so he gave her some space.

Then at last she spoke, her voice quiet and tired. “You know, I wanted to be an Auror for as long as I can remember.”

Remus swallowed hard and nodded. “I know.”

“I never even really considered doing anything else.”

He took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Dora.”

She was quiet as his hand gently found the curve of her hip.

“I know it’s not the same,” he began cautiously. “But I do know a thing or two about being forced out of a job I loved.”

Tonks considered that for a moment. “Yeah. I suppose you do.”

Lupin kissed her shoulder. “I know you always dreamed of being an Auror. But what they asked you to do shouldn’t be part of that dream. And if it is… well, maybe it’s you like the _idea_ of the job, but not the reality. It’s unfortunate, but it happens with a lot of jobs I think. And everyone knows the Ministry is corrupt.”

She finally rolled over to look at him, her cheeks blotchy and her eyes red from crying and lack of sleep. “Yeah,” she said softly.

He cradled her face in his hands. “You’re so goddamn smart. We’ll figure out something else that’s a good fit for you. A _better_ fit. Where your talents are appreciated, not exploited.”

Tonks nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

But Remus could tell from the look on her face that she wasn’t convinced.

***

Tonks didn’t get out of bed or eat anything for the rest of the day, and nothing seemed to lift her spirits, despite Lupin’s best efforts to feed her or get her to talk. It went on for two days like that before he finally broke down and reached out to her parents.

Andromeda was there almost immediately, patting him on the arm affectionately as he opened the front door. “Remus, thank you for letting us know. My poor sweet girl. Where is she?”

Lupin led her down the hall and knocked softly on their bedroom door before turning the knob. “Dora? Hey, your mom’s here.”

Tonks sat up in bed as Andromeda walked into the room. “Mom?” She looked confused for a moment and struggled to compose herself, but then her lower lip trembled and her whole face crumpled.

“Oh, honey.” Andromeda was at her side in an instant, wrapping her arms around her daughter as Tonks just leaned into her, a loud sob escaping from her mouth as Remus quietly left the room, closing the door behind him.

Within an hour, Tonks had begrudgingly agreed to take a bath, and Andromeda walked out to the front room to find Remus perched on the edge of the couch, springing to his feet as soon as he saw her.

“Sit down, relax, it’s okay,” she smiled warmly as she settled into an armchair across from him, and he nervously dropped back down to the couch.

“How is she?” Lupin asked anxiously.

Andromeda wasn’t ever one to mince words. “She’s devastated. They really fucked her over. And now she has no idea what comes next for the first time in a long time.” She took a deep breath and leveled Remus with a serious gaze. “Has Nymphadora ever told you about her depression?”

Lupin looked confused. “No… um, not really.”

Andromeda looked down at her hands. “She might hate me for this… but I need you to know. She’s so smart, and she has such a big heart… but it leaves her vulnerable. Nymphadora’s just… _different_. School was really hard for her. She’s had a difficult time feeling understood and making connections with other people.”

Remus looked down at his hands and sat with that assessment for a minute. That wasn’t how he saw her at all. He’d always looked at Tonks and thought she was an outgoing social butterfly while he’d suffered in solitude. He thought for a long moment about all she was hiding behind the tough exterior she put on, and he felt his chest tighten.

“You’re really good for her, you know,” Andromeda said, reaching out and taking Lupin’s hand. “You’re quiet and calming, and you _see_ her.”

He looked up and met her eyes, swallowing hard. “I love her.”

She nodded, smiling. “I know. I can tell. When she gets like this, she needs to know that her feelings are valid. And they are. What they did to her is bullshit. But then at a certain point, she needs to snap out of it. Otherwise she’ll spiral and head to a really dark place. She needs to go for a walk, take a shower. Get a fresh perspective on things. And she really needs to eat.”

“I’ve been trying, but she just keeps saying that she’s not hungry,” he said defensively.

Andromeda leaned in. “Nymphadora has a weakness for Chinese food,” she whispered with a conspiratorial wink. “Always does the trick.”

He chuckled, his shoulders loosening. “Is that all it takes? Okay, that I can handle.”

She got to her feet. “I’m going to give you two some space, but I’ll check in tomorrow, yeah? And let me know if you need anything before that.”

Remus nodded gratefully. “Thanks, Andromeda. For everything.”

She gave him a hug. “Take care of my baby girl. She’s about as strong as they come, but she still needs someone to lean on. I’m glad she has you.”

***

Tonks emerged in a cloud of steam from the bathroom a little while later wrapped in a white towel and found Remus in the front room. “Hey,” she said quietly with a small smile.

“Well hey,” he said softly, swallowing the lump in his throat and taking a deep breath. “Better?”

She nodded. “Much better.”

“Good.” He pulled her in toward him for a hug and kissed her forehead.

Tonks snaked her arms around his waist. “Thanks for calling my mom. I’m sorry I got like that.”

Remus shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for. But go get dressed. Dinner’s gonna be here any minute.”

She looked up at him quizzically.

He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “I ordered from Golden Bowl. Your mom told me you like Chinese food when you’re sad.”

Tonks burst out laughing. “She did, huh? Well, I guess she’s right. That sounds amazing.” She stood on her toes and kissed him. “I fucking love you. You know that?”

Lupin nodded before leaning down to kiss her. “I know.”


	23. They Really Said That About Me?

The next day, Remus woke to see that Tonks’ hair was still her natural shade of brown, but she was actually sleeping this time, which was a good sign. He quietly snuck out of bed to make a pot of coffee in the kitchen, but when he came back to their room, her eyes were open.

“You’re up,” he observed with a smile. “Good sleep?”

She shrugged. “Yeah. I guess.”

“Want some coffee?”

She nodded.

Lupin was in the kitchen pouring another mug for her when he heard a knock on the front door. Wiping his hands on a dishtowel, he was more than a bit startled to find Dumbledore and Mad-Eye Moody standing on their front step.

“Remus. Sorry to bother you at home. Is this a bad time?” Albus asked, looking serious.

“Uhhh…”

“How’s Tonks?” Moody blurted.

“Alastor, let’s wait until we get somewhere more private,” Dumbledore urged in a low voice.

“Umm, come in,” said Remus, opening the door a little wider and letting them inside. “You can have a seat. I’m going to, uh, let Dora know that you’re here.”

When Lupin walked back into their room empty-handed, Tonks raised her eyebrow with a smirk. “What happened to my coffee?”

“Dumbledore and Mad-Eye are here.”

“ _What_?”

“I think they're here to talk to you.”

Her eyes went wide, but she nodded and got out of bed, frantically opening her dresser drawers, and made herself presentable in a matter of minutes.

Tonks followed Lupin into the front room, where Dumbledore was seated on their couch, and Mad-Eye was pacing by the front window.

“Tonks, are you okay? What the fuck happened?” Moody growled.

She took a deep breath and shrugged. “I quit.”

“Yeah, I fucking heard that. What the hell?”

Dumbledore reached out and touched Moody’s arm, causing him to jump. “Alastor. Have a seat. Let her talk.”

“Coffee? Tea?” Remus offered.

Moody shook his head and Dumbledore politely declined, but Lupin finally got Tonks her coffee. She took a small sip and then set it down on the table before looking at their two guests.

“So, I guess you guys heard I resigned?”

Dumbledore smiled sadly. “Yes. We heard. But we wanted to hear about it from you.”

Tonks took a deep breath. “They’ve been having me meet with men. Death Eaters. For a few months now. Posing as a call girl. I flirt, and slip them some veritaserum when they’re not watching, and then I get them to tell me what they know. But then they wanted me to actually leave the bar with this guy and go upstairs with him. They left me in the dark about a lot of the plan, but basically, they were using me to get him alone. I said I felt like I’d be at risk without backup and I didn’t feel comfortable with it, but they wouldn’t listen. They were preparing to send me in anyway. So I quit.”

Albus got a strange look on his face, while Moody’s cheeks just got redder with every word she spoke.

“Nah,” he spat out, shaking his head and flying back to his feet. “They can’t do that to you. You need to tell someone. File a grievance. Have them investigate. You’re one of the best goddamn Aurors we’ve got. Who was this who gave you the order, Robards?”

Tonks nodded.

Mad-Eye and Dumbledore exchanged a serious look.

“What?” asked Lupin, his eyes narrowing. “What do you know?”

Albus paused for a long moment before answering. “Alastor is right. You can fight this. I think we can demonstrate a pattern of behavior toward female employees at the Ministry. But it’s up to you if you want to go down that road. They won’t make your life easy. It’s not a decision you should rush into.”

She looked down at her hands, collecting herself for a minute. Then she looked up. “What do you think I should do?”

“Fight the fuckers,” growled Moody.

Dumbledore’s lips twitched, but his gaze was calm and steady as he maintained eye contact with Tonks. “I can’t tell you what to do, Nymphadora. If you decide you want to move on, I can help you find another job. But if you want to fight, we’ll be behind you. And there is evidence. Other incidents to consider as we make our case.”

“What kinds of other incidents?” she asked, swallowing hard.

“Other female Aurors who were put in dangerous situations and suffered consequences as a result.”

Tonks’ face went pale. “You think there have been others?”

“Almost certainly,” Dumbledore replied seriously.

She looked over at Remus with wide eyes. “What do you think I should do?”

Lupin looked back and forth between Mad-Eye and Dumbledore. “I think you should sleep on it. Don’t make any big decisions right now. But I’ll support whatever you choose.”

“We got your back,” Moody assured her, his normally gruff voice always a tone lighter when he addressed Tonks.

Dumbledore got to his feet and placed his hand on Tonks’ shoulder. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Nymphadora. Everyone knows that. And those who believe otherwise are unfortunately incorrect in their assessment of the situation.”

Tonks blinked several times and choked back the sudden lump that had formed in her throat, nodding wordlessly.

He smiled kindly at her, and then turned to Mad-Eye. “We should let them get back to their morning. Remus, take care. We’ll be in touch soon.”

But before he left, Dumbledore turned back, reaching into his robes and pulling out a small manila folder. He hesitated for the briefest of moments before handing it to Tonks. “I hadn’t decided if I was going to show these to you or not. But I think you deserve to know.”

***

After Dumbledore and Moody left, Tonks wordlessly retreated back to their bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Remus stared at the folder she’d left behind on the table next to her abandoned cup of coffee. She hadn’t even looked at it. He was dying to see what was inside, but it wasn’t his to open.

Feeling a bit helpless, Lupin set about cleaning up their place while Tonks stayed in their room for most of the day. A little after four o’clock, there was another knock on their door.

This time, it was Sirius. “I just heard. Is Tonks okay?”

Lupin shook his head, opening the door wider to let his friend inside. “Not really.”

Sirius walked past him, clapping him on the arm, and looked around the front room. “Is she here?”

“Yeah, she’s… sleeping.”

“What happened? I’m only hearing parts of it.”

Remus grimaced and took a deep breath. “They’ve been having her meet with Death Eaters. They make her change her appearance and pose as a date. Sometimes a… paid date.”

“Oh, _fuck_.”

“Yeah. And then for the next job, they wanted her to leave the bar with this guy Yaxley and go upstairs with him so they could get him alone. But she wouldn’t have any backup. Anything could happen. She said she wouldn’t do it, but Robards told her that wasn’t an option. So she quit.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. Those goddamn assholes.” Sirius hesitated. “Have you guys heard the ‘official’ reason they’re giving for her resignation?”

Lupin swallowed hard. “No. What?”

“They’re saying she’s emotionally unstable and was no longer reliable in the field.”

Remus felt his jaw tighten, his fist clenching into a fist. “They _what_?”

“Yeah. It’s fucked up. I’m so sorry. Tonks doesn’t deserve any of that,” Sirius said, his voice sincere.

“Dumbledore and Moody came by earlier. They want her to fight it,” Remus told him.

“Fight it how?”

“Dumbledore thinks there’s a pattern of the Ministry putting female Aurors in bad situations, and covering things up if it goes wrong.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Holy fuck. That wouldn’t surprise me. What’s she going to do?”

“I’m going to burn those fuckers to the ground,” came Tonks’ voice from behind them. 

Remus whirled around. “You’re up.”

“Hey, Tonks,” said Sirius. “How you holding up?”

She had a strange look on her face, her voice steady and clear. “They really said that about me? That I was unstable? Unreliable?”

Neither of them could meet her eyes.

Tonks took a deep breath and set her jaw. “Okay, then. It’s on.” She brushed past them into the front room and snatched up the folder Dumbledore had left behind.


	24. Whatever You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. This year has been weird, and I haven't felt like writing much. But I'm back, and am having fun revisiting this story and the girl power vibes in this current plotline. Hope you're hanging in there!

Tonks spread the contents of the folder out across the coffee table, Remus and Sirius peering anxiously over her shoulder. There was a fire in her eyes, her hands steady as she picked up an article from _The Daily Prophet_ about an Auror named Lisa Knautt who suddenly resigned in 1987 after seventeen years on the job.

She read every word, then set it down and picked up another, this one from 1992 about Margaery Bell, who had been fired after eight years in the Ministry as an Auror. There were half a dozen others, every story written with eerily similar language. Dumbledore has scribbled some notes on the inside of the folder, including current addresses for several of the women.

Sirius was staring at an article, shaking his head. “Holy shit. How’d they get away with this? With no one noticing, all these years?”

“Because we’re women,” Tonks spat out bitterly. “Nobody listens to us.”

Sirius hung his head. “Shit, Tonks. I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

Remus reached out for her, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “You okay?”

She looked up at him with shining eyes. “I need to talk to them. See what I can find out.”

He swallowed hard, but nodded. “Want me to come with you?”

Tonks considered it, but quickly shook her head. “No. I think I should go alone. I’m not sure if they’d talk with a strange man there. No offense.”

“Do you think you should talk to Dumbledore? He obviously knows more than we do,” Sirius suggested, gesturing to the evidence before them.

“Yeah. That’s a good idea.” Tonks furrowed her brow, looking down at the folder and Dumbledore’s notes, and then up at Remus and Sirius, swallowing hard. “Why did he let me work there? If he knew all this?”

Lupin’s face tightened. “I don’t know. Can I come with you to see him at least?”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

***

The next day, Lupin and Tonks found themselves at Hogwarts.

“You ready?” he asked, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze as they stood in the hallway outside Dumbledore’s office.

She looked at him and set her jaw, giving him a quick nod. “Yeah.”

Tonks raised her fist to knock on the headmaster’s office door when she heard his voice from within. “You two can come in.”

Rolling her eyes, Tonks turned the knob and walked inside, finding Dumbledore seated at his desk. Throwing the folder down in front of him, Tonks crossed her arms across her chest. “What the fuck?”

Albus raised his eyebrows only slightly before motioning to the chairs across from him. “Please, Nymphadora, Remus. Sit.”

She shook her head. “I’m good right here. How could you let me work for the Ministry if you knew all this? If you knew how they treated female Aurors? How could Mad-Eye —?” Tonks trailed off, her voice catching in her throat as a tear betrayed her and spilled down her face.

Remus gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “Dora. Let’s sit down.”

Brushing off her cheek with the sleeve of her sweater, Tonks took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out slowly. Her hands were shaking, but Lupin’s mere touch calmed her nerves and she quietly dropped down into a chair.

Her voice steady, Tonks looked Dumbledore in the eye. “Why didn’t you warn me sooner?”

The old man’s shoulders sagged as he sighed and gave her a weary look. “I failed. I had my suspicions. But I have suspicions about many things in our world. I got… distracted by other issues that demanded my attention. And in that, yes, I failed.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “Did Mad-Eye know?”

Dumbledore paused. “I’ve certainly talked with Alastor about individual cases. But I’m afraid neither of us gave this issue the attention it obviously deserves. And for that, I truly and sincerely apologize.”

Tonks pressed her lips together but did not reply.

“We looked through the folder you left,” Remus said, his eyes still on Tonks even while he addressed Dumbledore.

“What am I supposed to do with all of this?” Tonks whispered, looking at Dumbledore with shining eyes.

“Nymphadora, you are the perfect person to champion this cause. Where we have failed, I have no doubt you will be successful. And the Order will provide whatever you need.”

Lupin took her hand and gave it a squeeze, and she met his eyes. Tonks was quiet for a long moment, and then nodded.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Tomorrow I’m going to start interviewing the women you told me about.”

Dumbledore smiled. “That’s an excellent idea.”

***

Tonks’ hands were shaking as she arrived at the first address on the list the next morning. She took a deep breath, and then gave a short, loud rap on the front door before she could lose her nerve.

After a few moments, a woman in her late forties answered the door, smiling curiously at Tonks, wiping her hands on a towel.

“Are you Lisa?” Tonks blurted out.

“Yes?” she said. “Do I know you?”

Tonks shook her head. “No, I’m with the Ministry of Magic, and I was hoping I could ask you a couple of questions.”

The woman’s demeanor changed entirely and she took a small step back. “I have nothing more to say about that.”

“No! No, no. I’m sorry,” Tonks shook her head. “Please let me start over. My name is Nymphadora Tonks. I was with the Ministry of Magic. Past tense. I was an Auror for three years until I quit because they wanted to send me on a mission that was too dangerous, and I refused. I guess I’m wondering if you left under… similar circumstances?”

Lisa looked around her furtively before locking eyes with Tonks again. “Do you want to come inside?”

She swallowed hard and nodded.

***

Tonks opened the front door to their apartment later that night in a daze.

Lupin scrambled to his feet, letting the newspaper he was reading fall to the floor. “You okay?” he asked, placing his hands gently on her shoulders, his face full of worry. “You’ve been gone all day.”

She closed her eyes and sagged against him. “Oh, Remus. This is so much bigger than we realized.”

***

In addition to being a talented witch, Lisa was an expert in Legilimency. But she had to be in close proximity with no outside distractions in order to read minds. So, just like Tonks, the Ministry sent her undercover on a date with a Death Eater years earlier. And through their negligence, they allowed her to be captured by a group of three Death Eaters who assaulted and tortured her for hours before the Ministry’s backup finally located and rescued her.

Tonks was shaking as she recounted details of the woman’s story to Remus, who looked on, his face betraying the horror and unease he was feeling.

“But instead of admitting that they made a mistake, the Ministry totally fucking gaslighted her. They wouldn’t let her account of things get put on record. They made it look like _she’s_ the one who screwed up and forced her resignation. They didn’t take any responsibility for what happened. They didn’t get her any help. And they forced her out.”

Picking up a glass of water, Tonks took several gulps, and then slammed it back down on the table, making Remus jump.

“There’s more. I talked to a former Auror who was fired for refusing to meet a known Death Eater for a ‘date’ to get information. And then I talked to the sister of Desiree Richards. Have you ever heard of her?”

Lupin’s eyebrows furrowed. “The name sounds familiar.”

“She was an Auror. A Metamorphmagus. Like me. She died on the job eight years ago.” Tonks rummaged through her bag and pulled out a notebook, and then slid a photo across the table. “Do you remember her?”

He nodded slowly, looking at the woman’s face. “Yeah. I do remember her. There was an accident, right? Something with a spell she cast incorrectly and she got splinched?”

Tonks swallowed hard, and then spoke in a low, urgent voice. “I don’t think so. I think the Ministry was responsible for her death and then covered it up.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”

She flipped open her notebook, thumbing through pages upon pages of her messy scrawl. “So get this. The ‘official’ story is she was splinched trying to Disapparate. The Ministry said she wasn’t even working at the time that it happened. She was in a bar, and they tried to make it look like she was drunk. Look at this quote from Scrimgeour himself. He was in charge of the department back then.”

Lupin scanned the article in _The Daily Prophet_ , dated 1988: “Rufus Scrimgeour, head of the Ministry’s Aurors, shook his head sadly at the news of Richards’ death. 'Miss Richards did show some promise, once. Sadly her performance on the job did not live up to our high expectations, and while I’d never want to speak ill of the deceased, we were strongly considering not renewing her upcoming contract.’ When asked if alcohol had ever been a problem for Richards during the course of her fourteen year career as an Auror, Scrimgeour reiterated, 'As I said before, I’d really like to not speak ill of the deceased.’”

__

He looked up at Tonks after he finished. “Remus, I’ve talked to her family, and a few of the people she worked with closely. She wasn’t a drinker. Not even a little. All of her colleagues said she was one of the best. Their protests were never taken seriously. One of them did an interview for the Quibbler, but everyone thought it was just a conspiracy theory. The Ministry made that shit up to make Desiree look bad. They sent her there that night to do the kind of work they wanted me to do, and it got her killed, and they threw her under the bus to avoid answering some hard questions about what happened to her.” 

__

“Dora, slow down,” Remus said, his hands on her shoulders. 

__

She pulled away from him, shaking her head angrily. “No, I can’t. I need to figure out what happened to her. I need to interview other women. There are a few more on Dumbledore’s list. And you _know_ there are others we don’t know about yet, countless others we’ll never find. We can’t let the fuckers get away with it. I won’t let them. This is important.” 

__

Lupin looked at her with wide eyes, and was quiet for several moments before nodding slowly. “Okay. You’re right. This is important. So, what do you need me to do?” 

__

Tonks beamed at him. “Thank you,” she choked out. 

__

“Come here,” he beckoned, taking a step toward her. She leaned into him, letting his arms wrap around her shoulders and pull her tightly against his chest. 

__

“Fuck, Remus,” she whispered. 

__

He stroked her hair gently, pressing his lips against her forehead. “I know. I’m here. Whatever you need.” 

__


	25. Covens & Cauldrons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GIRL POWER!!

Tonks’ heart was pounding as she sat down across from Calinda Jefferies, the host of _Covens & Cauldrons_, a popular talk show in the Wizarding World. Calinda flashed a warm smile as she greeted her guests. “Can I get you ladies anything to drink before we get started?”

“No thanks,” Tonks mumbled, and Lisa shook her head, but Dhonielle Johnson, the sister of Desiree Richards, cleared her throat nervously. “Could I have some water, please?”

“Of course,” Calinda replied, nodding to the assistant in the room who quickly produced a glass of water and set it down on the table. “Now I’m going to start off with an explanation for the audience about why you three are here, and then I’ll have each of you tell your stories. Tonks, we’ll start with you, and then we’ll move on to Lisa, and finally, Dhonielle will talk about her sister. Does that sound okay?”

Tonks nodded, praying that she wasn’t about to lose her breakfast.

“Alright then. Take a deep breath and try to relax. I know this is scary, and you’re all extremely brave to share your stories.”

Lisa reached out and took Tonks’ hand, giving it a squeeze, and Tonks felt the tension in her body lesson slightly. She met Lisa’s eyes and gave her a tight smile.

“Are we ready?” Calinda asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yes,” Dhonielle said, her face suddenly full of determination, and the other two women nodded along with her.

“Alright, ladies, we are on in five, four, three…”

Tonks shut her eyes tightly and took a deep breath. It was too late to turn back.

“Good evening, and welcome to tonight’s edition of _Covens & Cauldrons_. I’m Calinda Jefferies, and I have three extremely brave women here with me tonight. Two of them are former Aurors with the Ministry of Magic, and the third is the sister of a former Auror. All three of them have some disturbing similarities in their stories that must be investigated. We demand answers! First I’d like to introduce Nymphadora Tonks.”

Calinda flashed a wink across the table and Tonks took the cue, sitting forward in her chair.

“Now Tonks, you’re the youngest Auror to ever qualify in the history of the Ministry! Quite an accomplishment. So it’s pretty surprising to hear that you resigned after only a few years on the job. Can you fill us in on what happened?”

She swallowed hard and cleared her throat. “Thanks, Calinda. Yeah, I was forced to resign. For refusing a mission I didn’t feel comfortable with. I can’t go into details, but it involved me posing as a prostitute and being alone with a target. When I said no, I was forced out of the Ministry, and they called me unstable.”

Calinda’s eyebrows raised. “Wow. That just isn’t right. I imagine you were trained to go undercover, but shouldn’t an Auror have some say over the circumstances of their assignments when they feel their personal safety is at stake?”

“Absolutely,” Tonks agreed. “And after I shared my fears, and informed my boss that I would not be going through with this particular mission, I was asked to resign. A couple of days later I read in the paper that I was called ‘emotionally unstable’ and they said I was ‘no longer reliable’ in the field.”

“That's a despicable way to treat your agents,” Calinda commented, shaking her head.

“It is. But unfortunately I’m not the only one. It became clear to me that this was a pattern of behavior by the Ministry. I spoke with over a dozen former Aurors and other Ministry employees who had similar stories. Understandably, many of them are not comfortable coming forward publicly. But I would like to thank the two women who are sitting here beside me today.”

“Thank you, Tonks. Next we’ll be hearing from Lisa Knautt, who parted ways with the Ministry almost a decade ago.”

Tonks sat back in her chair after she had stopped speaking, her head spinning. She only half-listened as Lisa told her story, trying to refocus and wiping clammy palms on her jeans.

“I stayed quiet for a long time before Tonks showed up on my doorstep. I can’t even explain how it felt to know that I wasn’t alone. But I kept my mouth shut about all of this for far too long. Not anymore,” Lisa finished, her head held high.

“Wow. I can’t even imagine. Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your ordeal with us. That was incredibly brave,” Calinda said with a reassuring smile.

“And now that brings us to our next guest, Dhonielle Johnson. Now, Dhonielle, Tonks came to you recently as well to ask about your sister, Desiree?”

“Yes, that’s right. She came asking about my sister, and I could tell something was different about the questions she was asking. She believed me when I said that the stories they were telling about Desiree just weren’t true.”

“Now in case our listeners aren’t familiar with your sister’s case, I’m going to review a few details, Dhonielle, and I apologize, because I’m sure this will be hard for you to relive.”

Dhonielle closed her eyes and nodded, and Tonks’ heart broke for her.

“Your sister Desiree was an Auror, a very talented witch. And she died on the job a few years back. There are almost no details that were released to the public, or to the family, is that right?”

“That’s correct.” Dhonielle’s fingers were shaking as she brushed the black curls out of her eyes, but her voice was strong.

“All of the reports indicate that she was drunk at the time of her death and accidentally splinched herself. But you deny that as even being a possibility.”

She shook her head emphatically. “Absolutely not. Our father was a drinker. Desiree never touched the stuff. I know my sister. We talked every day. She was meeting a man that night. Didn’t feel good about it. But she went anyway, because her boss had bullied her into it. And I never saw her again.”

“And the Ministry never revealed any details about who she was meeting that night, or what she was looking for?”

“Nothing. She was just gone, and we got blocked at every turn when we just tried to figure out what happened to her.” Dhonielle paused for a moment, composing herself before continuing. “My sister was so proud to be an Auror. And she was _incredible_ at her job. She never had a bad performance review. Everyone who worked with her loved her. But they made her meet with this guy, and… something happened. I wish I knew what. It kills me that I don’t know what happened to her.”

Tonks let out the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding in.

“I can’t even imagine,” Calinda said, shaking her head. “I am so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry your sister’s memory was tarnished by the Ministry.”

Dhonielle sighed heavily. “Yes. That’s the worst part of it. How they treated her after. She deserved better. It’s so easy for them to just throw away Black women and pretend it never happened.”

Calinda nodded. “I’m sure you may already know this statistic, Dhonielle, but in case our viewers don’t, Black women are more than _twice_ as likely to be the victim of a homicide compared to their white counterparts in the U.K.”

“Unfortunately I _did_ know that statistic. And it doesn’t surprise me.”

“So it appears,” Calinda said, pausing to take a deep breath (and for a bit of dramatic effect), “that the Ministry of Magic has a history of putting female Aurors in harm’s way in order to get information. But when any of the women express concerns for their own safety, or if they are in fact harmed on the job, then the Ministry distances themselves rather than listening to or supporting their own employee, ending in job termination and character assault.”

“That’s right,” Tonks jumped in, a hard edge to her voice. “Calinda, I’m so grateful to have Lisa and Dhonielle here with me today, willing to share their difficult experiences with so many. But there are at least a dozen other women I’ve spoken with with similar stories, and for their own personal reasons, are not comfortable coming forward publicly. And I respect that, because it’s their life, and it’s their choice whether or not they want the world to know their business. But this is a pattern, and it’s not right. We need to listen to women, and stand up for each other, and say that enough is enough.”

Calinda looked slightly taken aback by Tonks suddenly speaking up, but her surprise quickly turned into a grin. “I agree with you completely, Tonks. We trust the Ministry to keep us all safe, and that should without a doubt include the brave women who put themselves on the front lines. None of you should be forced into situations you don’t feel comfortable with, and we need more transparency in these missions. I understand many of them are undercover, but that can’t be at the risk of your safety.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel safe again,” Lisa admitted sadly.

“Ladies, I wish we had more time,” Calinda began. “This is just the first of many conversations I hope to have about the way the Ministry of Magic treats its female employees, and I hope these cases are seriously investigated. Thank you to my three guests for joining me today and for speaking up for all women. I’m Calinda Jefferies, and this has been _Covens & Cauldrons_. Thanks for tuning in, and good night.”

As soon as they uncharmed the microphone, Tonks let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god that’s over. I was shaking the whole time.”

“You were great,” Calinda assured her. “You all were. Just incredible. We need to dig into this more. Dhonielle, I’d love to do a whole piece on just your sister. Highlighting her career, really paint a whole picture of who she was as a person. Honor her memory.”

Dhonielle nodded, pressing her lips together. “That would be wonderful.”

“And Tonks, I hope we can keep talking. You’ve uncovered a lot already in a short time. This is important. Thank you for trusting me to get your story out there.”

Tonks nodded, her cheeks flushing. “Thanks for having us.”

***

Lupin was waiting for her outside the studio, his face soft but serious as she walked through the door and they locked eyes.

He pulled her close for a hug, kissing the top of her head. “You were great.”

“Can we go home?” Tonks begged, feeling emotionally drained, and he nodded wordlessly.

***

They picked up Chinese carryout for dinner, Tonks’ appetite finally returning after weeks of pushing food around her plate and just picking at meals. She was uncharacteristically quiet, but appeared more relaxed than Lupin had seen her in a while.

When she got up to clear their bowls and put them in the sink, he poured each of them a glass of wine.

“I’m so proud of you,” Remus said, brushing the hair out of her eyes. “You’re incredible. Look at what you did.”

Tonks beamed, her cheeks flushing. “Stop.”

“Never,” he murmured, pressing a kiss behind her ear.

Her lips met his with a sigh, the high from her successful interview lifting her spirits as she reached for his belt buckle.

“You sure?” he asked gently, his hand covering hers. “It’s been a big day for you.”

“I’m sure,” she insisted. “Please. I want to celebrate. Make me feel good, love.”

Lupin nodded, one hand cupping her cheek gently while the other one trailed along her ribcage, sending a shiver down her spine. “Okay, I think I can do that.”

“Mmm, I _know_ you can,” she grinned up at him.

Remus pressed his forehead against hers, sliding his hand around her waist and drawing her closer. “God, It’s good to see you smile again. I missed you.”

“I’ve been right here.”

“You know what I mean. I’ve been worried about you.”

Tonks closed her eyes and leaned into him. “I know.”

“I’m so fucking proud of you,” he whispered, kissing her neck and slowly unbuttoning her shirt.

“I love you, Remus,” Tonks said, her voice breathless, and then she squealed loudly as he grabbed her around the waist and carried her into their bedroom, kicking the door closed behind them.


	26. You're Safe Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: descriptions of physical violence

Within thirty-six hours of the radio show airing, Tonks received an owl from the Ministry, requesting that she attend a formal hearing to have her reinstated in her position as Auror, with “conditions yet to be discussed.”

She wordlessly handed the letter to Remus, who raised his eyebrows as he read it. “I guess you got their attention, huh?”

“Looks like it. They’re just trying to shut me up. What should I do?”

He took a deep breath. “If you work for the Ministry again, they’ll insist on no more interviews. They’ll probably make you sign a non-disclosure agreement. The investigation will end here, which is obviously what they want.”

Tonks chewed her lip and reread the notice.

“When’s the hearing?” Remus asked.

“Next week.”

He shrugged. “You don’t have to decide right now.”

***

Later that night, Remus cooked them dinner, pausing as he was clearing the plates afterwards to look closely at Tonks. “You okay?”

She forced a smile and looked up at him. “Yeah. Just thinking.”

“You don’t want to go back to work at the Ministry, do you?”

Tonks shrugged, her eyes shining.

He sat down at the table next to her. “Dora. It’s okay to be confused. This has all been a lot.”

She blinked and tears rolled down her cheeks. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

“Oh, love.” Remus let her slump against him, tenderly running his fingers through her hair. “I know I keep saying it, but I’m so proud of you. For all of this. For fighting back. For stopping the cycle. For standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. And I know it’s exhausting. You’re so strong.”

Tonks just sobbed as she leaned into him, clinging tightly to his sweater.

“Look what you did,” he said, his voice low and steady. “None of this would have happened without you.”

She let out a deep shuddering breath as Remus pressed kisses to her face and the top of her head.

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Tonks pulled back to look at him. “I’m sorry. This has been really hard. I always wanted to be an Auror. And part of me kind of _does_ want my job back. But I’d be letting down all those women I’ve spoken to, who trusted me to see this through. I don’t know what to do.”

Lupin nodded thoughtfully. “Sleep on it. Things always seem clearer in the morning.”

***

The next day, Tonks ripped up the letter from the Ministry. She’d come too far to turn back now. She wouldn’t let them silence her again.

***

A week later, Tonks had succeeded in managing to convince yet another woman to come forward, and was just finishing up a meeting with Calinda about doing a follow-up show. She stepped out of the studio and was searching through her bag for a pair of sunglasses when something suddenly slammed into her from behind.

Before she even had a chance to gasp, pain exploded inside her skull as her jaw hit the brick wall in the alley behind the studio, and then Tonks felt her joints lock, completely unable to move.

“You’ve certainly been talking a lot,” came a scratchy voice she didn’t recognize from behind her.

Tonks couldn't see the stranger, her face pressed into the cold bricks. He was much larger than her, and reeked of cigarette smoke.

“And you’ve been asking a lot of questions,” he leveled in a low tone. “Stay out of this, you goddamn cunt. We know where you live, with that werewolf you’ve been fucking. Keep your mouth shut, or we’ll make it hurt.”

Tonks felt like she was suffocating, her heart thundering in her chest, unable to take a deep breath. She had been hexed before in Auror training, so she knew what it felt like to be hit with a body-binding curse. But it had never happened to her like this before, all alone with an assailant, feeling so vulnerable and defenseless.

As if he could read her mind, the man hissed in her ear, “No one is going to come save you. I could kill you right here and no one would stop me. I could do _whatever I want_.” He forced his knee between hers, spreading her legs ever so slightly to drive home his point, and she felt like she wanted to die.

Then her assailant hooked his arms around her ribs and dragged her around the corner behind the garbage bins, and Tonks screamed silently, wishing like hell she could kick him in the balls as he pushed her face into the ground, his knee on the small of her back.

“We can find you anywhere. Even Dumbledore can’t protect you. And if you don’t learn to keep your mouth closed, we’ll find a way to shut you up for good. You understand?”

And then he was gone.

Tonks lay there, barely able to breathe.

And she waited.

And waited.

And waited.

She was face down in the damp grass, unable to move or call for help. Her skirt was bunched up around her waist, leaving her feeling exposed, and it was killing her not to be able to yank it down and cover herself. Tonks struggled to breathe through her mouth to avoid inhaling the putrid stench from the rubbage bins she had carelessly been tossed behind.

 _How long will it take for Remus to realize that I’m missing?_ she wondered, her panic mounting. _How long until someone finds me here? The morning??_

Then an even more terrifying thought entered her mind… depending on who found her in his state, unable to move, unable to speak, maybe staying hidden was better than the unknown.

Light rain started to fall, and Tonks felt goosebumps forming all over her bare skin. Her face was pressed into the cold mud, and her whole body began to tremble.

After what felt like hours, Tonks finally heard a familiar voice cutting through the fog.

“Dora! Where are you?”

 _I’m here!_ she screamed in her head. _Remus, I’m here!_

“Dora! Where are you, Dora?”

Lupin saw the smear of blood on the brick wall in the alley behind the studio, his heart pounding. _Where was she? If anything happened to her..._

He looked down at the ground and saw more blood, a trail leading around the corner to the garbage bins. He followed the path, and then he spotted her, face-down in the mud. “Dora!” he choked out.

Tonks felt relief wash over her as she felt Lupin’s hands on her waist, pulling her up and into his arms. The panic was written all over his face from seeing her eyes frozen in terror, the color completely drained from her pale, muddy face. “Fuck,” he muttered. “ _Reparifors_.”

A tingly warmth slowly spread throughout Tonks’ body as she gasped for air, slowly regaining control of her limbs.

“Dora,” Lupin choked out, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other hooked under her knees. “What happened?”

She sat up and coughed, looking up at him, her cheeks burning with anger as her body shook from the cool damp evening. He wrapped his jacket around her shoulders, rubbing her back lightly as he gazed down at her with concern. Then without warning, she burst into tears and collapsed against him, her whole body racking with sobs.

“You’re safe now, baby,” Remus murmured over and over again, stroking her hair. “I’m here. I’m so sorry. You’re safe, you’re safe now.”

***

After being checked out at St. Mungo’s and having her fractured jaw and tooth repaired by the healers, Remus took Tonks home. She didn’t leave bed for the next two days, refusing to speak.


	27. I Think You're Officially Stuck With Me

“Dora,” Remus said the next morning, opening the curtains wide and letting the sunlight stream in. “Let’s go for a walk, yeah?”

She groaned and covered her head with a pillow. “Let me sleep. I’m tired.”

He sat down on the bed next to her. “I did let you sleep. For two days. But I can’t anymore. I love you, and this isn’t good. So you have three choices: you can get up and take a shower, I can make you some breakfast, or we can go for a walk. But you have to pick one of them. You can’t stay in bed again all day.”

Tonks glared at him.

“I mean it, Dora. Pick one. Shower, food, or walk.”

After a long silence, she huffed. “Fine. I’ll have a piece of toast.”

Remus nodded. “Okay, good start. I’ll be back in a few.”

He returned ten minutes later with a plate of cinnamon raisin toast, some sliced strawberries, and a cup of coffee on a tray. A single pink rose from the bush out front of their apartment had been cut and was in a small bud vase on the corner of the tray.

Tonks rolled her eyes at his elaborate presentation, but had a hard time holding back a little smile as he sat down on the bed next to her, sipping from his own coffee cup. “Thank you,” she said quietly, breaking off a corner of the crust and popping it into her mouth.

He winked at her, and then took a deep breath. “Sirius wants to come over for dinner tonight,” Remus started cautiously, raising his eyebrows.

Tonks looked down, running her finger along the edge of the tray. “Okay.”

“Yeah? You’re good with that?”

She nodded, reaching for a strawberry.

“Alright then, I’ll let him know.” Lupin kissed her on the forehead and got to his feet. “I have some dishes to do. Eat your food. Take a shower. But then we need to talk about what happened, Dora. You can’t shut me out.”

She paused, and then nodded again.

“Okay. Come find me when you're ready.”

***

Tonks emerged from their bedroom an hour later with wet hair, her face scrubbed clean. She sat down on the couch next to Remus and tucked her legs underneath her, leaning into him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Remus just smiled as he slid his arm around her shoulders, and they were quiet for several long minutes, sitting side-by-side and listening to the clock tick and cars drive by outside.

“It was the Ministry,” she said at last, turning to look right at him, her heart pounding. “They sent someone. To threaten me to stop talking.”

Lupin’s face went white, clenching his hands into fists. “ _What_?” His voice had a hard edge she barely recognized.

“I was leaving the studio and someone slammed me into the brick wall behind the building. I couldn't see his face, and he got me with a body-binding curse before I could do anything about it. He threatened to kill me. Threatened you too, and said Dumbledore can’t save us. Then he dragged me around the corner and left me by those garbage cans until you found me. It felt like hours. What time was it when you found me?”

“Umm, I dunno, about six o’clock?” he muttered, rubbing his temples with his fingers and squeezing his eyes shut tight.

Tonks snorted bitterly. “Okay. So not even one hour. I left the studio a little before five-fifteen. But my god, Remus, in the moment it went on _forever_. Not knowing if anyone would find me, or who would find me. I felt so fucking helpless.”

“ _Fuck_!” he exhaled forcefully, causing her to jump in surprise. “I should have gone with you. I should have known they wouldn’t just let you talk shit about them without retaliating. I should have been there to protect you.”

She looked down. “I’m an Auror. Or, at least I _was_. I should have been able to protect myself.”

“Stop. Don’t do that.” Remus took her hand in his, tracing a line along her thumb with his own. “I knew something was wrong,” he admitted in a soft voice. “The hair on the back of my neck stood straight up. I was at the Burrow, meeting with Arthur, and I just knew that you were in trouble. I can’t explain it. I just… knew. I came back home, but you weren’t here, and I checked Grimmauld Place. Then I remembered you were meeting with Calinda so I came to the studio. And I don’t know… I could sense where you were. I’ve never felt anything like that before in my life.”

She beamed at him. “Holy shit. Really?”

He nodded and kissed the back of her hand tenderly. “I think you’re officially stuck with me.”

Tonks grinned, but then her face turned solemn. “We need to tell Dumbledore. And Mad-Eye. I’m not going to let this stop me."

Remus inhaled slowly. “You ready for this?”

Tonks looked down at her hands. “Yeah. Look, I know I didn’t handle things well the past few days. When he dragged me around the corner, I really thought he was going to kill me, or… I don’t know. I’m sorry. Sometimes I get in these depression spirals and have a hard time snapping out of it.”

He cupped her face with his hand and kissed her forehead. “I know. And you don’t need to be sorry. That shouldn’t have happened to you. You did nothing wrong.”

She sighed and leaned into him.

“And if you’re up for a fight,” he continued, “I want to make them pay.”

Tonks’ eyes went wide and she bit her lip, beaming at him. “I love you.”

The corners of Lupin’s lips curled up slightly. “I’m serious. If you want that.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I want that. They can’t keep doing this and getting away with it.”

“Good. Well, if we’re going to take on the Ministry, we’ll need the whole Order behind us.”

“Let’s start with Sirius tonight,” she said slowly. “Then we can talk to Dumbledore and Mad-Eye tomorrow, and we’ll come up with a plan.”

***

Remus had a pot roast in the oven for dinner, and was in the kitchen opening a bottle of wine when there was a knock on the door.

Tonks opened it to find Sirius standing on their front porch.

“Hiya Tonks,” he said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as he stepped into their apartment. “Hey Moony!” Sirius plopped down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table.

“Gross,” Tonks muttered, wrinkling her nose as she looked at his muddy shoes.

“Sorry,” he grinned sheepishly, kicking them off. “What’s new?”

“Well,” Tonks began, looking hesitantly at Remus as he entered the room with wine and some glasses. “Kind of a lot.”

“Yeah? How’s the case going? Are you gonna do another interview?” Sirius asked, accepting the glass from Lupin and taking a large swig.

“Well, yeah, probably. I was — um — kind of attacked the other night?”

Sirius set his glass down on the table, leveling Tonks with a hard look. “Hold on. _What_?”

“Tonks was threatened. By the Ministry,” Remus said sternly, sitting down on the couch next to her, his jaw tight. “Sent some goon to intimidate her into stopping this crusade against them.”

“Wait… when was _this_?”

She cleared her throat. “Um, on Monday. He attacked me outside of the studio when I was meeting with Calinda about our next interview. Told me to keep quiet or they’d find a permanent way of shutting me up.” Tonks shivered at the memory.

“Holy shit,” Sirius muttered, his face turning red with anger. “Do you know who it was?”

Tonks shook her head. “Couldn't see his face, and I didn’t recognize the voice. He got me with a body-binding curse and left me behind the rubbage bins in the alley, just to humiliate me further. Luckily Remus found me before anything else happened.”

“Fuck, Tonks. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m still shaken up, and my pride’s a bit bruised. But I’ll live.”

“So what are you going to do now?”

She looked to Remus. “We’re going to fight back. But we need the whole Order behind us.”

Lupin nodded, leaning forward. “We’re meeting with Dumbledore and Mad-Eye tomorrow, but we wanted to talk with you first. I was hoping you could help provide protection. I’ll obviously be here, but there’s no one we trust more than you, Sirius. And having a black dog hanging around would be a lot less conspicuous than Mad-Eye sulking out front, or god forbid Hagrid,” he said with a good-natured grin.

“Well damn,” Sirius said, looking uncomfortable. “This makes the timing of my news less than ideal.”

“What news?” Tonks said, tilting her head.

He scratched his head. “I finally have details of that mission overseas that Dumbledore wanted to send me on. I’m leaving the day after tomorrow for Lebanon.”

“Lebanon?” she repeated, looking stunned. “That’s… far.”

“I know,” he grimaced.

“Well, shit,” muttered Remus, looking a bit shaken.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said regretfully. “I mean, with all this going on now, I can ask Dumbledore if we can delay this, or if he can send someone else —”

“Absolutely not,” Tonks replied, smiling at him. “Go. You should do this.”

“But the timing is so shitty. I didn’t know all this would be happening and you’d need me.”

“That’s okay,” Remus interjected. “Tonks has the whole Order to stand behind her. We’ll be fine, Sirius. This is good for you. You need a change of scenery.”

Sirius sighed loudly. “Yeah. It’s kind of more than just that.”

“What do you mean?” Tonks asked, tilting her head.

He closed his eyes, and Lupin realized he’d never seen Sirius look so uneasy. “I can’t stop thinking about that night in the Department of Mysteries. Ever since it happened, I keep having this dream where things happened differently and I — I _died_. Every time it happens the exact same way. Harry’s right there, and Bellatrix gets me and I fall back through that veil and just… fade away. Every time it’s the same. But then I wake up, and realize I’m still here. Because of you, Tonks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful. But what am I doing with my life? I feel like I have another chance, and I’m just wasting it. It feels like there’s something more out there, waiting for me.”

Tonks reached for his hand. “Sirius, you should go. This is important for you. And it sounds like it’s where the Order needs you too. We’ll be fine here. Promise.”

“I’m sorry, Tonks. I really want to be here to support you on all this. I’m so fucking proud of you, cuz. Remus, aren’t you proud of her?”

“I tell her that everyday,” Lupin said with a grin.

“Stop it, you two,” Tonks insisted, her cheeks burning red with embarrassment.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Sirius asked. “You know I’ll stay if you need me. I mean it.”

“Stop! Get out of here already!” she teased, throwing a pillow at him.

Sirius grinned at her. “Alright then. But you two have to keep me posted on what’s going on back here so I don’t feel out of the loop. I _hate_ being out of the loop.”

“As long as you let us know what’s going on with you out there, too.”

“Deal.” Sirius turned to Remus and wagged his eyebrows mischievously. “Now I believe you promised to feed me if I came over? Are we actually going to eat, or are we just going to sit around and gossip all night?”

Lupin rolled his eyes at his friend. “Ah yes, I live to serve you, Padfoot.” He stood up and walked into the kitchen to check on dinner.

“He’s gonna miss me,” Sirius whispered to Tonks with a wink.

She laughed. “It’s true.”

“Hey, for real though… you okay?” he asked, looking at her closely, his face suddenly more serious. “I can’t believe those fuckers sent someone after you.”

Tonks swallowed hard and shrugged. “I’m a little shaken up still. But I’ll be okay.”

Sirius reached out and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. “You’re about as tough as they come, Tonks. Hang in there. The Ministry is about to find out who they’re up against.”

“Thanks, Sirius.”

“Love you, cuz. I meant it — I’m really proud of you.”

Tonks made a face. “Shut up, Sirius. And I love you too.”


	28. Not Fearless... Just Determined

Dumbledore’s face was very solemn when Tonks and Lupin visited his office to share what had happened to her. His normally twinkling blue eyes darkened, the rage visible on his face. Tonks felt a swell of affection for the old man to see how affected he was to hear of her attack.

“What should we do?” asked Remus.

“Tonks, I’m just so sorry you’ve been put in this position,” Dumbledore said, shaking his head. “I didn’t think they’d stoop to this level, but I guess I underestimated them. Are you prepared to continue with your research and interviews, if the Order can provide protection?”

She nodded, swallowing hard. “Yes. I don’t want to give up.”

Albus looked proud. “Good. Remus, you’re to stay with her at all times until further notice. Any other jobs you’ve been working on can wait for the moment. I assume Sirius has filled you two in on his assignment?”

“Yes,” Lupin said.

“And we don’t want him to give that up,” Tonks interjected quickly.

Dumbledore smiled. “Then I’ll talk to Alastor and Arthur and Kingsley. We’ll put someone outside your flat while you’re at home, and will provide security when you need to go out, Tonks. This kind of intimidation is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.”

***

So, Tonks quickly got used to being escorted everywhere she went. Today she was meeting Calinda for another interview, exactly one week after she was attacked. Lupin held the studio door open for her, a furtive glance around them before following her inside the building. Mad-Eye stood out front, and Kingsley was around the back in the alley.

Remus walked down the hall with his hand pressed protectively into Tonks’ lower back, a calm spreading through her entire body, her head held high.

Tonks took a deep breath as she settled in again at the interview table in the studio.

“You sure you want to do this?” Calinda asked carefully, taking the seat across from her after greeting with Remus.

“Absolutely,” Tonks replied without hesitating.

“Good. Just try to calmly tell us everything that happened to you, okay?”

Tonks nodded.

The producer jumped in. “Alright ladies, we’re heading on the air in five, four, three…”

“Good evening, and welcome to tonight’s edition of _Covens & Cauldrons_. I’m Calinda Jefferies, and loyal listeners will definitely recognize our guest tonight, the very brave Nymphadora Tonks who joined us a couple of weeks ago to expose the history of extremely poor behavior displayed by our very own Ministry of Magic toward its female employees. Tonks, thank you for joining us again.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for having me, Calinda.”

“Now you were here just last week, and the two of us met with yet another witness who has come forward with her own story about working for the Ministry and being pressured to meet Death Eaters at a hotel, posing as a prostitute. And as you were leaving this very studio, you were physically assaulted and threatened, is that correct?”

Tonks took a deep breath. “That’s correct.”

“I can’t imagine how scared you must have felt, but can you share a little bit about what happened with our audience?”

“Yeah, okay,” she replied, glad her hands were shaking and not her voice. “Well, two days after I did your show, I received a summons from the Ministry to attend a hearing to be reinstated as Auror. It was clear from the wording that they just wanted to shut me up, so I didn’t go. And then as I was leaving the studio when I was attacked from behind. I couldn't see him, and didn’t recognize his voice. He put a body-binding curse on me and threatened to kill me if I didn’t stop speaking up about the way I was fired from the Ministry, or if I didn’t stop interviewing other women. He threatened my safety, my boyfriend’s safety… but I’m _not_ backing down. I’m not going to let them silence me with intimidation. They’re not going to get away with treating us like this.”

Calinda raised her eyebrows. “Wow. You’re fearless, Tonks.”

“No, not fearless. Just determined. Determined to see things change, for other women who work for the Ministry, or for the little girls who dream of becoming an Auror. We’re worth a lot more to the Ministry than just being bait for leering Death Eaters. We’re intelligent, strong, brave women, and we’re damn good at our jobs. We’re tired of our safety not being a priority to our employer, who is supposed to protect us. And until they decide to do their job, and listen to and stand by their employees, we’re going to keep being a thorn in their side.”

“We reached out to the Ministry for a response to this story, but they have declined to comment,” Calinda jumped in. “I do hope there is an investigation into this incident, clearly meant to bully and intimidate a witness into keeping quiet. If you stand with Tonks, and with all the women who have come forward, please let the Ministry know. Send your owls to Gawain Robards, care of the Ministry of Magic. We need to stand together with these brave women, who have been asked to do far more than should be expected of them. Make your voices heard! Alright folks, Covens & Cauldrons will return after this short commercial break.”

***

The next day, the Ministry received over seven hundred strongly-worded letters addressed to Gawain Robards, Tonks’ boss who tried to make her meet with Corban Yaxley for a date to get information from him. Robards was fired by the end of the week.


	29. It's Just Like Emory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of rape, depression, and self-harm

The Ministry’s official statement about Robards being fired was predictably vague, and they vehemently denied knowing anything about Tonks being threatened and attacked. But it did feel like a small victory knowing that he was gone, and that Tonks and Calinda and all the other women had managed to garner so much public support for their cause in a relatively short time.

On Tuesday night less than one week later, Tonks and Remus were finishing up a quiet dinner dinner when they heard a commotion outside their apartment. Exchanging a worried glance, they both reached for their wands as Remus peered out the front window.

“Moody’s got someone,” he whispered in a low tone.

“What?” Tonks hissed, quickly at his side, trying to catch a glimpse of the struggle going on out front.

“Stay back, Dora,” Lupin warned, blocking her with his hand.

She huffed and shoved him out of the way. “Remus, I’m fine.” But then her initial look of fear turned to concern as the man Moody had in a headlock fell to his knees and started crying.

Lupin turned to look at Tonks with raised eyebrows before opening the front door warily. “Everything all right out here?” he called.

“Caught this one pacing back and forth in front of your apartment, clearly casing the joint for something,” Mad-Eye growled, glaring at the prowler, his wand pointed at the man’s head.

“No. No, it's not like that. I’m _sorry_ , I didn’t mean anything by it. I was trying to get up the nerve. I just wanted to talk to her,” the stranger wept.

“Talk to whom?” Remus asked calmly.

“To _her_. Shit, I’m bad with names. I wrote it down. It’s in my pocket. My coat pocket.”

Mad-Eye’s hand plunged into the man’s jacket pocket and retrieved a crumpled sheet of yellow lined paper. He squinted in the dim glow of the streetlight to read the man’s scribbled writing. Moody's eyes flew to Lupin, who was still standing on the front stoop, and he wordlessly handed the paper over to him. Remus quickly scanned the note.

_Nymphadora Tonks  
speaking out against the Ministry  
Aurors assaulted on the job… A LOT of them  
It’s **just like Emory**_

The last three words had been underlined over and over again, the ink furiously scribbling down the page until the paper had torn at the bottom of the sheet.

“Who’s Emory?” came Tonks’ voice from behind Remus, reading over his shoulder.

“My wife,” the stranger choked out, his voice breaking.

Lupin turned to look at Tonks, and she nodded at him.

“Do you want to come inside?” Remus asked carefully.

The man looked nervously at Mad-Eye, who still had a firm grip on his collar.

Moody released him slowly. “I’ll be right out here if you need me,” he grumbled.

Tonks’ hands were shaking as she held open the door, the stranger walking inside first, followed by Remus. She shut the door quietly behind her and walked into the living room, settling into the couch next to Remus. Their guest was perched in the armchair, tapping his foot nervously.

“Why don’t you start by telling us your name and why you’re at our home,” Remus said in a gentle, yet no-nonsense tone.

“Look. I’m sorry for any alarm I caused out there. My name is Desmond Scott. My wife was Emory Scott. She was an Auror, and she died. I heard you on the radio, and I think you can help me.”

Tonks swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay. Can you tell us what happened?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” he warned.

“We have time,” she said with a small but encouraging smile.

Desmond took a deep breath. “Okay. Emory trained to be an Auror. We were only married for eight months before she was promoted. She was so excited. I was so proud of her. We had no money, but I scraped together every penny I had to buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate. We had tuna melts for dinner that night because that’s all we had, but I can still picture her laughing when I popped the cork on that bottle and it hit the ceiling.”

He grinned for a moment and closed his eyes, but then his face turned somber again.

“Everything had a bad feel from the start. She was always working at night, always meeting men. She said she had to work her way up, but I could tell she didn’t feel comfortable with it.” Desmond’s voice began to shake. “I watched her lose all her confidence the longer she worked at the Ministry. I wanted to be supportive, but looking back, I wish I’d spoken up more.”

Desmond ran his hand through his hair. “One night she didn’t come home. Something just wasn’t right. I knew it. I tried to reach her, but of course, I couldn’t.”

Tears sprung to Desmond’s eyes. “She was meeting with a Death Eater, trying to get information. He disarmed her and forced her into one of the rooms above the bar. He… he raped her,” he choked out, his voice barely audible.

Tonks squeezed her eyes shut tightly and Lupin’s whole body tensed.

“Everything changed after that,” Desmond said, hanging his head and remaining silent for a long moment.

“Can I get you something?” Tonks asked gently, getting to her feet. “Water, tea… beer?”

“Or I have whiskey,” Remus said quietly.

“Yeah, okay,” Desmond said, meeting Lupin’s eyes. “I’ll take that.”

Remus nodded as Tonks dropped back down to the couch.

Desmond turned his gaze to her. “I haven’t thought about all of this in a very long time. But when I saw you do that interview…”

Tonks nodded, leaning forward in her seat. “How long ago was this?” she asked gently.

He sighed deeply. “Eleven years now. But it still hasn’t gotten any easier.”

Lupin returned with three glasses, and they drank in silence for a moment until Desmond spoke again.

“She had a great sense of humor, Emory. Very quick with the witty remark. And her eyes were just always so bright whenever she was talking. Before everything happened, I mean.”

Tonks swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

“We talked about having a baby. We’d started trying, but it just hadn’t happened for us yet. And then after… well, she didn’t want anyone to touch her. She never talked about wanting a baby again.” Desmond took a long sip of the whiskey, closing his eyes.

“I tried to give her some space, but let her know I was still there for her, you know? At least I thought I did. I didn’t know what to do. And the Ministry made it worse. She couldn’t work, so they terminated her. Emory was attacked on the job, and it was _their_ fault. She was supposed to have backup. But they let it happen. And then they didn’t help her. They blamed her for what happened, they took away her job, her dream, our life. Everything.”

Desmond paused for a long moment. “She was _really_ good at her job,” he said firmly, a note of pride in his voice as he looked at Lupin and Tonks, and he smiled through his tears, taking another sip of his drink.

Remus reached for Tonks’ hand, squeezing it tightly.

“I stayed home with her for a few weeks. She went and talked to a counselor. She seemed to be getting a little better. But she wasn’t sleeping. I’d always wake up to find her side of the bed empty, and she’d be in the front room, just sitting in the dark alone, or staring out the window. One night I found her standing outside in the rain in her nightgown.”

Tonks’ heart was pounding, dreading to hear how it ended.

“And then one night I woke up and couldn’t find her anywhere. Her side of the bed was cold, and it’s like I just knew she was gone. Emory had drowned herself in the pond in our backyard. She left me a note that just said ‘I love you, I’m sorry.’”

“Fuck,” Remus muttered under his breath, closing his eyes tightly.

“Oh my god.” Tonks clapped her hand over her mouth, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

“I want them to answer for what they did to her. I heard your interview, and all that anger came back, like it just happened a few days ago.” He finished the drink and slammed the glass down on the table. “They finally fired Robards, huh? He worked with Emory. I remember hearing his name. She said the comments he made always made her feel uncomfortable. I’ve just been trying to keep to myself for these past years, but it’s hard when those names keep popping up in headlines again. Like that fucker Yaxley.”

Remus froze. “Wait, what did you say?”

“Corban Yaxley. I saw he had been arrested and put in Azkaban a few years back, and I celebrated like you wouldn’t believe. It felt like justice for Emory. But then he broke out. It’s hard knowing he’s out there in the world again.”

“What does Corban Yaxley have to do with your wife?” Tonks asked in a shaky voice.

Desmond shook his head. “Sorry. I’m rambling and not making a lot of sense. I thought I mentioned it before. Yaxley was the one who hurt her all those years ago. He took everything from us.”

Tonks could feel the color drain from her face as she sunk back into the couch, grasping Lupin’s arm tightly.

“Oh, fuck,” Remus muttered, hanging his head. 

“What?” Desmond looked confused.

“Yaxley is the Death Eater they wanted me to meet with. That’s what started all this,” Tonks finally explained, her heart pounding.

Desmond’s jaw dropped as he looked at Tonks with wide eyes. “Oh. Well, thank god you didn't go,” he choked out at last.

She nodded, and Lupin tightened his grip on her shoulders.

“So, what do we do now?” Desmond asked finally.

Tonks cleared her throat. “Well, we should see if we can get a hold of Emory’s case file, although I doubt it still exists, unfortunately. And she wasn’t in Dumbledore’s notes.”

“Wait… Dumbledore? As in, _Albus_ Dumbledore?” Desmond asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Uh huh,” Tonks said with a grin. “When you’re fighting powerful enemies, you need to be sure you’ve got powerful friends.”

Lupin chuckled and shook his head.

“What? It’s true,” Tonks said defensively, elbowing him in the ribs.

Then she turned her attention back to Desmond, her face turning serious again. “If you’re willing to tell your story to everyone, I’d suggest we go talk to Calista. She’s helping put this story together, and it’s starting to get a lot of attention. We can make sure people know about Emory. But only if that’s what you want to do.”

Desmond nodded. “Yeah. That’s what I want to do.”

“Okay,” she said slowly, turning to Remus. “Why don’t we all go talk to her together? Meet us here tomorrow morning?”

Lupin shook his head slowly. He pushed a pad of paper and a quill across the table to Desmond. “Write down your address. We’ll pick you up.”

Tonks looked at him questioningly.

“We need a security plan. I’m not taking any chances. We should circle back with everyone on this before we make this move.”

“What does that mean?” Desmond asked nervously.

Remus stood, extending his hand to the man. “We will help you. You came to the right place. Dora is getting to the bottom of this, and we’re not giving up. But we need to be careful. And you do too. They won’t stop at anything to prevent these stories from getting out.”

Desmond gulped, his eyes wide. “I have nothing to lose. I really don’t care what happens to me, as long as Emory gets justice.”

“Well, _we_ care about what happens to you,” Tonks said, hooking her arm through Lupin’s and smiling. “You’re our friend now. Be careful. We’ll be in touch in the morning. I promise.”


	30. Deputy Director

True to their word, Tonks and Lupin arrived at Desmond’s apartment the next morning, flanked by Kingsley Shacklebolt and Arthur Weasley for backup.

He answered the door, nervously glancing around him, and then met Lupin’s eye. “I wasn’t sure if you were actually coming,” he admitted.

“Why not?” asked Tonks, tilting her head at him with a warm smile.

“I dunno,” Desmond shrugged, looking sheepish. “Come in.”

The two of them and Arthur entered his home, while Kingsley remained outside to keep watch for anything suspicious. 

Tonks looked around the small, dusty apartment as Desmond quickly cleared the table, moving piles of newspaper and envelopes to the counter behind them. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Don’t get a lot of visitors.”

As she settled into a chair, Tonks couldn’t help but notice the framed photo of Desmond with his arms around a beautiful young woman with curly red hair and clear blue eyes. They were both wearing hiking boots and big smiles and were standing in front of a gorgeous backdrop of snow-covered mountains. 

“That’s from our honeymoon,” Desmond said, running his finger along the edge of the frame. “She always wanted to go to Austria.”

Tonks could hear Lupin swallow the lump in his throat beside her.

“So,” she began gently. “You’ve had a little time to think about all of this some more. You still want to get involved? Do a public interview about what happened to Avery?”

Desmond nodded, looking resolute. “Yeah. Definitely.”

Tonks and Remus exchanged a look. “Okay then. We should take you to the studio, meet with Calinda, get your story on the record,” Lupin said.

“I reached out to her this morning, and she’s expecting us,” Tonks added. “She’s been great with everything, Desmond. Very committed to raising awareness and getting justice. For Emory… for all of us.”

“That sounds good to me,” he said quietly, giving her a tight smile. “That’s all I want.”

***

Calinda handled Desmond’s story with care, listening to him as he told her the whole story. Her eyes filled with tears as he reached the tragic conclusion, and she shook her head. 

“I can’t believe it went on for this long, affecting this many women, before anyone noticed the pattern,” she said.

“I should have spoken up sooner,” Desmond admitted regretfully. “I just didn’t know there were others.”

“Stop, it’s not your fault,” Tonks interjected quickly. “None of us knew how far this went.”

“Tonks is right,” Calinda agreed. “The important thing is that you’re coming forward now. We’ll make sure Emory isn’t forgotten. Can you come back tomorrow to do it for real, on air for our audience?”

Demond nodded tightly. “Sure, okay.”

Calinda turned her attention to Tonks. “Thank you, for continuing to trust me with this story. This is getting really big. People are finally paying attention, and saying enough is enough.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “We need to keep the pressure up until we’re sure there's going to be real change at the Ministry. I don't want another woman to have to go through this ever again.”

Calinda looked impressed. “Maybe we should have a panel show again next week, and you can share your ideas for policy changes that you’d recommend?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Tonks agreed, nodding.

***

Kingsley agreed to escort Desmond back to his place and keep watch over him until after the interview, and Arthur accompanied Lupin and Tonks back to their apartment. But when they arrived, someone was waiting on their front porch for them.

Standing in front was a well-dressed woman that Tonks recognized, older than her by about thirty years, with a thick braid of black and gray hair that reached halfway down her back. She smiled as she saw them coming down the sidewalk, and Remus reached for Tonks’ arm, eyeing the stranger warily.

“Nymphadora Tonks,” the woman greeted them warmly. “I hope I’m not intruding. My name is Samira Patel.”

Tonks nodded, narrowing her eyes. “I know who you are. You work for the Ministry.”

“Yes. And I understand that I’m probably the last person you want to see right now. But I’ve been asked to take over the recently vacated position as head of the Auror Department. And I’d like to talk with you, if you have a minute.”

Tonks hesitated, frozen in her tracks on the sidewalk. Remus gently placed a hand on her shoulder and she jumped, turning to look at him with huge eyes.

“Let’s go inside and hear her out, Dora,” he said softly.

“What? Oh, right. Do you, uh, want to come in?” Tonks choked out.

Lupin took Tonks’ hand as he opened the door to their flat and let their guest inside. “Please, have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the armchair in the front room, and the two of them sat across from her on the couch.

“Thank you for your time,” Samira said sincerely. “Nymphadora, I really respect your bravery in speaking up about what happened to you, and in encouraging other women to do the same. I am the first woman to ever have this position, so I do sincerely hope the Ministry sees that this is a _systemic_ problem, and we need to institute some real, lasting change in how we run things.”

Tonks nodded. “Thank you. And I agree.”

“Good. I’m glad to hear that. I reviewed your file, and I’m very impressed with what I’ve seen. I could give you a whole impassioned speech, or I could just let you know why I’m here.”

Raising her eyebrows, Tonks smiled, despite her nerves.

“So I’m hoping you’ll come back to work for the Ministry as my Deputy Director of the Auror Office. All of our agents’ assignments would have to go through you in order to be approved. It comes with a significant raise, of course.”

“ _Me?_ ” Tonks asked in disbelief.

Samira nodded emphatically. “You’re my first choice. And I don’t have a second, so I’m really hoping you’ll say yes.”

Tonks swallowed hard and looked at Remus, who was beaming at her. “Can I think this over a little?”

“Yes, of course, take as long as you need,” Samira said, getting to her feet. “I’ve already taken up too much of your time.” She handed Tonks a card. “Reach out to me with any questions, or if there’s anything I can do to persuade you. Between the two of us, the Ministry knows they have quite a scandal on their hands, and they know they need to institute some real change, or heads will roll. They will do anything to get you in this position. It makes them look good. But together, I think we can do a lot more than that. I’m committed to real change, and you obviously are as well. Set your number high — I’ll be sure they meet your demands.”

Lupin’s mouth hung open as Tonks escorted Samira to the front door, and then came back into the room.

“Holy shit,” she whispered.

“What do you think?” Remus asked, stepping toward her, his hand on her waist.

“I don’t even know what just happened.”

He laughed. “You’re a hot commodity, love.”

“Oh my god.”

Lupin bit his lip. “Do you want to go back to the Ministry at all? Do you trust her?”

Tonks shrugged. “I won’t know until I find out, right?”

“Right.”

“What should I do, Remus?”

“It’s not up to me, Dora! It’s your job… it’s your life. She seemed sincere. And I know you want to make some real changes happen. But I’ll support whatever you choose.”

Tonks grinned at him. “I love you.”

***

The next morning, Tonks accepted the job, asking them to double her salary, and had it written into her contract that all missions needed to have her approval, citing safety to their agents as her number one priority. The Ministry seemed relieved to have her on board, and they agreed to her terms without hesitation.

“Guess I should have asked for more money,” she said, shrugging at Lupin.

He just laughed. “It’s still way more than I’ll ever make. Congratulations, Deputy Director.”

“Holy shit,” she whispered, her eyes wide, and he picked her up and spun her around in a circle.

“You’re gonna be amazing,” he murmured into her ear. “They need you.”

“Thank you, Remus. I couldn’t have done this on my own.”

He chuckled. “You definitely could have. But I’m glad I was here.”


	31. The Lightning-Struck Tower

Tonks’ new job didn’t start for another two weeks, and the following day, Dumbledore asked her, Remus, and Bill to patrol the grounds at Hogwarts while he was away for the evening. McGonagall joined them, and all was quiet at first.

But then, yanking all of them out of the calm, Ron, Ginny, and Neville came tearing around the corner.

“Death Eaters!” Ginny shouted. “In the Room of Requirement!”

“What?” bellowed Minerva. “How?”

“They’re heading for the Astronomy Tower!” Ron yelled desperately.

The four adults exchanged quick glances before taking off sprinting down the hallway. They were immediately confronted by Corban Yaxley, Fenrir Greyback, Amycus Carrow, Alecto Carrow, Thorfinn Rowle and Djuric Gibbon, all with their wands raised.

Curses and spells started flying back and forth, and Gibbon raced up the stairs in the chaos. McGonagall narrowly missed being hit, but then fired back, striking Yaxley in the chest. He flew back, tripping Rowle in the process. Neville went down, and Tonks heard a horrifying scream come from Bill Weasley out of her line of sight.

Snape joined the fray, running straight through the fight, disappearing up the stairs to the top of the Astronomy Tower, and the Carrow siblings followed him. Lupin was right on their heels, but when he tried to go up the stairs, he recoiled and was thrown back as though electrocuted.

Tonks was at his side. “Remus, you alright?” she asked frantically.

He looked at her with dazed eyes, nodding. “What the fuck was that?”

She turned to see McGonagall attempt to climb the stairs as well, but the same barrier that had stopped Lupin prevented her path as well. Then her eyes went all the way up to the sky above them. “Is that—?” Tonks watched, her mouth agape, as the Dark Mark blossomed above the castle. She turned to see Lupin’s gaze upturned as well, his face set and serious.

“Avada Kedavra!” shouted Rowle from behind them. His curse narrowly missed Lupin, instead hitting Gibbon square in the chest as he came back down the stairs. “Aww, shit,” Rowle muttered.

“Stupefy!” Tonks screamed, sending Rowle slamming into the wall behind him.

More curses came from the remaining Death Eaters as they came down the stairs again. Snape and Draco Malfoy ran past, dodging jets of light, and then they were gone. One of Amyucs’ curses hit the ceiling, and large chunks of plaster began raining down on all of them.

Lupin grabbed Tonks and pushed her to the ground, shielding her with his body as a piece of debris hit him across the back. Then everything was quiet as the Death Eaters escaped, only leaving Gibbon’s corpse behind. Lupin looked down at Tonks. She was lying flat on her back beneath him, her face streaked with dirt, but she appeared to be unharmed.

“You okay?” he murmured in a shaky voice.

She nodded, her eyes wide. His elbows framed her head, his face inches from hers. “I’m okay. You?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” He got to his feet, wincing slightly, his hand finding the spot on his back where he’d been struck. Reaching out his other hand, he helped Tonks to her feet. She was shaking, and he slid his arm around her shoulders.

“Remus! Tonks! Help!” Their eyes flew to McGonagall, kneeling next to Bill behind them, and they were at her side in an instant.

Bill’s face and chest had been shredded to the point that he was almost unrecognizable. Minerva looked right at Lupin and said in a grave tone, “It was Greyback.”

Lupin’s face went pale, and Tonks felt like she was going to be ill.

“We need to get him to the hospital wing,” Lupin said quietly.

***

An hour later, Remus and Tonks were waiting outside the hospital wing, sitting on the cold stone floor with their backs pressed against the wall. Tonks head was resting on Lupin’s shoulder, her hand gripping his arm tightly.

Molly and Arthur Weasley hurried around the corner, looking absolutely frantic.

“Remus, Tonks, where is he?” Molly begged.

“He’s right inside,” Remus started, but they didn’t wait to hear any more, rushing inside the room.

“Oh no, not my _baby_ ,” they heard Molly sob as the door closed behind them, leaving Lupin and Tonks alone in the hallway again.

“Fuck,” Tonks muttered. “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

Lupin shook his head. “I wish I knew.”

“Will he be… like you?”

“What do you mean, a werewolf? Doubtful. Greyback wasn’t transformed when he attacked. But I can’t say for sure. I don’t know of any other cases like this one.”

She took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. “Are you okay?”

He looked at her. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I mean… seeing Greyback.”

“Oh.” There was a long silence. “I try to not really think about that.”

“I’m sorry.” Tonks bit her lip. “What’s going on, Remus?” she choked out in a whisper. “What were all of those Death Eaters doing here?”

“I don’t know, Dora.”

“Did you see Yaxley?” she asked, her voice shaky.

“Yeah.”

“ _Fuck_. I was thinking about Desmond. And Emory.”

“I know. Me too.”

She let out a loud sigh and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the wall. It felt like they had been waiting for hours, left in the dark about what was happening.

Finally, after an almost unbearable wait, McGonagall came out into the hallway, looking down at them with a solemn look on her face. Lupin scrambled to his feet, reaching a hand down to pull Tonks up to stand as well.

“How is he?” Remus asked, his voice urgent.

Minerva shuddered. “It’s ugly, but he’ll survive. But the Weasleys have some questions they were hoping you could answer, if you’re able to join us?”

Lupin nodded and followed her into the hospital room, Tonks gripping tightly to his hand and nervously trailing behind them.

Bill was so badly slashed and ripped that he looked grotesque. Madam Pomfrey was dabbing at his wounds with some harsh-smelling green ointment while his family looked on in horror.

“Remus,” Arthur said, his voice shaking. “Thank god the rest of you are alright. Did you see what happened?”

Lupin shook his head. “I’m sorry, it all happened so fast.”

“If Bill was attacked by Greyback,” Molly started hesitantly, “will he be — will — ?”

“No, I don't think that Bill will be a full werewolf,” said Lupin. “Greyback wasn’t transformed when he attacked. But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely ever to heal fully, and — and Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on.”

Molly closed her eyes and gave a small nod, pressing her lips together tightly.

“Where’s Dumbledore?” Tonks asked, looking around. “I wonder if he knows more about this.”

The kids were all quiet, and then Ginny spoke first. “Dumbledore’s dead.”

Tonks gasped, claiming her hand over her mouth. 

“What? _No_.” Lupin collapsed back into the chair. “What happened?”

“Snape,” Harry said bitterly. “He killed Dumbledore. It was his plan all along.”

Remus looked horrified, shaking his head, and the room was silent for several long moments. Tonks perched on the edge of the chair next to Lupin, and he slid over to make room for her as she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Tonks watched Fleur sitting on Bill’s bed, stroking his hair gently as tears streamed down her beautiful face.

“What now?” Tonks asked, speaking to no one in particular.

McGonagall shook her head. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

***

Too exhausted to head home, Lupin and Tonks crashed for the night in an empty dorm room at Hogwarts. Tonks flopped down on the twin bed, fully clothed, and began to cry. Remus dropped down to sit beside her, rubbing her back gently.

“It’s okay, Dora,” he murmured. “We’re okay.”

She looked at him with shining eyes. “That spell almost hit you.”

He nodded. “I know.”

“God… I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Remus.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” He wrapped her up in his arms and pulled her against his chest, where she could hear his heart thudding. “It’s okay, baby.”

“I’m really scared,” she admitted. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

“I know. I’m scared too,” he assured her.

Tonks swallowed hard, more tears spilling down her cheeks. “I almost lost you. I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if he hit you.”

“I’m right here, it’s okay.” Lupin’s mouth found hers and she kissed him desperately, letting out a shudder as his hand trailed lightly down her side. “We’re okay.”

She unbuttoned his shirt, almost frantically, and he slid her pants over her hips and down her legs, pretting kisses to every inch of her soft skin as he peeled her clothes off and discarded them on the floor.

“Oh, Remus.”

And then he was inside of her, and Tonks sighed with relief, her hands on either side of his face as she wrapped her legs around his waist. “Is this okay?” he murmured.

“Yes, _please_ ,” she moaned softly. “I need you.”

***

The next morning, Tonks blinked her eyes open to find Remus staring at her with a strange look on his face.

“What’s going on?” she asked groggily, sitting up in bed and looking around the unfamiliar room. Then it hit her. They were at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was dead. Fuck.

He shrugged, tracing over her cheekbone with his thumb. “Just watching you sleep.”

“Mmm. That’s creepy, Remus.”

“Is it?” He grinned at her and kissed her on the forehead.

“Uh huh. Especially since you’re wearing a lot more clothes than I am,” she observed, raising her eyebrows. He was fully dressed, while she was covering herself with only a thin white bedsheet.

“So I am,” he chuckled.

“Boo,” Tonks pouted teasingly, but then her face darkened. “You okay?” she asked softly.

He shrugged. “Everything is really fucked up. I don’t know what today is going to look like.” Lupin took her hand in his and kissed the back of it tenderly, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, they were full of tears.

“Hey,” she breathed. “It’s okay.”

“You know,” he started. “When I woke up today I had the strangest feeling. Like I was seeing you again for the first time. I had this dream, where I ran away from you to live with the werewolves, and we weren’t together anymore.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Umm, that really happened, Remus. That wasn’t a dream. You were gone for _months_.”

He shook his head, frustrated. “No, I mean, it's like I had this glimpse of another life, and we weren’t together right _now _. God, it felt so real, like it actually happened. Or it was supposed to happen. I don’t know. But I’d been gone this whole time, away from you, and you hated me for it. I’d fucked everything up. We didn’t live together, and you’d been staying with your parents and working for the Order while I was away. And we were both miserable without each other.”__

__Tonks looked confused. “Okay… what do you mean it was _supposed_ to happen?”_ _

__Lupin shrugged. “I don’t know. Just a dream I guess. But I just kept thinking about all that wasted time, running away from you because I was scared.”_ _

__She nodded, failing to understand what he was saying, but placing her hand tenderly on his cheek. “Well, I’m here. I’m real.”_ _

__He let out a shaky breath and leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers. “Thank god.”_ _

__“Mmmm,” she murmured against his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down toward her._ _

__Remus kissed her again and again, trying to shake the foreboding sense of déjà vu that had come over him. He pulled back and studied her face, tracing the line of her jaw with his fingertips, and a sudden clarity washed over him._ _

__“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice full of concern. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”_ _

__“Hey, Dora?” he whispered, his heart pounding._ _

__“Hmmm?”_ _

__“Marry me.”_ _

__Tonks just stared at him in stunned silence for a long moment. “Wait… _what_?”_ _

__“We should get married,” Lupin said again, slowly._ _

__Her breath caught in her chest. “Are you serious?”_ _

__He nodded slowly. “Yeah.”_ _

__Tonks’ eyes were wide as she sat up, pulling the sheets all the way up around her. “I — I didn’t think you ever wanted that.”_ _

__“I didn’t,” Remus admitted. “But a lot changed when I met you.”_ _

__“Holy shit.”_ _

__He smiled, tucking a strand of pink hair behind her ear. “Say yes.”_ _

__Her mouth was still hanging open slightly. “Umm, okay.”_ _

__Lupin laughed nervously. “That wasn’t very convincing, you know.”_ _

__“This is kind of a lot to take in right now!” she exclaimed, sounding annoyed. “I woke up naked at Hogwarts like five minutes ago after we went through some pretty traumatic shit last night, and now my commitment-phobic boyfriend is suddenly proposing to me? What happened to you?”_ _

__“Commitment-phobic?” he said, looking amused as he raised his eyebrows. “That’s not exactly fair. We _live_ together, Dora.”_ _

__“You _know_ what I mean, Remus. We’ve never talked about marriage.”_ _

__“Don’t you want to?” he asked carefully._ _

__“No, no, I definitely do,” she said, flustered as she pressed her lips together. “I just didn’t think _you_ wanted to.”_ _

__“I didn’t. But the past few weeks have knocked some sense into me. Life is _really_ short, Dora. Things change. Sirius moved away, Dumbledore is… gone. I don’t want to lose you. And if I’m being completely honest, I think Desmond’s story fucked with my head,” he said quietly. “That could have been you.”_ _

__Tonks looked down at her hands. “I know.”_ _

__“I love you, Dora. This world is so shitty, and you’re the only thing that’s ever made it feel tolerable. So what am I waiting for? I want to wake up every morning and know you’re going to be there. I want you to be my wife.”_ _

__She grinned. “Your wife, huh?”_ _

__“Yeah… Mrs. Lupin. What do you think?” he murmured, the corners of his mouth turned up in a crooked smile._ _

__Tonks bit her lip. “Mmm, well I sure like the sound of that.”_ _

__“So that’s a yes?”_ _

__“Yeah. Yes.” She squealed and flung her arms around his neck._ _

__Remus broke out into a broad smile. “Holy shit.”_ _

__“Did you really think I’d say no?” she teased, kissing the corner of his mouth._ _

__“Well, I didn’t really think about it too much, to be honest with you,” he admitted sheepishly. “I just woke up and decided it was what I wanted to do.”_ _

__She studied him closely. “So how do I know you’re not going to change your mind? It wouldn’t be the first time,” Tonks reminded him with raised eyebrows._ _

__“I know,” he said remorsefully. “I’ve been a fool. But I finally know where I want to be.”_ _

__“Yeah?” she asked hesitantly. “So this is for real?”_ _

__“Uh huh,” Remus said, pressing his forehead against hers._ _

__“And you’re not going to change your mind?”_ _

__Lupin shook his head. “I want you forever.”_ _

__“Oh my god,” she whispered with huge eyes. “I love you.”_ _

__“I love you, Dora,” he said, grinning._ _


	32. Your Mother Would Be So Proud

Lupin and Tonks kept their news quiet as solemn mourning happened all around them, and they both dealt with their grief in their own way. Dumbledore had meant so much to both of them.

He had taken a chance on Remus more than once, both as a student at Hogwarts and as a teacher, and had always been a loyal ally in the face of discrimination against werewolves. If it wasn’t for Dumbledore, there’s a very good probability that he wouldn’t have had any chance at a normal life, living among humans, making friends, working for the Order. Dumbledore gave him opportunity and a sense of purpose, and Remus would never forget it.

Dumbledore was the one who had brought Tonks into the fold with the Order as well, and had trusted and supported her in her recent fight against the Ministry. The two attended his funeral alongside all their colleagues and friends, and paid tribute to the man who had brought them all together.

***

Later that night, when they had finally returned to their house, Tonks set down her bag and turned to look at Remus, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes. “You didn’t change your mind, did you?”

He shook his head and cradled her face with his hand. “No. Did you?”

She grinned up at him. “No.”

“So when are we getting married?” Lupin murmured with a smile on his lips.

Tonks squealed and hugged him tightly around the waist.

“Can we just elope?” he asked hopefully. “I don’t want anything big.”

“ _Remus_. I don’t want anything big either, but I need my parents to be there. And don’t you want Sirius to come? Or… any family?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah. My father,” he said softly.

She tilted her head. “You know I’ve still never met him. Why don’t you two ever talk or see each other?”

Lupin shrugged sadly. “I don’t know. We’re bad at keeping in touch, since Mom died. He’s too much like me,” he said, shaking his head ruefully.

“Let’s go see him,” Tonks urged gently. “It would be good for you. And I’d like to actually meet my future father-in-law.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said slowly. “Maybe this weekend?”

“Just let me know,” she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him. “We need to tell my parents too.”

Remus gulped. “Yeah.”

“What? They love you,” Tonks said with a grin.

“Here’s hoping,” he muttered.

***

Saturday morning, Tonks wore a simple blue sundress and sandals, her long, brown hair braided down her back. “How do I look?” she asked, looking nervously at Remus.

“You’re perfect.” He kissed her forehead and smiled.

Lyall Lupin was already outside when the two of them came walking down the path toward his house. His face lit up at the sight of Remus, and then his gaze fell curiously to Tonks.

Lupin embraced his father. “Hi, Dad. It’s been a long time. You look good.”

“It’s wonderful to see you, son.”

Remus took a deep breath and put his arm around Tonks’ waist, and she shyly stepped forward. “I’d like you to meet Dora… my fiancée.”

Lyall’s eyes widened, looking from his son to Tonks, and then back to Remus. “Fiancée?” he whispered. Lupin smiled and nodded, and Lyall turned his full attention to Tonks, clasping both of her hands. “My dear. It’s — well, it’s just so lovely to meet you.”

Tonks grinned at him. “I’m so happy to be here.”

Lyall turned back to Remus and raised his eyebrows, laughing. “You’re full of surprises, huh? Come in.”

He gestured, and they followed him inside the small, cluttered house. “Oh geez,” Lyall muttered, moving newspapers and dishes off the table. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone. You could let me know that you’re coming one of these times, you know,” he commented, raising his eyes at Remus, who just shrugged apologetically.  
After Lyall cleared a spot, Lupin and Tonks sat down in chairs at the kitchen table.

“Something to drink?” Lyall offered. “Tea?”

Lupin shook his head. “We’re fine for now, Dad. Sit down.”

Lyall took a seat and looked across the table at Tonks with the same warm, kind eyes as his son. “Okay, Dora. Tell me, how did you and Remus meet?”

Tonks grinned. “We work together. They recruited me for the Order a couple of years ago, and when I reported for my first day, my cousin Sirius introduced me to Remus. Then we kept getting assigned to work together, and got to know each other better, and well…”

Remus took her hand in his and kissed the back of it tenderly. “Dora also works for the Ministry. Their new Deputy Director of the Auror Department. She’s been a force for change, standing up for women’s rights.”

Lyall raised his eyebrows. “Ahhh. Smart and strong. She reminds me of your mom.”

Lupin smiled and nodded, but then his expression turned somber and he looked back to his dad. “We should go visit her.”

Nodding, Lyall closed his eyes. “Yes. I’d like that.”

The trio walked through town until they arrived at a small cemetery with only about twenty graves. The green land was surrounded by a white picket fence, the flowers and trees beautifully maintained. Tonks followed them to a small headstone in the corner.

_Hope Howell Lupin_  
_Wife. Mother. Friend._  
_1935 - 1979_

“I really can’t believe she’s been gone almost twenty years. I still miss her every day,” Lyall said, his voice breaking.

Lupin put her arm around his dad’s shoulders and Tonks swallowed down the lump in her throat as she watched them, not knowing what to say. She reached for Remus’ hand and gave it a squeeze, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

They walked back to Lyall’s house. Lupin headed straight to the kitchen to start dinner, while his dad and Tonks got better acquainted in the front room.

“My son is quite a chef, as I’m sure you know,” Lyall told Tonks. “I’m afraid the best meal I make is toast.”

Tonks giggled. “I’m hopeless in that department too. Remus does all the cooking, or we’d be eating cereal and grilled cheese sandwiches for the rest of our lives.”

Lyall laughed at that. “My wife taught him. She was an excellent cook.”

Tonks smiled. “Remus said that she taught him the piano too.”

Closing his eyes, Lyall grinned with pride. “Yes. My Hope was very musical. She had a beautiful singing voice.” He was quiet for a long moment. Then he looked at Tonks, his eyes shining. “Did Remus ever tell you the story of how she and I met?”

Tonks nodded. “Yes, he did... but I’d love to hear you tell it.”

Lupin felt his heart swell as he diced vegetables, listening to Tonks and his dad chatting like old friends.

***

After a delicious dinner, the three enjoyed another glass of wine. But as it got later into the evening, Tonks began to yawn, and Lupin wrapped his arm around her. She leaned into his shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing. Lyall smiled as he watched his son kiss the top of her head.

“Mmm. Ready to go?” Lupin murmured.

“Sorry. I’m okay. We can stay a little longer,” Tonks insisted, smiling sleepily.

“No, it’s late,” Lyall said, standing up. “I’ll let you two get going.” He took Tonks’ hand. “Please, come back and visit again, dear. You can bring Remus too if you want.” He winked at her, and she grinned and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek.

“It was so nice to meet you,” Tonks told him. “We’ll be sure to come back soon,” she promised.

Then Lyall gazed upon Remus’ scarred face and beamed. “Just look at you, son. I — I’ll admit, I never thought you’d — oh, I’m just so happy for you. She’s wonderful. Your mother would be so proud.”

Lupin swallowed hard and hugged Lyall tightly. “Thanks, Dad.”

***

The next afternoon, they were at the Tonks family home to make the very same announcement, but Remus found himself far more nervous to tell Andromeda and Ted the news. 

Lupin and Tonks walked down the path toward the house to find Ted digging around in the family’s garden.

“Hi Dad.”

He looked up, squinting into the sunlight and wiping his palms on his pants. “Dora, sweetheart, how are you?” Ted hugged her and extended his hand to Lupin with a smile. “Remus, good to see you.”

“You too, Ted,” he replied quietly with a tight smile as he shook the man’s hand.

“Head on inside and find your mom. I’ll be there shortly.”

Tonks gave her dad a quick kiss on the cheek before running through the front door, Remus trailing behind her. “Hey Mom!”

“I’ll be right there!” her voice came from the back room. A moment later, Andromeda appeared, greeting her daughter with a big hug. “Hi honey. And Remus, lovely to see you.” Lupin bent down to kiss Tonks’ mom on the cheek. “How are you two?”

“We’re okay,” Tonks said, tilting her head. “It’s been a crazy few weeks, with everything at the Ministry, and then Dumbledore.”

Andromeda bit her lip. “Yes, I know. We were devastated to hear. He was such a good man.”

Ted came inside the front door with a basket of fresh vegetables from the garden, setting them down on the counter.

“Oh, Ted, will you grab that bottle of wine and some glasses?” Andromeda called, flashing her husband a smile.

“Sure thing,” he said with a nod.

“I’ll help you, Ted,” Lupin offered.

“Thank you, Remus.”

The men came back into the room to find Tonks and her mom in the middle of a conversation. 

“ — and then Remus and I were walking back from the studio after the meeting to find this woman on our front step, Samira Patel.”

“What’s going on?” Ted asked.

“Nymphadora’s telling me about what’s going on at the Ministry, sit down, love.”

Ted sat down next to his wife, and Remus dropped down next to Tonks, his hand on her shoulder.

“Well, I’ll make a long story short… she asked me to come back as the Deputy Director of the Auror Department. Every assignment has to be approved by me, to ensure that the safety of our agents is top priority.”

Andromeda gasped. “Sweetheart! Did you accept?”

Tonks grinned. “I did. I start in a week.”

“Oh, honey!” her mom shrieked, standing up and throwing her arms around her daughter’s shoulders. 

Ted beamed with pride as he hugged her next. “That’s wonderful. They’re very lucky to have you there. So are all of those Aurors. You’ll keep them safe, Dora. That’s so important.”

Tonks looked so happy as she turned to look back at Remus, still sitting on the couch. She reached for his hand and raised her eyebrows hopefully.

Lupin slowly rose to his feet. _Oh, like, right now? Okay..._

“Umm, and while we’re talking about news,” she started nervously, “Remus and I have something to tell you.”

Andromeda raised her eyebrows and the color seemed to fade a bit from Ted’s face.

“We’re — um — well, we’re engaged!”

“Nymphadora!” her mom squealed. “Oh, Remus! This is wonderful!!”

Ted was very quiet, looking down at his hands. 

Andromeda elbowed him. “We’re so happy for them. Aren’t we, Ted?”

“What? Oh, yes, of course. Congratulations,” he said, forcing a smile. “Will you all excuse me for a moment?”

Tonks’ face fell as she watched her dad quickly leave the room. Andromeda looked dumbfounded as the front door opened and closed behind him.

“What the fuck was that?” Tonks asked, exasperated, dropping down to sit on the couch.

Andromeda quickly sat next to her daughter, rubbing circles on her shoulders. “Oh sweetheart, give your dad a minute. You know he always comes around.”

“I’ll be back,” Lupin said quietly, heading toward the front door.

“No, Remus, _don’t_ , just let him be,” Tonks called after him, but he was already gone.

Lupin found the older man standing by the pond on the edge of their property, looking out over the water. He cleared his throat. “Ted, do you, uh, have a minute?”

Ted turned to look at him with watery eyes. “Sure, Remus.”

A pit immediately formed in Lupin’s stomach. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you first. About marrying your daughter.”

Letting out a forced laugh, Ted wiped his face with the back of his hand. “Ah yes. _Tradition_. You know I skipped all of that with Andromeda’s family too, Remus. They would have said no anyway.”

Lupin cringed. “Right. Well, I think more highly of you than that. I really didn’t plan it beforehand. It felt right, so I just asked her. I _love_ her, Ted.”

Ted clapped Remus on the back. “I know you do. You’re a good man. You’re good for her. I just — I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting this just yet. She’s still my baby girl. I’m not ready to lose her.”

The two men were quiet for a long time, watching the starlight shining down on the rippling surface of the water.

“Well, if it’s any consolation,” Remus said finally, “I wanted to elope. But Dora insisted that you and Andromeda needed to be there. You’re not going to lose her, Ted.”

Ted smiled to himself as he nudged a rock with the toe of his shoe, and there was another prolonged moment of silence. “For the record, I would have said yes. If you asked.”

Lupin struggled to keep the grin off his face. “Thanks, Ted.”


	33. A Janky Little Bouquet of Tiger Lilies

They decided on a small ceremony with only a handful of close friends and family, and wanted to get married as soon as possible. So when Sirius sent word that he was coming home in just a few days for a two week visit, it seemed like the perfect time to plan their wedding.

“We’ll tell him when he gets back, give him a bit to get used to the idea while you’re gone for the full moon, and then we can get married the weekend before he heads back to Lebanon,” Tonks suggested hopefully.

Remus nodded. “That works.”

She tilted her head. “Have you even talked to him?”

He shook his head. “Sirius? Nah. Haven’t heard anything since he left. Neither of us are great at that.”

Tonks rolled her eyes, smirking at him. “What? Communicating? I’m aware.”

“ _Hey_ ,” he said defensively, nudging her with his shoulder. “I’m getting better.”

She grinned, kissing him on the cheek. “You are.”

“Alright, well, I’ll make sure we can see him as soon as he gets back.”

***

A week later, Remus and Tonks were standing in front of Grimmauld Place for the first time in several months.

“Sirius?” Tonks called out as they stepped inside the foyer.

“Come on up!” his voice boomed from the drawing room.

They made their way up the familiar staircase and walked into the room to find Sirius mixing drinks and a tall woman with long, dark hair leaning against the bar.

“Hey, you two!” Sirius grinned, wiping his hands on a towel and taking big strides across the space to greet them. He wrapped his arms around Remus in a bear hug and then pulled Tonks in too, kissing her on the forehead. “Ahh! It’s been so long. How _are_ you?”

“We’re good,” Tonks replied vaguely, her attention wandering to the mystery woman.

“Oh, right. Um, guys, this is Lana.” Sirius gestured for her to join them with a grin and then slid his hand around her waist.

“It’s so nice to meet both of you,” she said earnestly, gripping Sirius’ arm and smiling at them. “He talks about you a lot.”

“Lana,” said Lupin, extending his hand to her and raising his eyebrows at his friend. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Hi,” said Tonks shyly as Lana smiled back at her.

“You didn’t tell us you were bringing a guest,” Remus said, looking amused.

“Yeah, well, I guess I wanted to surprise ya,” Sirius shrugged. “And I didn’t want to jinx anything that she’d change her mind.”

Lana laughed and slapped him on the arm affectionately. Her dark brown eyes were striking.

“What?” Sirius said, struggling to keep the grin off his face. “You played hard to get for weeks. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself.”

“But can you call it ‘playing hard to get’ if I genuinely wasn't interested?” Lana asked, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows. “You make it sound like I was just being coy instead of the fact that I thought you were an arrogant prick at first.”

Tonks snorted. “Okay, I like her already.”

“Come sit down, you guys,” Sirius said, gesturing to the empty chairs behind them. He served the first round of drinks and they all settled in.

“So how did you two meet?” Tonks asked.

“Lana saved my life,” Sirius said good-naturedly.

She laughed. “Well, that definitely sounds far more dramatic than it was. Sirius here got himself into a bit of trouble with a hex that backfired. They sent him to my hospital.”

“She’s a Healer,” Sirius explained proudly. “I woke up to see the most beautiful woman alive standing above me, and I thought I’d died. Then she started poking and prodding me and that’s when I knew she was real. I think I asked for her number, although things are a bit blurry.”

“He did ask for my number,” Lana confirmed with an eye roll.

“She just ignored me and continued with the exam,” Sirius went on ruefully. “But I didn’t give up. When I was released from the hospital the next day, I asked her again, you know, seeing as I wasn’t her patient anymore. If that’s the only thing that was holding her back.”

“It wasn’t,” she stage-whispered conspiratorially to Lupin and Tonks. “The only thing holding me back was that he was being an ass.”

“I went back every day for the next week and waited for her outside the hospital after her shift,” Sirius admitted. “She kept turning me down.”

Lana shrugged. “He was trying too hard. Acting all cocky. He kept showing up with these expensive chocolates and dozens of red roses, trying out these gross pick-up lines on me. I really was not interested in that guy.”

Sirius looked sheepish.

“Then I thought he finally gave up, because it had been at least ten days since I’d seen him. But then I was leaving work, and it had been such a _shitty_ day. It was my brother's birthday, and ever since we lost him a few years back, it’s just always been a really hard day for me. But then on top of it, one of my patients had died unexpectedly, and I was feeling so low. And then Sirius was there, leaning against his motorcycle with this janky little bouquet of tiger lilies. It looked like he’d picked them himself or something.”

“I did pick them myself!” Sirius said proudly, and everyone laughed.

“Tiger lilies are my favorite flower,” Lana said in a soft voice, looking at him adoringly. “My dad always got them for me. And I just lost it, and he held me while I ruined his jacket with my snot and tears. I don’t think he knew why I was suddenly crying, but Mr. Smooth was gone, and I realized I wanted to give him an actual chance.”

Sirius’ smiled shyly, lacing his fingers through hers and planting a kiss on the back of her hand.

Lana shrugged. “Turns out in addition to the swagger and charm, he’s actually very sweet when he’s not trying to show off.”

“He’s actually capable of not showing off?” Lupin asked, raising one eyebrow. “I have yet to see him control the urge.”

Lana laughed. “I like you, Remus.”

“Told you that you would!” Sirius said, looking smug.

She smirked at them. “I’ve heard _a lot_ about you two. I think he’s still homesick for London.”

“I mean, you’ve definitely made it better, baby,” he murmured in her ear, his hand sliding up her leg.

“Knock it off,” she hissed, elbowing him in the ribs.

Remus looked amused as he watched Sirius put up his hands defensively, kissing Lana on the cheek before turning his attention to his friends. “I _have_ really missed you guys,” he said earnestly. “God, Lebanon is a beautiful country. But it’s just always hard to be somewhere new. It’s good to be back, even just for a few weeks. Tonks, you kicking ass at the Ministry yet?”

“Just started,” she said with a grin. “So far, so good. But I haven’t done much yet. Talk to me again in a few months.”

“Will do. So what else is new?” he asked, taking a large sip from his drink.

Lupin and Tonks exchanged a long, meaningful glance. 

“You want to tell him?” he said in a low tone.

Tonks shook her head. “You.”

“Tell me what?” Sirius said suspiciously, leaning forward.

Remus took a deep breath as he slid his arm around Tonks’ shoulders. “We’re getting married.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “No shit?”

“No shit,” Lupin replied, smiling.

“Oh my god, congratulations!” Sirius got to his feet and hugged Tonks, picking her up and spinning her around in a circle. “Remus!! We’re going to be family for real now! And to think I was momentarily upset when I found out you were drilling my baby cousin.”

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Lana said, shaking her head. “I’d apologize for Sirius, but I have a feeling you two are more used to this than I am, yeah?”

Tonks laughed good-naturedly. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Hey, a toast to you guys!” Sirius cheered, raising his glass. The others followed his lead, holding theirs up as well. “To two of my favorite people. You really do make each other better. Nothing’s perfect, but you guys come pretty damn close.”

“Stop, Sirius, you’re gonna make me cry,” Tonks warned, biting her lip.

“So when’s the wedding?” Lana asked.

“Well,” Tonks started, “we were thinking of doing it in a couple of weeks. Remus will be back after the, uh —”

She froze, glancing quickly to Lana.

“She knows,” Sirius jumped in, nodding his head. “It’s okay. Remus will be back after the full moon,” he finished for her.

“Okay, right,” she said, shooting a quick glance at Lupin. “And you’ll still be in town, so it’s perfect. Of course we’d love to have you come as well Lana.”

“I was hoping you’ll be our best man?” Remus asked, smiling at his friend.

“Shit, you guys, now you’re gonna make _me_ cry. Of course. I’d be honored,” Sirius said, standing to hug both of them. “Remus Lupin, getting married. Never thought I’d see the day, honestly. No offense, Moony.”

Lupin rolled his eyes as Tonks wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his sweater.

Sirius took Tonks’ hand in his and raised his eyebrows, looking at her bare finger. “What, no ring?”

She yanked her hand back from him quickly, her cheeks flushing pink as she looked down at her feet. “Oh, you know I don’t care about that,” she interjected, forcing a smile.

“Right, of course not,” Sirius agreed, catching the crestfallen look on Lupin’s face. “Who’s ready for another drink? I’m just so happy for you two!”

The four chatted long into the evening, learning more about the work Sirius had been up to.

“Dumbledore is — fuck — _was_ searching for artifacts. Items that were important to You-Know-Who. He didn’t tell me everything, but he thinks — I don’t know — parts of his _soul_ are hidden inside.”

Tonks looked confused, but Remus raised his eyebrows. “Do you mean Horcruxes?”

“How did you know that? Did Dumbledore talk to you too?” Sirius asked, looking impressed.

“No, I read about them in the library one night back when we were in school.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Course you did. But that’s why you're a good man to have around. Now I don’t feel so bad about blabbing about all that. Dumbledore _did_ tell me not to.”

Remus looked incredulous. “ _What_? Then why did you tell us?”

“I don’t know. Never been good at secrets I guess.”

“It’s a wonder you’re still alive. You know that?”

Sirius shrugged. “Anyway, I’ve been following this lead. Looks like You-Know-Who came through Lebanon, then through Istanbul and up to Alberia. I think I’m getting closer. To finding a Horcrux.”

“Then what?” Tonks asked.

“I don’t know,” Sirius admitted. “That’s all Dumbledore told me. And now he’s gone. I can’t believe I missed the funeral. I figured he wouldn't have wanted me to lose my lead. But I honestly have no idea what to do if I find something. I think I’m supposed to destroy it? But no clue how to actually do that, of course.”

“I may have some ideas,” Remus started slowly. “Let me do some more research. Then we’ll talk.”

“Excellent! I knew I could count on you. You see, Dumbledore knew I couldn’t keep a secret and figured I’d tell you. I bet he _wanted_ me to.”

“And how do you feel about being caught up in all of this, Lana?” Lupin asked.

She grinned. “It’s exciting. My parents fought against You-Know-Who back in the day. I’ve always supported the cause, but I've never been this close to it. I hope I can be helpful.”

“Definitely, babe,” Sirius assured her. “If nothing else, I need you around to patch me up.”

Lana rolled her eyes, but grinned as he planted a kiss on her cheek.

Eventually Tonks yawned, looking up at the clock and noticing it was nearing two o’clock in the morning. “Remus. We need to get home.”

“Oh damn. Yeah. Hey, we gotta head out.”

“Come on, stay for one more,” Sirius wheedled.

“Nah, we can’t. But what are you doing tomorrow?” Lupin asked.

Lana stood and kissed Tonks on the cheek. “It was so nice to finally meet you. And congratulations on the engagement. I know we just met, but if there’s anything I can do to help, please, let me know.”

“Thank you. It was so nice to meet you too.”

Sirius clapped Lupin on the shoulder, nodding his head toward the two women. “Hey. Are we lucky, or what?”

Remus smiled, looking over at Tonks. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Very lucky.”

***

It was only a few days later when Remus had to leave for the full moon.

“What are you going to do while I’m away?” he murmured. “I fucking hate leaving you.”

“I know. But you’ll be back soon. I still need to find a wedding dress. Lana said she’d come with me.”

Remus grinned. “I like her.”

“I _really_ like her,” Tonks agreed. “But hurry back to me, yeah almost husband?”

“Mmm. You bet.”

***

Tonks enjoyed a quiet night listening to music, smoking weed, and eating leftover pizza. She curled up with a good book and fell asleep with it open on the bed next to her.

A few hours later, she sat up in bed with a start. She’d had a strange dream, and now she was trying to remember the last time she’d had her period. Her mind raced as she counted back. It had been — oh, fuck. She was late.

***

The next day, she verified her suspicions for certain. A baby. This was something she had always wanted. But she worried that Remus was going to _lose his shit_ when she told him.

The only sleep Tonks got for the next three nights was fitful, sitting on the window seat, hugging her knees, her head pressed against the pane, looking longingly at the full moon.


	34. You Don't Mean That

Remus came back after the full moon, stumbling into their apartment and collapsing next to Tonks in bed late one night.

“Hey,” she mumbled, blinking her eyes open. “You okay?”

He grunted. “Yeah.”

“Need anything?”

“No. Just sleep.”

She curled up against him, feeling his body burning up. “It’s okay, you’re home,” Tonks murmured, lacing her fingers through his.

“I missed you,” he groaned. And then he lost consciousness.

***

The next morning, Tonks woke up to find her head resting on Lupin’s shoulder, the skin of his chest turning a grotesque purple and green.

“Fuck,” she muttered, wincing as she traced over the bruiese with her fingertips.

Remus rolled over, burying his face in her neck and groaning.

“Hey,” she said softly. “You okay?”

“I’m much better now.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.” His hand trailed down to untie the waistband of her shorts as he kissed her neck.

Tonks sighed as his fingers slid inside her panties, but then her hand closed over his. “Hey, Remus. I need to tell you something.”

“Mmm, can’t it wait?” he groaned, his lips next to her ear.

“Umm, not really. This is important.”

“Okay,” he relented, pulling back to look at her and brushing the hair off her forehead. “What is it?”

Tonks swallowed hard. “So, please don’t freak out. This is definitely happening a lot sooner than I figured. But I think I’m happy about it, and I’m hoping you will be too. A little at least. Oh, fuck.”

“What are you talking about, Dora?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

He sat up, a cold, prickling feeling overtaking his body. “What?” he leveled.

“You heard me, Remus,” she said, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby.”

“No. No… that’s not possible.” He shook his head in disbelief, his voice oddly detached.

Tonks gave him a strange look. “Uh, it definitely _is_ possible. We haven’t been very careful lately. The night at Hogwarts after the Death Eaters attacked, and Dumbledore died… we were just so caught up in the moment and I certainly wasn't worrying about getting knocked up. And then the next morning we got engaged and had sex, like, I don’t know, three more times.”

Lupin just started at her dumbly, his mouth hanging open. The room suddenly began to spin.

“Say something,” she urged him, her heart pounding as she smiled nervously. “This is good news.”

He looked at her with a mix of incredulity and something bordering on cruel amusement. “ _Good news_? You’re joking, right?”

Tonks looked absolutely crestfallen. “We’re getting married in just a few days. You had to know this was coming eventually, right?”

Remus narrowed his eyes at her, his face unreadable. “ _What_?! We never discussed this. _This_ was never part of the plan. Being married is one thing. Bringing a child into our mess is quite another.”

“ _Our mess_? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Tonks asked, her voice shaking.

“Did you do this on purpose?” he asked, accusingly, scrambling to his feet as he glared at her.

She snorted in reply. “Oh, you know what, fuck you, Remus. I’m just as surprised about this as you are. But shit happens. We’re not the first people to be dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. We’ll figure it out.”

Lupin sighed deeply and tried to compose himself, shaking his head. “We can't do this, Dora. I’m sorry. There’s just no way. We’ll need to figure something else out.”

She looked taken aback. “Wait… what are you saying?”

He shook his head sadly. “We can’t have this baby. It’s impossible. We’ll all be better off, trust me.”

Tonks’ jaw dropped. “Are you telling me to get rid of our baby?” she asked in a shocked whisper.

“What if the kid turns out like me? Huh, Dora? Do you have any idea what our life would be like? You deserve better than that. _Oh my god_ … what have I done?” Remus dropped back down to sit on the bed, hanging his head in his hands.

Her face softened, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her face into his back. “Hey. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. I love you. And you love me. We’re in this together now. It will all be okay.”

He exhaled forcefully and shrugged her off, standing up again. When he turned to look at her, the expression on his face said it all, and Tonks’ heart dropped. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice cracking. “I — I can’t do this, Dora. This was all a big mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Tonks threw back the covers and got to her feet, walking around the bed to stand in front of him. “What was all a mistake?” she asked with wide eyes, terrified to hear his answer.

“ _All of this_ ,” Lupin choked out, his heart breaking as he looked at her beautiful face. “I never thought I’d find someone. I always just figured I’d live and die alone. And you know what, I’d come to terms with that. I should have just stayed in my lane.” He shook his head and shut his eyes tightly. “I couldn't believe you actually wanted me, and I let myself get wrapped up in that feeling. Oh god, I’ve been such a fool.” He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and yanked hard, appearing to be teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

“ _Remus_ ,” she begged, a lump forming in her throat. “Stop. You don’t mean that.”

“I’m sorry, Dora,” he said, his voice sounding hollow. “I should never have gotten involved with you. You deserve —” he swallowed hard, “you deserve so much better.”

Tonks looked at him incredulously, her mouth hanging open. “You said you loved me, you fucking asshole. And I _believed_ you.”

His whole face crumpled. “I do love you. But you deserve so much more than I could ever offer. I need to get some air,” he said, his hand on the doorknob.

“ _No_ ,” she whispered in disbelief. “Don’t do this, Remus.” Tears spilled down her cheeks as she struggled to hold back a sob. “ _Please_. Stay and we’ll talk about it, we’ll figure it out.”

Lupin turned back to look at her, and for an instant, Tonks thought she had reached him, that he would settle down and come back to bed, and they could work through everything together. But then his eyes dropped to the floor. “I’m sorry, Dora,” he mumbled, shaking his head.

And then he was gone.


	35. Marriage Advice From You?

Remus already had five drinks under his belt when Sirius found him at the back table of the Leaky Cauldron.

“Jesus Christ, there you are,” Sirius said, wincing as he saw the state his friend was in.

“What are you doing here?” Lupin said coldly.

“Tonks reached out in a bit of a panic. Didn’t know where you were. I told her I’d find you and smack some sense into you.”

Lupin just glared as Sirius dropped into the chair across from him.

“What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Remus?”

“Stay out of this. It’s not your business,” Lupin slurred.

“Umm, you’re my best friend, and you just walked out on the woman you love, who happens to be my cousin, after she told you she was having your baby. So yeah, it’s my business to stop you from fucking up your life.”

Remus snorted. “You couldn’t _possibly_ understand what I’m going through right now, Sirius.” 

“What? This is good news! Congratulations, Papa.”

Lupin leveled him with a stare. “The child will most likely have lycanthropy. There’s a reason werewolves don’t usually breed with humans.” He hung his head in shame.

Sirius swallowed hard, considering that for a moment. “Well, we don’t know that for sure, and we won’t until the baby comes. And even if the kid is a werewolf… I mean, who’s better equipped to help the little cub through than you? And, you _love_ Tonks. You’ll figure it out together. That’s what getting married means. Not running away and leaving them to deal with shit all alone.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Marriage advice from you? That’s fresh. You’re with Lana for two months, and suddenly you’re a relationship expert?”

Sirius laughed. “Umm, it’s been _three_ months with Lana now, thank you very much. Don’t be a dick, Moony. You’re a mess right now, but sleep it off, then go home to your wife tomorrow. And start praying that your kid gets her good looks. Jesus, you look like shit.”

“She’s not my wife,” Lupin muttered, taking a large swig from his glass. “Not yet.”

Something twitched in Sirius’ jaw. “So you’re ditching her, huh? Just a few days before the wedding?”

Remus laughed bitterly. “Like I have any business being a husband, Sirius. Or a _father_. Can you imagine? What was I _thinking_?”

Sirius swallowed hard. “Okay. I’m really fighting the urge to slug you, old friend. You knocked up my baby cousin and now you’re leaving her?”

Lupin closed his eyes. “I was being selfish when I asked her to marry me. She’s so… _young_. So beautiful. She could have a normal life, with someone else.” His voice broke as he said the words, pouring himself another glass.

Sirius laughed. “I can assure you that Tonks has _never_ wanted anything normal. You’re just making excuses because you’re scared.”

“She'll be better off without me.”

“Nah. She _sees_ you. All of you. You've been different since her. You know, if I’m being honest, I never thought you’d get married. Which sounds super shitty to say — _I know_ — but I think you thought so too. People weren’t meant to be alone, Remus. Don’t run away from a chance at happiness. You love her. And inexplicably, she loves you back. You’re a lucky man. Don’t fuck this up.”

“I can’t do this, Sirius. Trust me, this is what’s best for Tonks. This is what’s best for everyone.”

Sirius stood up, pushing his chair back from the table. “Remus. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember. But if you decide to ditch Tonks with your kid, after you just asked her to spend the rest of her life with you… well, then I’m not sure I really ever want to see you again.”

Lupin got to his feet, swaying as he made his way around the table. He clutched the front of Sirius’ shirt with both fists. Looking up at him with glassy eyes, the desperation was written all over his face. “Let me come back to Lebanon with you,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Please, Sirius. I need to get away from here. Away from her. I fucked _everything_ up.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes as he considered it for a moment, then his fist swung through the air and made direct contact with Remus’ nose. There was a sickening crack and blood spurted down his face as Sirius stepped back, looking down at his hand in shock as Lupin dropped back into the chair.

“Fuck! I think you broke my fucking nose, you fucking _asshole_!”

“You deserved it,” he mumbled, rubbing his hand and wincing.

“ _Goddamnit_ , Sirius. That hurt.”

Sirius threw a handkerchief at him as the waitress came back to check on the table, her eyes going wide when she saw all the blood.

“Hey, he just spilled something on his shirt, any chance we could get a towel, love?” Sirius asked with a charming smile.

Her eyes darted back and forth between him and Remus, who had dropped his head back and was attempting to stem the bleeding with the handkerchief. “Uh, okay…”

Sirius turned back toward his friend as the waitress hurried away. “Come on. I’ll take you back to Grimmauld Place to sleep this off. Then you can go home and make things right with Tonks in the morning.”

Lupin shook his head. “Nah. I’m gonna stay for another one here.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sirius scoffed, shaking his head.

Remus didn’t meet his eyes, running the edge of his finger around the rim of his empty glass.

Sirius leaned in toward Lupin, speaking in a low voice. “Moony, you told me a week ago that you were marrying her. That you loved her. That I was supposed to be your best man. And I said congratu-fucking-lations. I believed you. Tonks believed you. You could have a beautiful, happy, life with her, friend. But if you change your mind now, after you promised her all these things, and if you leave her all alone to raise your kid, then you’re a fool and a coward. And you’re not the man I thought you were.”

“Fuck you, Sirius,” Remus muttered.

Sirius sneered before shooting one last disgusted look at his friend, then turned on his heel and left.


	36. You Look Like Shit

Lupin woke a little after one o’clock the next afternoon, his head throbbing so loudly he couldn’t put together a coherent thought. He opened his eyes, but the pressure in his skull forced them to quickly shut again. Fuck.

He didn’t know where he was, but also didn’t particularly care at the moment. Pulling the covers back over his head, he tried to stop the room from spinning. And then everything rushed back to him in a painful flash that hit him like a punch to the gut.

The pregnancy. The things he’d said. The look on Dora’s face when he said them.

Remus groaned, his fingers gingerly running over the crooked bridge of his nose, looking down at the blood all over his shirt and bedsheets. “Fuck, Sirius,” he muttered, fumbling for his wand on the floor. He failed to find it and gave up for the moment, covering his eyes with his hand to block out the sunlight.

He lay there for hours in the dusty, narrow room above the Leaky Cauldron, feeling paralyzed as he quietly contemplated his predicament. He’d made such a fucking mess of everything.

He wasn’t aware of how much time had passed when there was a faint knocking sound.

“You alright in there, mate?” came Tom’s voice through the door.

Somehow he pulled himself upright and made it across the room, turning the doorknob and coming face-to-face with Tom.

The man whistled. “Jesus Christ. You don’t look so good. I tried to let you sleep it off, but when the lunch rush ended and I still hadn’t seen you, I figured I should come up and check. Need anything?”

Lupin shook his head.

“You staying again tonight?”

He shrugged.

Tom nodded. “Okay. I’ll bring you something to eat for supper a bit later.”

“Thanks.”

The innkeeper turned to go, but then paused as if he’d thought better of it. “Who’s Dora?”

Remus looked devastated by the mere mention of her name and looked down at the ground, not able to find his voice.

“Look, I won’t presume to know your business, but I’ve seen a lot of people at rock bottom. And it seems to me that problems usually just get worse if you try to run away from them.”

“What exactly did I say last night?” Lupin asked hesitantly, not remembering much of anything.

Tom scratched his head. “Aww, man. You were in pretty bad shape. Your buddy came through and socked you pretty good in the face. Not sure what that was all about but when I helped you up here, you started crying and just kept saying ‘I’m sorry, Dora’ over and over again.”

Remus closed his eyes, his chest unbearably tight.

“Look, I don't know shit about shit — hell, I’ve been divorced twice — but maybe it’s not too late?” Tom offered.

There was a long, painful pause as Lupin composed himself. “Yeah, thanks,” he choked out.

***

It was early evening the following day before Remus had the nerve to head back home. Tonks was rinsing out a bowl in the kitchen sink when she heard his voice from behind her.

“Dora?”

She froze, but didn’t turn around. “What are you doing here?” she mumbled.

Lupin swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I — I freaked out.”

Tonks’ eyes narrowed as she spun around to face him, her tone icy cold. “You didn’t come home for _the past two nights_. Where the _fuck_ have you been, Remus?”

Lupin hung his head. “I drank myself stupid at the Leaky Cauldron and rented one of the rooms upstairs.” He was still wearing his shirt, stained with his own blood from his broken nose, which he’d managed to repair after finally retrieving his wand from underneath the bed.

“For _two nights_?” she asked incredulously.

“Yeah.”

“Jesus Christ, Remus.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Tonks sighed heavily. “Sirius risked _a lot_ going out there to look for you. He could have been arrested if someone recognized him. He’s still wanted in Great Britain, you know.”

He hadn’t even considered that. “I know,” he lied.

“You walked out on me a week before we were supposed to get married. Guess I’m lucky you showed me who you really were before we said ‘I do,’ huh?”

Remus looked devastated. “You don’t want to marry me anymore?” he choked out, searching her face for an answer.

Tonks’ eyes narrowed. “You fucking disappeared!! Part of me thought you weren’t _ever_ coming back! I need to trust you, Remus,” she said pointedly. “Right now I don’t. I told you I was pregnant, that I _needed_ you, and you fucking walked out on me. And you said some truly awful shit right before you did.”

Lupin dropped to his knees and hugged her around the waist, pressing his face into her stomach. “I know. I’m sorry, Dora. I’m so sorry. I fucked up.”

She swallowed hard, unsure how to react as Remus’ body began to shake with sobs, her hands awkwardly stiff at her sides.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated over and over again.

“Okay,” she said finally, at a loss for real words. “Hey, stop.”

He sat back on his heels and looked up at her, wiping the tears from his bloodshot eyes.

“You look like shit, you know,” Tonks said, crossing her arms across her chest.

“I feel like shit,” he admitted. “Being away from you didn't agree with me.”

Her face softened slightly, but then she pressed her lips together. “Go get cleaned up. Then we should talk.”

***

Remus came back out into the front room after taking a shower and feeling very uneasy as he came face-to-face with Tonks. She was sitting all the way on the far edge of the couch, and he sat down on the other end, as far away from each other as possible.

He didn’t know what to say, and he half expected her to just scream at him. Part of him almost wanted her to. God knows he deserved it. But she didn’t yell. She didn’t say a word.

And so they both sat there in awkward, painful silence for a long time.

Lupin cleared his throat. “I don't know what to say except I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Dora.”

She looked down at her hands.

“I messed up. I should have stayed and talked to you instead of…” He trailed off, and then he was quiet again for several minutes.

“You know,” Tonks finally spoke, her voice quiet but steady, “you’ve left me before. I really should have seen this coming. I just — I wanted to think this time was different. That you actually meant it this time.”

He looked devastated. “Oh, Dora. I mean it. I love you.”

“Do you?” she asked doubtfully.

“ _Of course_ I love you.”

Tonks bit her lip and looked at him closely. “So now what?”

Lupin looked at her hesitantly. “I still want to get married. If you do.”

Tonks narrowed her eyes at him. “You fucking told me to get rid of our baby.”

He winced. “No. I didn't mean that.”

Her mouth dropped open slightly, her eyes wide. “You didn’t?”

Remus shook his head slowly, his heart pounding.

“Okay… so you want to have this baby?” she asked carefully.

“I — I don’t know.”

Tonks scoffed.

He shrugged helplessly. “Dora. I don’t know what to say. I never thought about having a child until you told me the news two days ago. I’ll — come up with something better once I get used to it.”

She massaged her temples with her fingertips. “ _Remus_.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not good at this.”

Tonks pressed her lips together. “I guess not.”

“Come on, Dora.”

“What do you want me to say?” she asked, her voice breaking.

Lupin shrugged helplessly. “Say that you’ll still marry me on Friday. And we’ll figure out the rest.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Are we still getting married?”

“I honestly don’t know, Remus,” she said, getting to her feet. “I’m pretty tired. I think I’m going to go lie down.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Nope. Thanks though.”

“I love you,” he said hopefully as she left the room. She didn’t reply.

***

Remus woke up early the next morning just as the sun was beginning to peek through their bedroom windows. He rolled over to see that Tonks’ side of the bed was empty and he sat up in a panic.

“Dora?” he called.

There was no reply.

He threw back the sheets and ran out into the hallway. “Dora?”

“I’m in here,” she called out weakly from the hall bathroom.

Lupin knocked softly on the door. “You okay?”

“Ugh.”

“Can I come in?”

“Okay.”

He pushed it open to find her sitting on the floor in her bra and pajama pants, her back against the wall. Her face and lips looked pale.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Are you sick?”

“Yeah. But I — I think it’s because of the baby. I heard this happens sometimes.”

“Oh. Right. Do you — need anything?”

“No.”

“Are you hungry?”

“God no.”

He went and sat next to her. “Where’s your shirt?”

“Eww. In the sink. I threw up on it.”

“I’m sorry,” Remus said, awkwardly rubbing her back.

“Stop that,” she whined, recoiling from his touch.

Lupin pulled his hand away, swallowing hard. “Sorry. Trying to help.”

“Uh huh.”

“Should I leave?” he asked softly.

Tonks sighed heavily. “No.”

He looked relieved. “Okay.”

They sat in silence for a long time, and Tonks gradually leaned her weight against his shoulder. The corners of Remus’ mouth turned up ever-so-slightly.

“Can I get you something to drink? Or some toast?”

“I don’t know… maybe some tea,” she said finally.

Remus kissed her on the forehead. “Be right back.”


	37. Top Secret Business, I'm Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks to those who are reading and commenting! It's definitely helped me stay motivated to keep writing. I'm taking some liberty with established HP canon in this chapter... but if Sirius is still around, why not give him more to do, right?? Hope you're all staying well out there. xoxo

Lupin and Tonks were sitting in silence at the kitchen table the next morning. Remus sipped on a cup of black coffee while Tonks ripped a piece of white toast into pieces, pushing them around her plate, her face very pale. 

“How are you feeling?” Remus spoke in a quiet voice.

She just shrugged, not looking up.

He opened his mouth to say something else when a loud knock on the front door started both of them.

“You expecting someone?” Tonks asked dryly.

“Like who?”

“Well I’m not getting up,” Tonks told him pointedly, pushing the plate away and crossing her arms across her chest.

Lupin sighed and stood up, taking his coffee cup with him.

He opened the door to find Sirius and Lana standing on the front step.

“What are you doing here?” Remus muttered, immediately feeling shame as he remembered the last time he’d seen his friend. 

“Good to see you too, Moony,” Sirius said, clapping Lupin on the shoulder and stepping around him and inside the apartment, pulling Lana by the hand behind him. She raised her eyebrows and half-smiled at Remus, but then quickly looked down and followed Sirius inside.

Remus felt his jaw clench, but then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, shutting the door and following them back inside.

Tonks’ eyes went wide when she saw Sirius and Lana enter the kitchen. “Oh. Hey guys. What are you doing here?”

“Hey Tonks,” Sirius said, kissing her on the top of the head affectionately and messing up her hair. “You okay?” 

She shrugged. “I’m okay. Hi Lana.”

“Hi,” she said, smiling and raising her hand in a wave.

Remus joined them in the kitchen.

“Good to see you back at home where you belong, old friend,” Sirius commented smugly. “I knew you’d come to your senses.”

“Sirius,” Lana hissed, grabbing his arm and looking anxiously between Lupin and Tonks.

“You broke my fucking nose, you know,” Remus muttered.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Uh, how about ‘you’re welcome’ for risking my ass to smack some sense into you. Now get dressed. We’re going out.”

“What?” Lupin and Tonks said in unison, looking at Sirius.

“Well, not you Tonks. No offense. I was hoping you could keep Lana company while we step out? I need to take Remus somewhere. Top secret business, I’m afraid. Just for a bit. I’ll have him back after lunch, I promise.”

“Uhhh,” Tonks stammered, looking at Lana, who shrugged apologetically.

“Good, it’s settled. Go get dressed, Remus.”

***

Ten minutes later, Sirius was shoving Lupin down the sidewalk and away from their flat.

“Get your hands off me, asshole. I still haven’t forgiven me for that punch to the face.”

Sirius just laughed, shaking his head. “Fuck you very much, Remus. Come on now.”

“Where are we going?” Lupin grumbled.

Before he knew it, Sirius had grabbed Remus’ arm and Apparated both of them right outside the gates of Hogwarts.

“What are we doing _here_?”

“Shut up, Remus.”

“How are we getting inside? You can’t just walk into Hogwarts, you know.”

“I do know that, actually, Moony. I’m not an idiot. They’re expecting us.”

“What? Who’s expecting us?”

Sirius nodded his head. “Here she comes now.”

Remus looked up to see Minerva McGonagall walking briskly toward them, her face all business as usual.

“Sirius, what the fuck is going on?” he muttered.

“Professor, I appreciate you meeting us here,” Sirius greeted McGonagall loudly, elbowing Lupin in the ribs. 

She looked between the two of them and nodded with a tight smile, opening the gate and ushering them inside. “All the way down the hall and out the back door — I assume you know where you're going?” McGonagall asked.

“Yes ma’am,” Sirius replied, grabbing Remus’ arm and dragging him along.

“Come find me in my office when you’re ready to leave.”

“Will do. Thank you again, Minerva.”

She nodded her head and turned on her heel, walking up the stairs and out of sight.

“Come on then,” Sirius said, grabbing Remus’ arm and dragging him along.

Their footsteps echoed down the stone tiles until they reached the end of the hall, Sirius pushing the doors open and leading them out onto the lawn and down toward the lake, and Lupin’s breath caught in his throat when they were heading straight for Albus Dumbledore’s grave, a large looming white tomb down near the lake.

The two of them stopped as they reached the entrance to the tomb, both of them silent for a long moment. Then at last Sirius spoke.

“Ahh, I’m sorry I wasn’t here, old man. When it happened.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help.”

Despite his previous anger, Lupin clapped his friend on the back, knowing that feeling of helplessness all too well.

Sirius turned to him, a determined look in his eyes. “I need your help, Remus.”

“With what?”

“With these Horcruxes. I think I found one.”

“Really?” Lupin asked, his heart pounding.

“Yeah. It used to belong to my family, so Dumbledore hoped I’d recognize it. Turns out, I did.” Sirius pulled a locket from his pocket, turning it over in his hand and showing it to Remus. “My idiot brother gave it to You-Know-Who when he became a Death Eater. It once belonged to Salazar Slytherin, so I gather he deemed it worthy to hide a piece of his soul inside.”

“Jesus Christ,” Lupin said with wide eyes, taking the locket from his friend. He could sense that there was dark magic on this object, and it sent a chill down his spine. “Where’d you find this?”

Sirius sighed heavily. “Well, my idiot brother actually came to his senses before he died, and decided to turn on You-Know-Who. He stole the Horcrux and left behind some journal entries, and that’s what led us to Lebanon. He hid it there, and I finally found it. But now I need your help figuring out how to destroy this thing.”

Remus nodded with wide eyes. “Okay. Yeah, I have some ideas. I can help.” He looked around them furtively. “But not here. We should talk back at Grimmauld Place.”

“Okay.” He slipped the locket back in his pocket and took another audibly deep breath. “Thanks, Moony.”

“Why’d you bring me all the way out here to ask about that?”

Sirius shrugged, kicking a pebble with the toe of his shoe. “I don’t know. I hadn’t been here to see him yet. Didn’t want to come alone. And I thought you’d be less mad at me if I brought you here. Always was hard to say no to the old man.”

Lupin sighed. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. And I’m embarrassed you saw it.”

“Meh. I’ve seen worse. From you even.”

Remus laughed. “Yeah, I suppose you have.”

“How are you and Tonks?”

“We’re… figuring it out.”

“Yeah? What does that mean?” Sirius asked, looking closely at his friend.

“We’re… talking.”

“That’s good,” he provided, nodding.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

Lupin sighed. “Things have been… icy.”

“Well, can you blame her?”

“No,” Remus admitted. 

“Are you two still getting married on Friday?”

“I think so. I want to.”

“Does Tonks want to?”

“I _hope_ so.” Lupin cringed. “But I may have fucked things up.”

Sirius put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Not your finest moment.”

“I’m aware. I wasn't prepared for her — _our_ — news.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. But you know what, Remus? You’ll make a good dad.”

Lupin scoffed. “Yeah.”

“I’m being real here,” Sirius assured him. “Why not? You were an excellent teacher. You’re patient, and protective. You can do this. You and Tonks, together. You know she’ll be a wonderful mom.”

Remus swallowed hard, looking at Dumbledore’s grave.

“Wolves are pack animals, right?” Sirius said with a smile. “Looks like you’re finally starting your own.”

Lupin snorted and shook his head. 

“You still want to be with Tonks, right?”

“Yes. _Of course_. She’s everything.”

“Then you need to get her a ring. Show her you’re for real.”

Remus shot him an annoyed look. “And how the hell am I supposed to afford a ring?”

Sirius shrugged. “I’ll lend you some cash.”

He shook his head. “No way. I can’t let you do that. Besides, I’ll never be able to pay you back.”

“Whatever, you know I don’t care about that. This is important. I care about you guys a lot more than I care about money. You need to do _something_ , Remus. Some big gesture to show her that you’re in this for real, forever. Your parents didn’t let what happened to you tear them apart. They made it work. Maybe you should talk to your dad.”

Lupin considered that for a moment, and then broke into a grin as he turned to Sirius.

Sirius looked confused. “What is it?”

“I have an idea,” Remus said.


	38. How the Fuck Did You Afford This?

“I’m sorry about all this,” Lana said to Tonks as they sat across from each other in the living room. “Barging into your space when I know a lot’s happened these past few days.”

“No, it’s fine,” Tonks assured her. “I’m just… not feeling great.”

“The pregnancy?”

Tonks nodded. 

“My sister was real sick when she was pregnant too, during the first trimester. She always said that ginger beer and salty snacks helped settle her stomach.”

“Thanks. I’ll remember that.”

“So… Sirius said that Remus freaked out?”

Tonks gave her a tight smile. “Yeah. A bit.”

Lana shook her head. “Shit, I’m sorry. I hope I don’t sound like I’m prying.”

“It’s okay. We’re… talking.”

“Are you still getting married?”

“Yeah, I think so. I hope so.”

“How do _you_ feel about the pregnancy? If you don’t mind me asking?” Lana asked, leaning forward and giving Tonks her full attention.

Biting her lip, Tonks shrugged. “It’s… a bit of a shock. I mean, I always wanted kids. But I didn’t figure… a lot has happened over the past few months… I don’t know… ”

Lana smiled at her. “You know, Sirius followed all your interviews, so I heard all of them too. It’s incredible, what you did, how you didn’t back down. You made a big difference. To a lot of women, at the Ministry, everywhere.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

“And I’m sure you’ll be brilliant at this too. Give Remus some time. Men need a little more space to wrap their heads around something like this. Especially as they get older,” she said, raising her eyebrows knowingly.

Tonks laughed in reply, and then glanced at the clock. “Do you know what Sirius is up to? Where did he take Remus?”

“Afraid I don’t know much. I think they were going to Hogwarts?”

“Hogwarts?” Tonks repeated, knitting her brows in confusion.

“That’s what Sirius said. I’m just along for the ride, I’m afraid.”

Tonks rolled her eyes and sighed.

***

When the guys returned to the apartment, it was almost time for dinner.

“Well hello, lovely ladies,” Sirius said, planting a kiss on Lana’s cheek. “Did you have a nice day?”

“You two were gone a long time,” Tonks remarked, raising her eyebrows at Sirius.

He shrugged, messing up her hair with his hand. “Sorry, cuz. Important business.”

She stuck out her tongue at him and ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to smooth it down. Remus settled into the seat next to her and gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“Hey,” he murmured. “Sorry about that.”

“Where did you go all day?” she asked, sounding slightly annoyed as she turned to look at him. “We still kind of have a lot to talk about.”

“You’re right, Tonks,” Sirius said, reaching for Lana’s hand. “We’re going to get going — I’ve taken up enough of your time. Remus, let me know when you can come to Grimmauld Place so we can look at that other thing.”

“You got it,” Lupin replied, his eyes still on Tonks. “And thanks for today, Sirius.”

Sirius clapped his friend on the shoulder, and then they left.

***

Remus was still struggling to put together the right words to talk to Tonks, so he stayed quiet while he thought. They had an awkward dinner, her mostly just picking at the food on her plate. She didn’t say much of anything to him until they were getting into bed later.

“Goodnight, Remus,” Tonks muttered in a tired voice, kissing Lupin on the cheek and rolling over, facing away from him.

“Goodnight.” He just lay there, contemplating everything that had happened that day.

And then he scooted closer and slid his arm slid around her waist, the palm of his hand resting on her belly. Remus closed his eyes tightly. _Please let this kid have a normal life. I’ll do anything. Please._

“What are you doing?” she asked, turning toward him in the dark.

“Just… making a wish. For our baby.”

Tonks let out a shaky breath. “You know, that’s the first time you’ve actually said those words.”

“What words?”

“ _Our baby_.”

Remus was quiet for a long moment, his hand still on her stomach. “I’ve been stumbling over words in my head, trying to figure out what to say. But I — I want to do this, Dora.”

She pulled back, trying to search for his face in the dark. “For real?”

He nodded. “Yeah. For real. We went and talked with my dad today. Sirius and I. And I’m really glad we did.”

“Wait, you _did_? About what?”

“I told him about everything. About the pregnancy. That I freaked out. But he reminded me that despite all the darkness of what happened, I’d had a happy home. He and my mom — they protected me. They always made sure I knew I was loved. I felt safe with them.”

Tonks nodded, swallowing hard.

“And when he put it like that — well, you’re all of those things for me. You protect me, and make me feel loved and safe. You’re everything good I never thought I deserved. And so if I have you, and this kid has the both of us…” he trailed off and shrugged. “We’ll figure it out. It’ll be great. No matter what.”

“Yeah?” she said, her voice breaking as she tried to hold back tears.

“Yeah,” Remus said, brushing the hair off her face. “I love you, Dora. I’m so sorry. I’ve behaved horribly. I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. To both of you. You’re going to a brilliant mom.”

Tonks laughed and then choked back a sob. “I love you, Remus.”

He pulled her in tightly against him, kissing her face over and over again. It was the first night they slept wrapped up in each other’s arms since he’d gotten back.

***

Remus woke up the next morning to the sound of retching in the bathroom.

He knocked softly on the door. “Dora? Do you need anything?”

“No. I’m okay,” she replied weakly.

He heard the toilet flush and the sink running, and then she emerged a few moments later. Her face was pale and her eyes were red.

“Oh, love. Come here.” Lupin pulled her into a hug and planted a kiss on the top of her head. “You okay?”

“Better now,” she groaned.

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.”

“When do you have work today?” he asked.

“Not until this afternoon. I don’t have to get up for a while. Thank god,” she grumbled, climbing back into bed and resting her head on the pillow.

“Good,” he nodded. She lay down and closed her eyes as he pulled the sheets up around her, stroking her hair gently. “Want some more of that peppermint tea?”

“Mmm yes please,” she sighed.

Remus swallowed hard as he looked down at her. “Hey, Dora?”

“Yeah?”

“I have something for you.”

She opened her eyes curiously as he opened up his nightstand drawer and pulled out a worn, gray box, and presented it to her.

“What is it?” she asked, sitting up, her heart pounding as she looked at him.

“Open it.”

With trembling hands, she popped open the lid of the box to reveal a ring — a small but brilliant sapphire on a silver band, recently polished, but visibly scratched from years of wear.

“Holy shit,” she gasped, looking up at him. “Remus Lupin, how the _fuck_ did you afford this?”

His cheeks flushed and he smiled at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “It was my mom’s. My dad and I both agreed that you should have it.”

“Oh my god,” Tonks said, clapping her hand over her mouth. “Really?”

Lupin nodded, carefully removing the ring from the box and reaching for her hand. He slid it on her ring finger and grinned, looking up at her. It fit perfectly.

She let out a shaky breath. “Oh. Oh my god. It’s beautiful, Remus.”

“It looks good on you. It makes me happy to see you wear it.”

“Wait… your dad doesn’t mind?” she asked self-consciously as she admired the blue stone on her finger.

Remus shook his head. “It’s just been sitting in that box in her top dresser drawer since the day we buried her. When I asked about it, he smiled and his exact words were, ‘Your mom would have wanted that.’ And she would have. God, I wish you could have met her.”

Tonks blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek. “Oh, Remus. I really don’t know what to say. I _love_ it. Thank you.”

“Good. Sirius pointed out that I should have given you a ring in the first place, if I was thinking clearly. But unfortunately I rarely am,” he admitted ruefully, kissing her on the forehead. “I really am going to get you that tea now. Be right back.”

He turned to leave, but Tonks grabbed his hand. “Hey, wait a minute. Yeah?”

“What is it?”

She bit her lip. “Do you remember the day after Dumbledore died, and you said it was like you saw another life… where you had been gone with the werewolves for that whole time, and I was living with my parents?”

He looked confused, sinking down to sit on the bed next to her. “Yeah.”

Tonks took a deep breath. “Well, I had a weird dream, or whatever, the other night too. While you were gone. About me being pregnant, and you leaving. Except everything was really fucked up. Sirius wasn’t there, and something else had happened to us — something _bad_. I couldn’t tell what. But I remember I was really scared and my face was all fucked up.” She ran her finger along her cheekbone as if feeling for a bruise.

“ _What_?” Remus interjected, looking aghast. “You were hurt? What happened?”

“I don’t know, I said. That part wasn’t clear. But you said some of the exact same things about the pregnancy and then you took me to my parents’ house and left me there so that you could…” she scoffed and trailed off. “Oh my god, this sounds so ridiculous.”

“No, keep going. So I could do what?”

“You said you wanted to leave me and go help Harry with some mission that Dumbledore left him.”

Lupin shut his eyes, struggling to take all of this in. “What?”

“It felt _real_ , Remus. I didn’t understand what you meant that night at Hogwarts, what you were trying to tell me. But I think it happened to me too.”

“Sirius has been seeing things too,” Remus provided, raising his eyebrows.

“What?” she asked, leaning forward.

He nodded. “Yeah. He’s convinced he was supposed to die that night in the Department of Mysteries. And now he keeps having these strange… visions?”

“Like what?” Tonks asked warily.

“Of — I don’t know — the beyond?”

She shivered. “Oh _shit_. That sounds messed up.”

“Yeah. He’s pretty freaked out.”

“Does Lana know?”

“Yeah. He’s been talking to her a lot about everything that’s happening to him. I think she’s been good for him.”

Tonks smiled. “I like her.”

“Me too.”

“What is all this, Remus? Why do we keep seeing these things?”

Remus shook his head slowly. “I’m not sure.”

“Have you ever heard of this before?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“I’ve heard of all sorts of things, love. It depends on whether or not you believe them.”

Tonks took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It felt so real. The things I saw. I felt like it could be our life. But everything was just a little… off.”

Lupin nodded solemnly. “I know.”

“I feel like something bad’s going to happen, Remus,” she admitted in a small voice. “I’m scared. Everything with the Order and Sirius and these Horcruxes… something big’s coming, isn’t it?”

He sighed, “Yeah, I think so.”

“Fucked up time to be having a kid, I know.”

“Hey,” Remus said, his voice softening as he dropped to his knees beside the bed so he could look right in her eyes and he placed his hand gently on her belly. “This will remind us what we’re fighting for. A better future.”

Tonks nodded and bit her lip, looking down.

“If anyone can do this, Dora,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her knee, “it’s you.”

“Well, thank you. But I need you here with me, Remus. Don’t you dare ever fucking leave me again.”

He shook his head solemnly. “I won’t. I’m with you.”


	39. I'm Not Supposed To Be Here

The morning of their wedding, Remus woke early, showered, and got dressed. Tonks was still sleeping, but stirred when he bent down to kiss her forehead.

“Hey,” she murmured, blinking her eyes open and looking at the clock. “Where are you going so early?”

“I have to help Sirius with something. But I’ll meet you there this afternoon.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Help Sirius with what? We’re getting _married_ today, Remus.”

“We are? Oh, shit. I completely forgot about that,” he said, his voice deadpan.

Tonks grabbed the pillow next to her and tossed it at him. “You’re an asshole.”

“Well you’re the one who agreed to marry me, so that sounds like your problem now,” he grinned.

She laughed as he bent down to kiss her, and Tonks wrapped her arms around his neck, sighing against his lips. “For real. What are you two up to?”

Lupin brushed the hair out of her face. “It’s about the Horcruxes. It’s important, and he needs my help.”

“Okay. But please warn Sirius that if he makes you late for our fucking wedding, I’m going to kill him.”

He grinned at her. “Deal.”

***

Sirius and Remus both stared at the locket where it sat on the desk in the drawing room at Grimmauld Place.

“So… what’s your big plan?” Sirius asked, scratching his head.

Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a bundle wrapped in cloth and began to unravel it. “It’s a basilisk fang.”

“Okay… and that works?”

Lupin nodded, looking nervous. “In theory. I’ve never actually done this, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. And thanks. For helping.”

“No problem.” Remus held out the fang to Sirius.

Sirius shook his head, holding his hands up defensively. “Nuh uh. No way. This was your idea, Moony. You do it.”

“Hey, Dumbledore told _you_ to hunt the Horcruxes,” Lupin sputtered in reply. “He never said a word about this to me.”

“Well… he should have! You were the bloody Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!”

Remus glared at his friend and sighed. “Okay. Fine. I’ll do it.” He sighed and looked at the locket on the desktop, his heart pounding. He’d read about Horcruxes, never thinking he’d actually encounter something so sinister, no less one that had been made by Voldemort himself. But here they were.

“So, how does this work?” Sirius asked, hovering over Lupin’s shoulder.

“We’re supposed to stab it… I think.”

“You _think_ , Moony? This is important!”

“I’ve never fucking done this before!” Lupin shouted.

Sirius sighed. “Sorry.”

Swallowing hard, Remus scratched his head. “Okay. Open it. I’m ready.”

Sirius closed his eyes and muttered a spell under his breath, and the latch clicked open.

The room instantly grew colder, the hair standing up on the back of Lupin’s neck.

“Oh shit,” Sirius muttered behind him. “You feel that?”

Tonks’ voice rang in Lupin’s ears, but with a loud, taunting tone that was filled with hate, sounding so unlike her usual self. “You’re just a loser without a job,” she hissed, and his chest tightened. “Our baby is going to be a monster, just like _you_.”

“That’s not really her, you know that. Stab it!” Sirius bellowed.

Remus didn’t hesitate to bring his hand down forcefully on the locket, shouting as loudly as he could to block out Tonks’ phantom voice in his head.

A dark, black cloud of smoke came screaming out of the locket where the tip of the fang made contact, and Lupin stabbed it over and over again until the voices in his mind quieted.

Sirius was staring at him with his mouth hanging open. “Holy shit. Is it — _dead_? Dang. Nice work, Moony!”

Dropping the fang, Remus elbowed past Sirius and strode quickly out of the room.

***

Sirius cautiously made his way down the stairs, knocking on the doorframe loudly as he entered the room. “Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Lupin said, holding his head in his hands. Just give me a minute.”

“That wasn’t really Tonks saying that stuff, you know. She loves you. That was some dark enchantment or whatnot—”

“I _know_ that,” Remus spat at him.

“Okay,” Sirius said carefully. “Do you think the thing’s like totally dead or—”

“I said fucking give me a minute, please, Sirius?”

“Yeah, okay. Sorry.”

Lupin inhaled sharply, willing his heart to stop pounding, and then let out a slow, shaky breath. “That was fucked up,” he said finally.

Sirius rested his hand on his friend’s back. “Thanks, Moony. You did it.”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“So, based on what Dumbledore said, three down, three to go.”

“There are _three_ more things like that?” Remus said, his eyes wide.

“Afraid so,” Sirius replied, wearing a grimace.

“I’m not sure if I can do that again.”

“Well, I’m not sure what or where the other things might even be, so you’re off the hook for a while. I’m the worst fucking person for Dumbledore to have left this job to.”

Lupin saw the dejected look on his friend’s face. “Nah, you did good. You found the locket in Lebanon, and we got rid of it. That’s a big deal.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said slowly, dropping down into one of the chairs on the other side of the table. “So… thanks for the segue. Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“What?” Lupin was rubbing his temples with his fingertips as though his head hurt.

“So I don’t think I’m going back to Lebanon. At least not for very long, now that we — err, I mean, _you_ — destroyed the ring. That was the whole reason I went there in the first place. I need to be back here, working out of Grimmauld Place and — I don’t know.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Wait, really? You’re coming back to London? Does Lana know?”

“Not yet,” Sirius winced.

“Oooh. Yikes.”

Sirius sighed. “Yeah. I know. I’m no good at relationships. I do really think that I love her though. This is gonna suck. But don’t worry. I won’t tell her until after your wedding. Today is all about you two.”

“She’d never move here?”

“Nah. And I wouldn’t ask her to. Her whole family is there. Anyway, come on… you know me. Where was this really going?”

Lupin shook his head. “Some things never change, huh?”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Takes one to know one. What time is it?”

“Two thirty,” Sirius said, checking his watch.

“Okay. We should go.”

“You nervous, Moony?”

“What do you think? Yes, I’m really fucking nervous,” Lupin said exasperatedly.

Sirius laughed. “Come on. Let’s go get you married.”

***

The two men Apparated outside the gates of Hogwarts, where they’d been just a week prior, but under very different circumstances. Considering Tonks and Lupin were both members of the Order, as were the majority of the very short guest list, McGonagall had thought it best to hold the ceremony at Hogwarts. Kingsley was keeping watch outside, on the lookout for anything suspicious, but since it was summer and school was not in session, the grounds were unusually quiet.

Sirius cast a sidelong look at his friend, who he noticed looked very pale.

“It’s a beautiful day for a wedding,” he supplied cheerfully, clapping Remus on the shoulder.

Lupin forced a tight smile and looked down at his feet.

“What’s the matter?”

He looked up at Sirius with worried eyes and a sad smile. “I _don’t_ have a job, you know.”

“What?”

“What Tonks said. Or, not Tonks — you know what I mean. But I don’t have a job. I’m going to have a wife and a baby on the way and no steady source of income. It’s embarrassing.”

“You’re doing important work for the Order. Everyone knows that. And Tonks makes good money at the Ministry, right?”

“Well, yeah, but…”

“I know. Look. I don’t have a job either, Moony and —”

“But you have money,” Remus scoffed. “You don’t _have_ to work. Not all of us were born with a family vault full of Galleons.”

Sirius swallowed hard. “Ouch. Okay, so I’m gonna blame this on nerves and ignore the fact that you’re being a dick.”

Lupin rolled his eyes.

“Do you not want to do this?” Sirius asked him, raising his eyebrows. “I’m certainly not going to talk you into something that —”

“ _Of course_ I want to do this.”

“Good. Then let’s go inside.”

“I’m sorry. For being a dick,” Lupin relented, sighing heavily.

“I know. It’s okay.”

“And… thanks.”

Sirius looked confused. “For what?”

“For everything. When I was being stupid. I — I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“I _will_ kill you if you make me cry today, Remus. That’s a promise.”

***

Sirius hurried down the corridor past the kitchen to the Hufflepuff Common Room. He’d never been in this wing of the building before, and kept getting turned around as the halls twisted and intersected strangely.

Finally he arrived at the large wooden door, finding it ajar. He knocked loudly on the doorframe. “Tonks?”

Andromeda’s face appeared in an instant. “Thank fucking god. Where have you two been?” She punched her cousin on the shoulder and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Good to see you too, ‘Dromeda,” Sirius laughed, kissing her on the cheek. “Well _damn_. You look incredible. Definitely not old enough to be the mother of the bride.”

She rolled her eyes but looked pleased with the compliment. Her wild mane of brown and gray curls had been tamed into a long braid that went halfway down her back, wearing a floor-length plum gown with a daring slit halfway up her leg.

“Well now that we know Remus is here, I’m going to make sure everything’s ready to go,” Andromeda said. “You need anything?” she asked her daughter.

Tonks shook her head. “I’m good.”

Andromeda reached out and cupped her face tenderly. “You look beautiful, honey. Be back in a few. But it’s almost showtime.”

She slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her, and Tonks and Sirius were alone for a moment.

Sirius grinned and shook his head. “Holy shit. You look… amazing.”

Her cheeks flushed bright red as she looked down at the white lace gown she’d decided on. “Yeah? The dress isn’t too much?” 

“What’s too much?”

“Do I look ridiculous?”

“No. Not at all.”

“What about my hair?” she asked nervously, her hands running through one of her dark curls. “I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with it.” 

“What’s wrong with your usual pink?” Sirius asked with a shrug. 

She looked sheepish as she turned back to the mirror. “My abilities have been all messed up. Since the pregnancy. I can’t get the color right. And it doesn’t stay even when I do. I think Remus is stuck marrying a brunette.”

Sirius laughed, his hand on her shoulder. “Remus is the luckiest guy alive today, and he knows it. You look beautiful with your hair just like that, Tonks.”

Tonks bit her lip. “Promise?”

“Promise,” he grinned back.

“Okay, thanks.” Her face softened as she looked up at him. “For that, and for whatever you said to Remus. We’re… really good now.”

Sirius nodded. “Of course. I owe you one, remember? You saved my life.” He gave her a tight smile.

She took a step toward him. “Do you feel it too? Like something different could have happened instead? And you actually see it? That’s been happening to me and Remus. He said you get it too sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Sirius whispered. “I’ve been seeing things. Ever since that day in the Department of Mysteries. I’m not supposed to be here, Tonks.”

“ _What_?” Tonks looked at him in shock. “Don’t say that.”

“I dunno. It’s just this feeling I have.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “I get these weird feelings too sometimes. I don’t know what they mean.”

“Weird feelings? Like what?” Sirius asked, his eyebrows furrowing. “That I was supposed to die?”

“No, nothing like that. I just see these little snippets, of things that didn’t happen. Or didn’t happen _yet_. I don’t know. But it feels so real. The other night I had this dream about Remus, but he looked terrible, and we were at Grimmauld Place, and we were fighting, and you were — gone.” She looked down at her hands uncomfortably. “He was all messed up about it. We both were. And we weren’t together anymore.”

Sirius swallowed hard.

“And I’ve had these — _dreams_ , I guess — of us with a baby. But something bad always happens. Something big. And I can’t figure out what, but I never see us with an older child. I don’t know if something happens to the baby, or to us, or…” she trailed off. “I don’t think this story has a happy ending.”

“Fuck,” Sirius muttered. “Have you told Remus any of this?”

“Yeah, parts of it. But as skittish as he’s been, the last thing I want is to freak him out.”

He nodded. “You don’t need to worry about Remus. He isn’t going anywhere, Tonks. He overreacts sometimes in the moment. But whether or not I was here to help him come to his senses, he would have always come back to you. You two belong together. And he’s as loyal as they come. He loves you.”

Tonks swallowed the lump in her throat. “Hey. If something happens to us… you’ll look out for our baby, right?”

His eyes got wide. “Tonks…”

“Sirius, _please_.”

He bit his lip. “I don’t like you saying things like that. But of course you know I would.”

She sighed with relief. “Thank you.”

He placed both his hands on her shoulders. “Tonks, stop worrying about what _might_ happen. You’re getting married today. You’re beautiful and young and in love. You two are going to have a baby, a family together. Focus on that.”

Tonks let out a shaky breath. 

“I love you two. I mean, you three,” he said with a grin, gesturing to her stomach.

“Oh yeah, while we’re on that topic… my parents don’t exactly _know_ about that yet. So keep your damn mouth shut.”

“You got it,” he assured her. “It’s a good plan. Get married first, and then hope your dad doesn’t think about the math too hard once he learns about the kid.”

“Sirius!” she hissed, slapping him hard on the arm, and he laughed good-naturedly, pulling her in for a bear hug and holding her tightly against him.

“You’re a beautiful bride, Tonks. And you’re gonna be a great mom.”

She grinned. “Love you, Sirius.”


	40. “I Do”

Sirius came back into the courtyard to find his best friend pacing back and forth in front of the window, looking out over the Hogwarts grounds. Some of the guests had already arrived and were chatting with each other: Lyall Lupin, Molly and Arthur Weasley and their son Charlie, Minerva McGonagall, and Mad-Eye Moody. Sirius gave Lana a wink and a quick kiss on the cheek and then walked over behind Lupin, clapping him on the back.

Remus jumped, looking at Sirius. His face was very pale.

“You okay?” Sirius asked, furrowing his brows in concern.

“Uh huh,” he replied shakily.

“You don’t sound so sure there, pal.”

Lupin nodded. “No, I’m good. It’s just nerves.”

“Hang in there. I bet you ten Galleons you’re going to cry when you see Tonks,” Sirius leveled with a smirk, elbowing Remus in the ribs.

“Shut up. Wait, you saw her?”

“Uh huh. She looks beautiful. And she can’t wait to marry you.”

The corners of Lupin’s mouth turned up and he took a deep breath.

“You ready?” Sirius asked, looking at him closely.

“I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

***

Andromeda had decorated the Hogwarts courtyard beautifully, filling it with white flowers and greenery. She hired a violinist who started to play just as Ted and Tonks walked through the entrance and everyone got to their feet.

Tonks was smiling ear-to-ear as she walked down the aisle on her dad’s arm, dark hair falling in soft curls around her shoulders with a white flower tucked behind one ear. Ted wore a navy blue suit and had his lips pressed tightly together as though he was trying very hard not to cry.

Lupin was in awe, just staring at her with a crooked smile on his lips. The color quickly started to return to his face as he inhaled slowly through his nose, willing his breathing to steady. Her white lace gown had a plunging v-neckline and clung to her curves, a small sweep train trailing behind her.

When they reached the makeshift altar, Remus felt like he was in a daze as he shook Ted’s hand and clapped him on the back, and Ted pulled him in for an awkward hug. Then he kissed his daughter on the cheek, pulling back to look at her for a long moment. 

“Love you, Dad,” Tonks whispered, hugging him tightly.

Ted found his seat up front next to Andromeda, and he closed his eyes as she gave his arm a reassuring squeeze.

Tonks smoothed her hands over her dress and took a deep breath, looking up at Remus and smiling nervously. “Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi,” he chuckled, his heart pounding.

“Do I look okay?” she asked, looking self-conscious in such a fancy dress.

“You look…” he trailed off, swallowing hard. “ _Wow_. I don’t even know what to say.” He blinked hard and felt his eyes suddenly and unexpectedly fill with tears.

“Told ya,” Sirius whispered from his spot over Lupin’s shoulder.

The minister opened his arms wide. “Welcome everyone to this joyous occasion. We’re gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks.”

Tonks groaned under her breath at hearing her full name, and Lupin just laughed, squeezing her hand.

“Life can be a lonely journey. So when we find someone who sees us — really sees us — it’s so very powerful. Love isn’t easy. It’s about loving the other person not just in spite of their imperfections, but _because_ of their imperfections.”

Remus felt his heart swell at those words, and he was overcome by a feeling of calm, suddenly sure that this was exactly where he was supposed to be.

“Now before you take your vows, I’d like to invite the mother of the bride to do a reading.”

Andromeda walked gracefully to the front, patting her daughter affectionately on the cheek as she walked by. She pulled a folded sheet of paper from her pocket and cleared her throat.

“ _May marriage provide you both with a true partner  
for all the exquisite adventure, beauty, and pain that life has to offer.  
A mountain needs a valley to be complete;  
the valley does not make the mountain less, but more;  
and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it.  
So let it be with you and you.  
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.  
May you want one another, but not out of lack.  
May you embrace one another, but not hold back one another.  
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.  
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another_.”

“Damnit, Mom,” Tonks groaned, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “You said you weren’t gonna make me cry!”

“Don’t you dare,” Andromeda warned her. “Or I’m gonna start.”

Everyone laughed, and Tonks hugged her mom tightly. Andromeda stood on her toes and kissed Remus on the cheek, and then returned to her seat.

“Alright, now the only request from the bride and groom was that I make this part as short as possible, so we’re going to get down to it,” the minister said, looking amused, and everyone laughed as Tonks shrugged her shoulders good-naturedly.

“What? I don’t like everyone staring at me!” she insisted defensively.

“Are you ready?” asked the minister.

“Ready,” Tonks replied with a nervous grin, her heart pounding.

Lupin nodded, smiling at his bride.

“Remus, do you vow to honor and love Nymphadora for the rest of your life, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, until death parts you?”

“I do,” he replied solemnly, his voice surer than it had been all day.

“And do you, Nymphadora, vow to honor and love Remus for the rest of your life, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, until death parts you?”

“I do,” she said, nodding and smiling as she looked up at him.

“The rings?”

Remus pulled out his wand and took Tonk’s hand, a thin silver band appearing next to his mother’s sapphire ring on her finger. She admired it with an excited grin for a brief moment before taking her wand doing the same to his hand. A gold band now encircled his ring finger, and smiled as he looked down at her.

“Well, without further ado,” the minister announced with a smile, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You can go ahead and kiss your bride now.”

Tonks threw her arms around his neck as Remus bent down to kiss her, laughing against her lips, and their small audience burst into applause.

“Oh, they’re absolutely precious,” Molly whispered loudly to Arthur, who was having a hard time holding back tears of his own. Even Mad-Eye appeared a bit emotional, although he glared at anyone to prevent them from mentioning it.

Beaming at Remus as they walked down the makeshift aisle in the courtyard, Tonks reached for his hand — but the instant her fingers touched his, Lupin’s entire body went cold, the hair on the back of his neck standing up.

He saw a flash of them in this exact same spot of the courtyard, but instead of standing there in a white dress, grinning at him with shining eyes and bouncing curls, Tonks lay motionless on the ground, the entire left half of her body covered in blood. The room looked very different, lighted by candlelight instead of the cheerful sunshine, enemies’ spells blasting all around them as Remus cradled her head with tears streaming down his face, her lifeless eyes blankly staring back at him.

He stopped dead in his tracks, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head, banishing the vision from his mind. _No._

“Hey, you okay?” Tonks whispered, confused, as she pulled him along by the hand.

Lupin didn’t reply, his face suddenly pale, and her confusion quickly turned to a look of concern as she took a step back toward him.

“Remus?” she said, a panic creeping into her voice.

“Everything alright?” Sirius asked, clapping Lupin on the shoulder and looking at Tonks.

“I don’t know. I think Remus saw a ghost,” Tonks joked, swallowing down the lump in her throat. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him, pressing her cheek into his chest.

Dumbfounded, Lupin looked around the room at their friends and family, who hadn’t seemed to notice his momentary panic. He slid his arm around Tonks and pulled her closer, relieved to feel her heart beating against him, her body warm.

“You okay?” she whispered.

“Yeah. I am now.”

“Okay. Nerves?”

Remus swallowed hard. “Something like that.”

***

After some photographs and the signing of the marriage license, Sirius opened champagne and raised his glass to toast the couple.

“My very best friend in this world has found his perfect mate for life — and she’s my baby cousin, which could feel strange, but you know what, it doesn’t. It feels right. They see each other and support each other. And Tonks has grown up to be a badass. And she’s smart and fun and _forgiving_ , even when he might not deserve it. And yes, that’s a direct jab at you, Remus.”

Lupin laughed nervously along with everyone else, still feeling uneasy from the vision from the courtyard. He leaned into Tonks as she wrapped her arms around him, rolling her eyes and sticking out her tongue at Sirius good-naturedly.

“But in all seriousness, I love you two. I literally wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for you, Tonks. And if we’re being honest, Remus probably kept all of us alive during our time here at Hogwarts.”

“It’s true,” McGonagall called out wryly, and everyone laughed.

“All the best. To the happy couple!” Sirius called out, raising his glass.

“Cheers!” everyone joined in, and they all drank.

“Would you mind if I said a few words?” came Lyall’s quiet voice.

Lupin turned to look at him, slightly shocked, but nodded his head. “Sure, Dad.”

Lyall cleared his throat. “So, Remus and I haven’t seen a lot of each other since his mom passed. And I only met Dora a few weeks ago, but I’ve already seen more of my son since then than in the previous several years. And I guess I’d just like to say — well, I’d like that to continue,” he said, looking at his son with a hopeful smile.

Remus nodded at his dad, swallowing the lump in his throat while Tonks slid her arm around her husband’s waist. “I’ll make sure of it,” she called out to Lyall with a grin, and he couldn’t help but smile back at her.

“I’m proud of you, son. Welcome to the family, Dora. Cheers.”

Tonks ran up and hugged her new father-in-law. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For letting me have your wife’s ring. It’s beautiful.”

Lyall patted her cheek and winked, taking her hand in his and looking down at the stone fondly. “You know what everyone always said about Hope?” he asked quietly, still looking at the ring.

“What’s that?” Tonks tilted her head up at him.

“That she was a very warm person. Full of life. And so are you, my dear. It’s your ring now. And it looks damn good on you.”

She grinned at him.

The music began to play, and more champagne was opened.

“Come here,” Sirius muttered, his arm tightly encircling Lupin’s neck as he pulled him off into a corner. “What the fuck was that at the end there, old pal? You looked like you were going to pass out.”

“I saw something,” he whispered, closing his eyes tightly. “I don’t want to talk about it. Not here.”

“Okay,” Sirius said, understanding immediately. “Something bad.”

Remus winced. “The worst thing I can imagine.”

“Right. Well, remember, these things haven’t actually happened, so far, so these aren’t necessarily, like, _premonitions_ or whatever. It seems like something else. Like, a parallel thing if we made different choices.”

“I can’t talk about this now, Sirius,” Lupin choked out, feeling his chest tightening as he was forced to relive the image that continued to flash across his mind. What was happening at Hogwarts that they were in the middle of an all-out war? And when was this taking place? Could he stop it? “Later, please.”

“Say no more. Anyway, I think it’s time for you to dance with your bride.”

***

At the end of the night, the newlyweds Apparated back to their apartment. Tonks held her heels in her hand, leaning into Remus, and she reached for her wand to open the door when he stopped her.

She looked up at him in confusion but then he scooped her up in his arms.

“Remus!” she squealed, and he grinned down at her, carrying her inside their flat.

“Welcome home, Mrs. Lupin.”

Tonks pressed her lips together. “Holy shit. You’re adorable.”

He dropped their bag on the counter in the kitchen and walked into their bedroom, setting her down on the bed.

“Remus, I’m so tired,” Tonks groaned. “But aren’t we, like, legally required to have sex tonight?”

He laughed. “I’m fairly confident we’ll get around to consummating this marriage soon, if you’re not up for it tonight. I’m not worried.”

She bit her lip, smiling up at him. “Oh my god… we’re _married_.”

“Mmm. We are.”

“Hi, husband.”

“Hi, wife,” Remus said with a grin, pressing his lips against hers.

“Mmm I like the way that sounds,” she murmured.

He kissed her again, and then sat next to her on the edge of the bed. “Did you have fun?”

Tonks grinned and nodded. “It was perfect. Well, I wish I wasn’t pregnant, so I felt better. Then it might have been perfect. But whatever. I’m just happy.” She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, her hand resting on her stomach.

Remus stroked her hair gently, then stood to unbuckle her shoes and slide them off her feet. “Are you going to sleep in that dress?” he asked, amused.

“Mmm,” she sighed, tucking her legs underneath her and curling up in a ball. “I dunno. Maybe.”

He laughed and gazed down at her, looking so peaceful, completely unaware of what he’d seen earlier that day when he touched her hand in the courtyard.

And while he was overjoyed to be home with her, fully reconciled after his inexcusable behavior, ready to start their life together, he couldn't help but feel that something dark was lurking around the corner for all of them. Something was coming to destroy this calm and happiness, and it sat with him like a heavy weight on his chest.


	41. It Can't Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone... sorry it's taken me so long to post. I'm having a hard time feeling creative these days I guess. Hope you are all doing well and you like this chapter! More coming soon, hopefully.

The next morning Tonks woke up to her usual stomach issues and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her, and Remus was left feeling helpless. Surely this couldn’t last for the entire pregnancy? 

He had a cup of peppermint tea waiting for her and a worried expression on his face when she emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later, wearing an oversized Led Zeppelin shirt and a pair of bright red panties.

“Aww, you’re sweet,” Tonks smiled weakly at him, climbing back under the covers.

“You okay?”

She took a small sip of her tea. “Uh huh. A lot better now.”

“I’m sorry you’re so sick. I wish there was something I could do. I hate it.”

“Thanks, love. I know. It’s supposed to get better… once I get further into the pregnancy.”

“I sure hope so. You don’t have to work today, right?”

“Uhh, I don’t have to work for the entire week. Samira insisted, when I told her we were getting married,” Tonks grinned.

“Seriously? Damn. I _really_ like her.”

“Yeah, me too. Even before she gave me a week off. But especially because of that.” She ran her finger over his wedding band. “Holy shit.”

Remus chuckled. “I know. I kind of had the same thought when I saw it this morning.”

“But I’m sure it was ‘holy shit’ in a good way, right?” she teased.

“Yes. Holy shit in the best way possible.”

Giggling, Tonks kissed his cheek. “Hi, husband.”

“Hi, wife.”

“Come here,” she begged, pulling him closer.

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.”

“You sure?”

“ _Yes_. I’m feeling better. Kiss me. I brushed my teeth and everything.”

He chuckled and pressed his lips to her neck as she sighed, her fingers unbuttoning his shirt, his hand sliding down her hip. “Hey, wait a minute… you weren’t wearing red underwear when you went to bed last night.”

“I wasn’t?” Tonks asked innocently.

“You changed into those this morning because you know what they do to me,” he accused, smiling.

“So what if I did?” she giggled. “It’s our first time.”

“It’s _definitely_ not our first time,” he said, chucking.

“Our first time as _husband and wife_ ,” Tonks murmured, slipping her hand inside his waistband and wrapping her hand around his cock.

He groaned, thrusting up into her hand. “Fuck. Come here.” Remus pulled her on top of him and took off her shirt, tossing it onto the floor. Biting his lip, he ran his thumb over her nipple, sending a jolt of electricity straight between her legs. “Your tits look amazing, you know.”

Tonks grinned at him, and he flipped them over so she was lying flat on their bed. He peeled her red panties off, discarding them on the floor next to the bed, and then he kissed down her body before settling between her legs.

He licked between her folds, and Tonks let out a loud cry. “Oh my god, _yes_.”

Lupin moved up to trace slow circles around her clit with his tongue, sliding one finger inside of her and curling it against her walls.

“ _Fuck_ ,” she moaned.

Tonks’ fists clutched the sheets tightly as she whimpered and bucked her hips up against his face, and within a few minutes, she had come completely undone.

She was gasping for breath when his head hit the pillow next to her, wiping his mouth. “Oh my god, you’re so good at that,” she panted.

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.” Tonks knelt on the bed and yanked his pants down. “Get these off already.”

“Well you’re certainly in a rush,” he chuckled as she climbed on top of him, kissing down his neck.

She pulled back, biting her lip. “Sorry. Want me to stop?”

Lupin sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her toward him. “Get back over here.”

Tonks giggled and put both her hands on his chest, pushing him back onto the bed, and then straddled his hips, sliding down slowly on his cock, and let out a loud sigh.

His eyes closed, a look of pure bliss crossing his face as he felt her walls squeeze around him. “ _Oh_ , Dora.”

“That’s Mrs. Lupin to you,” she said with a grin. She lay down flat against his chest, resting her head on his shoulder and started to rock her hips slowly.

“Fuck, you feel good, baby,” he groaned.

“I love you, Remus,” she whispered.

“I love you, Dora.”

***

Later that morning, Lupin made them breakfast, Tonks’ favorite scrambled eggs and roasted potatoes — the only food that reliably sounded good to her these days.

After they finished eating, Remus was clearing the dishes when there was a knock at the door.

He looked at Tonks, who just shrugged.

Remus opened the door to find Sirius standing there, grimacing exaggeratedly and covering his eyes with his hand. “Am I interrupting the honeymoon? Everyone have their clothes on?”

“No, we’re naked, go away,” Lupin replied in a deadpan tone, shutting the door in his friend’s face.

But Sirius caught the door before it closed, laughing and stepping inside, and clapped Remus on the shoulder. “I won’t stay long. Promise. Hey, Tonks!”

“Hi, Sirius,” she said, sticking her head through the kitchen doorway. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry, I need to talk with Remus about something. Will only take a few minutes, I swear. Then I’ll leave you newlyweds alone.”

Tonks stuck her tongue out at him. “Fine, whatever. I’m gonna go grab a shower then.”

“Sounds good, love,” Remus called after her. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Sirius waited until she’d walked into the bathroom and shut the door to turn back to Lupin. “You okay? What happened to you last night at the wedding? What’d you see?”

Something dark passed over Remus’ face, and he glanced over his shoulder at the closed bathroom door. They heard water started running in the bathtub.

“In here,” Lupin said, nodding his head toward the front room and dropping to sit in the arm chair. Sirius plopped down across from him on the couch.

He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “The instant I touched Tonks’ hand right after the ceremony, I saw another vision. She was dead, Sirius. Just lying there on the courtyard floor at Hogwarts, her entire shoulder covered in blood. Her eyes were open, just staring. It was — it was _awful_.” He shuddered, hanging his head.

“Shit,” Sirius muttered. “Okay, now let’s remember, I saw myself die in one of those visions before. And somehow I’m still here.”

“The whole place was a war zone,” Remus muttered, not even listening to his friend. “I can’t get it out of my head. And it felt different, Sirius. Whenever I’ve seen things before, they always had this — I don’t know — sort of hazy film over it? Like a dream? Everything always seems so — bright. This was different.”

“Different how?”

“It felt — clearer. Everything was darker. It felt more like the future instead of deja vu. And now I’m just fucking terrified that it’s going to happen. It _can’t_ happen.”

“It won’t,” Sirius assured him. But he couldn’t help but think of what Tonks had told him about the dreams and her fears for their future and their unborn child.

“Great, that makes me feel so much better,” Lupin said sarcastically.

“Remus, come on. Don’t ruin your life worrying about one of these weird visions we’ve all been seeing. You just got married, and have a kid on the way. I dunno, focus on that.”

He raised his eyebrows. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve been different since that night in the Department of Mysteries, Sirius. Preoccupied. And I get it. But you can’t just tell me to forget about it when _you_ can’t.”

“Fair enough.”

“So what should I _do_?” Lupin asked desperately.

Sirius sighed. “I mean… we could go see Trelawney and see if she has any predictions?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m not interested in that. That will just fuck with my head even more. And I don’t want Sybill knowing our business.”

“You want to talk to Tonks about it?”

“No, definitely not,” Remus hissed. “She’s pregnant. Come on, I can’t put this kind of stress on her. What do I say? ‘Hey honey, good morning, and oh, by the way, I saw a glimpse of how you die at our wedding, and it’s bloody and violent and horrifying. Want some breakfast?’”

“Yeah, okay. So then all I really think we can do is watch out for Tonks. And she can definitely hold her own, Remus. And if nothing else, just be sure to keep her away from Hogwarts. Especially if, you know, a war’s underway.”

“This isn’t funny, Sirius,” Remus leveled, glaring at him.

“I don’t think any of this is funny, Moony. And you know that if I could do anything to stop it from happening, I will. We’ll watch out for her. Protect her.”

Lupin swallowed hard. “I fucking love her, Sirius.”

“Of course you do. And one of these days we’ll figure out why this weird stuff is happening to us. God, I wish Dumbledore was still around, you know?”

They heard the water shut off in the shower down the hall, and Lupin sighed loudly. “Yeah. Me too.”

“Okay, I told Tonks I wouldn't stay long, so I should get out of here. Let’s think on it and talk when you get back, yeah?”

“Get back from where?” Remus asked, confused.

Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope and set it down on the coffee table. “That’s for you.”

Still looking bewildered, Lupin opened the flap to see that it was stuffed with Galleons. He raised his eyebrows. “What the fuck is this?”

“Your wedding present. Take Tonks on a real honeymoon. She deserves it. You both do.”

Remus’ jaw dropped. “Sirius, I can’t take this.”

“Course you can. Come on, I didn’t earn it. At least my family’s good for one thing, huh? I _want_ you to have it.”

“Oh my god. I don’t know what to say.”

Sirius stood up, resting his hand on Lupin’s shoulder. “Say thank you.”

He looked down at the money gratefully. “Thanks, Padfoot.”

“I think the Order can handle things without you for a few days. Mad-Eye and I have plans to move Harry from Privet Drive to the Weasleys tomorrow night, but we’ll definitely need you back after that for what comes next. And Tonks, if she’s feeling up for it.”

“Wait, what?! You’re moving Harry tomorrow? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sirius laughed. “You’ve had enough on your mind these days, Remus. We’ll be fine. Just let me know when you two get home, yeah?”

Remus nodded. “Okay. Thank you, Sirius. For everything.”

“You got it. Take a deep breath, and try to relax. You’ve really ended up with a beautiful life, Moony. Be sure you take a minute to remember that. Love you guys.”

***

When Tonks emerged from the bathroom wrapped up her big fluffy robe, toweling her hair dry, Sirius had gone.

“What’d he want?” she asked.

Remus pushed the envelope across the table at her.

Her eyes widened as she saw the contents. “Holy shit. What’s all this?”

“Our wedding present, apparently.”

“Oh, fuck,” she murmured, counting the bills. “This is from Sirius?”

“Yep. From the Black Family vault. He doesn’t give a shit about all that money. Told me to take you on a proper honeymoon.”

Tonks grinned. “Really?”

He shrugged. “That’s what he said. How are you feeling?”

“Umm, I’m feeling like I want to go on a fucking vacation.”

Lupin laughed, reaching for her hand and pulling her toward him. He already felt his blood pressure starting to come down at the thought of getting away for a few days with her. “Okay. Where should we go?”

Tonks thought for a minute. “I’ve always wanted to go to Edinburgh. Have you ever been?”

He shook his head. “No. But I’ll go anywhere with you.”

She smiled big and kissed him. “Guess we should pack, huh?”


	42. Edinburgh

They arrived in Edinburgh early the next afternoon. Tonks took Lupin’s hand, lacing her fingers through his, and led him down a cobblestone street in Old Town, stopping in front of the small boutique hotel where she'd booked them a room. “We’re here,” she grinned. “Come on.”

He held open the front door for her and looked around the lobby. “Oh my god. This is… fancy,” he muttered, looking slightly uncomfortable.

“I _know_. Thanks, Sirius!” She pressed a quick kiss to Remus’ cheek before walking to the front desk, exchanging her information for a room key from the attendant.

They went up the elevator to the eleventh floor and she opened the door to room 1121. It was small, but held a queen-sized bed, a couch, and a desk with a chair. There was a tiny bathroom with a shower, and a set of French doors that led to the balcony.

Tonks set her suitcase down and flung open the balcony door, walking outside. “Holy shit!” she exclaimed. “Come out here, Remus.”

Lupin walked outside to see Edinburgh Castle, on top of a cliff, looming over the city. The giant fortress was impressive, and they had a near unobstructed view. “Whoa.”

She reached out for his hand. “You okay?”

He swallowed hard, nodding. “Yeah.”

Tilting her head, Tonks looked closely at him. “What is it?”

“I’ve never actually been on a vacation before,” he admitted. “This all just feels very surreal.”

“Well, then that puts a lot of pressure on what I was able to throw together in a few hours,” Tonks said with a grin.

Remus laughed as she slid her arms around his waist and hugged him. “You know me, I’m easy to please. What did you have planned for us first?”

“Well… it did look like an awfully nice bed.”

“Oh yeah?” He raised his eyebrows hopefully.

“Uh huh. Come here, love.”

***

Lupin woke several hours later. Tonks was curled up against him with her eyes still closed, still softly snoring. He blinked hard and took a deep breath, not realizing that they had fallen asleep.

She looked so peaceful, and Remus felt his breath catch in his throat as he gazed down at her. God, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. _Please, don’t let anything happen to her. Or our baby. I’ll do anything. Anything._

He ran his fingertips over her bare shoulder peeking out from under the sheets, and Tonks stirred, groaning softly. Her eyes opened as she took in their surroundings.

“Mmm, did we fall asleep?” she asked groggily.

Remus nodded. “Yeah. I think we needed it.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost six.”

“Shit. I had all this stuff I wanted to go see today.”

Laughing, he kissed the top of her head. “We still have three more days. You’re telling me it wasn’t nice to take a nap?”

“Mmmm. It was,” she grinned, stretching against him. “And we’re still all naked.”

“We sure are.” Remus lifted up the sheet to peek at her, which just made her giggle as he pressed his lips along her collarbone.

“We should get up,” she whispered.

“Do we have to?” he groaned, his fingers sliding along her hip and pulling her closer.

“We didn’t come all the way here to stay in bed all week!” laughed Tonks, swatting his hand away. “I’m _starving_. Give me a few minutes to get ready and then we should grab some dinner.”

***

Lupin sat on the balcony, watching the fog start to roll in over the castle and feeling his body relax. He was out there for more than twenty minutes before Tonks returned, and when he looked up at her, he felt his jaw drop. She was wearing a tight purple long-sleeved dress with a belt and tall brown boots, her hair falling in curls around her face.

“Damn, baby,” he murmured, standing up.

“Yeah?” she asked, grinning at him and turning around. When she did, he could see how the material clung to her ass.

“Whoa, do that again,” he begged, smiling. She laughed and obliged him, spinning in another circle. He stepped toward her and snaked his arms around her waist. “Mmm,” he hummed, kissing her neck. “I like the dress.”

Her hands dropped to her stomach, suddenly self-conscious. “Yeah? Is it too much? Can you tell that I’m pregnant?”

Lupin shook his head. “Not yet. But your boobs look incredible. I mean, _damn_.” He grinned and lifted her chin, kissing her on the mouth.

Tonks laughed. “You enjoying the view?”

“Uh huh,” he said, not taking his eyes off her.

She laughed. “I _meant_ the castle.”

“I know. I like that too.” 

“Are you ready to head out? I’m so hungry.”

Remus smiled and took her hand. “Let’s go.”

Since carbs were easiest on Tonks’ sensitive stomach these days, they found a little Italian restaurant a few blocks from their hotel, where they were seated on the outdoor terrace. It was a beautiful night, and they enjoyed their meal while watching the city move around them.

After dinner, Tonks led him down a cobblestone street lit by strings of incandescent bulbs. Lupin looked around him, taking in the sights and sounds of Edinburgh. Guitar music boomed from a bar they walked past, street vendors dishing out their food for customers waiting in line. She turned and smiled at him, her hair framing her pale face, and Remus found himself completely mesmerized. In that moment, everything else ceased to matter, except for her bouncing curls and the way her nose wrinkled when she laughed under the lights.

They had to wait to cross a street, and she stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him. Lupin cupped her face with his hand, regarding her with a sudden intensity. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, a lump forming in his throat as he looked down at her. “I fucking love you,” he choked out. “You know that?”

Tonks beamed up at him as the light turned green. “Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him across the street and took a hard right. Up ahead he saw a large circular building on top of a cliff. 

“Where are we going?” he asked, willing to follow her anywhere.

“Up here,” she grinned. Before them was a set of steep stone stairs. They climbed up and up, until they both stopped at one point to catch their breath and Remus sneaked a quick kiss, pushing Tonks up against the brick wall. “Wait! We’re almost there,” she panted. “Let’s keep going up. I promise it will be worth it.”

Tonks bit her lip, beckoning him to follow her. She pulled him up the stairs by the hand, and after a few more minutes, they finally made it up to the rooftop.

“Where are we?” Lupin asked.

“The Royal Observatory. I remember seeing photos of this place when I was a little girl and I always wanted to come here. Check out this view.”

Lupin’s breath caught in his throat as he looked out over the old city in a sweeping panoramic shot. “Whoa,” he breathed.

“I know,” Tonks said, wrapping her arms around his waist and grinning up at him.

He looked up at the purple sky, dotted with faint lights, the moon brilliant directly above them. And then he froze.

“Dora. We’ve been here before.”

She squinted up at him, looking utterly confused. “Uhh, no we haven’t.”

He bit his lip and scanned the area around them, the color draining from his face. “Really? You don’t feel it?”

Tonks took in their surroundings and then shrugged. “No.”

“Fuck.” Lupin shook his head. “Guess it’s just me.” He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, but his eyes still looked uneasy, and he was very quiet the whole walk back to the hotel.

When they got back to their room, Tonks was already yawning. She changed into a shirt and a pair of shorts, and collapsed on the bed. Lupin stripped down to his boxers and laid next to her. “I’m so tired,” she murmured, resting her head on his chest.

“Mmm hmm,” he agreed.

And before long, they both drifted off to sleep.

***

Lupin woke up refreshed, feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time — maybe ever. He looked down to see Tonks still asleep in bed next to him. She was facing away from him, so he spooned her, pressing his lips gently along the edge of her jaw as she blinked awake.

She rolled over and grinned up at him. “Morning, Mr. Lupin.”

“Hey,” he murmured, kissing her forehead.

“You’re supposed to call me Mrs. Lupin.”

“Am I? Good morning, Mrs. Lupin.”

“How’d you sleep?” Tonks asked, stretching.

“Amazing. I feel great.”

“Mmm. Me too. But I’m ready to get up and explore if you are.”

They meandered down the cobblestone streets, holding hands, until she pulled him into a used bookstore they passed. They still had fun browsing the dusty treasures, and Tonks picked out two books she wanted to buy. Lupin found a moment to steal away in an abandoned corner of the stacks to steal a kiss, slipping his hands in the back pockets of her jeans.

Next, they found a street market a few blocks down. Tonks ordered a crepe with cheese and ham, and she offered Remus the first bite. They ate their way through the market, sampling jams, breads and cheeses. Lupin traded a crumpled bill for a bright pink peony and grinned as he handed it to her.

Tonks froze looking up at him with wide eyes, her face suddenly pale.

“You okay?” Remus asked with concern.

“We’ve been here before,” she whispered, the flower falling from her fingers to the ground.

He nodded. “Yeah? You feel it too?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, tears suddenly springing to her eyes. 

He cradled her face with both of his hands in the middle of the market, people glancing curiously as they stepped around them.

“Oh my god, Remus. Why does this keep happening? What does this mean?”

Lupin shook his head slowly. “I’m not sure.”

She looked around at the market almost in disbelief. “We were really happy here,” she whispered. “And then we weren’t.”

“Let’s head back to the hotel,” he said, looking at her with concern, and Tonks nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve.

***

Tonks felt emotionally drained after what she’d seen, not ready to fully process it yet, and dozed off for another afternoon nap. Remus, despite trying his best to drift off to sleep himself, finally admitted defeat, carefully sliding his arm out from under her and heading out to sit on the balcony and think.

***

He’d been sitting out there for over an hour when Tonks slid in the chair next to him, a blanket draped around her shoulders. 

“Hey,” she whispered softly. “Sorry.”

“For what?” Lupin asked, reaching for her hand and kissing the back of it.

“For freaking out.”

“Don’t be sorry. You ready to talk about it?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess? I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything. What did you see at the Observatory last night?”

Remus swallowed. “I saw us up there. A couple different times. I think I asked you to marry me up on that roof.”

Her eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I saw a flash of it. We’ve been here more than once.”

Tonks stared at him, chewing on her lip. “I felt that too. And the last time we were here was bad.”

“Bad how?” he asked, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

“I don’t know,” admitted Tonks, taking in their surroundings. “That part isn't really clear. But there’s this dark cloud hanging over all of it. Something happened, and it drove us apart. At least for a little while.”

They sat in silence for several long minutes. Finally Remus cleared his throat.

“Dora. I don’t know why we’re seeing these things. But the more I try to analyze it, the more it just fucks with my head. I think we need to try and forget about all of that. Whatever happened in that other timeline or dimension or whatever the fuck is happening — I want to be _here_. In this life. With you. Can we just focus on that?” Lupin’s voice faltered. “Or I’m afraid we’re both going to go crazy.”

Tonks climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his jaw. She blinked hard and a tear trailed down her cheek.

“Let’s just worry about us. Right here, right now. I’d say we’ve got enough to keep us occupied.” He gently rubbed the palm of his hand over her stomach.

Grinning, she nodded and kissed him on the lips. “That’s true. We’ve got a lot to figure out between now and April. Feels far off, but it will be here before we know it.”

Lupin drew her closer to him. “You think it’s a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t know. If I had to guess, I’d say a boy.”

“Really? I was thinking it’s a girl.”

“Yeah?” Tonks said, beaming at him.

“I can picture it,” he murmured with a crooked smile. “A little girl with bright pink pigtails and a beautiful face like her mother.”

Her cheeks flushed and she giggled as he planted a soft kiss on her neck, and they watched the sun setting over Edinburgh Castle. The temperature began to fall as the sky darkened, and Tonks pulled the blanket over both of them as she snuggled closer against him. “I made reservations at some fancy restaurant for tonight, but I don’t want to go anywhere… I just want to stay here with you. Let’s order room service.”

***

Forty-five minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and Tonks brought in the tray she found in the hallway outside their room. Sitting on the bed, she took off the lid to reveal an abundance of cheeseburgers and French fries.

Remus burst out laughing, reaching for a fry. “Looks like you found your appetite.”

“I know. I think I ordered enough food for seven people.” She took a bite of the burger and moaned. “Oh my god, that’s so fucking good.”

“I love you. You know that, right?” Lupin said, looking at her with a goofy grin on his face.

Tonks beamed back at him. “Yeah. I know.”

***

They spent the last two days of their trip at a slower pace — sleeping in, enjoying the view, going for walks around the quieter parts of town and finding little restaurants off the beaten path. And then, as if it was all a dream, it was time to head back to reality.

Tonks finished packing her suitcase, and then walked out onto the balcony. “You ready?” she asked Remus, who had his back to her, standing by the railing looking out.

“Come here for a minute first,” he said, holding his hand out to her.

She tilted her head, but then set down her bag and walked over to him. Lupin slid his hands around her shoulders and rested his chin on top of her head. 

“It feels kind of weird to leave. I feel like there’s more to this place that I still don’t really understand,” Tonks admitted. “You know?”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I know what you mean.”

“I don’t think I want to come back here again,” she said slowly.

“Nah. Next time we’ll go somewhere new.”

“Next time?” Tonks grinned up at him. “I like the sound of that.”

“Well… next time Sirius decides to give us a giant envelope full of cash.”

She laughed and kissed his cheek, then took a deep breath. “We’re gonna be okay, Remus..”

He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “I think we are.”

“I love you. Let’s go home, husband.”


	43. It's Not Safe There Anymore

After dropping their bags off at the apartment, the newlyweds found themselves anxious to check in with Sirius and see what they’d missed over the past week.

“It feels strange to be back,” Tonks remarked as number twelve Grimmauld Place appeared in front of them and they started up the steps. “I haven’t gone this long without an Order meeting since I joined.”

“I know,” Remus said, reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze. “But it was nice to get away, wasn’t it?”

“Mmm, sure was,” she grinned, standing on her toes to kiss him on the mouth before stepping into the foyer. “Hey, Sirius! We’re back!” Tonks called out.

He appeared at the top of the steps, giving them a forced smile. “Hey guys,” he said, something strange in his voice. “Did you have a good trip?”

“Yeah,” Lupin said, furrowing his brows as he looked up at his friend. “What’s wrong?”

Sirius sighed. “Come on upstairs.”

Tonks turned to look at Remus with a worried expression, but he just shrugged and led her up the stairs by the hand.

They all settled down in the drawing room, and Sirius took a deep breath. “Anyone need a drink?”

“She’s pregnant and it’s one in the afternoon, Sirius. Just tell us what the fuck is going on.”

He sighed deeply, looking Tonks square in the eye. “Okay. So I told Remus that while you were gone, the Order was going to be moving Harry from Privet Drive to the Weasleys’ house. We knew the protective spell would expire on his eighteenth birthday, and we thought if we could move him early, it might throw off Voldemort and the Death Eaters. That they wouldn't be expecting it.”

“Wait, _what_?” Tonks said incredulously, looking back and forth between the two of them. “Why didn’t I know anything about this? We could have helped.”

“You guys had enough going on, with the wedding, and the pregnancy, and well… everything. And Mad-Eye and I had a plan we thought would work to move Harry safely and throw off any danger.”

“What is it?” Remus asked, starting to panic. “What went wrong?”

Sirius hung his head in his hands. “Fuck. I’m sorry. We lost Moody, guys.”

“No!” Tonks gasped, her hand clapping over her mouth. “What? _No_.” Her eyes quickly filled with tears as she turned to look at Remus, who wore an equally horrified expression.

“What happened?” Lupin stammered in disbelief.

“We were all on broomsticks, with some of our people disguised as Harry as a diversion, so if we were followed they wouldn’t know which one was the real Harry. The Death Eaters must have gotten tipped off about the plan, because they were on us the second we left Privet Drive. We’re looking into the possibility of a spy in the Order. But it sounds like he was hit with a killing curse by Voldemort himself. Bill and I went back, but we weren’t able to recover his body.”

“Oh my god,” Remus muttered before looking over at his wife, who was absolutely devastated. She’d trained under Moody at the Auror’s office, and without any children of his own, Tonks was the closest thing he had to family. He reached out for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Everyone else is okay?” Tonks asked through her tears.

Sirius hesitated. “George Weasley lost an ear, but he’ll live.”

“He lost an _ear_?” Tonks repeated, her face even more pale than usual.

Sirius handed Tonks a handkerchief. “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I really thought we were prepared. That it was our best shot to move Harry safely.”

“None of this is your fault, Padfoot,” Lupin said firmly. “Especially if there’s a spy who's passing information.”

“My money’s on Mundungus,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “But we can’t prove anything yet.”

“Fuck,” muttered Remus. “Unfortunately that wouldn't surprise me at all.”

“I’m really sorry to kill your honeymoon buzz, guys. I just couldn’t _not_ tell you… you know? And I didn’t want you to hear it from someone else.”

Tonks closed her eyes, her heart unbearably heavy.

“He was really proud of you, Tonks,” Sirius continued. “I know how closed-off Moody could be, so he probably never told you. But he was. Everything you did with the Auror office, standing up for yourself and others like that. He was so fucking proud of you.”

She nodded, more tears spilling down her cheeks.

“What now?” Remus asked quietly.

“The Order is going to regroup here tonight at eight o’clock. If you two are up for it —”

“We’ll be there,” Tonks said firmly.

Lupin looked around. “Where’s Lana?”

Sirius looked down at the ground sheepishly. “We broke up. She went back to Lebanon.”

“Wait, you _what_?” Tonks shrieked, slapping him on the arm. “Why?! She was perfect for you!”

He shrugged. “She was great. It had nothing to do with her, and we ended on pretty good terms. I’m just not good at this stuff, Tonks. It would have happened eventually.”

“Well, shit,” she muttered. “I really liked her.”

“Sorry,” Sirius grinned. “I’m back here in London permanently, so you’re stuck with me, at least for now.”

Tonks stuck her tongue out at him as he affectionately messed up her hair.

“Any other leads on Horcruxes?” Remus asked.

Sirius sighed. “I’m at a bit of a dead end on that. I’m glad you’re back. I’m gonna need you.”

Lupin nodded, glancing back over at Tonks who was focused intently on her hands. “You alright?”

She looked up at him with shining eyes and shrugged.

“Want me to take you home before the meeting?”

Tonks bit her lip. “Yeah. Maybe.”

“I know it’s a lot to come back to this. You two should go home and rest up and come back at eight. Molly said she’ll be sure there’s dinner for everyone.”

“Thanks, Sirius. Are you okay?” Remus asked, looking at him closely.

Sirius forced a smile. “I’ll get by.”

Lupin clapped him on the shoulder and met his eye for a moment. “Stop beating yourself up, yeah? You’re not responsible for everything bad that happens.”

“I know.”

“We’ll be back in a few hours. And tomorrow you and I will sit down and talk about what comes next. You’re not in this alone. I know it’s a daunting task that Dumbledore left you.”

“Thanks, Moony. See you guys in a bit.”

***

Tonks crashed hard when they got home, curling up in a ball on their bed and quickly falling asleep. Remus watched over her, concerned, his mind racing. He’d always known how dangerous the work they did was — but losing Mad-Eye Moody was fucking with his head. The man had seemed invincible. And yet he had fallen.

Despite everything he’d said to Tonks in Edinburgh, he couldn’t get the image of her cold, lifeless body lying on the floor. Something bad was coming; he could _feel_ it. And despite her strength and stubbornness, Remus wanted her far away from it all, where she’d be safe.

He sighed heavily, pressing a kiss to her shoulder before heading to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea.

***

Lupin shook her gently awake a few hours later. “Hey,” he whispered. “Dora, wake up.”

“What is it?” she asked groggily, rolling over and rubbing her eyes.

“We need to get up and head to Grimmauld Place for the meeting.”

Tonks sighed and looked up at him. “I don’t feel so good.”

“No? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her hair. “You just want to stay here and rest?”

She nodded, looking miserable.

“I’m sorry about Moody. I know how close you two were.”

Closing her eyes, Tonks rolled over, facing away from him.

“Hey. Don’t hide from me. Come here,” he urged her softly, pulling her back toward him.

“I don’t even remember if we said goodbye to him at the wedding,” she whispered. “Everything was such a blur. I just can’t picture saying goodbye to him at the end of the night. Did I even thank him for being there?”

Remus racked his brain, realizing his own mind was distracted that day as well and he couldn't recall the end of the evening clearly. “I’m sure you said goodbye to him. And even if you didn’t, he knew.”

“Yeah.”

“Want to stay home tonight? I can tell everyone you’re not feeling well. I’ll fill you in when I get home.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Tonks said, her voice small.

“I’m worried about you.”

She didn’t reply.

“You going to be okay? Let’s get you up and we’ll eat something before I leave.”

She shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

“Dora. _Please_.”

Tonks’ shoulders slumped and her hands flew to cover her face as she began to sob. Remus wrapped his arms around her and she leaned into him, her whole body shaking.

“Oh love. I’m so sorry. It’s not fair. None of this is.”

After convincing her to let him fix some dinner, Remus contacted Andromeda to come over and stay with Tonks while he was gone. Always reliable in a pinch, Andromeda arrived within the hour.

“She okay?” she asked, looking at Remus with concerned gray eyes.

“We just found out about Moody. I think she’s still in shock.”

“Fuck,” Andromeda whispered, shaking her head. “He meant a lot to her.”

Remus nodded. “I know.”

“Well thanks for letting me know, Remus.” She patted his cheek affectionately and walked into the bedroom to find Tonks under the sheets with her back to the door.

“Dora, your mom’s here to see you,” Lupin said, knocking softly on the door frame.

Tonks sat up and looked at her mom questioningly. “Mom? What are you doing here?”

“Remus told me about Alastor, honey. I’m so sorry.” Then Andromeda’s eyes suddenly narrowed and she clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god, you’re _pregnant_ ,” she breathed, looking back and forth between her daughter and Lupin.

Tonks’ eyes went wide as she and Remus exchanged a panicked look. “Ummm…”

“Holy shit, you are.” Andromeda walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Oh my god.”

“How did you —”

Andromeda rolled her eyes. “I just _know_ , Dora. Are you feeling okay?”

“Not really,” Tonks admitted.

Her face softened and she nodded. “I was so sick,” Andromeda recalled. “Could barely keep any food down for the first few months.”

Tonks bit her lip as her mother stroked her hair gently.

Andromeda sighed and turned to Remus. “Whatever you do, don’t let Ted figure out that this happened before the wedding. I know it seems old-fashioned, but —”

Lupin gulped and nodded, casting his eyes down to the floor.

Sighing loudly, Andromeda turned her attention back to Tonks, a little smile playing around her lips. “So I guess I’m gonna be a grandma, huh?”

Tonks grinned and nodded, looking back to Remus.

“Well, I’ll be sure to act surprised when you tell us. Go on to the meeting, Remus. We’re good here.”

Lupin kissed Tonks on the top of her head. “I’ll be back later.”

“Tell everyone I’m sorry to miss it.”

“Don’t worry about that, love. Just rest up. And thanks, Andromeda.”

***

Rain was beginning to fall lightly as Remus hurried up the steps to Grimmauld Place and let himself into the front hallway. He shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the hook inside the front door, and then headed down the stone stairs to the kitchen on the lower level, hearing voices speaking in animated tones.

“ — just wish we could have had a proper celebration,” Molly was lamenting, shaking her head. “You’re our oldest child, Bill.”

“Mum, you know we didn’t want any of that,” he sighed. “Fleur’s family didn’t feel safe traveling, what with everything that’s been going on. We’ll do it up big later, when things settle down. You can plan your fancy party then, okay?”

Bill kissed his mother’s forehead and she shut her mouth, her lips pressed together tightly, looking frustrated.

“Well look who finally decided to show his face after a week on holiday,” Sirius shouted as Lupin entered the room.

Remus shook his head. “I saw you earlier this afternoon, Sirius. Hi everyone.”

Arthur broke out into a wide smile. “Welcome back! Where’s your bride?”

“She’s not feeling well… we just found out about Moody this afternoon when we got back, and, well, Tonks is taking the news pretty hard.”

“Poor thing,” Molly said, shaking her head. “I hope you two were able to enjoy your time away before coming back to this mess. Weddings are _exactly_ what we need more of in this world right now,” she said pointedly, glaring at Bill across the room, who just laughed and took a seat next to his dad.

“Ol’ Billy here went and got himself hitched too,” Sirius laughed. “It would appear that I’m officially the most eligible bachelor of the group.”

Ignoring Sirius, Remus looked at Bill. “You and Fleur got married?”

“Yeah,” Bill beamed. “We went to Santorini for the weekend and eloped. Just the two of us. Mum’s a bit sore about it, if you can’t tell.”

“I just don’t understand —” 

“Molly,” Arthur murmured softly. “He’s happy. Let’s be happy for him. Or at the very least, let’s discuss this later, at home. Privately.”

She huffed, but relented. “Very well.”

“Congratulations,” Lupin followed up quickly. But even as the words left his mouth and he sank into the chair at the table next to Sirius, he got that familiar, cold feeling in his stomach.

_Bill and Fleur’s wedding… why did he feel like they’d been there? He could almost picture a tent in the Weasleys’ yard, Tonks with long blonde hair and a green dress. But the night definitely hadn’t ended well. What happened? What was going on?_

“You alright there?” Sirius whispered.

“Uh huh.”

Arthur cleared his throat, looking around the room. “I thought Minerva and Kingsley were supposed to be here.”

“They were,” Sirius provided, shrugging.

“Should we wait?” Molly asked.

“At least tell us how Harry’s holding up. It’s killing me that I can’t be there with him,” urged Sirius, nervously picking at the edge of his thumbnail.

“Okay, right. Well, Harry’s safe at The Burrow. He and Ron and Hermione and Ginny are laying low before heading back to school. Charlie and the twins and Hagrid are all there with them right now, and every protective enchantment we could think of has been put in place. Kingsley’s been coming by every night. But things are quiet for now.”

“How’s George?” Sirius asked carefully, and Molly winced.

“He’s… recovering.” 

Remus swallowed hard. “Dora and I, we feel awful that we weren’t here to help. I know she especially does. Thank you all, for everything you did to protect Harry, at great personal risk.”

“It was an ambush,” Bill said in a low tone, shaking his head. “Not sure any of us could have stopped what happened, Remus. Don’t be too hard on yourselves.”

“Sirius said you weren't able to recover the body?”

“No. We looked everywhere, but the Death Eaters must have gotten to him first.”

“Fuck,” Lupin muttered, shaking his head.

At that moment, a strange stillness came over the whole room, the hair standing up on the back of Lupin’s neck. A large, silver form appeared, materializing before their eyes into the shape of a lynx. It’s mouth opened and spoke in the slow, deep voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt.

_“The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. Death Eaters have taken over Hogwarts.”_

And just as quickly as his Patronus appeared, it dissolved into thin air, and everyone in the room took a moment to absorb his words.

Molly was the first to react with a shriek of alarm. “The kids,” she breathed, a panicked look at Arthur.

His hand closed over hers. “Charlie and Hagrid are keeping watch, and Kingsley knows the kids are there too.”

“We need to get back to them,” she urged desperately.

“We need to stay calm and come up with a plan before we go hurrying off anywhere, Mom,” Bill said in a low tone.

Then they heard footsteps upstairs, and Sirius and Remus both scrambled to their feet, wands drawn.

Minerva McGonagall rushed into the room, her face very pale. She leveled a grave look at her colleagues who had wands pointed at her face, and they quickly lowered them.

“Hogwarts has been infiltrated,” she said, her lips in a tight line.

“What happened?” Remus asked. “Are you alright?”

No one in the room had ever seen McGonagall so shaken. “It’s not safe there anymore,” she choked out.


	44. She’ll Hate You If You Leave Her Again

Lupin arrived home well after midnight. Andromeda was sleeping on the couch in their living room, but she sat up and turned on the light when she heard the door open.

“You’re back. Is everything okay?” she asked, rubbing her eyes groggily.

“No,” Remus said solemnly, shaking his head. “The Death Eaters have staged a coup. And at least for now, it appears that they’ve succeeded.”

Andromeda sat up, her eyes wide. “Holy shit.”

He dropped down in the armchair across from her, looking exhausted. “Scrimgeour was tortured and executed, and McGonagall was driven out of Hogwarts. She thought they were going to kill her too, but she got away.”

“Oh my god. Is everyone else okay? The rest of the Order?”

“It would appear, for now. Kingsley was able to join us at Grimmauld Place once it was safe, but he was at the Ministry when it happened. He managed to get away during the chaos. Sirius went with the Weasleys to check on the kids and Harry. Looks like they’re making Snape the new Headmaster at Hogwarts.” Lupin shook his head bitterly.

“Wow. So Snape really turned, huh?”

“It sure appears that way. I wanted to believe the best about him. But I just don’t know anymore.”

Andromeda sighed. “My sister and her husband are playing their part, no doubt.”

“Which one?” Remus spat out. Then he glanced up at her, immediately looking ashamed. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

Laughing humorlessly, she gave him a tight smile. “Don’t be sorry. It’s true. Narcissa never delighted as much in cruelty as Bella did, but she’s been complicit in this for years.”

His voice took on a much softer tone. “I’m tired, Andromeda. I didn’t mean for that to sound like I was accusing you of anything. You’re not your family. I know where you stand. I know all that you’ve sacrificed.” 

“Well I’m sure my dear older sister would consider it a great honor to be personally responsible for taking any of us ‘blood traitors’ down.”

“And I’d imagine having a werewolf for a son-in-law doesn’t help your cause either.”

Andromeda smiled sadly at him and sighed. “So what do we do now?”

“Well, I’m worried about Ted. There’s talk of starting a Muggle-born registry. It could be dangerous for him. For _all_ of you. And then of course there’s Dora’s affiliation with me. We’re all going to have a target on our backs.”

Her face darkened. 

“I think we have a little time to form a plan before we need to act. But you may need to leave the country. At least for a while.”

“Oh my god,” she groaned, sinking back into the couch.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said, his voice gravely and tired. “But I have a bad feeling about all of this. We can’t risk anything.”

“Where would we go?”

“I’m not sure. But wherever it is… I’ve been thinking that Dora should go with you.”

“What?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “And you’d come along then too, of course?”

Lupin closed his eyes. “I don’t know, Andromeda. They need me here. But it’s not safe for her. She’s not feeling a hundred percent. And if anything happened to her...”

“It’s not safe for you, either,” Andromeda said pointedly. “What if something happened to you?”

“Someone has to stay and fight.”

“She’ll hate you if you leave her again, Remus.”

Lupin laughed, shaking his head. “I’m aware. And you know what? I’m willing to risk that if it means we’d have a chance down the road for her to forgive me. But if she stays —” He trailed off and shuddered.

Andromeda’s brow furrowed. “What are you talking about? You’re scaring me.”

“I can’t explain it. But I’ve been seeing things. She can’t be around for _any_ of this, Andromeda. And I’m going to need your help to keep her safe.”

“You’re seeing things?” Andromeda asked carefully, tilting her head. Her expression was a mix of concern and curiosity.

Remus sighed heavily. “I’ve been seeing these glimpses. Of a parallel reality, or maybe it’s supposed to be the future? I can’t honestly tell, Andromeda. Dora’s had them too. And Sirius.”

She leaned forward in her seat. “And why the fuck am I just hearing about this now for the first time?”

“We’ve been trying to ignore them. Otherwise they’re just making us go crazy. But the day of our wedding, I — I saw her die, Andromeda. Right before my eyes, like it was happening in real time, right there in the courtyard at Hogwarts. In the exact same spot where we got married. And I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen.”

Taking a deep breath, Andromeda pressed her lips together. “Okay. It depends on what you believe, but premonitions can happen for a myriad of reasons. It’s usually a message of some kind. When did they start? These visions?”

“After the Department of Mysteries. When Dora was hurt so badly. She saved Sirius, but then he kept having these dreams that he died that night instead. It really messed with his head.”

Andromeda nodded slowly. “Okay. So that was a turning point. Sirius was spared for a reason. Maybe he’s the key to something else that’s going to happen, and that’s why you all keep seeing things. To help guide you for what needs to happen next.”

Remus shook his head. “I don’t know. I never believed in this sort of thing.”

“It might not really be up to whether or not you believe in it, unfortunately,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t think it’s wise to ignore something this serious.”

He met her eyes. “So then you’ll help me? With Dora? Keeping her safe?”

She paused for a long moment, but then nodded solemnly, swallowing hard as she zeroed in on the frantic edge in his voice that left her feeling unsettled.

Lupin looked relieved. “I’m not going to let anything happen to our family, Andromeda. I swear to you.”

***

Tonks blinked her eyes open the next day, her cheek pressed against the pillow. It was the first morning in weeks she didn’t immediately feel ill and sprint for the bathroom. She sat up and reached for the glass of water on her nightstand, gulping it gratefully.

“Hey,” Remus said softly.

“Hey,” she stretched, reaching out for his arm. “How was the meeting? What did people say about me not being there? Were they annoyed?”

Lupin closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Oh shit. They’re mad, huh?”

“No, Dora. They’re not mad about that. The Death Eaters have taken over the Ministry. Scrimgeour was murdered last night, and they chased McGonagall out of Hogwarts and put Snape in charge.”

“Oh my god,” she breathed, sitting up. “Is she okay? McGonagall?”

“Shaken, but yeah. She’s at Grimmauld Place for now.”

“Where’s Sirius?”

“With the Weasleys. He was worried about Harry.”

Tonks nodded, chewing on her thumb. “What do we do now?”

He hesitated. “Well, for starters, I’m worried about your dad. They’re talking about a Muggle-born registry. We should think about getting him out of the country. At least for a while.”

“What?! You really think that’s necessary?”

“Dora, I’d rather be overly cautious than wish we’d done something to protect your parents. You know how your mom’s family is. Your aunt especially. She’s always been after you.”

“Fuck,” she breathed. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Come here,” Remus said, pulling her toward him, her head resting on his chest. She could feel his heart pounding and closed her eyes, her body relaxing slightly at his touch.

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice quivering.

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you too. The most important thing you can do right now is rest, love. Stress is bad for the baby. Try to relax.”

“But I’m _terrible_ at relaxing.”

He chuckled, his hand running up and down her spine. “I need to go back over to Grimmauld Place and check in later today. Sirius and I didn’t have a chance to talk about Horcruxes at all last night, with everything that happened. And I think that’s going to be more important than ever when it comes to ending this war.”

“I can come too,” Tonks offered. “I haven’t even seen anyone besides Sirius since the wedding. And I want to help however I can.”

Remus hesitated, and she sat up in bed, folding her arms across her chest.

“Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t do _anything_ , Remus.”

“I don’t want you near any of this. If anything happened to you...” He trailed off and slid his hand to rest on her belly. “Sometimes it scares me how much I love you.”

“If you love me, you’d respect that I need to make my own decisions,” she said carefully, narrowing her eyes.

“Dora, I need to tell you something,” Lupin said, his tone solemn. “I should have told you when it happened. But I didn’t want to ruin anything.”

“What are you talking about?”

“At our wedding. When you touched my hand in the courtyard. I saw something.”

“Spit it out, Remus.”

He couldn’t even meet her eyes as he spoke. “I saw a vision of you. You were _dead_. I can’t stop picturing it.”

Tonks’ face grew very pale. “Okay,” she said slowly. “But we’ve been seeing a lot of strange things. And none of them have actually happened.”

“This one felt _different_. Like I was getting pieces to a puzzle I needed to solve. And if I can’t solve it…” His voice broke and he trailed off before he swallowed hard and struggled to compose himself. “I can’t do this without you, Dora.”

“Okay,” she said again, her heart pounding, not knowing what else to say.

“Some parts of this… I don’t want you anywhere near it.”

She pressed her lips together. “Would you be saying this if I wasn’t your wife?”

He considered that. “I mean, I’d still worry about you.”

“Right. But you wouldn’t stop me from doing my job. I’m good at this, Remus. Please don’t treat me like I’m some fragile little flower now because I’m pregnant.”

“Of course you’re not fragile. But if you’re not at your usual strength, if you’re off your game even just a little bit… it could change the outcome of everything if we’re in a dangerous situation.”

“I know,” she said, biting her lip.

“You can come today if you want,” he relented. “But we need to be extra cautious when deciding what you can be part of and what you should sit out. For now.”

“But —” she started to object.

“It’s not just you,” he reminded her. “It’s our baby’s safety too. You need to be careful, love.”

Tonks was quiet, realizing that there was no arguing with him at this moment.

“I love you, Dora.”

“I know. But I’m coming with you to Grimmauld Place.”

He swallowed down the lump in his throat that had formed. “Alright.”

***

Remus and Tonks showed up at Grimmauld Place in the late morning, immediately met by Kingsley in the hallway.

“What form does my Patronus take?” came Kingsley’s deep voice as he pointed a wand directly at Lupin’s throat.

“A lynx. What’s the fastest way to irritate my wife?”

Kingsley grinned at Tonks. “Too easy. Call her Nymphadora.”

“Okay, it’s definitely him,” Tonks said, sticking out her tongue at Kingsley.

“Welcome back,” he said, pulling her in for a hug. “How you doing?”

She shrugged. “Still kind of in shock. Feeling sick all the time.”

“Yeah?” Kingsley titled his head, looking concerned. “Are you ill?”

“Oh. Yeah. Shit. I’m, uh… pregnant,” she muttered with a side glance at Lupin, who just shrugged as Kingsley raised his eyebrows. “I keep forgetting that people don’t really know yet.”

“Wow. Well, congratulations.”

“Thanks,” said Tonks, biting her lip.

“Are you okay?” Remus interjected. “Any more news?”

Kingsley shook his head. “Not really. It appears they’re putting Pius Thicknesse in charge of the Ministry, but I suspect he’s just a pawn. We all know who’s really behind this. The official story is that Scrimgeour resigned, and they’re trying to keep things quiet with the public. Minerva seems to be a little better this morning. She’s down in the kitchen. We haven’t heard much more from Hogwarts, but that’s obviously a cause for concern.”

“Is Sirius here?”

“No. Haven’t seen him either since last night.”

“I’m gonna go check on McGonagall,” Tonks said quietly, slipping away from them and heading down to the kitchen.

“Alright,” Lupin nodded after her.

“We need to talk about the kids’ safety,” Kingsley continued in a low tone. “And whether or not Hogwarts is even a viable option for Harry and the kids. I know that’s not what they’ll want to hear, heading into their final year, but it merits a conversation.”

“Absolutely,” agreed Remus.

“Alright, well I’m going out. I’m hoping I can find out more. I’ll be back tonight and we’ll all debrief.”

“You want me to go with you?”

“Nah. I’m good. I’ll see you later. And congrats again,” Kingsley added. “About the baby.”

“Thanks. Hell of a time to be bringing a new life into the world, eh?”

Kingsley clapped him on the shoulder. “Let's hope the kid gets her looks instead of yours.”

Remus laughed. “Definitely.”

***

Tonks walked down the stairs into the large kitchen of Grimmauld Place to find McGonagall standing by the sink, staring out the window.

She knocked on the doorframe of the kitchen door and McGonagall spun around with a panicked look on her face, but she seemed relieved to see it was only Tonks.

“Hey,” she said softly, giving her former teacher a soft smile.

“Well, hello dear. You startled me,” Minerva said, straightening her robes.

“I’m sorry about that. I just wanted to come see how you were.”

McGonagall’s face remained unchanged for a long moment before she sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging. “I’ve never seen anything like it, Nymphadora. I felt like an idiot. Just so damn helpless. That never would have happened when Dumbledore was alive.” She dropped into a chair at the kitchen table, hanging her head in her hands.

Tonks’ eyes widened, having never heard her former professor reveal emotions like this before, and certainly had never heard her curse aloud. She slid into the chair across from McGonagall. “I’m so sorry. What happened?”

Minerva looked at her, blinking hard and wiping at her eyes with the back of her hands. “They just stormed in. Most of them were wearing hoods, but I recognized a few of the voices. Yaxley, Malfoy, Rowle. They stunned and tortured their way through us all.”

“Tortured?” Tonks asked, breathless.

“One of them was tormenting Sybill Trelawney, floating her upside down in the air like it was all very amusing. I saw a few of them descend on Filius Flitwick like a bunch of schoolyard bullies. And then they used the Cruciatus Curse on me when I resisted.”

“Oh my god.” Tonks’ hands flew to cover her mouth. “Are you okay?”

McGonagall shrugged. “I’ll survive,” she said bravely.

Tonks shook her head. “I can’t believe everything that’s happened in such a short time.”

“Yes. Just two weeks ago you were getting married. And now look at the world. You were absolutely lovely, by the way, dear. Thank you for including me.”

“Of course,” Tonks said, smiling at her. “Thank you for coming.”

Minerva sighed. “I’m sorry you didn’t get much time to enjoy your honeymoon.”

Tonks shrugged. “So is it going to be safe for the kids to go back to school?”

McGonagall closed her eyes tightly. “I can’t say for sure. If I had a child, I certainly wouldn’t send them, knowing what I know. But will everyone know what we know? Doubtful. And I especially fear for the safety of our Muggle-born students.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “Remus is worried about my dad for the same reason.”

“I hate to cause alarm. But he’s right to be worried.”

“Fuck… oops, I mean, umm… darn? Sorry, Professor.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m pretty sure we’re way past that,” McGonagall scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m not as easily offended as one might think.”

Tonks grinned at her.

“Thank you,” Minerva said quietly. “For coming down here.”

Shrugging, Tonks traced the edge of the table with her finger. “Are you scared?”

McGonagall nodded solemnly.

“Me too,” Tonks admitted. “What are you going to do now?”

The older woman sighed sadly. “I truly don’t know.”

“Well, Hogwarts is going to need you,” Tonks said firmly. “When this mess is over, and it’s time to pick up the pieces. You’re the one we’ll need. You have the experience and the vision. Don’t give up. Without Dumbledore, and now without Moody… we really need you.”

Her eyes suddenly filling with tears, McGonagall seemed stunned by Tonks’ words and nodded. “Thank you,” she choked out gratefully. “That means a lot.”

“I’m pregnant,” Tonks blurted out, her eyes widening as though she’d surprised herself with the sudden outburst.

McGonagall’s eyes softened, and she smiled at Tonks. “ _Oh._ Oh, that’s wonderful. Congratulations.”

Biting her lip, Tonks looked down at her hands, and a fat tear unexpectedly fell from her eye onto the kitchen table.

Minerva slid one of her hands toward Tonks. “Oh, honey. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. This is happy news, right?”

Tonks shook her head. “I don’t know anymore. I was overjoyed at first. But then the world went to shit… and Remus doesn’t want me to be part of any of this. He’s convinced something bad’s going to happen to me. But what kind of an example am I setting for our child if I just sit around while all this is happening? That’s not who I am. I’d rather be in the middle of things. I’ll go crazy if I just have to sit around and watch it happening to people I care about.”

McGonagall looked at her carefully. “Have you told Remus how you feel?”

“I _tried_. But he can be so… stubborn.”

Minerva chuckled before her expression turned more serious again. “Keep talking to him. He’s right to worry about you. But you know what? I certainly wouldn’t bet against you in a duel. Pregnant or not.”

Tonks smiled, her cheeks flushing at the compliment. “Thanks.”

“You’ll find a way to compromise. We’re going to need both of you, Tonks. In whatever way feels right for you to be involved. And I respect Remus… but I agree that it needs to be your decision. It’s your life, after all.”

Feeling a pit form in her stomach at those words — _it’s your life_ — Tonks forced a tight smile. Of course McGonagall didn’t know about Lupin’s premonition when she said that, but something about it made Tonks uneasy.

***

When Sirius returned to Grimmauld Place nearly an hour later, Lupin and Tonks were both in the drawing room.

“Hey Moony. Hiya Tonks.” Sirius pulled her in for a tight hug, looking at her closely. “You okay?”

She shrugged. “I guess. How’s Harry? And Molly and Arthur and the kids?”

“Everyone’s pretty shaken up, but just fine for now. Jesus fucking Christ, huh? Where’s King?”

“He went out for a bit and was going to see what he could find out about the Ministry. Said he’d be back tonight to share anything he learned.”

“Sounds good,” Sirius replied, dropping down into a chair and taking a load off. “Until we know more, not really sure what else there is to do except to lay low.”

Remus cleared his throat. “I’m worried about Ted, with all this talk of purebloods and a Muggle-born registry. Not to mention that Andromeda probably has a target on her back if Bellatrix has anything to do with it. You and Tonks too, if we’re being honest.”

Sirius winced. “Yeah.”

“Obviously we need to wait to know more, but if things keep heading the way we fear, I’d like to get them out of the country for a while. If we wait until they actually start rounding up Muggle-borns, it’ll be too late, Sirius.”

“Goddammit. You might be right, Moony. This is getting real fucked up, real quick.”

“Any idea of where they could go?” Tonks asked. “Where they’d be safe?”

Sirius scratched his head. “What if I ask Lana? See if they could go stay with her family in Lebanon for a while? We could say they’re visiting an old friend.”

Tonks raised her eyebrows. “Really? You’d do that?”

He shrugged. “Sure. We ended on decent terms. At least I think we did. Besides, she really likes you, Tonks. She merely tolerated me.”

She turned to look at Remus hopefully. “That could work. And I think my parents would be more comfortable if it was someone we knew.”

“I’ll reach out to her tonight and ask, yeah?”

“Thanks, Sirius,” Tonks said gratefully.

“Of course, cuz. How are you feeling?”

“Okay today, actually. I think my appetite is finally starting to come back.”

“Do your parents know yet? About the baby?”

“My mom. Still haven’t told my dad,” Tonks gulped, glancing over at Lupin. “But I better tell it soon because I keep blabbing the news to everyone else.”

Sirius laughed. “Well you two think on that for a bit. I’ll let you know what Lana says.”

“Thanks, Padfoot.”

“No problem, pal. Anything for my family.”


	45. The Last Will and Testament of Alastor Moody

The next day, Tonks woke up with a mild fever and spent the first hour of the morning with her head in the toilet bowl.

“Fuck,” Remus muttered, feeling helpless. “How can I help, love? Want some of that peppermint tea?”

She only groaned in reply.

But when he greeted her at the bathroom door with a mug of hot tea, she smiled weakly and accepted it gratefully.

“I thought you were feeling better now,” he commented, his hand on her shoulder.

Tonks huffed in frustration. “I felt better for one day, Remus. I didn’t promise that it would last forever.”

He was undeterred by her tone and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. Can I get you some toast?”

She softened her face and nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

He brought her a toasted bagel with butter and melted cheese, and scrambled eggs with sliced tomato and avocado.

Tonks raised her eyebrows, amused by the obvious effort. “You trying to fatten me up?”

“Yes. You’ve lost a lot of weight in the past few weeks. I’m worried about you.”

“Well, you’re sweet. I’m sorry I was so crabby.”

“It’s alright. Let’s just get you feeling better. I don’t like that fever.”

He got her set up with a tray in bed and she took a bite of the eggs. “Fuck, those are good.”

Lupin chuckled. “You need anything else?”

But just then, there was a knock on their door. They weren’t expecting anyone, and given the level of heightened awareness with the recent Ministry coup, both of them felt their stomachs give a lurch. (Although unfortunately, that was a common sensation for Tonks these days.)

Remus reached for his wand. “Stay here,” he leveled in a low tone, and moved briskly toward the front door, opening it a crack. A man with glasses and a shock of messy white hair stood on their doorstep, wearing a tan trench coat. 

“Can I help you?” Lupin said carefully, his fingers adjusting their grip on his wand from behind the door.

“I’m looking for, uh —” the man consulted the papers in his hand — “Nymphadora Tonks? This the right address?”

Lupin tightened his grip on his wand, eyeing the man. “What do you need with her?”

“She’s got papers to sign for the house and the accounts and all that.”

Narrowing his eyes, Remus opened the door just a bit more. “House? What accounts? Who are you?”

“Her inheritance,” the man sighed, sounding annoyed that Remus didn’t know what he was talking about. He thrust a clipboard in Lupin’s face, and he read the words printed in large block text across the top.

_THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF ALASTOR MOODY_

Remus scanned the document, his heart thundering away in his chest. “Holy shit,” he muttered. He looked up at the man. “Are you from Gringotts?”

The man snickered. “Yeah, right. You trust the government banks with your money? All those restrictions they make on deposits and withdrawals, and then they have the ability to freeze your assets at will? No thanks.”

Lupin studied him closely. “So who are you?”

“Name’s Gary. I’m an old friend of Alastor’s. He set this up with me years ago, and I swore him a blood oath that I’d take care of this if I was still around when he passed on. Never thought he’d be the one to go first, though, to be honest.”

“Will you, uh, excuse me for a moment?” Remus asked.

Gary shrugged. “Sure. Whatever. Just don’t be too long. Haven’t got all day.”

He walked back inside their apartment, still in a daze, and found Tonks standing in the hallway, gripping her wand with wide eyes. “Who is it?” she hissed.

“It’s — it’s for you,” Lupin said, scratching his head.

“Huh?”

“Did Moody ever tell you anything about his will?”

Tonks almost looked annoyed. “What do you mean?”

“His will. Moody left you —” Lupin’s voice broke off, still shaking in disbelief, and he took a deep breath to compose himself. “Dora, he left you _everything_. A house, and a shit ton of money.”

“Wait, he what?!” Tonks’ eyes bulged. “No way.”

“Here, read this.”

Her hand covered her mouth as she absorbed the content of the document in front of her. “Holy shit. Why me?”

Lupin shrugged. “I don’t know. Moody didn’t exactly seem to like anyone… but you two really understood each other. And he didn’t have any family.”

“Oh my _god_ , Remus.”

“So, his friend is here. Some guy named Gary? Have you ever heard of him? You need to sign these so he can get everything transferred over to you. Moody left him instructions.”

“What are we supposed to do with a house?” she asked incredulously with wide eyes.

“I don’t know… have you ever been there?”

Tonks shook her head.

“Well, I guess it’s yours now.”

“Oh my god,” she repeated, shaking her head.

***

Later that day, Remus and Tonks found themselves at Moody’s house just outside of Durness. A small stone cottage, it was perched on a cliff overlooking the sea below. It was secluded and peaceful, no other buildings or people in sight. Just the way Moody would have liked it.

The roof needed some major repairs, and no one had tended to the yard in what seemed like years. But Tonks tried to picture what it could look like after they’d fixed it up a bit… they could thatch that hole in the roof, put a fresh coat of paint on the shutters, plant some flowers planted along the front walkway. 

She turned to Lupin, biting her lip. “What do you think?”

“Needs a lot of work,” he grimaced.

“Obviously,” Tonks said, rolling her eyes. “What should we do with it?”

“You mean what should we do with your house?” he smiled. “That’s completely up to you, love.”

“Let’s go inside,” she suggested, still a bit unnerved at the enormity of it all.

They opened the front door to find the interior dark and dusty, piles of papers and boxes and clutter occupying every surface. Remus opened the heavy curtains to let the sunlight stream through the windows, and then turned his gaze to his wife as she took in this new space, running her finger along the kitchen counter. There were two bedrooms and a small bathroom in the hallway, and a nearly unobstructed view of the ocean from the living room window.

“What are you thinking?” he asked her finally, a small smile playing around the corners of his lips.

“I’m thinking that maybe we could live here,” she whispered, her eyes shining as she turned to look at him. “You know? We could fix it up. It would be a nice, quiet place to raise a family.”

“Yeah? Did you ever picture living by the sea?”

“I never pictured _any_ of this!” Tonks laughed. “I never thought about buying a house… the apartment would have been just fine, probably. But we’re here and it’s —” she trailed off, looking around them with a hopeful smile. “I don’t know. It could be really great. We could make it ours. I mean, technically it is ours. Holy shit.”

“Okay,” he agreed as she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. He buried his face in her hair before planting a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah?” she asked uncertainly, pulling back to look up at him. “You sure? That was awfully easy. Too easy.” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, and he laughed and kissed her on the mouth.

“I don’t care where we live, Dora. I just want to be with you. A quiet life by the sea sounds just perfect to me. We’ll fix this place up. It’ll be great. You apparently have the money for it. But —” He hesitated. “You know we can’t _actually_ do any of this now. Right? With everything that’s going on.”

She shrugged. “I know. I guess I kind of… forgot about all that for half a second. Got caught up in all of this. Just dreaming for a minute I suppose. Fuck”

Remus hugged her close. “I know. I’m sorry.” He tilted her chin up to look at him. “Hey. I promise you that we’ll be here, together, and that someday we’ll be able to just sit back and enjoy our life. Our family. We’ll get to just enjoy each other. Yeah? I promise you, Dora. We’ll get through this.”

Tonks swallowed hard and looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears.

“I _love_ you, Dora. You’re everything. You are.”

“I love you,” she murmured, closing her eyes and nodding.

“We’ll get through this,” Lupin repeated, realizing with a sinking pit in his gut that he was convincing her just as much as he was trying to convince himself.


	46. It Caught Us Off Guard Too

The next day, Andromeda had invited Tonks, Remus, and Sirius over for dinner. It was agreed that there needed to be an exit strategy if the situation continued to deteriorate, and they all knew that Ted might need some convincing.

Plus, it was time to officially break the news to him about the baby. Andromeda had known for days and had commented to Tonks that she was slowly going insane, being forced to keep a secret this consequential from her husband.

As they walked down the path, Tonks glanced up at Lupin, swallowing hard. He nodded, similar nerves coursing through his body as well. 

“It’ll be okay,” she told him, not quite sure if she believed that herself.

Remus let out a shaky breath and chuckled nervously as he kissed the back of her hand. “Here goes nothing.”

Sirius gave three loud knocks on the front door, and a few moments later, Ted opened it wide. “Dora,” he beamed, his eyes falling on his daughter. “How are you, honey?”

“Dad,” she chided, shaking her head. “You’re supposed to ask me a question before you answer the door, remember?”

“Aww shit, you think I don’t recognize my own daughter?” he said, pulling her in for a hug. “Hey Remus. How you doing, Sirius?”

“Hi Ted. Sorry to say, but Dora’s right. You need to be more cautious. Especially with everything else going on,” Lupin echoed.

“Well now I _definitely_ know it’s you two,” Ted said, rolling his eyes. “No fun at all.”

Andromeda appeared behind her husband, shaking her head. “Ted. Come on. We talked about this. Just ask them a question.”

“Jesus. Fine. What am I afraid of that my lovely daughter always makes fun of me for?”

“Birds,” Tonks replied with a slight smirk.

“Great. Now will you come in?”

She huffed in exasperation and stepped inside her parents’ house. “You need to be more careful, Dad. This is really important.”

“We’re taking this seriously, I promise,” Andromeda chimed in. “Come sit down everyone; I’ll be back with some drinks and snacks in a minute.”

Tonks and Lupin sat next to each other on the couch, while Sirius claimed the armchair across from them. Ted sat down on the loveseat.

“How are all of you? We were so sorry to hear about Alastor.”

“Thanks, Dad. It’s a terrible loss, for all of us.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve been to the house, Sirius. Glad you could join us today.”

“Thanks, Ted. It’s good to see you two.”

Andromeda reappeared with a platter with some cheese and crackers. “I made sangria,” she offered, gesturing to a pitcher and glasses. “Anyone want some?”

“Sure, ‘Dromeda, I’d love a glass,” Sirius replied, smiling at his cousin.

“Me too,” Ted said, raising one finger.

After drinks had been poured, Remus took a deep breath. “Ted, Andromeda. I’m not sure how much you’ve heard about the Ministry take over. But we’re getting worried about the ramifications of this Muggle-born registry they’re talking about implementing. Once it’s in place, it will be too late for us to do anything about it. So I’m afraid we may need to act soon.”

“Soon? What do you mean?” Ted asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Your name will be on a list, Ted. They’ll begin by limiting your rights. Then they’ll quietly start rounding you up. Or worse.”

Andromeda swallowed hard and looked over at her husband, his face unreadable.

“So I’m supposed to run away and hide?” Ted’s voice was incredulous.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Well, we had a thought that you could go stay with Lana’s family in Lebanon. Think of it like a vacation. Just until we can see how everything plays out.”

Ted sighed heavily. “I think we’ll be perfectly fine right here.”

“Dad,” Tonks jumped in. “Please. Just think about it. I’d rather look back and realize that we overreacted than wish that we’d acted sooner.”

“Sweetheart, I appreciate the concern. Really, I do. But I resent the implication that I can’t take care of myself. Or protect my own family,” he said, taking Andromeda’s hand in his own, hoping she didn’t notice how clammy his palm was.

“We’ll talk about it more tonight,” Andromeda assured them, giving her husband’s hand a squeeze. “What’s new with all of you?” she said, raising her eyebrows meaningfully at her daughter.

Tonks took a deep breath. It was now or never. “So, I know the timing of this isn’t ideal, seeing as how the world’s ending and all,” she half-joked nervously. “But we have some news to share. Um, it looks like Remus and I are expecting a baby. Sometime in the spring.” She swallowed hard and looked at her mom for reassurance.

“Oh honey,” Andromeda exclaimed brightly, smiling and acting as though she was hearing this news for the very first time. “Ted! How wonderful!”

Ted’s mouth dropped open, his eyes looking back and forth between his daughter and Lupin. 

Biting her lip, Tonks looked back at her dad hopefully. “You’re gonna be a grandpa.”

“Oh my god,” Ted said, clearly in shock. “I mean, I knew this might happen, of course. I just — wow, so soon.”

Tonks deflated slightly as she leaned into Remus. “I know,” she murmured quietly, looking down at her hands. “It caught us off guard too. But we’re really happy about it, Dad.”

He looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face and nodded slowly.

Swallowing hard, Tonks blinked back tears. She had been worried that her dad might not react well. 

Sirius jumped in to diffuse the tension. “I think all of us can agree that we hope the kid takes after Tonks in the looks department. Right, old pal?”

No one laughed, and Sirius forced a smile at Lupin, who looked miserable.

Then Ted turned to Andromeda and his face slowly broke into a small smile. “We’re… we’re going to be grandparents, huh?”

Andromeda laughed and kissed him on the cheek as Tonks and Remus both visibly relaxed, and then she stood up to hug her daughter.

“We’re so happy for you, honey. Both of you! So exciting. How have you been feeling?” Andromeda asked, as though she didn’t know.

“Pretty nauseous, actually. But Remus has been taking good care of me.”

“When did you find out?” asked Ted rather suddenly, as though something had just occurred to him.

“Umm,” Tonks stalled lamely, looking at Remus. “A little while ago. Gosh I can’t even remember when exactly. Everything’s been kind of a blur, you know?”

“You can say that again,” Sirius jumped in, clapping Ted on the shoulder.

“Oh my goodness, a grandbaby,” Andromeda grinned enthusiastically. “I just can’t believe it, Ted. Don’t we still have the cradle Dora slept in?”

And then, out of the corner of her eye, Tonks saw a sudden movement a split second before the whole room went dark.

Remus put his hand out protectively in front of her, but Tonks was already on her feet, wand raised. “ _Stupefy_!” she snarled, pointing toward the spot where she’d seen something an instant earlier, and then everyone heard a loud thud as one of the masked intruders fell.

A low voice mumbled something unintelligible from across the room, and then a red jet of light hit the ceiling. A cascade of bricks spilled down into the room, separating Remus and Tonks from the other three members of their party. Andromeda screamed.

“Mom!” Tonks yelled desperately, turned around in the darkness, just as another spell hit her square on the shoulder. She grunted and fell back, hitting her head on the floor, her wand skittering out of reach.

“ _Expulso_ ,” Remus growled, sending a blast toward their attackers, and a large burst of blue flames shot out of the end of his wand.

Tonks blinked her eyes open, still unable to see a thing, and struggled to catch her breath after having the wind knocked out of her. She heard heavy footsteps moving toward her across the floor, reaching around desperately for her wand, but to no avail.

“They’re gone!” she heard an unfamiliar voice yell in frustration from the other side of the house.

The footsteps stopped right near Tonks’ head, and she could hear bones creak as someone crouched down next to her.

“Well hello there,” he leveled in a low tone, and she could almost hear him grin. Clearly the man could see her, even though her vision was still clouded by darkness. Tonks could hear heavy breathing, and the smell was rancid as he moved closer to her. Her stomach gave a lurch.

And then a hand clamped down over her mouth and another grabbed her around the waist, tossing her over his shoulder like she weighed nothing at all. She kicked her legs frantically, struggling to get free as he made his way out the back door, and then she felt something wind around her limbs, binding them together.

Tonks bit down hard on his hand and tasted blood, but he just chuckled. “You’re a feisty one, huh?” She screamed before his knuckles made contact with her jaw, pain splitting through her face as she heard him laugh.

But then his steps faltered and he fell to his knees, dropping Tonks to the ground and keeling over. Before she could even comprehend what had happened, Remus was standing over the man, wand drawn, his face so hard he was almost unrecognizable.

“ _Avada Kedavra_ ,” Remus muttered in a cold tone, and there was a green flash of light. He was kneeling next to Tonks in the next instant, pulling out his handkerchief and pressing it to her bleeding lip.

Tonks stared up at him, her mouth gaping. “Oh my god. You killed him,” she whispered.

Lupin looked a bit crazed. “I know. Are you okay?”

She nodded, her eyes wide. “I think so. Where are my parents?”

He looked around and shook his head. “I’m not sure. I need to go back inside.”

“How many of them were there?”

“Three? I think. It was dark.”

“More Peruvian instant darkness powder?”

Remus was distracted, agitated, his hands shaking, but his senses sharp as his eyes kept scanning the woods behind the Tonks family home. “Maybe.”

“Where’s Sirius?”

“I don’t _know_ , Dora. Stay here. I’m going back inside.”

“No way. I’m coming with you, Remus,” she said, struggling to get to her feet.

“Just stay the _fuck_ where I tell you to, okay?” he snapped.

Tonks inhaled sharply and slowly sank back to the ground, and a look of shame crossed Lupin’s face the second the words came out.

“I — I didn’t mean that. Dora. That came out wrong. Please. Stay here.”

She nodded, her eyes shining.

“I’ll be back.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Tonks looked over at the man’s body lying about ten feet away from her. She hesitated, and then inched her way closer, crawling on her hands and knees. She wanted to stay close to the ground in case a threat was still lurking nearby, and she also didn’t quite trust her legs to support her yet.

She caught a glimpse of his face and swallowed hard. It was Corban Yaxley, staring straight up into the sky with blank eyes, his mouth hanging slightly open. What the hell was he doing here, at her parents’ house? And where was he planning on taking her if Remus hadn’t stopped him?

Despite the warm temperatures, Tonks shivered. Things were going south much more quickly than she’d even feared.

The back door swung open and she turned to see Remus returning to her with a grim expression on his face. She swallowed hard and let out a shaky breath as he plopped down on the ground next to her. He had a thin blanket in his hand and wrapped it around her shoulders, running his hand up and down her spine.

“Thanks,” she whispered.

He nodded, and then handed her wand back to her. Tonks tucked it into her belt loop. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“It’s okay.”

Lupin shook his head. “It’s not. I didn’t mean it.”

“What happened, Remus?”

“Well, you hit Crabbe with a stunning spell before they made a move. He’s still lying unconscious on the floor in there. I tied him up, so he’s not going anywhere. Except to Azkaban. I could have sworn I heard Avery’s voice too, but the house is clear. Your parents and Sirius are gone. I’m sure they’re safe, Dora. Sirius knows what to do. He’ll be in touch when he can. I sent a message to Kingsley, and he’s on his way.”

“Okay.” Tonks’ voice was uncharacteristically quiet.

He slid his hand over her stomach. “You think everything’s good? With the baby?”

“I don’t know. How am I supposed to know that, Remus?”

“I’m sorry,” he choked out.

“For what?”

“For _everything_.”

***

Kingsley’s face had been very solemn when he saw Yaxley’s dead body. His eyes met Lupin’s, who scratched his head uncomfortably.

“He was going to hurt Dora,” Remus supplied, his voice grave.

Nodding, Kingsley’s attention turned to look at Crabbe, who moaned as he regained consciousness. “I’ll take this one in for questioning. See if we can get anything out of him. You hear from Sirius yet?”

“No. Nothing.”

“Take Tonks home. I got this, Remus. We’ll let you know if we find out anything.”

“Okay. Thanks, King.”

***

Later that evening, they were back at their own apartment, protective enchantments in place to keep enemies away… at least temporarily. But Remus still knew he wouldn't sleep a wink, no matter what.

In the bathroom, Tonks stripped off all of her clothes and stood under the stream of water in the shower, turning it up as hot as she could stand it.

She emerged forty-five minutes later, wrapped in a fluffy white bathrobe. Remus was sitting on their bed, hanging his head in his hands.

Tonks walked over to him, her fingers turning his cheek up to look at her. “Hey. You okay?” she whispered.

His eyes were rimmed with red, and he shook his head.

“Oh, Remus,” Tonks murmured.

“I didn’t even think, Dora. I just — I wanted him dead. And you know what? I’d do it again if anyone tried to hurt you.”

There was an intensity about him that both terrified and thrilled her as she lowered herself into his lap, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder.

Lupin buried his nose in her hair and breathed in deeply. “Sometimes it scares me how much I love you.”

She swallowed hard and pressed a kiss to his jawline.

He slid his hand inside her robe, the palm pressing flat against her stomach, closing his eyes. Just then, he felt a flutter beneath his fingers and pulled back to look at her.

“Did you feel that?” she asked, a smile spreading across her face.

He nodded, beaming back at her. “Yeah. Was that the baby?”

“I think so.” Tonks put her own hand on top of his. “Guess he wanted to let us know that he’s okay.”

“ _He_ again? You’re pretty convinced?”

Tonks grinned and shrugged.

“You got names picked out too?” he teased, his lips ghosting over her skin.

“I mean, I’ve thought of a few,” she admitted, her cheeks flushing pink. “Haven’t you?”

Remus laughed and shook his head. “I’m afraid I’m terrible at things like that. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I think the name Teddy is cute. Could officially be Edward, after my dad. If you don’t hate it.”

“Teddy, huh? Hmm, I think I like it.”

“Yeah? What about Edward Remus Lupin?”

“Nah, I don’t think he’ll want to be named after me,” Remus said, shaking his head and looking down at his hands.

“Are you kidding me?” Tonks tilted her head at him. “You’re gonna be his hero. You won’t be able to do any wrong.”

Lupin shrugged. “Maybe. Until he’s a teenager, that is.”

“Until then,” she laughed.

“And if it’s a girl?”

She smiled at him. “I don’t know. What about Hope? For your mom?”

Remus didn’t realize until the words left her mouth just how much that would mean to him; to his dad. “Hope. Wow… yeah, I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He kissed her on the mouth and ran his thumb over her cheekbone.

“That really scared me today,” she whispered, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Me too.” He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers.

“I — I just kept thinking about if anything happened to our baby —”

Lupin stroked her hair softly, instinctively tightening his grip on her, and they were both quiet for several long minutes.

“You’re right,” she continued finally. “It’s not safe for me here. Today just felt so — _reckless_. I can’t fight the same way when I’m not feeling well. The baby messes with my powers. I’m tired all the time, and I can’t always predict how it’ll be. That puts everyone else at risk too.”

“Yeah? So will you go stay with Lana? At least for a little while, until we know that it’s safe?”

Tonks nodded, and Remus closed his eyes, sighing with relief.

“Thank you, Dora. I know this is hard. You — you’re such an asset to the Order. I hope you know that. When you’re at your best, you’re unstoppable. Everyone knows that. But right now, you need to keep our family safe.”

She let out a shaky breath. “You could come with me.”

Lupin hesitated. “They need as many people as they can get. I’d hate for both of us to leave the Order right now.”

“But what if something happens to you?”

“It won’t,” he assured her, but she just shook her head in exasperation. “Dora. I promise you. We’ll be together. Ten years from now, I’ll wake up one morning and my biggest complaint will be how much my knees hurt. And we’ll go sit outside and drink our coffee by the ocean and watch our kids run around down on the beach below.”

Tonks closed her eyes and leaned into him.

“We’ll only be apart for a little while. I promise I’ll come back for you, Dora. But first we’ll make it a better world, for everyone. A safer world for our family.”

She inhaled sharply and shuddered as he kissed her neck, fighting back tears.

“I love you,” he murmured.

Kissing him hard on the mouth, Tonks dragged Remus back with her onto the bed, letting her robe fall open. Her head dropped back against the pillow as his fingers ran up the inside of her thigh and he began peeling the clothes off of her, covering her soft skin with kisses and pulling gasps and sighs from her lips.

Lacing his fingers through hers, he brushed the hair off her forehead. Then he positioned his cock between her legs and rocked inside her, slowly at first, feeling her heat stretch all around him.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she gazed up at him, and he looked down at her with concern. “Am I hurting you? Do you want me to stop?”

She shook her head. “No. Don’t ever stop.”

“Oh, Dora,” he whispered, his heart breaking. “I’ve never needed anything like I need you.”

Tonks gripped his forearm as he drove into her, overwhelmed with emotions. What if something happened, and this was the last time they were ever together? Could she go on without him?

She tried to force the thoughts from her mind as he rolled them over so she was on top. Circling her hips, she gasped as her muscles tightened all around him. 

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, his hands gripping her hips. “You feel so good.”

Bracing her hands on his chest, Tonks picked up speed, the friction on her clit giving her exactly what she needed. “Remus,” she panted. “Oh my _god_.”

He sat up and slid the robe down off her shoulders, and then wrapped his lips around her nipple.

“Oh!” she gasped, looking down at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah? You like that?”

“Yes,” she panted. “Don’t stop.”

Lupin moved over to her other breast, running his tongue over the sensitive skin of her nipple before sucking it into his mouth.

“Oh, oh, oh my god.” Tonks screwed her eyes shut tight as she continued to ride him, then the ends of her hair seemed to glow and pulse with light as her movements stuttered and she clenched all around him.

“That’s it, come for me,” he urged, his hands on her hips continuing the same pace that she’d started.

“ _Remus_ ,” Tonks murmured, and hearing his name on her lips was enough to push him over the edge, and he spilled deep inside of her.

She lay her head down against his chest as both of their heart rates slowly came back down to normal, and Lupin pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder.

Tonks pulled back to look him in the eyes. “Try to save the world before this kid comes, huh? I don’t want you to miss it.”

Lupin kissed her on the mouth, a stabbing sensation in his chest. What were the odds that he’d be able to be there for the birth of their child? Not good, he feared. He placed his hand on her slightly swollen belly, closing his eyes and pulling her body close against his.


	47. Tell Me You Love Me

That night, Tonks dreamed of Yaxley’s dead body. She could picture his stiff, cold hands; his blank stare haunted her — but not as much as the equally blank stare on Lupin’s face as he'd uttered those words. She was physically exhausted but slept fitfully, unable to get comfortable and banish the thoughts from her mind enough to relax.

When she finally blinked her eyes open the next morning, sunlight streamed in through the gap in the curtains. Remus was sitting on the edge of their bed, facing away from her.

She watched him for a long moment, taking in his broad frame, his strong arms. Had he killed anyone before? Tonks realized that she’d never asked him that question, directly. They’d certainly both been in fights with life or death consequences, and Tonks herself had even killed someone once on the job in a hostage situation.

But this felt… _different_.

Remus had calmly ended a man’s life when he could have just as easily stunned him, and left him for Kingsley to arrest. And while he’d done it to save her, it still sat heavy in the chest.

“Hey,” she said finally, and he turned to look at her with red-rimmed eyes.

“Hey.” His voice was scratchy and raw.

“Did you sleep at all?” Tonks asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

“No. Not really.”

“Come here,” she beckoned to him, patting the pillow next to her.

“Not right now, Dora.” There was a strange quality to his tone that put her on edge. Tonks noticed the tension he was holding in his neck and she sighed. She sat up, sliding her arms around him and pressing her cheek against his shoulder blade. Lupin flinched, but then let out a long, slow breath as she wrapped herself around him.

“Kingsley heard from Sirius,” he said finally. “Your parents are safe. He got them out of there.”

“Oh, thank god. Where are they now?”

“He convinced them to go to Lebanon. They’re apparently already getting settled in.”

Tonks nodded, sitting back as Remus turned to look at her. “That’s good.”

“Yeah. You should go meet them there later today.”

“ _Today_?” Tonks repeated, overwhelmed. She shook her head. “No, Remus… I’m not ready.”

Lupin sighed. “Who knows how long they’ll wait before they attack again. We all escaped. And two of their men —”

He trailed off, looking ashamed. “Avery’s the only one who got away.”

“Is Crabbe talking?”

“I don’t know. I doubt it, or Kingsley would have mentioned it.”

Tonks sighed. “I want to say goodbye to everyone first. I feel so shitty about leaving town when all of this is going on. Not everyone even knows about the baby yet. Remus, please. I need a few more days. I don’t want to just disappear on them.”

Clearly exhausted, he relented. “Okay. I’ll reach out to Molly, see if we can plan a dinner or something with the Order. But I want you gone by the end of the week.”

She blinked several times. “Did you just say you want me _gone_?”

Lupin shook his head. “Fuck. That came out all wrong. You know what I mean.”

Tonks was quiet for a long moment.

“You’re looking at me differently,” he whispered, a sad, bitter tone in his voice.

“What?” she shook her head. “No I’m not.”

“Do you know who that man was? Should I have just let him walk away?”

Tonks didn’t reply.

“I’m not going to apologize for what I did.”

“I didn’t ask you to apologize, Remus.”

“Do you know who that was?” he repeated, his voice taut.

She nodded solemnly. “Yeah. I know who that was.”

“You seem like you hate me for saving your life.”

“I don’t hate you!” she choked out, tears springing to her eyes.

“Well do — do you still love me?”

“ _Remus_ ,” she scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Tell me you love me.”

“What?”

“Say it, Dora. _Please_?” he begged, his voice breaking. “I need you to say it.”

She nodded with a tightness in her chest, reaching out and caressing his cheek with her hand. “I love you. I love you. Of course I love you.”

Lupin closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “This is all such a mess. It’s not supposed to be like this.”

Tonks didn’t know what to say, so she just rested her head against his shoulder.

“I love you so much, Dora.”

She took a deep breath. “I know.”

“We’ll go out there together. At the end of the week, to Lebanon. I’ll stay for a day or two until you’re settled. We’ll try to relax for a bit. Make sure you feel safe.”

“Okay,” nodded Tonks, her heart pounding. She tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat.

“Then when I come back here, I’m going to stay at Grimmauld Place with Sirius. Maybe we should just… I don’t know, maybe we should get rid of this apartment if you’ll be gone.”

She was quiet.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Tonks shrugged.

“I mean, there’s no reason to keep it if neither of us is living here. Right?”

Tonks buried her face in her hands. “Oh my god, Remus. This is all happening so fast.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “Do you want to keep the apartment? We can keep the apartment.”

“This _isn’t_ about the apartment.”

He sighed heavily and kissed her on the forehead. “I know.”

***

The mood was tense for the whole next day as Remus and Tonks prepared for her to leave for Lebanon. There was so much Lupin wanted to say to her, but he couldn't find the words. He had a bad taste in his mouth, and it felt like she was already so far away.

He walked into the front room to find Tonks staring out the window. When he came up behind her and placed his fingertips gently on her shoulders, she jumped.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “Didn’t mean to startle you.” Remus slid his hands around her waist, and he could feel her muscles tense underneath his touch. “We’ll be together again, Dora.”

She pressed her lips together tightly and nodded.

“You still up for going over to Molly’s tonight? Lana is going to be there too. She wants to check over you and the baby, after everything that happened.”

“Really? Oh, that’s good. I’ll feel better if she checks me over. And yeah, it will be good to see everyone. I hope they understand why I’m leaving.”

“They will.” He kissed her forehead.

She shrugged and returned to looking out the window.

***

A few hours later, Remus knocked on the bathroom door. “Hey. You ready?”

“Be out in a minute.”

When Tonks came out into the kitchen a few minutes later, dressed ready to go, she found Lupin sitting at the table, just staring at the wall in front of him.

“Hey,” she said, tilting her head and stepping into the room.

“Hey,” he said, snapping out of his trance.

“You alright?”

“Uh huh. You ready to go?”

Tonks’ eyes wandered around the kitchen. “Let’s not get rid of the apartment. We can afford the rent. This was our first place. I don’t want to lose it just yet. Not along with everything else that’s happening.”

Remus’ face softened and he nodded. “Okay. We’ll keep it.”

She smiled and nodded back at him. “Good.”

“Do you not want to go tonight?”

Her lower lip trembled and she let out a shuddering sigh, sliding into the chair next to him. “We should just go back to Edinburgh,” she whispered.

Remus furrowed his brow in confusion, his eyes narrowing. “Wait… _what_?”

She shut her eyes and a tear slid down her cheek. “That was the last time I can remember before the world went to shit. They’ll be okay without us. They will. And you’re all I need. Let’s just go. We’ll start all over. Maybe we’ll come back someday. Let’s just run away. Please, Remus. Don’t leave me.”

His mouth dropped open. “Oh. Oh, Dora.”

She buried her face in her arms on the kitchen table, her shoulders shaking. Remus knelt down next to her, his hands on her face, in her hair, then tilting her chin up to look at him.

“Baby,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “We can’t go to Edinburgh. Where would we live?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, sniffling. “We’ll get a place… or something.”

“Dora. We _can’t_.”

Tonks huffed, but didn’t seem surprised. “Okay. Fine. Then come with me to Lebanon. We’re having a baby, Remus. I can’t do this alone.”

“I — I don’t know if I can. With everything that’s happening… they need me here.”

“But I need you too!” she cried, tears spilling down her face. “I need you more.”

“Dora. Please, stop,” Lupin choked out, his vision starting to blur. “This is how we can still do our part. I couldn’t look our child in the eye if I ran away when the time came to fight. This means everything. You know that.”

“But that’s what I’m doing, right? I’m running away?” 

He shook his head firmly. “No. That’s different. You haven’t been well. You haven’t had your usual strength. If we put you on the front lines — the way you’ve been feeling since you got pregnant — you’d be risking yourself, our child, and everyone fighting by your side. We’ve talked about this.”

“What if something happens to you? What would I do?”

Remus stared at her for a long moment, not speaking a word. “I’ll come back to you, Dora. I promise.”

“Fuck you, Remus. That’s not a promise you can keep.”

He broke out into a crooked smile. “I’m sure gonna miss that mouth of yours.”

“Stop being cute. This is serious.”

“I know. Okay, how’s this? I promise I will do everything in my power to come back to you.”

Tonks let out a shaky breath. “At least that’s a little more honest.”

He bit his lip. “I don’t want to do this, Dora. I’m scared.”

She met his eyes, and felt her chest tighten. “I’m scared too.”

“I’d rather be with you. You know that’s the truth. But how could we look our friends in the eye if we both left them?”

Tonks considered something for a long moment, looking slightly sad. “Do you wish we weren’t having this baby?”

“This is a conversation we’ve already had,” he warned her.

“It would be easier, you know. If I’d never gotten pregnant, or if we didn’t keep the baby. I could stay and fight.”

“But that’s not what happened,” Remus leveled. “We’re having a baby, and if you remember, we decided that we’re very happy about it. Stop trying to start shit because you’re mad at me.”

Her mouth dropped open in shock for an instant, and then Tonks let out a loud laugh. “You’re right. I love you.”

He grinned and reached out to stroke her cheek with his fingertips. “We’re gonna be okay. Someday, we’ll look back and this will all feel like a bad dream.”

Tonks swallowed hard. “Are we going to be able to talk to each other at all? While I’m gone?”

Lupin looked at her sadly. “I’m not sure, love. If it’s safe. But we know they’ll be monitoring the Floo networks, and all correspondence by owl.”

“Fuck,” she whispered. “I hate this. I hate how scared I am to be alone. To be away from my husband. Ugh, my teenage self would be disgusted with the witch I’ve grown up to be.”

“I highly doubt that,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

Rolling her eyes, Tonks sighed and leaned against him, and he just held her for a long moment, both of them quiet.

“Dora. Tell me the truth. Do you hate me? For killing Yaxley?”

She thought about it for a long moment. “No. I hate that you had to do it. I hate what it does to you. I hate thinking about it.”

“But you don’t hate me?” She could hear the fear in his voice.

Tonks looked down at her hands. “No, Remus. I don’t hate you.”

“Do you wish I — that I’d done something else?”

Shaking her head, pressed her lips together hard. “No. I’m glad he’s dead.”

Lupin studied her face for a long moment, then nodded his head. “Okay.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m ready now. Let’s go to the Burrow.”


	48. At the Burrow

Lupin and Tonks arrived at the Burrow to find the dinner party already underway. Magical enchantments had been put in place to keep them hidden from unwanted visitors, but since the two of them were expected guests, they were able to hear the shindig in process as they walked up the path.

Every last one of the Weasleys was there, which already made the house feel full, but their group tonight also included Harry, Hermione, Fleur, Kingsley, McGonagall, Sirius, and Lana.

As soon as Tonks opened the front door, Lana moved across the room with an excited smile and pulled her close for a hug. “Hey. How are you feeling?” she whispered.

“Okay. I think.”

Lana nodded, pulling back to study her friend’s face closely. “I know you’re here to talk to everyone, but let’s be sure to find a minute so I can check you over. You’ve had a rough few days, and we want to be sure the baby is okay.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Tonks agreed gratefully as Sirius messed up her hair and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“Hey cuz. I’m so fucking glad you’re okay. Your dad was so mad that we’d left you and Remus behind, I thought he was _actually_ going to kill me, Tonks.”

She laughed at that, but then her face grew more serious and she nodded. “Thanks. For everything. For getting them out of there.”

“Is Remus okay?” he murmured so no one else could hear, raising his eyebrows.

Tonks looked up at him and shrugged sadly, not quite knowing what to say. “Did he tell you about Yaxley?”

Sirius nodded darkly.

“Make sure he takes care of himself. Please, Sirius? I’m worried about him.”

“I will. I promise.”

Molly grabbed Tonks’ elbow and guided her toward the couch. “Let them come in and get settled! Does anyone need something to drink? Oh, why don’t all you kids go upstairs and let us grownups catch up?”

“Fat chance, Mom,” said Fred, patting her on the shoulder. “Don’t even try.”

“You know they’ll keep pushing until you give in anyway,” George chimed in.

“Yeah, we’re way past that, Mom,” Ginny agreed, pulling up a chair.

Arthur took Molly’s hand and shrugged, smiling at her softly. She sighed and relented.

A few minutes later, everyone was sitting around in the living room, chatting among themselves. Tonks looked over at Remus expectantly and he nodded, clearing his throat, and the room quieted.

“So, uh, I know you’ve all heard by now, Dora and Sirius and I were at her parents’ house for dinner the other night when we were attacked. Sirius got Ted and Andromeda to safety, and Dora stunned Crabbe — he’s in custody. Yaxley’s dead, but Avery got away. We’re not exactly sure what the motive was, but all of us need to be prepared to defend ourselves at a moment’s notice.”

No one spoke, but there were nods, and a few people shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

Tonks leaned forward and Lupin turned to look at her, sliding his hand over hers to steady her trembling fingers. “And we also wanted to tell you that Remus and I are expecting a baby. The timing isn't ideal, we know, but we’re really happy about it. Although I haven’t been feeling so great.”

“That’s an understatement,” Lupin interjected, shaking his head. “She’s been sick for weeks. No appetite, fever on and off, tired all the time.”

“Thank you, Remus,” she said loudly, rolling her eyes, and everyone laughed. Then Tonks took a deep breath. “You guys, I want to be here. I know our side’s going to need all the help we can get. But I’m not myself these days. It’d be dangerous for all of us. I’m a — liability,” she choked out, hanging her head.

Lupin wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Dora’s parents are in Lebanon with Lana’s family. So in a few days, we’re going to go out there too, and she’ll stay with them through the pregnancy. Or until things get better around here.”

“What about you?” Molly asked, furrowing her eyebrows. “Aren’t you going with her too?”

Swallowing hard, Tonks looked down at her hands.

“Well, I need to be here, with all of you. There’s a lot of work to be done, and —”

She jumped in. “Remus and I have talked about this. We don’t want to leave everyone high and dry. This fight — it’s _everything_. We can’t let them win. We want a better world for our baby. He’s going to stay here.”

He squeezed her hand tightly, but Tonks didn’t look up at him.

“Well, congratulations!” Arthur called out, raising his glass. “A little one. That’s terrific news.”

Everyone else chimed in, the room exploding into noisy chaos as all their friends raised their glasses, and Tonks grinned.

“Thank you,” she said, and everyone quieted down. “I just wanted all of you to hear it from me. I wish I could be here. I just — I _can’t_.”

“We understand, Tonks,” Bill called out.

Kingsley nodded. “Absolutely. You need to stay safe.”

“My dear,” Minerva said in a firm voice. “We’re going to need you on the other side of this too. You’ve already given so much, and your chance to contribute won’t be over.”

Tonks locked eyes with her and smiled gratefully.

Molly sighed. “And a new life is a wonderful reminder of what we’re fighting for. You’re making the right choice, Tonks. Keep your family safe. Family is everything.”

Arthur cleared his throat. “Speaking of family… we wanted all of you to know that we made the decision that we won’t be sending Ginny and Ron back to Hogwarts.”

Ron and Harry exchanged a look that Remus didn’t miss; neither did Sirius.

“They’re going to come stay with us, at least at first,” Bill chimed in. “Harry and Hermione know that they’re welcome too.”

“The Ministry has made attendance at Hogwarts for pureblood wizards mandatory,” Arthur continued. “But we know it’s just the Death Eaters wanting to feed their propaganda to everyone. And without Minerva there —”

McGonagall gave him a tight-lipped smile.

“— it’s just not safe there anymore,” Arthur finished sadly.

“I don’t really know what other choice we have,” Molly said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe it, and Ron’s last year. Harry and Hermione too. But it’s not the same place.”

“There are more important things than school right now, Mom,” Ron mumbled.

“I quite agree,” Minerva said with a smirk, and the tension in the room lessened.

Tonks leaned into Remus on the couch. She couldn’t stop thinking about McGonagall, and how she must feel about a new year starting at Hogwarts without her.

“You okay?” Lupin murmured.

Tonks nodded, looking up at him with shining eyes, and he planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Let’s just spend the whole day in bed tomorrow,” he whispered. “I’ll wait on you hand and foot.”

“Mmm. No arguments from me about that,” she grinned up at him.

“Why don’t we take a break from all of this serious talk and I’ll bring some food out?” Molly said, getting to her feet with a smile. “Then I know Kinglsey had some updates from the Ministry we’ll all want to hear.”

Remus turned to Tonks as the room around them dissolved into smaller conversations. “See? Everyone understands why you’re leaving.”

Tonks nodded. “I still wish I could be here.”

“I know, love. I’m not sure what I’m going to do without you.”

She leaned into him and sighed. “Don’t start that. Or I’m going to cry right here in front of everyone.” Tonks got to her feet, twisting her hip slightly to stretch it out. “I’m gonna refill my water. I’m so thirsty lately.”

“Want me to do it?” he asked, reaching for her glass.

“Nah, I need to get up and move my legs. My foot’s falling asleep. Thanks though,” she smiled, patting his cheek affectionately as she made her way into the other room.

Tonks bumped into Charlie on her way to the kitchen.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry, Tonks. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she assured him, rubbing her shoulder. “It’s fine.”

“Congratulations, by the way,” he said awkwardly, scratching his head. “About the baby. Remus is a lucky guy.”

“Umm, thanks?” she called after him as he ran away from her, his cheeks burning red.

Then Fleur grabbed her elbow, steering her into the kitchen. “Tonks! You two are not wasting any time, no?”

Laughing, Tonks shrugged. “Yeah, I guess not.”

“Tell me zis… how did you convince Remus for a baby? I told Bill I am ready, but he said it is too soon!”

Tonks looked around awkwardly. “I didn’t really — I mean — it was kind of a surprise, I guess?”

“Oooh. I zee,” Fleur’s smile broadened knowingly. “Good for you.” She glanced at their husbands talking to each other in the front room and then leaned in toward Tonks, her tone conspiratorial. “I admit, I didn’t understand you and Remus at first. Why would someone so young and fun go for a man like zat? But I don’t know — since Bill was bitten, I find his scars kind of sexy. And I suppose it is like zat for you with Remus?”

“Uhhh —” Tonks stammered, her cheeks flaring red.

“And Bill is so _wild_ now too in a way that he was not before. In bed, I mean.”

Tonks pressed her lips together and filled her water glass at the sink, trying not to burst out laughing at the oversharing of information from a woman she didn’t know very well at all.

“And so I think zat Remus must be a very good lover to get a woman like you, no?”

“Oh my _god_ , Fleur,” Tonks laughed and shook her head, her face turning impossibly redder.

“What are we talking about?” Lana asked as she entered the kitchen, amused at the expression on Tonks’ face.

“ _Nothing_ ,” Tonks assured her with wide eyes.

“It is okay, Tonks. Your secret is safe with me. Good for you!” She winked and left Tonks and Lana standing alone in the kitchen.

“Holy shit.” Tonks covered her face with her hands. “That girl asks some very direct questions.”

Lana smiled, and then reached for Tonks’ wrist. “Hey, let’s check you out, yeah? Molly, is there a quieter room we can use? I’d like to examine Tonks and the baby.”

Molly nodded and began walking down the hallway off of the kitchen. “Oh, absolutely. Here, you two can have some privacy in this room down the hall —”

But before she could finish her sentence, the whole house shook, a loud crash coming from the very top floor. And then there was another loud boom, and a beam from the ceiling came crumbling down into the kitchen, right where Tonks and Lana had been standing moments earlier.

Someone screamed in the front room as black clouds raced through the Burrow, and Tonks’ blood ran cold, her fingers instinctively curling around her wand. _No. Not again. How did they get in??_

“Oh my god,” Molly breathed, pulling out her wand. “Lana, Tonks, you two get out of here. Now.”

“What?” Tonks blurted, but before she could resist, Lana had grabbed her wrist, and the two women Disapparated away from the Burrow.

Tonks’ head was spinning as she and Lana landed on a gravel surface, wobbling on her feet the second they hit the ground.

Lana reached out to steady her arm. “You okay?”

Her mouth hanging open in shock, Tonks took in their surroundings. She was in a large square courtyard, next to a fountain. Decorative stones lined the path leading up toward a large, one-story home. Torches lit the entrance to the home, but all was still at this hour of the night.

“Are we at your house?” Tonks whispered.

Lana nodded.

Tonks closed her eyes and hung her head, letting out a deep, shuddering breath.

“I’m so sorry, Tonks. I just — Molly said to go, and I wanted to be sure you were safe. And the plan was to bring you here.” Lana bit her lip.

Unable to speak, Tonks felt a hot tear trail down each of her cheeks and she dropped to her knees. Her shoulders started shaking and she let out a loud cry, and Lana was kneeling next to her on the ground in an instant, her hand on Tonks’ back.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated, looking horrified.

Tonks nodded, her voice breaking. “I know. I just — I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

Lana pulled her into a hug and Tonks wrapped both of her arms around her neck, holding on tight as her whole body convulsed with sobs.

“Come inside. We’ll get you cleaned up and I can check over you.”

Tonks leaned against her as they made their way into the house, not even paying attention to where they were going, still in a daze. Lana opened the door to a small room and lit the candles, illuminating the space.

The walls were painted a soft yellow, and there was a four poster bed with a light blue blanket spread across the mattress. A dresser with a mirror stood against the wall, and on top of it sat a crystal vase with freshly cut bright orange lilies. A desk and chair were underneath the window, its white curtains pulled tight at this late hour.

“Your mom and dad are staying down the hall,” Lana told her in a low voice. My parents are in the big suite up front, and I have the back room that opens out to the courtyard. I’m guessing everyone is asleep.”

Tonks didn’t respond.

“Come here and lie down. Let’s see what’s up with that little one.”

Turning to look at Lana with red eyes, Tonks sighed and walked over to the bed, laying all the way back. Was this really happening? She and Remus were supposed to have a few more days together. The plan was for him to come here with her. And now… 

Lana lifted up Tonks’ shirt and pressed her fingers along her abdomen. Tonks winced when Lana’s hand reached her ribs.

“That hurt?”

“Yeah. It’s a little tender.”

Lana nodded, pressing higher, near her belly button. “How about here?”

“No. That’s fine.”

“Here?”

Tonks shook her head.

“Good.” Lana took out her wand. “ _Sonorus_.”

The volume suddenly magnified, Tonks heard a loud, rhythmic sound that most closely resembled galloping horses. “Is that —?” she gasped.

Lana smiled. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat. Sounds very strong.”

Tonks beamed, but then her hand covered her mouth and her shoulders started to shake again. Lana dropped her wand to her side, her face softening. 

“It’s okay,” she murmured. “I know. I’m so sorry, Tonks.”

“I’m just — just so relieved that he’s okay. The baby, I mean.”

“He?” Lana grinned.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Just a feeling I have.”

“I wouldn't bet against a mother’s instinct,” Lana said warmly.

“But Remus thinks it’s a girl,” Tonks whispered.

Lana nodded, swallowing hard. “This will only be for a little while. You and Remus will be together again soon.”

Tonks closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing, trying not to hyperventilate. She felt the anxiety creeping in.

“Here are some towels and soap, if you want to get cleaned up before bed.”

“I might just wait until the morning, Lana. I’m so tired.”

Lana nodded. “Whatever you need.” And then she shut the door quietly behind her, leaving Tonks alone with her thoughts.

She lay back on the unfamiliar bed and couldn’t help but picture the last glimpse she had of the Burrow before Lana grabbed her arm and everything faded to black.

They’d been attacked even when precautions had been put in place. Everyone’s previous sense of security, now shattered. How had the Death Eaters managed to get through? Were all of their friends okay?

She hadn’t even seen Remus before they left. She’d been in the kitchen — what had happened in the front room. Would he have wasted precious time searching for her before he realized she was gone? And if he had, what could it have cost him?

Tonks felt like she should be sobbing, but her eyes were all out of tears to cry, at least for now. She curled her knees up against her chest and tried to swallow down the terrible feeling that she’d never see her husband again.


	49. At the Burrow, Rewind

Moments before the Death Eaters attacked, Remus had been sitting on the couch in the front room next to Tonks when she slowly got to her feet, twisting her hip slightly to stretch it out.

“I’m gonna refill my water. I’m so thirsty lately.”

Remus tried to reach for the glass. “Want me to do it?”

“Nah, I need to get up and move my legs. My foot’s falling asleep. Thanks though,” she smiled, patting his cheek affectionately before she walked away.

Once Tonks left, Lupin got to his feet, and Sirius was immediately at his side, grabbing his elbow.

“You caught that look between Harry and Ron, right, Moony?”

“Yeah. They’re definitely up to something.”

Sirius shook his head. “Little shits. Like we need any more to worry about.”

“Yeah. And we were angels when we were their age,” Remus laughed.

Sirius rolled his eyes as Bill joined their conversation.

“Congratulations, Remus,” he said, holding out his hand and shaking it. “Although now Fleur isn’t going to let up until I give her a baby, you know. She’s already mentioned it once, and now I’ve got you two and your news to contend with.” He shook his head, laughing.

“Better you than me,” Sirius joked. “ _Both_ of you.”

“I hate to say it, but I’d recommend waiting until this mess is over,” Lupin remarked tightly. “We’re happy about it, but still it’s pretty unsettling to think about bringing a kid into this shitshow. And it just makes me worry about her more.”

“Nah, I wouldn't worry about Tonks,” Sirius said. “She’s as tough as they come.”

“That must have been scary the other night. Any sign of Avery after he escaped?” Bill asked.

“Not that I’ve heard.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. I’d sure like to know what they were doing at Ted and Andromeda’s. Were they targeting them, or was it because we were there? I guess we’ll never —”

Just then, the floor of the Burrow shook, a loud crash coming from the very top floor. They could hear Molly shouting in the kitchen, and then there was a cracking sound. Black clouds raced through the room and everyone was on their feet in an instant, wands drawn.

Remus heard a scream and saw Hermione slump to the ground, having been hit by a curse. Kingsley turned around and tried to fire back at her attacker, but he quickly went down too.

Chaos had descended on the Burrow. Remus and Sirius stood with their backs to each other, dueling with the masked Death Eaters who surrounded them; everything was such a blur, Lupin couldn't count how many of them there were.

One of Sirius’ curses hit and stunned a masked Death Eaters, who fell to the ground with a thud.

“Tonks and Lana were in the kitchen last I saw ‘em,” Sirius shouted to his friend.

“I know,” Remus called back, his mouth dry.

Lupin was hit by a glancing blow on the shoulder, sending him careening backward into Sirius.

“You alright there, Moony?”

“Uh huh,” he choked out, straightening himself and snarling as he hurled a countercurse at his attacker, knocking him backwards, his mask skittering across the floor. It was Antonin Dolohov.

Remus gave Dolohov a swift kick in the ribs as he made his way toward the kitchen, trying to catch a glimpse of Tonks, but all he could see was Molly holding her own against two attackers.

Sirius made his way over to the kids on the other side of the front room. They were sticking together and had slowly gotten backed into a corner, but were still shooting defensive spells at their attackers. Someone apparently had revived Hermione.

After he managed to stun the Death Eater who was closing in on Harry, Sirius put his godson in a headlock, speaking quickly into his ear. “Take all the other kids to Grimmauld Place, we got this.”

“No way, I’m not leaving you,” Harry insisted defiantly.

Just then a piece of the ceiling crumbled and fell to the ground right in front of them, and smoke began to pour out of the kitchen.

“We’re _all_ leaving, Harry,” Sirius hissed. “Just fucking listen to me, yeah? Keep your friend safe. They’ll follow your lead.”

“I’ll take them,” Minerva said, suddenly appearing and turning her eyes to the group of former students. “All of you, make a break for it, and meet me in the orchard out back in three minutes.”

Ron’s eyes widened as he nodded at McGonagall’s sharp tone, the rest following suit.

Bill met his dad’s eyes across the room and Arthur nodded sharply. Then Bill reached for Fleur’s wrist, and the two of them Disapparated.

Remus finally got into the kitchen, the smoke so thick he could barely see. “Dora?” he cried, but there was no answer.

He heard someone coughing and pushed his way inside the dark room, covering his mouth with his sleeve in an attempt to keep the black smoke out of his lungs. Lupin’s hand found Molly’s arm and he helped her to her feet, the two Death Eaters she’d defeated lying in a slump next to the counter.

“Where’s Dora?” he asked her frantically.

“She went. With Lana,” Molly supplied weakly, biting her lip. “There wasn’t any time —”

Remus nodded, his face very pale, and he pulled Molly with him away from the kitchen.

“Everybody out!” Arthur shouted, and they all escaped through the back door.

Sirius and Charlie took hold of Kingsley’s limp form and dragged him out of the burning house together, and Remus helped Molly outside, both of them coughing.

Arthur pulled his wife into his arms, kissing her forehead.

“The kids?” she whispered.

“Bill and Fleur got away. The rest of them are with McGonagall at Grimmauld Place.”

“Where are Lana and Tonks?” Sirius asked.

“I — I don’t exactly know,” admitted Molly. “I told them to get out and they Disapparated.”

“But they’re safe?” Remus choked out.

“Yes, I — I think so,” she said, her eyes filling with tears.

Lupin swayed on his feet for an instant, Sirius reaching out to steady his friend, and everyone stood there in silence for several long painful moments.

“They’re all going to burn to death in there,” Molly mumbled, referring to the stunned Death Eaters they’d left inside. “Do we just —” 

“Fuck them,” Sirius replied coldly. “Their friends who were able ran away and left them behind. Let ‘em burn.”

Molly shuddered and Arthur wrapped his arm around her shoulder more tightly, but no one brought it up again.

“Let’s get back to Grimmauld Place, huh?” Sirius said.

“Are we sure it’s safe there?” Charlie asked.

“Is it safe anywhere anymore?” Remus replied, his voice hoarse, and no one knew what to say to that.

***

When the adults arrived at Grimmauld Place, Charlie and Sirius carried Kingsley over to the bench in the foyer and revived him. Minerva was down in the kitchen with Fred, George, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. No one was talking, the mood tense.

Ron looked dazed with his arm slung around Hermione’s shoulder, their heads close together at the table, her jaw set tightly. Ginny’s eyes were rimmed with red, while Harry just looked exhausted.

“Hey guys,” Sirius said in an overly cheerful tone, and while everyone looked up, no one responded. “That was fun, huh?”

“Yeah, a real blast,” mumbled Ginny.

“Is anyone hungry?” Molly asked, not knowing what else to say.

“No, Mom. We’re fine.”

“There are a couple of rooms upstairs that should do okay for the kids for tonight,” Sirius offered, scratching his head and looking around. “Until we can get things straightened out. There’s nothing more we can do now. Let’s get some rest and regroup in the morning.”

“Separate rooms for the boys and girls,” Molly said, distracted.

“ _Obviously_ ,” Ron muttered. “Come on, guys.”

The kids all filed out of the room and up the stairs, still looking dazed, leaving the rest of them behind.

“Well who needs a fucking drink?” Sirius said, clapping Arthur on the back.

“I do,” Charlie chimed in, shaking his head. “That was nuts.”

Remus shook his head. “Not me. I’m going to bed.”

“Come on, Moony. Stay up with us for a bit. It’ll be good for you.”

“No thanks. Not in the mood tonight.”

Sirius looked at his friend closely, his hand on Lupin’s shoulder. “Hey. I’m really sorry, Remus. That it all went down like it did. I’m sure Tonks is safe. We’ll find a way to get in touch.”

Lupin nodded, smiling tightly. “Thanks. For all you’ve done. I just — I’m tired.”

“Okay.” Sirius looked like he wanted to say something more, but thought better of it.

Remus trudged up the stairs to his room on the second floor and carefully shut the door behind him. He just stood there alone in the dark, quiet room for a long moment, letting everything that had just happened wash over him.

Then he leaned back against the wall and slowly slid to sit on the floor, his elbows resting on his knees. “I’m sorry, Dora,” he whispered into the still night. “I’m so sorry.”

His shoulders started convulsing with sobs as he buried his face in his hands, not sure where his wife was, or if she was even safe, and he tried to shake the horrible feeling that he’d never see her again.


	50. Thank God You're Okay

Tonks woke the next morning to find sunlight streaming in through the window, the yellow walls of the bedroom far too bright and cheerful for her current mood. She barely had a moment to breathe before the events of the previous evening came rushing back to her.

_Was Remus okay? What about everyone else? Fuck._

She heard voices down the hall and remembered that her parents were here, and Lana and her family too. Tonks vaguely recalled the exterior of the large home when they’d arrived last night, but realized that she didn’t really have a clue where she was in relation to everything else.

Sitting up slowly, she swung her feet over the side of the bed and took a deep breath. She walked over to the mirror above the dresser and took in her appearance. Damn, she looked tired. Tonks moved closer and examined the bags under her eyes. The past couple of months felt like years after all they’d been through, and it was starting to show.

She brushed her hair and splashed some water on her face, and then begrudgingly put on a bra, realizing she would probably be meeting Lana’s parents for the first time.

Tonks opened the door and cautiously stepped out into the hallway. There was a large room at the end of the hall to her left with sunlight pouring in through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

She turned right and walked toward the sound of her mom’s voice floating down the hallway, the smell of coffee filling her nostrils.

Andromeda was in the middle of a sentence, but she gasped and a grin covering her face as she saw Tonks enter the kitchen. She was on her feet in an instant, flying across the room and wrapping her up in a hug.

“Thank god you’re okay,” Andromeda murmured into Tonks’ hair.

“You too, Mom.”

Placing one hand tenderly on each side of her daughter’s face, Andromeda smiled sadly. “I’m sorry you and Lana had to leave like that.”

Tonks pressed her lips together tightly and nodded as Ted came up to embrace her as well.

“Honey, it’s so good to see you. I was so mad at Sirius for leaving you and Remus there to fight those assholes alone.”

She laughed, kissing her dad on the cheek. “It’s okay, Dad. Sirius knew what he was doing.”

Her eyes traveled over to the kitchen table to find Lana sitting there, along with an older man and woman who must have been her parents. Her mother was stunning, with the same thick, glossy black hair, but the family resemblance was even stronger between Lana and her dad.

“How’d you sleep?” Lana asked, getting to her feet. “Want some coffee?”

“Um, yeah, thanks,” Tonks nodded gratefully.

“Tonks, these are my parents, Ibrahim and Fatima.”

“Nice to meet you,” Ibrahim greeted her with a friendly nod of his head.

“Thank you so much,” Tonks said to him, “for having us here. All of us. I can’t imagine you were expecting this.”

Fatima met her gaze with a warm smile. “It is no problem at all. We’re happy to have you. Lana’s friends are our friends, and we certainly have the space. All our boys grew up and left us.”

“I have three older brothers,” Lana supplied as she handed Tonks a steaming cup of coffee. “They’re all married with kids now.”

“We’re trying to marry this one off too, but she works too hard,” her father chimed in, but Tonks could see the smirk playing around his lips as Lana stuck her tongue out at him.

“Lana said you’re expecting a baby?” Fatima asked.

“Yes,” Tonks nodded.

“Well, please know that you’re welcome here as long as you need to stay. Our home is your home.”

Tonks pressed her lips together and nodded again, feeling momentarily overwhelmed by their generosity. “Thank you,” she choked out. “That means a lot.”

“I don’t cook, so you’re on your own for breakfast,” Fatima added with a wink.

Lana laughed, beckoning Tonks to follow her further into the kitchen. “Are you hungry?” Lana asked, her hand on Tonks’ back. “You feel like some fruit or yogurt? Or I could make some eggs.”

“Yeah, maybe in a little bit. Not right now.”

“You should really eat something.”

“Yes, Doctor,” Tonks muttered with an eye roll and Lana laughed, jabbing her gently in the ribs.

“Hey,” Lana said, her face suddenly growing serious. “I’m glad you’re here. Really.”

“Thank you for everything. I was a bit of a mess last night.”

“Well, it’s understandable,” Lana nodded. “I think you’ll like it here though, Tonks. If you give it a chance.”

Tonks took a deep breath and nodded. This was her home for the foreseeable future. Guess she might as well try to make the most of it.

***

Remus woke from a fitful sleep at Grimmauld Place the next morning with a pit deep in his stomach before he even remembered why. But waking up alone in his old dusty room at Sirius’ house instead of in bed next to his wife quickly reminded him of what had happened. The weight on his chest felt unbearable as he realized he hadn’t been able to find Dora before everything went to shit.

He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. They’d all gone to bed without dinner last night, and his empty stomach made him feel weak.

Sighing heavily, Lupin trudged down to the kitchen to find Molly Weasley pulling out a pan of fresh muffins.

“Morning, Remus,” she said, not smiling, but still somehow warm. “Want a muffin?”

“Yes please,” he said, dropping into the chair at the end of the table.

Molly slid a plate in front of him. “Coffee?”

He nodded gratefully, not caring as he burnt his tongue on the first bite of muffin. “Thank you.”

She put her hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

Lupin looked up at her with red eyes and shrugged. “Not really.”

“They’re okay, Remus. I’m sure of it. They got away before anything started. Lana’s smart, and so’s Tonks. They’ll be just fine, and you two will be together again. Well, you three before too long, I suppose.”

“Thank you, Molly. I hope so.”

“Sirius wanted me to tell you that he and Kingsley are going to meet you here tonight to talk about some special project that you’d know about. I know nothing more.”

“Okay. I know what he means.”

“Take care, Remus,” Molly said. “I’m gonna go check on the kids.”

“Thanks again, Molly.”

***

Tonks was reading a book out back in the courtyard with Andromeda one afternoon, a little over two weeks after she’d arrived in Lebanon.

There had been no word from Remus or Sirius or anyone else in the Order, and after spending the first few days driving herself insane with worry, Tonks tried to put home as far out of her mind as she could, seeing as there was nothing she could do from so far away.

Lana arrived home from her shift at the hospital, plopping down in a chair next to Tonks. “Hi girls,” she said with a smile, a big pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes from the sun.

“Hey. How was work?”

“Shitty. My assistant quit. Out of nowhere.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Tonks said, her eyebrows furrowed. “That sucks.”

“Yep. Last thing I want to do is look through resumes and applications and interview a bunch of candidates before I decide I hate them all,” Lana sighed, and then her gaze fell on Tonks. She raised her sunglasses, as though something had suddenly just occurred to her.

“You should do it,” she said, a smile slowly spreading across her face.

“What?” said Tonks, confused.

“Come be my assistant!”

“Uhh, I know absolutely nothing about being a Healer, or —”

“You don’t need to,” Lana quickly assured her. “You keep my patient schedule and take notes and things like that. Come try it out for a week, and if you hate it, you can quit, no hard feelings. But it would give you something to do all day.”

Tonks swallowed hard. Something to keep her mind and her hands busy while she killed time was kind of appealing. And if she could help out Lana in the process, after she’d done so much for Tonks and her parents…

“Okay,” she said finally. “I’ll give it a shot. When do I start?”

Lana squealed and threw her arms around Tonks’ neck. “You start tomorrow. This is gonna be fun.”


End file.
